Chapter 42

Homecoming (2)

Groening International Airport, early December

-ARNOLD-

Well, this was it. After six months away, I was about to return to my hometown. Not a literal jungle, but an urban one.

It had been an interesting half-year, to say the least, so far away from everything I'd known. While our activities had been centered in the capital, Puerto Clara, most of out time had been spent far beyond the outskirts of that city, focused on building a hospital to serve the more remote villages of the country and the indigenous tribal peoples that inhabited them. Gaining their trust took time, but we had the help of my dad's best friend, Dr. Eduardo Alazraqui. Between him and my parents, the hospital was well on its way to completion. In the meantime, they had also been making the rounds to some of the more remote settlements, including one I hadn't been to in five years.

It was there I once again reconnected with Shaia.

Of course, the first time there, I hadn't known her name. She was merely the child queen of the Green Eyes, a girl who should have been focused on growing, learning, and playing, but was forced by circumstance to be responsible for an entire city. The two of us didn't really talk much at the time (not that we would have gotten anywhere if we did, seeing as we spoke completely different languages), but I did feel a sort of kinship with her. It wasn't anywhere nearly on the same level, but I did know what it was like to be depended on to be the responsible one.

When we returned to visit the Green Eyes' city back in June, she was among those who was there to greet us. Of course, I was still suffering from separation anxiety from Helga at the time; she is not an easy girl to get over. Even so, I was struck by how much she had blossomed over the years. It's not like I was blind, after all.

When we set out to depart after our visit, something unexpected happened; Shaia came with us. The girl had an insatiable, boundless curiosity to learn about the world outside the city walls, and after a lot of convincing, the King had grudgingly given his consent.

For the next six months, Shaia had been traveling with us. She quickly revealed an aptitude for rapid assimilation of knowledge, picking up a rudimentary grasp of both English and Spanish within mere weeks, enough so the two of us could actually converse. I wish I could say that I was as good at learning her own language, Iishani, but I'd be lying; even now, I can say maybe a dozen sentences.

Considering that she was the only other person my age in the traveling party (Eduardo's own daughter was off at university), it was only natural that the two of us would grow closer over the next months. And, naturally, with the close proximity and the absence of peers, I found myself starting to develop an attraction. Of course, acting on that attraction would be unthinkable; after all, there was still Helga to think about. Sure, on paper, we had broken up, but with the unspoken guarantee that once I was back home, we'd pick up where we left off. And so, I forced myself to ignore any attraction I felt.

That all changed the day Helga admitted to me she'd been seeing Brainy. I was hurt; of course I was hurt. We'd both agreed to see other people, but I guess I never thought she'd actually do it. But there it was; she'd moved on, and with Brainy, her stalker, of all people. Not only that, when our talk ended, she suggested I think about asking Shaia out; suggested? Hell, she practically ordered me to think about it.

While the attraction was undeniable at that point, and Helga had practically given her blessing. I continued to resist. For a while, anyway.

But three and a half months is a long time…

And Helga was far away…

And Shaia was right there…

And I'm only human.

And so, September, October, and November flew by. There were still thoughts of home, and of her (like I said, she's not an easy girl to get over), but now I had Shaia to occupy me, and schoolwork; I may have been away from home, but there was no way my parents were going to let me slack on my studies; they had a strict academic framework set in place for me to follow, and falling short would not be tolerated. You think school's bad? Try having your own parents as the faculty.

And so, life continued until December finally rolled around. Mom and Dad were planning to go back closer to the holidays, but at that point, the homesickness was really starting to set in for me, and I suggested, since I was ahead on my schoolwork, that maybe I could return a little earlier? It took convincing, but eventually, they caved, and I was set to return in early December. Shaia decided to accompany me since she was eager to experience the city firsthand. At first, I was a little apprehensive – I mean, it was inevitable that I was going to run into (probably literally) Helga back in the city, and it would be a lot harder to avoid bringing up that I was seeing Shaia if she was around. Still, she was so enthusiastic about the trip that I found it hard to try to persuade her otherwise. Oh well; I was still eager to introduce her to me grandparents, the boarders, my friends, etc.

We took a small plane from Puerto Claro, switching for a larger, more modern one in Mexico City. Despite a full explanation of how planes stayed up in the air, Shaia was still nervous and clutched my hand pretty much the entire flight.


We landed at Groening in the late evening, and there were still quite a few hoops to jump through before we could actually get into the airport proper; getting Shaia, a girl from an isolated settlement that had barely had contact with the outside world in centuries, an official San Lorenzo passport had been a bureaucratic nightmare in and of itself.

"So, this is the United States," she commented. "There are certainly a lot of… lines to stand in."

"Well, it's just the airport, but, yeah… lines are probably going to be a big theme here," I said. "It kind of comes with having a lot of people."

"It stands to reason," Shaia agreed, her head swiveling to take all the sights in. Her eyes were particularly drawn to the many food vendors (they hadn't fed us on the plane, since we were traveling cheaply) and gift shops.

"We should probably go claim our luggage first," I said. "My Grandpa'll be picking us up outside and taking us back to the boarding house. You're probably really hungry and tired after all this traveling."

"What's the hurry?" she asked. "There's already so much to see here and we're not even out of the airport!" Her eye was drawn to one of those shops that sells tacky city souvenirs. "Perhaps I'll get one of these shirts, so I can look like a native," she joked. "Which do you think would look good on me?"

"I'm sure they'd all look great on you, but we can get shirts just like these a lot cheaper in the actual city. They jack up the prices on everything here."

"Why would they do something like th-" She suddenly trailed off. "Arnold… why is there a statue of Xothipacla in this store."

"Xothipacla? Your love goddess?" I glanced around the store window. "I don't see any goddesses…"

"Right over there, she said, pointing. I followed her finger, but all I could see was a bunch of bobbleheads of famous Hillwood residents; Dino Spumoni, Mickey Kaline, Temper… wait…

"Do you mean her?" I asked.

"Yes. I thought your people barely know of ours… why would they have a statue of one of our gods? And why would they give her such a silly large head?"

"I think there's been a mistake here… that's Temper. She's kind of a local, uh, guardian."

"No… that is Xothipacla," Shaia stated firmly. "She who wields the fire and ice of passion. Look, they even got her third eye that can see lovers' fates right."

"This has got to be a coincidence," I stated. I'd known Helga all my life, and yes, she was amazing, but a goddess? It was impossible. "I mean, think about it. Like you said, why would your goddess be living in my city? Also… she's only been around for about five years. Your people have been worshipping Xothipacla for over a thousand."

"I don't know, perhaps she chose to be reborn here to watch over you? You have been very important to my people, after all."

"That can't be true… she didn't appear in public until months after we came back from San Lorenzo. Besides, it wasn't even me that saved your home, it was… Helga…"

And suddenly, what seemed absolutely ridiculous on the surface was actually starting to make a weird sort of sense. It had been Helga who saved the Green Eyes. With a symbol of love. Helga, who, during a trip to the home of the Green Eyes had been infected with spores that transformed her into a creature that, coincidentally, just so happened to resemble one of their gods… Helga, who had for years prior, kept watch over me, helping me whenever she could without my being aware of it…

…no, it all had to be a coincidence. An extremely unlikely string of coincidences. I mean, she wasn't a goddess, she was an alien hybrid. And she wasn't the only one, right? Was Rhonda secretly the god of gossip? Was Phoebe the god of overachieving? It was an absurd notion. And yet…

"Well, perhaps she was there in secret to guard her, too. Who am I to question the methods of the gods?"

I mean, I had to admit that if anyone was going to be the vessel for a love goddess reborn, it was going to be Helga. But that would be going on the assumption that gods were real, they could be reborn, and that they would choose to be reborn here. Which was patently ridiculous. There was no evidence that such a thing was a reality… but then, five years ago, there was no evidence that alien life was a reality either, and now Helga herself was living proof that it was.

This was going to drive me crazy, wasn't it.


Some time later we had finally acquired our luggage and left the airport building. Gerald had texted me that he and my grandparents were waiting outside and I found him standing there, holding up a sign reading "SHORTMAN". He did a double-take upon noticing that I wasn't exactly on my own.

"Damn, Arnold," he said. "I guess you haven't exactly been livin' livin' the monk life, have you. Who's this fine lookin' woman?"

"Hello, Gerald," Shaia said, smiling. "It is nice to see you again."

Gerald looked confused for a moment before the realization struck. "Wait…" he said, "is this-"

"Shaia," I confirmed. "Princess of the Green Eyes."

"But at the moment, merely another tourist," she added.

"And… you two are…"

I blushed. "Yeah, we kinda are."

"Mmm-mmm-mmm! Royalty! You're movin' up in the world, Arnold, m'man."

"…I mean, I wouldn't put it that way…" Status had never been a concern when I'd taken the plunge and started actively pursuing a relationship with Shaia. We had simply been two teenagers who found themselves growing closer the more time we spent together. Besides, I had no intention of comparing her with my ex. They were two completely different people, unique individuals special in their own way, as Mr. Simmons would put it.

"Mmm-hmm. Jus' sayin', Arnold."

After stowing our luggage, the three of us got in the Packard's back seat. "So, Short Man – I really gotta stop calling you that, you're actually startin' to get pretty tall – here you are back in the big city, returning from your exciting jungle adventures. And I see you're not alone! Who might this be?" Grandpa asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" interjected Grandma. "Kimba has returned with his native bride!"

"Grandma!" I protested, red with embarrassment. Shaia, blushing as well, giggled a bit.

"Pookie, that's crazy talk, there's no way they're married. He would've invited us. They're probably just engaged."

"Grandpa!"

"Hey, I'm just pullin' your leg. I do that."

I groaned. I loved Grandpa, but his sense of humor could be a pain at times. "This is Shaia. She's going to be joining me for the holidays. You have a spare room for her, right?"

"Why? Couldn't she just bunk with you, what with you being engaged and a – a heh heh, oh, sorry. I'm done now. Unless I think of more! Heh heh heh…"

"Grandpa…"

"What'samatter, don't wanna be embarrassed in front of the missus? Hee hee hee. Oh, this is never gonna get old, is it."

I groaned. "Is it going to be like this the whole way back?"

"Pretty much, Short Man. I haven't gotten to do this in six months. Let an old man have his fun."


As we approached the boarding house, I advised "Okay, so, they might come on a bit strong, but they're all mostly harmless, so there's nothing to worry about."

"Oh, I'm sure we'll get along fine, Arnold," assured Shaia.

The boarders were already standing outside the Arms, a banner reading "Welcome Home, Arnald" (Oskar must have been responsible for printing it out, I mused). As we came close, a four-legged pink form bounded forward and practically tackled us. Abner had slowed down a bit over the years and put on more than a few pounds (he was a pig, after all), but the moment he saw us, it was like he was a little piglet again.

"Heh heh, I'm glad to see you too, Abner," I chuckled. "Down, boy."

"Oh, this is Abner?" asked Shaia. "Somehow I expected a dog."

"I think he might think he is one, sometimes," I admitted. "But no, he's all pig." I gave him a scratch behind his ears. "Abner, this is Shaia. She's going to be staying with us for a few weeks." After sniffing the new girl for a few moments, Abner gave the girl an affectionate lick.

"You might wanna wash that," Ernie advised "So, uh, not that I begrudge you this heartwarming reunion with your beloved pet, but you gonna introduce the rest of us, or what?"

"Oh, right! Shaia, I'd like to introduce you to Oskar, Enrie, Mr. Hyunh, and, uh…" My eye fell on an unfamiliar face, a black man with dreadlocks and a beard. "I… don't remember you…"

"Oh, sorry. My name's Lou Teagues. I'm new. Just moved in a couple of months ago," he said in a gravelly baritone.

"Lou's Harvey's nephew. He works at an animal shelter and plays in a jazz band on weekends."

"Wow, I didn't know Harvey had a nephew… or even a sibling." I replied.

"Oh, yeah, you totally missed it. He had this big reconciliation with his estranged brother a while back."

"Really. That… kinda sounds like the kind of thing I would've wound up getting involved in…"

"You'd think, yeah. Turned out it was Stinky who got them back together."

"Stinky? Really? Stinky?"

"It's a long story."

"I bet it is." Stinky? "Anyway, everyone, this is Shaia, of the Green Eyes."

"Welcome," Oskar said. "I am very glad to make the acquaintance of Arnold rich princess friend!"

"Oh marrone, Kokoshka, we know her for thirty seconds and you're already pestering her for a handout!" grumbled Ernie.

"Yes!" Hyunh added. "You are badgering her! Do not badger her!"

"What, I am being welcoming, eh heh heh heh!"

"They are always like this?" Shaia asked.

"Like I said… mostly harmless."


We got Shaia settled in her room, and after a light dinner, she retreated there, exhausted from her first long trip. Gerald and I retired to my own room to catch up."

"So… did I miss anything else while I was away?"

"Well, let's see…" he replied. "Rhonda joined the football team. We got to state, but got eliminated in the second round. Which is one round better than we did last year, so hey, it's all copacetic."

"Anything else?"

"The porpoise at the aquarium had babies."

"Aw, I missed that?"

"Well, they're still babies, you can probably go check 'em out. Let's see, what else… Lila's dating Wolfgang now."

"Okay, now you're just messing with me, aren't you."

"It's true. He's actually kind of a decent guy now."

"A decent guy. Wolfgang."

"C'mon, Arnold, aren't you the one who's all about seeing the good in everyone?"

"Yeah, but – you know - Wolfgang!"

"I know it's hard to believe, but don't you trust Lila's judgement?"

"We're talking about the girl who wasn't interested in me, but was all gaga over Arnie."

"Ohhh, so it's an ego thing."

"It's not an – look, I got over her a long time ago, it's just that her taste in guys has always been, kinda, weird."

"Mmmm-hmm. This from the guy who fell head over heels for his ex-bully."

"That was different. Helga was… special."

"Mmm. I won't deny that Helga is certainly a unique individual. Whether that's good or bad, I know better than to say."

While we were on the subject, I decided to see what Gerald thought about what Shaia had told me back at the airport. "Speaking of Helga – get this. Shaia thinks that she's – and I don't believe this at all, mind you… I think it's ridiculous…"

"Get on with it, man," insisted Gerald.

"That she's somehow… their goddess."

Gerald just stared at me for a minute, before bursting into uproarious laughter.

"AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! …I'm sorry, man," he said, gasping for air, "but for a moment there, I thought you said that she thins Helga is a goddess."

"Yeah… I guess her alien form looks exactly like their love goddess, Xothipacla."

"Oh. I see," he said. "BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

I was starting to get a bit annoyed. "…well, it's not that ridiculous."

"No. No, man, you're right. It makes perfect sense. Helga. A love goddess. *beat* BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Oh man… my sides… I think I might've just ruptured myself… but it was worth it! Helga the love goddess! Man, that's rich! That's richer than Rhonda, Lorenzo and Peapod Kid put together!"

"…well," I found myself protesting. "Isn't it kind of a strange coincidence that she would look just like their goddess? Same color, same number of eyes, same number of arms, etcetera?"

"…wait, now… you're not saying you believe it now, are you? I thought you just told me that you think it's ridiculous!"

"Yeah, well, I mean, on the surface, it is, but… the coincidences really start to add up if you look at it. For one thing, she saved the Green Eyes with her locket. Her heart-shaped locket."

"Okay… I admit that right there sounds like compelling evidence, but She was still just normal Helga back then."

"Yeah, but by then, she already had the alien spores in her system. Maybe… just maybe… that was when she became the vessel for the goddess?"

"Arnold… Arnold, Arnold, Arnold… would you listen to yourself? All this talk of goddesses and vessels… it's all crazy. First off… Phoebe and Rhonda got infected at the exact same time Helga did, remember?"

"Well… how do we know they're not goddesses too?" I retorted, now fully committed to the argument. "For all we know, they're not even the first. The Green Eyes' myths have been around for a thousand years, probably more. Maybe they're based on something similar. Maybe the original Xothipacla was an alien hybrid just like Helga."

"Okay, now you're just flailin'"

"Am I? Lots of seemingly mythical phenomena have turned out to have scientific explanations. Why not this one?"

He shook his head. "Okay. For arguments' sake, let's say your right. So Helga's… *snicker* a goddess. What then? What does it mean?"

"I… I don't know." I admitted. "It's kind of hard to think of her any differently. She already had amazing powers… does it really change anything if she's somehow Shaia's god?"

"Well… one thing's for sure. You two are eventually going to run into each other, and she's probably gonna find out you and Shaia are an item, so you'd best think of the right way to break it to her. Or else, she might smite you."

"Gerald, don't even joke about that. I'm already in a panic over how I'm going to tell her. I mean, yeah, she's with Brainy, but she told me about that. I haven't said anything to her about Shaia. I mean, yeah, she pretty much gave me her blessing to date her, but-"

"Uh-oh."

"What uh-oh? Uh-oh how?"

"Uh-oh the love goddess Shoatey-Poggle…"

No, no, it's more of a zhhh sound. Zhow-tee-pahk-lah."

"Whatever… the point is… if this isn't just a crazy coincidence, the love goddess gave you and Shaia her blessing."

"That- that doesn't mean anything… does it?"

"Well, like you said, how do we know it isn't true?"

"…you're just messing with me, aren't you."

"Can you blame me? You make it so easy. But seriously… you'd better think of what you're going to tell Helga 'cause she's fearsome enough without being a goddess."


A.N.: Well, looks like Arnold's back, and he hasn't exactly been idle. How's Helga gong to react to the fact that he's moved on? And… has he? For that matter, has she? And was there another Ka'Thaari hybrid or two or more on Earth thousands of years in the past? Some of these questions will be answered in upcoming hapters!

Jose: Yep, iron is specifically harmful to people from the boiling isles (well, I'm speculating, since according to Dana Terrace's mythos, Earth myths and legends have their origins there and a lot of mythical creatures, like, say, fae (which resemble the base Witchling in folklore) are weak to iron. And I'd be pretty pissed too if my SO's dad was insulting me to my face without even being aware of it.

Next: "Inevitable".