Chapter 6

Present Day

I stared at Dimitri after his proclamation. Did he really think this would work? Did he think that saying sorry would just heal all wounds? For thirteen months I was an absolute wreck. I didn't function in society as a normal person, and when I was finally almost getting back to normal, I had to deal with this.

"Rose!" Lissa's voice sounded faint from the bathroom. "We need to go. I want to get a good seat."

I turned off the shower and pushed passed Dimitri who was still staring at me. Waiting for me to say something. He followed me out of the bathroom and into my room.

I hurried to dry myself and put some clothes on. I noticed Dimitri's eyes trailing my body as I changed. It hadn't even occurred to me to cover myself because naked around Dimitri was like second nature. Most of the time Dimitri and I used to spend alone I was naked it. In that moment I couldn't help but remember all the times his rough hands caressed my body. Or all the times my fingers were buried in his hair. I met his eyes and could see the fire in them. The desire that he still had for me was shining bright. His hands were clenched by his side as he watched me, and I could tell he was showing some serious restraint. My lower stomach tightened.

"Rose." Lissa's voice came from right outside my door. "We have to go."

"I'm coming," I cleared my throat. "It's not like I'm hungover or anything."

Lissa laughed. "You had a good time with Jessie, huh?"

My eyes snapped to Dimitri, who now had an eyebrow raised. The look in his eyes changed. Curiosity peaked through.

"Uh, I did have a good time." I fumbled to finish dressing and get my shoes on.

"Anyway, I'll wait for you downstairs." I heard Lissa's footsteps fade.

Dimitri didn't say anything. He knew he didn't have a right to.

My head pounded as I searched for my things. The loud silence was not helping. I could feel Dimitri's eyes boring into me as I walked frantically around my room. I couldn't think straight. My room smelled like him, and it was intoxicating. It was making me dizzy.

Finally, I was able to get everything together. I opened the door and looked back at Dimitri. "I don't want you here when I get back."

I closed the door behind me before he could respond.

Downstairs Lissa and Christian were laughing about something.

"You look awful," Christian said.

"This is your fault."

Lissa and I made our way to my car, and I asked her to drive. My head was still pounding, and I could barely think straight.

As we pulled out of the driveway I looked up to my window where I knew Dimitri still was. The supposed love of my life had come back to me, and I just told him to leave.

"I had sex with Christian." My head snapped to Lissa.

"What?"

"I had sex with your brother."

"Yeah, I got that part. How did that happen? What about Aaron?" I was in no place to be talking about this. I already felt like my world was spinning. The last thing I needed was this insane revelation.

"I wasn't with Aaron at the time." Lissa looked over at my slumped form. "It was over a year ago actually, the night Dimitri disappeared. When we left together, we were super drunk and decided it would be too much of a hassle to make two stops. So, we just made one, at my house. One thing led to another, and you know."

I did know. "Why didn't you tell me?" Lissa and I told each other everything. We didn't keep secrets from each other. Especially not about boys. Lissa knew the ins and outs of Dimitri and our relationship. She got all the juicy details, the bad ones too.

"We were going to tell you, but then with Dimitri being gone I didn't want to add anything to your plate."

"It wouldn't have been adding anything to my plate Lissa," I sat up in my seat. "It would've been fine to tell me."

"You were just so sad, and it's not like it happened again so we kind of just let it go."

I didn't say anything. If I did, I would have been a hypocrite. I knew I wasn't going to tell her about Dimitri. I couldn't tell her.

During my exam I could barely focus. I had to read the questions over and over before I could make any sense of them. I stared at the answers, knowing the right one, but not knowing how to mark it. I could feel the blood coursing through my veins, my heart pounding in my chest. I just kept replaying the morning in my head. Over and over. The panic was starting to rise, and my breathing was becoming shallow. I told Dimitri to leave. After all these months wishing to see him, wanting him to hold me again, I told him to leave.

I hurried to fill in the few questions I had left, not caring if the answers were correct.

I texted Lissa on the way to my car giving her the excuse of being too hungover and she told me she would find another way home.

The streets were clear, and I was able to speed home with nothing in my way. I don't know what I was hoping for, he would surely be gone. If he was, I could only be mad at myself because I was the one that told him to leave. Yet, I still prayed that by some miraculous reason he hadn't left yet. I mean I had only been gone a few hours so maybe he was still thinking of what to do. My heart sank into my stomach when I realized that if he really believed that I didn't want him there, then he would leave. That's the kind of man Dimitri was. He always told me he respected my choices.

3 Months Before Disappearance

I couldn't remember the last time I was this mad. I also, couldn't remember how we spiraled in this direction.

"It's none of your business." The coldness in his voice made my blood boil.

"Considering that I sleep at your place at least three nights, I think I have a right to know who that's with." I threw my jacket on a chair and began undoing my hair. Me being mad at Dimitri was something that rarely happened. He was usually a great guy, someone who always knew what to say, and do. Most of the time.

"Oh please, that is the most childish excuse I have ever heard." He realized his mistake as soon as the words slipped out of his mouth.

I turned to him slowly. "So, I'm a child?"

He stared at me, thinking of what to say next. What he came up with did not deescalate the situation. "When you act like this, yes."

It was my soft spot. Dimitri was older than me. He could have anyone he wanted, but he chose to be with me. Even though I would have never admitted it out loud; being younger than Dimitri was an insecurity for me. He must have caught on.

"I'm so damned sorry that I want to know where my boyfriend disappeared to for a whole year." I was holding back tears at this point. "Why don't you trust me enough to just tell me?"

Dimitri ran his hand through hair, flaring his nose. "That was years ago. I was in high school, and we weren't even together. I trust you with my heart and soul Roza, but that doesn't mean I have to tell you everything. I can keep some stuff to myself."

Even though he was right, I couldn't help but feel hurt. Hurt that he didn't want to tell me. I wanted Dimitri to know everything about my life, why I do the things I do, all the things I've ever done. He didn't though. There was always this side of Dimitri that he kept to himself. Like a part of himself that he didn't allow anyone to see, not even me. I loved him so much and wanted him to love me equally in return.

So, I did the exact thing I shouldn't have done; I let my anger win. I said the exact thing I shouldn't have said, "Oh fuck you. I'm tired of always feeling like I'm chasing after you. Like I'm always waiting for you to let go of whatever is always holding you back. There is this darkness and loneliness inside of you, that I want to help fill so badly, but you just won't let me. You just keep everything bottled up and to yourself. I'm your girlfriend, if you don't feel like you can open up to me, then maybe we shouldn't be together." I paused, realizing the seriousness of what I had said. I couldn't stop though. I was tired of having a boyfriend that always kept a part of himself hidden. "I'm done with this."

I picked my jacket back up off the chair and shoved my arms into the holes.

Dimitri didn't say anything. He watched as I gathered my stuff and walked out of his apartment. That was the thing with Dimitri. He never tried to persuade me to do anything I didn't want to do. If I didn't want to stay with him, then he wasn't going to stop me from leaving. At the time I didn't know if it was his pride or his respect for me, but I did know that it hurt.

I sat in my car, outside of Dimitri's apartment, crying. I wasn't crying because I was mad that he wouldn't just tell me, I was crying because he was right; I was acting like a child. He didn't have to reveal everything to me, yet I was demanding that he did, all because I was too curious to just let it go. It happened before we met, and it had nothing to do with me. That didn't stop me from overthinking it.

When I finally calmed down, I cursed myself. I had yelled at Dimitri and told him I didn't want to be with him all because he wanted personal privacy. I couldn't bring myself to just leave. How could I just leave him there after saying such hurtful things? I couldn't.

I swallowed my pride and made my way back up to Dimitri's apartment. I found him sitting in a chair with his shirt unbuttoned. His hair was ruffled as if he'd been running his hands through it. When he saw me, he stood, and I ran into his arms.

"I'm sorry," I said into his chest. "I didn't mean it. I was just so angry, but you're right. You are allowed to keep stuff to yourself. I just- I don't know -I just-"

He cut me off, "I know, Roza." He hugged me tighter. "You always come back when you don't mean it."

Present Day

My heart was in my stomach as I climbed the stairs towards my room. Thankfully Christian was nowhere to be found and wouldn't witness whatever was about to happen. Whether it would be me breaking down, or a reunion with Dimitri, I didn't know.