"Where is she?"

Spot had been staring down into the bottom of his empty glass when the familiar smell of a cheap cigar reached him and he looked up to see Racetrack standing opposite him.

"Who?" Spot asked although he already knew the answer. He was in no mood to deal with Higgins or anyone else.

"You know damn well who I'm talking about. Where is Tay? I know you've got her holed up somewhere."

Spot was further aggravated at the accusation and glared across the table at Race. "Haven't seen her."

"That's a lie-"

"Maybe you oughta watch your mouth, Higgins," Spot warned him. The older boy may have left the newspaper selling business behind but Spot had continued to keep the dangerous reputation he had earned all those years ago. He wasn't about to sit there and take any lip off of Racetrack. "I told you, I ain't seen her and if you got a problem with that, too bad."

Race pulled a battered deck of cards from his pocket and took a seat at the table with what he must have thought was an easy grin but Spot noticed that as he shuffled, Race looked unsettled. He obviously had something on his mind and Spot knew it would come to the surface sooner than later. His foul mood was increasing by the minute.

"There's some folks looking for her," Race explained hesitantly.

"Ain't my problem," Spot answered. He walked over to the bar, had his glass refilled and returned to the table where Race was still nervously shuffling his pack of cards. "You know how it is with Tay. If she don't like the look of something, she runs."

The unspoken truth was that Spot had almost always been behind Tay's running away. The way he treated her, the way he turned her away, the way he drove her to the edge until the only thing she'd been able to do was put as much distance between the two of them as possible.

"Look, all I know is Patrick-" Race ignored the derisive snort Spot let out and continued, "-waited outside her workplace for hours only to find out that Tay was fired. She hasn't turned up at the boarding house for a week and there's no sign of her anywhere."

"Like I said, ain't my problem," Spot repeated.

"The thing is, the matron told us Tay had walked off one night with a man that she didn't recognize and Tay hasn't been seen since," Race explained.

"So spit it out," Spot told him irritably.

"I told you not to ruin this for her."

"You're blaming me?" Spot asked although he wasn't the least bit surprised. "I had nothing to do with her taking off so don't go looking at me like I caused some big problem for that poor bastard."

"That 'poor bastard' happens to be a nice guy," Race pointed out. "And he deserves better than to have some other guy steal his girl right out from under him."

Spot smirked at Race's turn of phrase before swallowing the last of the whiskey in his glass and setting it on the table. "Well, you can tell this 'nice guy' that I ain't seen Kate, as he calls her, since the night we slept together."

Race glared across the table. "Could you be more crude?"

"Twice."

"Sweet, divine mother of God," Race cursed half under his breath. "I knew I should have never given you that address. I said not to hurt her."

"I didn't hurt her," Spot answered coldly. He almost explained what had happened that night but stopped himself. It was none of Race's business and he wasn't about to talk about it beyond his rude remarks. The fact that Tay had gone missing was briefly surprising given that Spot assumed she had left him to return to her new life. That clearly wasn't the case and Spot's foul mood faded as he grasped a slight glimmer of hope. All he needed was time and he was sure he'd be able to find Tay.

"She isn't yours any more," Race warned, recognizing the gleam in Spot's eyes.

"You really believe that, Higgins? Lemme ask you something, why'd you come here to find her? Why was I the first person you thought of when she went missing?"

"'Cause you're the one most likely to have driven her away."

"You ever think maybe she chose to leave all on her own and she ain't as attached to this guy as you seem to think she is?"

"What I think is you showed up, screwed with her head like always, and now she's left a situation that made her happy-"

"Yeah, she seemed real happy," Spot cut in sarcastically.

"Of course you would say something like that," Race answered. He stuck the cards back into his pocket and studied Spot for a moment. "Look, I only came here to find her and I ain't gonna sit here and argue with you over Tay's happiness. I might have even made the mistake of asking you to help but I know you're only interested in helping yourself."

"Make sure to give my regards to Patrick," Spot said as Race readied to leave. He didn't even notice the look of disgust on Racetrack's face as he'd already started working on a plan to find Tay. Spot held tight to his belief that if he could find Tay, he'd be able to get everything he'd ever wanted.


The full moon shone brightly over the surface of the water but Spot was still careful with his steps as much of the pier had been washed away in storms. A few rotted planks remained slung between the pilings and Spot stepped carefully from one to the next until he reached the long abandoned shed perched precariously at the end of the pier. It had once been part of a thriving ferry business but the opening of the bridge had caused most places to go under. It had also been the first place Spot had lived and he knew that for Tay it had always been a place where she found comfort.

Spot slid the sheet of corrugated metal out of the way and entered the damp, empty room. He reached up to the shelf where he'd always kept a candle and box of matches but found nothing. He began to second guess himself and thought briefly of abandoning the place when he heard someone approach. Tay's figure was silhouetted just outside the opening as the metal having been moved clearly caused her to pause before entering. There was the hiss of a match and the shelter was poorly illuminated by a small candle Tay held in her hands. The look on her face as she noticed Spot was one of resignation, not surprise.

"I'm not going back," Tay supplied before Spot could say a word. She placed the candle in a holder before taking a seat on the floor. The clothes she had worn the night she'd met with Spot had been replaced by a ragged looking blouse and skirt. Her hair was plaited and hung down her back, reminding Spot of her appearance back when she was still a newsie.

"Okay," Spot said easily. He took a seat near Tay but not too close as he knew if he moved any closer to her, she'd cause his thoughts to become addled and he'd go right back to his selfish ways.

"I thought we agreed that you would respect my decision," Tay told him.

"No offense, doll, but this don't look like much of a decision." Spot considered his options carefully before he decided to play the part of selfless, understanding friend. "Don't you think you owe Patrick an explanation?"

Tay raised an eyebrow as she looked at him. "Who told you his name?"

"You know I never reveal my sources," Spot kidded.

"And since when do you care about what I should or shouldn't tell Patrick?" Tay asked, seeing straight through Spot's ruse. He smiled to himself as she called him out on his rather pathetic attempt to pretend he gave a damn about her relationship with another man. He decided to just be honest with her.

"Higgins told me he's been looking for you," Spot explained.

"I know," Tay answered. She twisted her fingers together and sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do."

"You seemed pretty determined the other night," Spot pointed out. She had tried to leave at least a dozen times before finally doing so after he agreed to leave her alone while she made her choice. At the time, Spot believed that her choice had already been made and he had tried to deal with the idea of her new life by drowning his feelings at the nearest bar.

"He really is great, you know," Tay said quietly. "He has all these plans for us and he's so thoughtful."

"Sounds like you found a good one," Spot answered, biting back any bitterness his tone might betray.

The candle continued to drip wax as a long moment of silence passed and Spot waited for Tay to speak again. He leaned back against the wall and cursed himself for interfering, again. He wasn't exactly sorry but he knew that the only reason she was in her current predicament was because of him. If he had just followed Race's advice, but that went against everything he'd felt when he'd seen her again after nearly three years apart.

"He wants kids." Tay's voice was so low Spot had to lean in to even hear her. What she'd said caused a rock to settle into the pit of his stomach and he grimaced. He remembered telling her that night they'd met that her other man would eventually get around to the subject of children and Spot knew how much of her pain about that subject came from his own actions.

"Maybe you should-"

"No," Tay interrupted.

"He might take it better than you think."

"No!"

Spot reached over and took hold of one of her hands, rubbing gently at the tips of her fingers as was his old habit of doing so. Tay didn't try to pull away and Spot felt increasingly sorry that the subject had even been brought up. Having a family had always been right at the center of Tay's desires and Spot was loathe to admit to himself how often he had used that against her.

"Why are you acting like this?" Tay asked without looking at him.

"Acting like what?" Spot answered even though he had a pretty good idea what she meant.

"You think I owe him an explanation? You think I should talk to him about having kids? Why are you acting like you want me to run off and marry him?"

"Well, you nailed the running off part," Spot pointed out with a smirk. Tay just huffed and tried to pull her hand away but Spot held it fast. "Anna, c'mon."

"C'mon what? You don't give a damn about Patrick so quit acting like you do."

"You're right," Spot admitted. "I don't give a damn about him, but I do care about you."

"That's a riot."

"Don't start with that shit again."

It was so familiar and Spot thought ruefully of how they always ended up the same way, snapping at one another with sarcasm and bitterness coating every word. Part of the reason he had agreed to respect her decision was that, deep down, he knew that he was no good for her. He'd always tried to bury that part of himself and pretend that he didn't care when the truth was he craved her with a thirst that was unquenchable.

Tay pulled away, got to her feet, and began to pace back and forth in front of Spot. He pulled a cigarette from his case and lit it, flicking the spent match onto the floor. It was clear she was running from something but Spot wasn't sure if it was him or Patrick.

"Do you love him?" Spot asked the same question he'd brought up the other night. His stomach clenched and he tried to keep his emotions at bay as he waited for an answer.

"What?"

"You heard me. It's not a difficult question, doll."

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" Tay's voice had a dangerous edge to it that made Spot hesitant to push her further.

"All right, Anna, answer the question."

Tay continued to pace for a few moments before stopping and facing Spot where he still sat on the floor. "Do you know how difficult this is?"

"I do know that we're never going to get anywhere if you keep avoiding things."

Tay began pacing again and reached up to the ribbon tied at the end of her hair, fiddling with it nervously. Every so often she would stop again and stare at Spot before resuming her walk back and forth. He tried to take her hesitation as a good sign but he didn't want to get ahead of himself.

"I know you hate him," Tay told him in a sure voice.

"Never claimed I didn't," Spot pointed out. "But how I feel about him ain't the point, is it?"

Her hesitation reminded him of the night they'd shared and how she'd been so reluctant to leave which caused Spot to feel that same small spark of hope grow into something he struggled to keep contained. Tay opened her mouth to say something but turned away and faced the dark instead.

"All right," Spot conceded. "We'll start over. Why'd you tell me you ain't going back? Because this can't be your plan, doll. You can't stay holed up in this shack forever."

"I just need some time to think, okay? You told me you'd respect whatever decision I made," Tay repeated her comment from earlier. .

"So this is your decision? Hiding away from everyone-"

"I clearly couldn't hide from you."

"-and then the first thing you say is that you ain't going back," Spot finished.

"And the first thing you do is act like you give a damn about my relationship when I know perfectly well that this is another trick. Some way of making me think you're not a monster and a liar."

Spot understood the truth in her words, he was a monster and a liar. For so many years he had tried to bend her to his will, the same way everyone else in Brooklyn seemed to yield to him, but Tay had refused. So he had broken her, shattering her into pieces and rebuilding her the way he wanted. But there had always been a piece of her that he could never quite put his hands on. For the nearly three years they were apart Spot had pondered every little thing he'd done to Tay and he had ended up unleashing his fury on everyone and everything until there was nothing left but a new feeling of regret coupled with overwhelming loss. When he'd seen her again the rest of the world vanished and Spot tried to play it off but he could only concentrate on the slim hope that Tay would choose him. They were no good for each other and they both knew it but Spot couldn't quite let go of his chance to make her see him differently.

"Then I guess your decision is made," Spot shrugged as he stubbed his cigarette out on the damp floor. He got to his feet. He was almost through the makeshift door when he heard what his heart had hoped for.

"Wait. Please." Tay's voice was little more than a whisper and rather than stop to see if Spot had even heard her, she crossed to the opposite corner of the room. There wasn't enough light to illuminate her features but for some reason Spot had the feeling she was crying.


He wasn't sure what to say, for once, and he waited just inside the shelter for Tay to speak. She had been trying to get rid of him because that's what she was supposed to do. It was what she'd always been told to do when it came to him. But something had stopped her from letting him go and Spot was curious about what that something was.

"What are you trying to do?" Tay asked softly. She turned and Spot was barely able to make out the questioning look on her face. "I mean, you must have something up your sleeve, otherwise you wouldn't be like this."

"What do you mean?" Spot asked but Tay didn't seem to hear him and continued on.

"I don't believe you for a minute, you know. This whole act you've put together where you pretend like you care, like you're at all concerned about me. It's all bullshit and I know it. You haven't changed."

Spot took a small step forward. "You're right. I still love you. That hasn't changed."

"Oh, would you just give it a rest," Tay shot back. "Next thing you'll tell me is that you were protecting me-"

"I was," Spot answered quickly but again Tay just waved his words away.

"I guess I gave myself all those bruises, right? You didn't protect me from anything. You lied to me and used me and then threw me out into the world like garbage."

"I threw you out?"

"Yes, you threw me out. Did your shipping me off to Manhattan just slip your mind? Not to mention you taking the one thing I wanted away from me."

"You could give that a rest since you're so tired of hearing the same old shit," Spot pointed out. He took a step closer to Tay but she edged away into the shadows. "You were fifteen for Christ sake, what did you expect me to do?"

"I didn't expect anything from you," Tay scorned.

"No, you clearly had something in mind, doll. You've been harping on that damn situation for years now so let's hear it. What did you want me to do?"

There was a long moment of silence before Tay finally answered. "I could have made it work. If you had just let me be, I would have figured it out."

"An unmarried, pregnant fifteen year old with no job, no home, and no family? I'm sure you would have figured it out." Spot was unable to bite back the sarcasm in his voice and he instantly regretted his slipping into bad habits.

"I had a job and a place to stay," Tay countered.

"How long did you expect to keep either one of those things? Nobody's buying papers from a pregnant teenager and the minute the matron found out about it, you would have been back in the Refuge or worse."

"So why did you change your mind? The second time."

"You really want to know?" Spot tried to buy himself some time but Tay clearly wasn't in the mood.

"I asked, didn't I?"

He took a deep breath and ignored his stomach churning as he tried to come up with a satisfactory answer. "Maybe I saw what it did to you the first time around and I didn't want to hurt you again."

"Like you ever had a problem hurting me." The contempt in her voice was crystal clear and Spot balled his hands into fists as he tried to keep control of his temper. It was at least partly true, but it wasn't like he ever had an easy time dealing with that fact.

"Am I on trial here or something? 'Cause I'll admit it, I did some messed up shit and I'm sorry, Anna."

"But?"

"Nothing. Since that night all you've done is asked me for an apology and even though I already gave you one, I'll say it again until you believe me."

"Save your breath," Tay answered. She stepped into the light and Spot instantly recognized the look of pain and anguish on her face. He wanted to reach out to her but knew she was far too volatile for him to get anywhere near her.

"Why did you ask me to wait? It seems pretty clear that I was right when I said your decision had already been made," Spot pointed out.

"I have decided," Tay told him, looking straight into his eyes defiantly. Spot waited with baited breath to hear the next words out of her mouth but Tay was silent.

"You know all I ever wanted to do was protect you," Spot offered quietly. When Tay didn't answer he decided to continue. "Do you even understand how many people wanted to take you away from me? Your brother, Rook, most of Queens, the Bronx-"

"Racetrack never tried anything like that," Tay replied sullenly.

"Are you serious? Your precious Racetrack was one of the first to come to me with a deal involving you."

"Am I supposed to believe that?"

"Ask him yourself."

"I will."

Long minutes ticked by and although he knew he was skating on thin ice, Spot felt a nearly irresistible urge to reach out and hold Tay. The tips of his fingers tingled as he worked his hands into fists and straightened them back out again. She was more broken than she'd been the night he'd met her on the stoop outside her boarding house and he blamed himself. It was true he'd been more honest with her than he'd ever been before but his honesty seemed to hurt her more than heal her.

Spot inhaled sharply before deciding to try and call Tay's bluff. "Well, if all you wanted was to dress me down and that's finished, I guess I'll be on my way."

"Fine, then go," Tay told him. She gestured toward the door before turning away but she couldn't contain the broken sob that escaped her. Spot heard it and instantly froze, every thought or notion of leaving disappeared as easily as water through his fingers.

"Anna."

"Why couldn't you leave me alone?" Tay cried. She lifted her eyes heavenward as if appealing for some comfort from above. "God, do you even know how many chances I gave you? All I ever wanted was for you to be honest, to offer me the slightest bit of comfort and you couldn't. But now, after three years, you're here acting like the kind of man I wanted to believe you could be. Well, you did it, Liam, you finally got me to see the man behind the monster. Too bad that you waited too long 'cause I already made up my mind."

"You told me," Spot pointed out, taking one step closer to Tay. She either didn't care or didn't notice and Spot decided to take his chances with another step forward, inching his way across the room until he was standing right in front of her. He reached up to wipe a tear away and was grateful when Tay allowed him to do so. "Tell me you choose him and I'll leave, I promise. No hard feelings, doll."

He tried like hell to tamper down the soaring feeling in his heart when he saw her crack a small smile at his use of her nickname but it disappeared quickly. He found himself involuntarily twisting he ribbon in her hair around his fingers as he waited for an answer. Tay's eyes danced around the room and she seemed on the verge of saying something but no words came out. She sighed heavily and finally looked Spot straight in the eyes.

"I choose you."


I think that's it? I don't know. My apologies to any reader still interested in this story as it took me such a long time to update! Thank you for reading! If you have any ideas or suggestions, my inbox is always open :-) Again, thank you for reading and enjoy!