I do not own King of the Hill.


Safety Inspection

Humming the lyrics of Sk8er Boi under his breath, Bobby crossed the alley to Luanne's house. He opened the door and, confident that he was a safe distance from his father's hearing, burst out with, "He was a skater boy, she said see you later boy, he wasn't good enough for her!"

As one hand was currently holding Gracie in his lap, Lucky clapped his free one against the back of the couch when Bobby entered the living room. "That's a good pitch ya got there, Bobby."

"Thanks! Is Luanne here? I finished the CD she loaned me and I wanted to return it before Dad found it and threw it out."

"She's in the garage, workin' on a surprise for Gracie and me."

"Ooh!" Intrigued, Bobby set Luanne's possession on the end table. "I'm gonna go see what it is."

He started for the garage and Lucky called after him, "Hey, can ya bring me a soda when ya come back?"

"Okay!"

When Bobby stepped into the garage it was to see Luanne crouched on the cement floor. There was a red cart with a variety of parts scattered around her. The blonde was squinting at a piece of paper, twirling a hex key between her fingers.

"What are you doing?" asked Bobby, moving in a circle around the supplies and studying them curiously. "Making a go-kart? Please say yes."

"Nah, it's not a go-kart." Luanne lowered the instructions and beamed. "It's a baby trailer for a bike! Lucky and I can take turns giving Gracie rides."

Bobby furrowed his brow. "But you don't have a bike."

"I know, but the bikes weren't on sale at the Mega Lo Mart like the baby trailer." Luanne tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I'm hoping Aunt Peggy and Uncle Hank will let me borrow one of theirs."

"They could take Gracie on rides too! Hey, I have a bike!" Bobby pressed his hands against his chest and said excitedly, "I can take Gracie on a bike ride!"

"You can!" said Luanne happily. "That's why I bought the red one instead of the pink one, 'cause then Uncle Hank will let you use it and maybe he'll use it too!"

"Dad might have let me use the pink one. So long as I didn't leave the alley." Bobby thought about it for another second and added, "And if I asked on the right day." He sat next to her and picked up a wheel, miming that he was driving. "You want some help?"

"Sure! I'm good with tools, but only if I'm using them on cars," said Luanne with a frown. "This cart doesn't have an engine, so I'm out of my element."

"Me too! But if we put our half-brains together," said Bobby, setting the wheel down and touching the tips of two of his fingers together, "we'll have a full brain and we'll figure it out."

"That makes sense," said Luanne with a nod.

It took twenty minutes to put the contraption together, and most of that time was spent trying to locate a missing screw, which turned out to be in Luanne's pocket. Luanne gave the finished baby trailer an experimental push and squealed when it rolled smoothly across the floor.

"Yay! It's perfect! I'll go get Lucky and Gracie!"

"Wait a minute!" Bobby grabbed her wrist to keep her in place. It had not escaped his notice that he could fit into the fabric trailer if he tucked all his limbs against his body. The idea of taking a ride in it was too tempting. "I know this is Gracie's, but maybe I could test it out for her. Make sure it's safe."

"Hmm. I don't know," said Luanne dubiously. "The box says it's for babies, not thirteen-year-olds."

"What if you're out riding with Gracie and a wild dog comes after you?" pressed Bobby. "You haven't trained for evasive maneuvers. But if you ride my mom's bike with me in the baby trailer, we can try all sorts of moves. How fast you can go, how quick you can take corners, all that stuff. That way you'll know what kind of strain the baby trailer will take and then Gracie will be safe from any wild dog."

"There are a lot of wild dogs in Arlen," said Luanne in concern. "Maybe I should try it too. Just to see it from Gracie's point of view and make sure she'd be comfortable."

"Great!" said Bobby eagerly. "You go get Mom's bike. The Hill-Kleinschimidt Safety Inspection is a go!"

Luanne jogged over to her aunt and uncle's house. She yanked open the sliding glass door and hollered, "Aunt Peggy, can I borrow your bike?"

"Of course you can, honey!"

Luanne turned on her heel and entered the garage, where Hank was working on his lawn mower. "Hi, Uncle Hank!" she chirped.

"Luanne," he greeted. He lowered his wrench and watched as she removed Peggy's bike from the wall hooks. "Going for a ride?"

"Uh-huh."

"She hasn't used it in a while. Are the tires flat?"

Luanne gave both the front and back tires a poke. "Nope, they're good!"

"All right."

Hank returned his attention to his mower and missed Luanne snagging Bobby's helmet on the way out. She rolled the bike back to her place and Bobby grabbed the hitch of the baby trailer, connecting it to the bike.

"We're all set!"

"Almost." Luanne plopped the helmet on his head. "Can't do a safety inspection without a helmet."

"Good call." Bobby snapped the buckle into place. "What about you?"

"Well, you're pretending to be the baby first, and the baby gets the helmet."

Bobby nodded and lifted up the mesh hanging on the right side of the trailer. He crawled inside, hugging his knees against his chest. The bottom sagged close to the ground and he was too big to close the hanging again. It was a snug fit, but it worked, and he grinned broadly.

"All right Luanne, put the pedal to the metal!"

Luanne gripped the handlebars and started to pedal. It took a minute to adjust to carrying Bobby's weight and get the momentum going, but soon they were sailing down the alley. The wind blew her blonde hair behind her and Bobby whooped.

"Faster, Luanne, faster!"

"There is a wild dog chasing me, there is a wild dog chasing me," chanted Luanne, trying to picture the meanest canine she could. She picked up speed and made a wide turn. "Ha! Take that, you stupid dog!" she cheered.

"Good job Luanne!"

She cycled up and down the alley, keeping up her speed and perfecting her looping turns. "Test one complete!" declared Bobby. "Now the dog is closing in and we don't have time for a big turn. Hard turn, hard turn!"

Luanne jerked the handlebars sharply to the right. Just as the bike swung around, the hitch broke off, not built for hauling around Bobby's weight. The boy screamed as the trailer went sailing into the fence and the abrupt loss of its anchor caused the bike to go spinning. Luanne shrieked as she flew off and smacked into the asphalt, her bare arms and legs scraping against the ground.

"Ow," she whimpered, gingerly sitting up and prodding the stinging wounds. "Ouch."

"Did you get the number of that truck?" asked Bobby dazedly, stumbling out of the baby trailer.

"What the hell are you two doing out here?"

Hank jogged across the backyard, alerted by their screams, and took in the scene with a sweeping glance. He gaped at the wooden fence that separated a part of his property from the alley. The bottom part was crumpled inwards, with what seemed to be a small red buggy stuck partly in.

"What is that?" he demanded.

"A baby trailer," replied Bobby.

"Please do not tell me you were riding in that thing," said Hank in horror.

"We were doing a safety inspection," piped up Luanne, climbing to her feet. "To make sure it was safe for Gracie. But it failed, so I'm gonna have to ask for my money back."

Hank pinched the bridge of his nose. "Baby trailers for bikes have a weight limit of fifty pounds or so, Luanne."

Bobby crossed his arms with a scowl. "That is offensive."

"It is," said Luanne seriously. "Fat babies deserve to ride in baby trailers too."

"It's a baby trailer," said Hank flatly. "Not a trailer for teenagers. How did you get it stuck in my fence?"

"Oh, we were getting chased by a wild dog, and so I had to make a hard turn. Except the connecting thing broke, and I went one way and Bobby went another way and that way was into your fence."

When Hank stared uncomprehendingly at them, Bobby supplied helpfully, "It was our safety inspection scenario. To make sure Luanne would be able to outride a wild dog that was chasing her."

"But it did not work," said Luanne sadly. "Gracie and I were mauled."

"For the love of—go get cleaned up," instructed Hank, pointing towards his home. "Then you're going to fix my fence."

Luanne's face fell with disappointment. "But it's my turn next!"

"Luanne, you are a grown woman, so stop acting like a child. Bobby, stop giving her ideas, and stop having stupid ideas."

Bobby gave an indignant huff. "What you call stupid I call genius."

"No, this one was just plain stupid," returned Hank.

"Oh, all right. But do you think you can fix my baby trailer?" asked Luanne hopefully. "I really would like us all to be able to take Gracie out for bike rides. We'll just have to make sure there are no wild dogs in the area."

"Luanne, stop with the dogs," said Hank tiredly. He eyed the trailer, which was crushed and bent, and said with a sigh, "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you!" said Luanne cheerfully, launching forwards to wrap her arms around him. "I know I said I wanted my money back but I can't get it back because it was final sale."

Hank let the hug linger for five seconds before giving her a pat on the back and pried her gently off. "You wouldn't have to worry about that if you didn't crash the damn thing into my fence."

"It's not like we did it on purpose," spoke Bobby, idly rubbing at the cut on his cheek.

"Don't touch it Bobby, you'll get it infected and then your mother will have a fit. Go clean up like I told you."

Luanne and Bobby scampered by him, their pale flesh marred by red scrapes, but their smiles cheerful and unashamed. Hank watched after them and gave his head a shake that was not without fondness.

"Those kids ain't right, I tell you hwhat."