Magnus was dramatic in everything he did, whether he was conjuring miracles with magic or brewing potions or mixing cocktails. Cooking was no different. Watching Magnus cook was nothing less than watching a theatrical performance. Alec could only watch as Magnus flitted about the kitchen, his hands moving in mesmerizing patterns, elegant fingers dancing over the assortment of ingredients laid before him. He was sure watching someone cook was not supposed to be this captivating. And yet, here he was, enchanted and awed, as Magnus danced around the kitchen to some silent music that only he could hear.

"You know, you really didn't have to do this."

Magnus hummed in response, stirring a pot of sauce that he claimed was a secret recipe that some centuries old warlock had entrusted to him on his deathbed with a promise to commit it to memory and never put it to paper. He wasn't entirely sure he believed the rather outlandish story but at least it smelled good.

"Nonsense. It's no trouble at all."

"You could have just, you know, snapped your fingers and magicked us some dinner."

Alec watched with amusement as Magnus summoned a wooden spoon from somewhere, darting a pink tongue out to taste his creation. Apparently dissatisfied with the taste, he proceeded to add more mysterious spices to the simmering pot with exaggerated flourishes of his wrist. Alec suspected that most of the ostentatious movements and gestures were for his benefit than for any practical purpose. Magnus did love putting on a show. Not that he was complaining, of course.

"You're injured and a guest in my home. I'm sure a homecooked meal will do wonders for your recovery."

Alec couldn't help but scowl at the reminder of the state of his still healing wounds. He was tempted to remind Magnus that he was a shadowhunter. He had survived worse injuries in the past and was more than capable of walking off a few aches and pains. Granted that he'd come too close to the point of no return this time than he was strictly comfortable with, but he was a soldier first and foremost and had long since accepted the dangers of his profession.

Of course, trying to explain all this to Magnus hadn't exactly worked in his favor. Magnus had listened with barely concealed exasperation and then promptly threatened to knock him back to sleep if he tried anything more strenuous than sitting up in bed. Attempting to leave the bed had led to Magnus glaring him into submission and further threats centered around ropes and handcuffs and beds that had been suggestive enough to make him blush.

Needless to say, he'd agreed to stay in bed if only because he was half afraid of Magnus making good on his word. The other half of the reason being that he really was in pain and his bruised and battered body severely protested any attempt at getting vertical. So he'd reluctantly let Magnus indulge him with an extravagant breakfast served in bed and had been convinced to take a nap for a couple of hours.

His acquiescence to rest, however, had only lasted until the afternoon when he'd gotten restless with inactivity and tried to persuade Magnus to let him check in at the Institute, which had only earned him eye-rolling and more threats. Isabelle and Jace had visited as well, assuring him that they had the Institute well in hand and taking Magnus's side, the traitors had absolutely refused to even bring him the monumental pile of unfinished paperwork from his desk.

By the time dusk came around, he'd finally badgered Magnus into letting him move to the living room couch while Magnus cooked them dinner. He had insisted on helping him walk the short distance to the couch though, wrapping an arm around him and holding him close to support his weight, which had been embarrassing enough to make him blush and that was all that Alec was willing to say on the subject.

He had to admit though that while he was unfamiliar with the concept of taking vacations, this unexpected day off had been...nice. Waking up to seeing Magnus, at his bedside if not in his bed, had been so familiar that it had made him ache. Getting to spend the entire day with Magnus, well, he was incapable of saying no to that. Even having Magnus mother-henning and fussing about him had been flattering and he could admit to himself at least that he wasn't as frustrated as he had pretended to be. Especially when he got to enjoy watching Magnus putting on a culinary show as well.

He couldn't tear his gaze away from him, entranced as he was with the fluid movement of Magnus's hands and the smile gracing his lips as he focused on his work, and Alec knew that he was playing with fire. This was dangerous, spending time alone with Magnus, in a terrifying and exhilarating sort of way. He couldn't ignore the way his heart pounded in his chest simply by being in Magnus's presence, how he lost his breath every time Magnus sent a smile his way, how his skin burned with heat every time Magnus stepped too close. He couldn't deny the attraction any more than he could deny that he was still in love with him.

Could he do it? Have Magnus in his life without being with him? Could he disregard his feelings and be content with just being friends? Would his feelings eventually fade away or would they just become more painful with time? Or should he just have made a clean break and walked away from Magnus for good?

Looking at Magnus now, he knew with absolute certainty that he wasn't capable of walking away anymore. Circumstances had forced him to walk away once and it had taken every bit of strength and willpower that he had possessed. He didn't think he had anything left in him to be capable of doing it again.

No. He couldn't walk away from Magnus. Even if Magnus could never be his again. He would learn to live with the pain. He would satisfy himself with whatever quasi-friendship that Magnus would deign to offer him. He would willingly endure every painful second of Magnus's company if it meant that he could still keep Magnus in his life.

Was it the right decision? Probably not. He had never been rational when it came to Magnus anyway. Common sense told him that he should sever Magnus from his life, protect whatever was still left of his broken heart and move on. Try to heal, try to be happy again. It was the logical thing to do, after all. But no one had ever accused him of having self-preservative instincts.

He's pulled from his thoughts by Magnus, who's suddenly by his side carrying a steaming dish in each hand. He's not exactly sure what it is but it smells exotic and delicious and makes his stomach rumble in appreciation. He gratefully takes his plate with a mumbled thanks and a smile. Magnus's answering smile is dazzling as he settles on the couch besides him, and Alec is intensely aware of their shoulders pressing against each other. He tries to focus on the food instead, savoring the flavor and keeping his gaze resolutely fixed on his plate.

"It's delicious."

"Thank you. I'm glad you like it."

Alec makes the mistake of looking up then and meeting Magnus's gaze. He's caught by the look in his eyes, something akin to curiosity or wonder or maybe something he doesn't know how to name. It's familiar, even if he can't define it, and acutely reminiscent of how Magnus used to look at him before. It makes his heart race, though he's unsure if it's in anticipation or fear. Magnus is so close, so very close, he can feel the warmth of his body against his own.

He needs some distance, he needs to pull away. He can't breathe. He can't think. Magnus...

He jerks away abruptly, tearing his gaze away, trying to hold on to some semblance of control. He can't do this. Magnus is off-limits and he can't let himself forget it. They might be sitting close enough to touch but there might as well be an insurmountable chasm between them, one that he's not allowed to cross.

"So...um...are you sure you're okay with me staying here?"

"Of course I am. I asked you to stay didn't I?" He's too scared to look up but he's sure Magnus is at least a little confused by the abrupt change in his demeanor.

"Because, you know, I can just go back to the Institute. I already feel better..."

"Alec." He's startled enough by the hand on his knee that he meets Magnus's eyes again, drawn like a moth to a flame.

"I'm happy to have you here."

There's no doubting the sincerity in his voice, nor the steadiness of his gaze that is still holding him captive. Alec can't help the rush of fondness that threatens to overwhelm him. He had missed this so much, the effortless camaraderie, the companionship, the unending conversations about nothing and everything and the shared silences that still bespoke a sense of intimacy. The entire day had only served to remind him of what he had so carelessly lost, the sense of belonging and home that he had left behind when he had walked away from Magnus.

"Even if it means having a shadowhunter in your home?" He's only half teasing, knowing that Magnus had been none too happy about the constant presence of his kind invading his home the past few days.

"Hmmm. Well, when you put it like that...my reputation would never survive if anybody found out that I let you spend the night." And even though the mischievous glint in Magnus's eyes betrays his humor, Alec is still curious to know. This Magnus wasn't the same as he had known him before. This Magnus didn't remember befriending shadowhunters, didn't remember their shared history or the trials that they had faced together. This Magnus didn't remember how he'd changed their lives for the better, how he'd changed him for the better. This Magnus didn't remember loving him.

And yet, something had changed intrinsically between them. Something had washed out the hate and distrust and suspicion and given way to friendship and solidarity and dare he say it...affection. Something had changed since the disaster that was their first meeting that had led them to where they now were, sitting close enough to touch.

"Then why did you?"

For a moment, Magnus's brow furrows in confusion, as if he himself didn't know the answer. The quiet stretches the moment into eons as Alec waits with bated breath. Magnus, oblivious to his racing heart, takes his time to consider his answer. He can see that Magnus is weighing his words carefully which only emphasizes the significance of the words he does choose. Intuitively, Alec knows that the next words from Magnus's lips will break him.

"I suppose...I trust you too."

His heart skips a beat at the admission and Magnus seems just as surprised at the revelation. I trust you too. It feels big. It feels momentous. It feels like a milestone, like a victory, even though it shouldn't.

Magnus's expression is so open, so trusting, he can feel his heart melt in response, and with it his resolve. He can feel Magnus leaning into him, or perhaps he's the one moving forward. He's done pretending he has any sort of control left over himself or the situation. Perhaps this was always meant to happen, perhaps it was always going to end this way. Perhaps it was always inevitable, only he'd been too blind to see it.

Magnus is looking at him imploringly, a question in his eyes that he is helpless to answer. And just like that, he's stuck, held captive by the intensity in Magnus's eyes, lost someplace where time itself stops and the world ceases to exist. There's Magnus, and only Magnus and in this moment, nothing else matters.

He feels Magnus's lips brush against his, tentatively, hesitantly, and just like that the world is silenced. There's no thoughts, no sounds, but the hammering of his heart and pounding of his pulse. His blood is singing in his veins, responding to the heat of Magnus's body against his. He feels Magnus's lips deepening the kiss and his own answering in kind. His hands are moving of their own accord, wrapping around Magnus's waist and pulling him closer. He feels Magnus's fingers threading through his hair, brushing against his cheek. The graze of a tongue against his bottom lip sending lightning bolts down his spine. Before he knows it, they are inextricably entangled in each other, a confluence of lips and hands and tongues moving in a familiar dance and leaving scorching trails of pleasure in their wake. And he lets himself surrender to the waves of want and desire and love, lets them drag him under until he can't breathe, can't think, because Magnus...Magnus has always been a temptation too great to resist.

He'd never realized before this moment how desperately he had missed this; the warmth, the closeness, the intimacy. How much he had truly missed Magnus. How much he had needed him. Kissing Magnus feels like he's finally where he belongs. It feels like coming home.

He would have happily spent the rest of his life in this moment, but of course the illusion is shattered by a knock on the door. And just like that, the fantasy fades and he's wrenched back to the present, reality dawning on him with a sinking feeling of dread. He shares a startled glance with Magnus, realizing Magnus is somehow lying on top of him, clutching his shirt tightly in his fist and his own hands are gripping Magnus's waist under his shirt.

They scramble apart abruptly, tugging their clothes and their hair back in their places. There's a growing pit of horror in his gut as he realizes just how easily he had surrendered control, just how close he had been to losing it all. He's appalled at himself, really, because he should have known better. He should have known better than to get caught up in the moment. He should have known better than to let his careful control slip through his fingers. His recklessness and impulsiveness could have ruined everything, and Magnus would have paid the price all over again.

He can feel Magnus glancing at him questioningly, but he's too embarrassed to meet his eyes. He shouldn't have let things go too far. He should have just left when he still had the chance. How was he going to explain this to Magnus? What could he even say? Would he end up breaking his heart again?

He hears Magnus clear his throat, as if he's about to say something, and he prays to all the Gods that he'd just let it go. He's definitely not ready for this conversation, not when the memory of his transgressions are so fresh in his mind. Thankfully, the knock sounds again, interrupting the awkward silence.

As Magnus hurried to answer the door, Alec tried to compose himself, straightening his shirt and trying to tame to hair. Wishing it was as easy to pull himself together on the inside. Wishing he wasn't falling apart.