Author's Note

I do not own A Series of Unfortunate Events.

And here we are at the last chapter of this fic, the end of the Bad Beginning. I hope you've enjoyed the ride with this crazy amount of Baudelaire siblings!


Mr. Poe parked down the street from the theatre and hurried the children along to it. They were met at the entrance by his wife and two sons, all three of which were wearing very expensive clothes. Mrs. Poe's hair was styled very nicely, and she wore a far too big hat.

"Oh, Baudelaires! I thought you were performing in the play!"

"There was a change of plan."

She clicked her tongue and tugged at the sleeves of Klaus's pyjamas. "You're not dressed for the theatre at all. This looks more like pyjamas."

"It is," Klaus replied.

Mr. Poe shook his head. "I am going to be having words with Count Olaf. I know it must be difficult caring for so many children, but this is simply not acceptable. Come along now."

Loki tried to imagine a world where Mr. Poe was about to transform into their protector. He would swoop into the theatre, he thought, and scoop up Violet and gather Indigo and Sofia and the littlest twins, and take them all out away from here.

Instead Mr. Poe herded the five Baudelaires and his own two sons into the theatre where, Mrs. Poe informed them, the third Act was about to begin.


The Marvellous Marriage, Violet decided, was a terrible play. The actors and actresses moved around the stage and performed dialogue that would make Damien wince had he been here. Count Olaf gave a great many grandiose speeches, which he performed with gusto. The audience seemed to be losing interest and were moving around in their seats. Violet tried to see whether any of them might help her, but she couldn't see very well for the lights. Only one thing gave her comfort, and that was that right at the beginning of the Act, a familiar voice had started shouting 'Violet! Violet!' before being coughed at.

At last Justice Strauss came on stage, and to Violet's dismay she was reading directly from the legal book.

When she was finished, she turned to Count Olaf. "Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"I do."

Violet shuddered, but then she thought of Indigo, trapped in that dressing room, and her siblings, stuck in the audience, and the others who were who knew where.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," she whispered.

"No!" she heard Elias shout from the audience. "Mr. Poe, do something! He's going to marry her!"

"Of course he is, it's in the name of the play."

There were a few laughs from the audience. Justice Strauss took the document from one of the other actors and held it out to Violet. She stared at it for a very long time. Count Olaf cleared his throat and tapped the walkie-talkie.

Slowly, shakily, Violet reached out and took the long quill pen from the stand with her left hand and began to sign her name.


The rockstar skidded to a halt in front of the theatre. It was a run down, grimy looking building with flickering lights.

"Bit of a dump isn't it?"

"Bit like Count Olaf then," whispered Sofia, who didn't know whether she was trembling more from the thought of Count Olaf or the car ride. She made herself stop holding the door handle in a death grip and use it to open the door. "Thank you for the lift mister."

He waved a hand. "Ah, don't worry about it. Go in there and get that bastard, yeah?"

She managed a smile. "Yeah."

She slid carefully from the car, nearly tripping over Dog, who had jumped out ahead of her, and turned round to try and knee the door closed, since both her hands were occupied with holding the twins, only to find it swinging closed before she could touch it. The car sped off towards the end of the street. Sofia watched it with an open jaw. "Well o-kay then."

Dog woofed.

"Good point. Come on; let's go!"

For what felt like the umpteenth time that day – she swore she was going to take up running as a hobby when this was over – she broke into a dead sprint as she entered the theatre, Dog close at her heels.

They threw the doors open and flung themselves into the theatre. "Stop this play!"

"Gladly," said Count Olaf with a wide smile, stepping forwards to look down at the audience. "You see, ladies and gentlemen, there is no reason to continue tonight's performance, for its purpose has been served. This has not been a work of fiction. My marriage to Violet Baudelaire is perfectly legal, and as her legal husband, I am now in control of her entire fortune."

"That can't be!" protested Justice Strauss.

Count Olaf brandished the marriage certificate triumphantly. "The marriage laws in this community are simple. First, the bride must say 'I do' in the presence of a judge like yourself, and second, both parties must sign an explanatory document. And all of you are witnesses."

Mr. Poe stood, glaring at the stage. "But Violet is only a child!" He coughed a little, before continuing to speak. "She's not old enough to marry."

"She is if her legal guardian agrees," Klaus said miserably.

"That's what we were trying to tell you!"

Count Olaf waved the certificate tauntingly. "And in addition to being her husband, I am her legal guardian."

"Oh dear, oh dear! This is terrible!"

Justice Strauss turned on Count Olaf. "But that piece of paper isn't an official document! It's just a prop!"

Count Olaf handed her the certificate.

"I think if you look at it closely you will see it is an official document from City Hall."

Justice Strauss took the document and quickly read through it, clearly thinking hard. "You're right. This marriage is completely legal. Violet said 'I do,' and signed her name here on this paper. Count Olaf, you are Violet's husband, and therefore in complete control of her estate."

Mr. Poe coughed more into his hankerchief. "That can't be!" He hurried to the stairs to the stage, followed by the rest of the Baudelaire siblings. "This is dreadful nonsense."

"I'm afraid this dreadful nonsense is the law. I can't believe how easily I was tricked," she said. "I would never do anything to harm you children. Never."

"It was child's play, winning this fortune. Now, first order of business! Put the rest of the brats up for adoption!"

"No!"

"Separately! Into the far corners of the Earth!"

Violet eyed the marriage certificate, trembling.

"This is absolutely horrendous. This is completely monstrous. This is financially dreadful."

"I'm afraid, however, that it is legally binding. Tomorrow, Mr. Poe, I shall come down to the bank and withdraw the complete Baudelaire fortune."

"I won't allow it! I absolutely will not allow it."

"Oh, but you have to."

"I'm afraid Olaf is right. This marriage is legally binding."

"You see? Now, if you'll excuse us, my new Countess and I need to go home for our wedding night."

"I'm not your Countess."

Everyone turned to look at Violet.

"At least, I don't think I am."

"What? Why is that?"

"I didn't sign the document in my own hand, as the law states."

"Don't be ridiculous. We all saw you do it!"

"I'm afraid your husband is right, dear. There's no use denying it. There are too many witnesses."

"I'm right-handed. But I signed the document with my left hand."

"What?"

Count Olaf snatched the certificate from Justice Strauss and waved it furiously. "It's

impossible to prove!"

"It's not. I shall sign my name again, on another piece of paper, with my right hand and then with my left. Then we can compare both of them to that one."

"I can't see how a small detail like which hand you used to sign makes any difference!"

Mr Poe coughed deeply. "I'd like Justice Strauss to make that decision."

"Justice Strauss," Klaus said, "the law is very firm in stating that bride must sign in her own hand. It's very clear."

Justice Strauss thought, very deeply, and then smiled. "If Violet is indeed right-handed-"

"She is," said Elias.

"-and she signed the document with her left hand, then it follows that the signature does not fulfill the requirements of the nuptial laws, which means that this marriage is not valid. Violet is not a Countess, and Count Olaf,

you are not in control of the Baudelaire fortune."

There was applause from several people in the audience.

"Ngh," Count Olaf snarled, pressing a button on his walkie-talkie. "Then you had better marry me again, correctly this time, or I-"

"Klaus! Elias!" Indigo rushed across the stage, gathering her siblings in a tight hug.

"Indigo! You're safe!" gasped Violet.

Count Olaf scowled and glared at Violet with his shiny eyes. "You may not be my wife, but you are still my daughter, and-"

"Do you honestly think I will allow you to continue as guardian for these children, after the behaviour I have seen today? This attempt to marry Violet is simply the icing on the cake of your abysmal guardian abilities!"

"The orphans are mine. There is nothing illegal about trying to marry someone."

"But there is something illegal about trying to have us run over by a train!" Elias shouted.

Justice Strauss gasped. "You, Count Olaf, will go to jail, and the children shall come to live with me."

Voices from the audience began to shout for Count Olaf's arrest and the return of their money, since it had been an awful play. The Baudelaires huddled close together, trembling.

Indigo looked at Justice Strauss. "Do you mean it? Can we really live with you?"

"Of course I mean it! I am very fond of you children, and I feel responsible for your welfare."

Violet felt a stab of relief, and then a rush of guilt, because three of her siblings were still places unknown.

"Mr. Poe!" she said urgently. "Count Olaf sent Damien, Lav and Phoebe away! You must get him to tell us where he sent them!"

Count Olaf laughed. "Somewhere you'll never see them again orphan!"

"What did you do to them?" screamed Elias, leaping forwards. Klaus caught his arm to hold him back.

Mr. Poe coughed heavily into his handkerchief for several seconds. "Now see here-"

Surprising everyone, Finn leapt forwards, springing at Count Olaf and striking him in the stomach. "What did you do with them?"

Count Olaf stumbled back a few steps, wrapping an arm around his stomach. "Perhaps if you children were to come home with me, your legal guardian-"

"No!"

"Do you really think-"

"Where did you send them?"

"Where are they?"

"Wait until the readers of the Daily Punctilio hear about this!"

"This really is quite irregular-"

The lights went out.

Chaos erupted in the theatre as people began to move around, loudly complaining about the sudden darkness. Sofia held the twins as close and high as she could, so they wouldn't get hurt, Kyra wailed and attached herself to Elias's leg as something hit her in the back of her head, and Loki huddled very close to Klaus. While all the chaos was going on, Violet began to make her way across the stage to where she remembered the stage controls had been. She had looked at them very closely earlier, wondering if she could invent anything like them. Finally she managed to find the wall and began to feel for the switch. As she did, she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll get my hands on your fortune if it's the last thing I do," hissed Count Olaf. "And when I have it, I'll kill all of you brats with my own hands."

Violet cried out, but still managed to find the correct switch in the dark and flick it on.

Light filled the theatre, people began to blink against it, and when Violet looked round Count Olaf was gone.

"Where did he go?

Where did they all go?" shouted Mr. Poe. Indigo looked about and saw that not only Count Olaf had vanished, but his terrible troupe had gone too.

"They must have run outside while it was still dark," Klaus said miserably.

"Well no duh," muttered Elias.

"You have to go after him!"

"You have to capture him!"

"Fear not Baudelaires. A treacherous man like him shan't get far," said a new voice.

Mr. Poe looked around the theatre. "Jacquelyn, is that you? Where have you been?

"I was kidnapped by Count Olaf's associates and tied to a tree before I could tell you that the Baudelaires' uncle, Doctor Montgomery, was designated by the parents as their legal guardian and has been waiting to hear from you."

"Doctor Montgomery?" asked Finn.

"Never heard of him," muttered Indigo.

"Let's go home, children," Justice Strauss said. "We can worry about this in the morning, when I've fixed you a good breakfast."

"Worry about this?" Indigo spluttered.

"Three of our siblings are missing!" Violet shouted. She was trembling, trying to imagine what terrible fate might have befallen them at the hands of Count Olaf's associates.

Mr. Poe coughed loudly. "I'm afraid that. The children must come with me. I cannot allow the Baudelaires to be raised by someone who is not a relative."

"What?"

"After all Justice Strauss has done for us?"

"We never would have figured out Count Olaf's plan without her and her library!"

"We would have been killed!"

"Our fortune would have been stolen!"

"That may be so, but your parents' will is very specific. Tonight you will stay with me in my home, and tomorrow I shall go to the bank and look up this 'Doctor Montgomery' fellow. I'm sorry, but that is the way it is."

"He's right," said the newcomer, Jacquelyn. "There's a vigorously fixed destination your parents had in mind for you, and it is not with Count Olaf or Justice Strauss."

"This is goodbye then children," Justice Strauss said, wiping her eyes. "I'll miss you very much."

"We'll miss you, too."

One by one, each of the Baudelaires gave Justice Strauss a hug, even Sunny and Noah, who didn't even try to bite her.

Mr. Poe coughed. "Come along, then Baudelaires."

"Wait!" Violet cried, and rushed backstage. A moment later she returned with an armful of metal, fabric, and wires. Indigo hurried over to help her carry it.

"Is that..?" asked Elias.

"Yeah. It was working, before Count Olaf's thug broke it."

"What a bastard."

Mr. Poe cleared his throat. "Children, we really must be going."

One by one, the Baudelaires followed him from the stage. Klaus gave one last look over his shoulder to Justice Strauss, and followed his siblings from the theatre.

They climbed awkwardly into the backseat of Mr. Poe's automobile. It was a very tight fit in the little car with Mrs. Poe and her two sons there as well. Sofia was still holding the twins, and Finn had to sit on Violet's lap, and Loki on Indigo, and Kyra on Elias, who held her very tightly.

"You were amazing today Kay."

"Too small," she said sadly.

"You'll grow."

"One day, you might be as tall as Indigo," Klaus said. He didn't suggest Violet, because Violet was very tall for a girl her age, and all her siblings looked up to her. It was unlikely Kyra would grow to her height.

Indigo leant against Violet's shoulder. "What do you think he meant about- about Damien and Lav and Phoebs?"

Violet screwed her eyes closed to stop herself crying. "I hate to think about it."

She wanted to believe that she would know if Damien had died, but all the experiments they had done on whether they could somehow sense each other because they were twins had been duds.

Finn, Elias and Klaus tried to look through the back window at Justice Strauss, who was crying and waving. They waved back as the car drove ahead into the darkness. None of them could stop thinking about their missing siblings, and the terrible things Count Olaf might have had done to them.

When they reached the end of the street, Sofia could have sworn there was a large black car parked there with its lights off. She straightened up a little, but before she could get a better look Mr. Poe had turned the corner and it was gone.

Violet gazed out at the darkened buildings around her, and couldn't help wondering if, wherever he was, Damien was seeing the same.


It had taken many, many, many hours, but Damien had finally managed to relax, leaning back against the side of the van. Phoebe was asleep in his arms, and Lavender was dozing against his shoulder. He wasn't sure where they were going – he was pretty sure it was the wrong direction for the city – but wherever it was it had to be better than the vast desert of the Hinterlands.

Many of those inside the van were singing a terrible, tuneless song about happiness and various forms of disease, while others had fallen asleep like his sisters. He twisted, looking behind him out the window. Lavender stirred against him. "Hm? Damien?"

"It's nothing," he said as the first sign of civilisation began to approach, a series of small, rundown shacks. Lavender closed her eyes.

"You should get some rest too."

He kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek on her dark hair.

They still had each other, and, somewhere out there, he was sure Violet was taking good care of their other younger siblings.

The Volunteers Fighting Disease drove on into a darkening and uncertain future.