August 9th

M came into work and noticed that all of the desks were farther apart than normal.

"Oh, no! Now I'm far away from H! How could this happen?" she cried.

"IT'S BECAUSE OF THE GERMS!" H shouted from across the room.

"WHAT GERMS?" M shouted back.

"THE ONES THAT CAUSE… you know…" H said, lowering his voice. "The Disease!"

"WHAT DISEASE?!" M asked, but she was interrupted by S making an announcement.
"Attention, all Men in Black! It's time for your Hourly Hand Washing! Please wash your hands with the company-issued soap."

"I've gotta go," said H. "See ya later, M."

M sighed. "Things have been so different around here lately."

"M! Why aren't you washing your hands?" S asked.

"Because!" said M. "I'm not a Men in Black. I'm a WOMAN!"

"Well, you still got hands, so you gotta wash them," said S.

"Oh? What about the guy with the tentacles?" M asked. "Does he have to?"

"There are multiple guys with tentacles," said S.

"But do they have to participate in Hourly Hand Washing?" M asked.

"No," said S. "Go wash your hands, M. NOW."

"WAAAH! You're so useless!" M whined. "All you ever do is boss people around! You never even go on missions!"

"Maybe I will one day," said S. "You don't know that."

H returned, his hands dripping wet.

"EW!" said M. "Why didn't you dry your hands?"

"Because there were no paper towels," said H.

"That's right!" said S. "We got rid of them, just in case there were deadly diseases hiding in them."

H shook his hands, spraying water droplets everywhere.

"Hey, stop!" S whined. "You're getting water all over me!"

"So what?" H said.

M giggled. "Hey, F! I have another idea that can help us forget the spread of germs!"

"Oh yeah?" F said. "What is it?"

"We should all wear surgical masks and rubber gloves!" M said.

"No, don't be stupid," said S. "Those wouldn't look good with our uniforms."

M sighed again. "This is exhausting me. I'm going to get myself a coffee."

"Make sure to wipe the coffee maker down when you're done!" S said.

The next day, S was nowhere to be seen.

"Yes! He's gone!" said M.

"Yep," said H. "He finally went on a mission."

"Alright! Let's move all the desks back to normal when he's gone," said M.

"No!" said H. "If we're too close, the germs will spread too easily."

"You're pretty close to me right now," said M. "Does that mean you're spreading germs?"

"Uh…" H said, backing away slowly.

"I guess he doesn't like me anymore," said M, trying not to cry.

"Hey, best friend! You look sad!" said J.

"I am!" M said. "Everybody's been acting so weird! I hate all these new rules!" said M.

"How about I take you to a place where those rules don't exist?" J offered. "It will only be for a little while, though."

"That's good enough for me!" M said, wiping away a tear.

"Alright! Let's go to my favorite pie place!" said J. "You'll come too, right, K?"

"Sure, just let me finish my coffee first," said K.

K took a sip of his coffee and then started coughing because he choked.

"Oh. no!" J said. "K got The Disease! Now he's going to die!"

K continued coughing.

"Poor K! Poor K!" J wailed.

"I'm fine!" said K. "I just choked on my coffee, you moron!"

"Oh! Sorry, I was just worried about you because you're old," said J. "Old people are so fragile!"

"ENOUGH!" said K.

"Are we still gonna go?" J asked.

"Yes," said K.

Two days later, S still did not return.

"That's it! I'm moving the desks for real this time!" said M.

"No, no, no!" said H, applying hand sanitizer to his whole body. "It's not what S would have wanted!"

"Then why isn't he here, huh?" M said. "Just accept the facts; S has abandoned us!"

"Or maybe… he got The Disease and died!" said H.

"Oh, well," said M. He was annoying anyways."
M started pushing her desk.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" said S.

"S! You're alive!" said M.

"Yes! Now, quit messing around… and move it even faster!" said S.

"F-f-faster?" M asked.

"Yes," said S. "I've had some time to reflect while on my mission, and I've decided that I don't really care if people get sick or not."

"Oh," said M. "Okay."

"And besides, I've figured out the cause of The Disease," said S.

H stopped applying hand sanitizer.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Aliens," said S.

After that, everything went back to normal. Well, as normal as things can be for the Men in Black….