The streets were cold and lonely. It was midwinter and Shrek-chan (as he liked to call himself) was wandering through the unforgiving streets of Far Far Away. Shrek-chan couldn't help but feel as if he was an outcast in this inferior western country, a foreigner in his own land. Even now as he made his way down the street, the other people took special care to avoid the misfit. Surely it couldn't have been his absolutely foul smell, a result of his lack of hygiene for the last few months. Shrek-chan didn't smell anything funny, why should anyone else?

The streets here are so filthy... unlike Japan Shrek-chan grumbled to himself And they're so full of crime... unlike Japan

The reason why Shrek-chan was out in such a vile city at this time of night was due to his own wife. In a jealous rage she commanded Shrek-chan to fetch her children for her, all because Shrek-chan said that real women were inferior to the ones in the anime he liked to watch. It was true that women rarely listened to facts or reason, but to Shrek-chan, this was a step to far. After all, it was the role of the woman to take care of her children, and not just her husband. Shrek-chan couldn't help but feel that Fiona-chan was no longer the woman he had fallen in love with.

While Fiona-chan had been away doing something boring, Shrek-chan assumed, he had given responsibility of Fiona-chan's children to his dear friend Donkey-kun, so that he could better immerse himself in his waifu jpg gambling games. Donkey-kun was one of Shrek-chan's best and only friends. In fact, they had been friends since both were children, and perhaps even a little more than that. Even as they drifted apart as they got older, their bond was still unbreakable. Shrek-chan had the utmost faith that Donkey-kun had tended to the children with the best of care.

Donkey-kun lived somewhere downtown, close to the bar and local strip-club, where Donkey-kun's primary source of entertainment and companionship lay. At times Shrek-chan almost felt bad for how his friend turned out, but his support would require time away from his computer screen, which was too big of a sacrifice for Shrek-chan to make.

Shrek-chan made it to the minuscule apartment building where Donkey-kun had decided to live, it wasn't to Shrek-chan's taste, but it was Donkey-kun's choice after all. However, Donkey-kun was nowhere to be seen, as he was unresponsive to Shrek-chan's knocking, and he couldn't hear the usual wailing of his spoiled and bratty children. However, as he walked away from the door, he did hear a cry from outside in the alleyway behind the building.

Shrek-chan hurried as fast as his obese body and atrophied legs could carry him (that is to say, not very fast at all) until he wandered into the dark alleyway. He prayed to the kami above that his worst fears wouldn't be realized, but the kami aren't always kind to mortals.

"Donkey-kun!" Shrek-chan screamed as he saw the injured body of his friend sprawled on the dirty pavement.

"S-shrek-chan, is that you?" said Donkey-kun weakly, looking up the giant before him.

Looking at his body, it was clear that Donkey-kun had been attacked and sustained several knife wounds. Shrek-chan knelt down and held the weak equine in his arms.

"What happened Donkey-kun?" Shrek-chan said, the sight of his friend in such a state was almost enough to bring him to tears.

"The streets happened Shrek-chan, this city ain't kind to folks like us..." Donkey-kun said weakly. He began coughing violently, blood coming out of his mouth.

Tears fell from Shrek-chan's eyes, although his face didn't get wet as the layer of grease and oil over his face was too thick.

"How did you end up like this Donkey-kun, you had so much hope in your young eyes..." Shrek-chan lamented to his donkey friend.

"Divorce, Shrek-chan. After that, nothing was ever the same..." Donkey-kun reminisced. After Donkey-kun divorced his wife Dragon-chan, Donkey-kun lost everything. His house and even his whole children were gone, and Donkey-kun was forced to live dangerously to maintain a living.

"Of course a woman would be the cause of this... we really should've known better Donkey-kun..." Shrek-chan said, a rage thinly veiled behind his face. But thoughts of women brought Shrek-chan back to Fiona-chan, and the children he had been sent out to get. That was the whole reason he was even here in the first place.

"Donkey-kun, do you remember the kids I gave you about 2 months ago? Where are they?" Shrek-chan asked.

Donkey-kun paused for a moment, and then looked away as if he was embarrassed. Shrek-chan couldn't help but wonder what Donkey-kun was so reluctant to share.

"Crack ain't cheap, Shrek-chan..." Donkey-kun said softly. Shrek-chan was somewhat disturbed at this revelation, but he had to respect the hustle.

"Where did you see them last? Fiona-chan will kill me if I can't bring back the Orgelings tonight!" Shrek-chan said, a little more panicked than before.

Donkey-kun paused once more.

"Last I saw them was behind the XXX All Men bar on Charlton street..." Donkey-kun said, his voice growing softer still.

"I didn't know you were like that, Donkey-kun..." Shrek-chan said. Shrek-chan himself was not a homosexual, although he did occasionally dress up like a cute femboy trap, he only did it ironically, and he also made sure to say 'no homo' afterwards so it didn't count anyways.

"Like I said Shrek-chan, crack ain't cheap..." Donkey-kun said.

But after Donkey-kun spoke, he began another violent coughing fit, this time even more blood coming out of the miserable ass' mouth. It was clear Donkey-kun didn't have much time left.

"Shrek-chan, I don't have much time left. Before I die, I want you to know that you were my best and most beloved friend..." said Donkey-kun, nostalgic about the days he and Shrek-chan lived free without oppression.

"Sayonara, Anata-kun. Watashi wa, anata o aishiteimasu" said Shrek-chan, hardly able to hold back his tears anymore.

Donkey-kun cried a little too, Shrek-chan hadn't called him that in a long time. He was reminded of the better times, when Shrek-chan was his first. Donkey-kun died not in suffering, but in the rare bliss of spending one last moment in the arms of his Anata-kun.

Shrek-chan cried silently, not wanting to seem gay by crying in front of others, but the moment was far too sad not to. Afterwards, Shrek-chan placed Donkey-kun's corpse in the nearby dumpster, as he didn't really feel like dealing with a smelly dead body, nor did he want it to seem like he had just murdered his best friend. He did, however, take Donkey-kun's wallet, as Shrek-chan knew his favourite Vtuber was going to be on in a few hours, and $200 wasn't just going to come out of nowhere.

As Shrek-chan made his way out of the alley, he was encountered by a man, a human man. Sure he probably had a name, but he far preferred another name for himself. In the real world, he was a nobody, but on fanfiction he was known as bigscotlandman. In fact, he had just created an account the other day specifically to inquire about a certain Shrek based fanfiction. That is to say, of course, bigscotlandman was a big fan of Shrek. So imagine his surprise when out of the alleyway comes a very familiar green ogre.

"Wait, Shrek? Is that really you!?" said a startled bigscotlandman, he wasn't expecting to get what he so desperately wanted so soon.

"Hey, that's Shrek-chan to you, baka! And do I even know you?" Shrek-chan said, a little confused. Obviously he was not in the mood to chat considering the situation.

"I'm sorry Shrek-chan, it's just that I'm such a big fan of yours, and... and..." bigscotlandman stammered in the presence of his idol, only to be followed by complete silence. bigscotlandman blushed, clearly overwhelmed at the opportunity.

"Look, you big baka, I'd love to stand around and chat, but I have something else I need to do." said Shrek-chan, clearly a little weirded out at his biggest fan.

"Oh, I'm well aware Shrek-chan," bigscotlandman started, placing his hand on Shrek-chan's shoulder in a firm but still caressing way "I know all about your marital issues. I just want to let you know that if anything goes wrong, I'll be here for you..."

With that, bigscotlandman disappeared around the corner. Shrek-chan was confused and a little disturbed at the man's words. Did he know something Shrek-chan didn't? Shrek-chan continued towards the XXX All Men bar, although he felt as if something would surely go wrong...

TO BE CONTINUED...