Say You Won't Let Go
A/N: Hey guys, it's me astronaut10! I haven't written a lot of fics lately as I've been swamped with school, but I had time tonight to watch Season 5 episode 4 of the Blacklist tonight and it totally tugged at my heartstrings! I almost cried and I thought that it would've been a cute Keenler moment if they'd carried it on, so here we are! Hope that you guys enjoy, and I'm praying with all my heart that these two get together in Season 7!
Liz wiped her eyes as she slowly made her way from the FBI Cadillac that she'd just parked to the massive yellow elevator that would take her down to the Post Office. She just didn't understand. Why was she crying so much over this case? Why did it feel like someone had attached a lead weight to her heart and no matter how hard she tried, it just wouldn't lift? She sniffled as she got into the elevator, pressing the button. The door rustled closed, and Liz prayed to God that no one from the task force was still down there.
How could that woman have been so brave? Liz thought to herself.
How could she just give up her life? As much as she wanted to question it, Liz already knew the answer deep down. She knew that if it came to it, she would do the same for Agnes. She'd do anything to protect her. Liz's stomach turned as she questioned, could I?
Of course I'd do that for Agnes. Any mother would. It's natural. The elevator came to a smooth stop, the door rustling open again, and Liz nearly collapsed with relief when she saw that the place was dark, devoid of life. Good. No one could see her crying right now. Liz swallowed back a lump in her throat as she walked to hers and Ressler's office. If she could keep herself together for a few more minutes until she got home, that would be a miracle. Opening the door silently, she flicked on the light, its rays pouring across the room as she made her way to her desk and her purse. Reaching for it, Liz grabbed it swiftly and began packing all of her files and paperwork that she needed to at least get a head start on tonight, her movements fast, before she heard a deep male voice behind her.
"Keen?" Liz jumped a foot in the air at the sound of Ressler's voice, her bag slipping from her hands and spilling her neatly organized files into a disastrous array on the floor.
"R-Ressler?" She sputtered, staring at him in wide-eyed shock. Ressler chuckled as he bent down, gathering Liz's papers.
"Jeez, Keen, I was just saying your name, not threatening to kill you." Liz frowned, placing her hands on her hips.
"Well, when you sneak up on someone like that it's only natural to be scared!" Ressler just chuckled again before handing the stack of papers back to Liz, which she packed into her bag as fast as she could without wrecking them. After she'd finished, Liz turned back to Ressler, an inquisitive twinkle in her eye.
"Why are you still here, anyway? Hasn't everyone left for the day?" Ressler seemed to tense up, licking his lips and looking in a different direction as he tended to do when he was nervous.
"I, uh, I was, um, just doing the paperwork for this last case. It was a big one." He just nearly stopped himself from spilling the truth about his relationship with Prescott; he wanted to tell Liz, but he knew that it was the wrong thing to do. He was a big boy; he could handle his problems himself. Liz's eyes narrowed a slight bit; she knew he was lying, but chose not to say anything.
"I see." Her mouth turned up at the corners into a sly smirk, practically screaming I know you're lying, but I'll drag this out a bit longer. Ressler's mouth twitched at the corners in amusement. Two could play at this game.
"What are you doing here so late, Keen?" He asked, meaning to tease her more than anything. Liz froze up at the question, her fingers tightening against the edge of the desk where she was now leaning. Memories of what she'd seen tonight flooded her mind, and she shook her head, trying to dispel it. Ressler's smirk disappeared as he watched her. Something was wrong. It wasn't like Keen to act like this; and if the fear and sadness in her eyes weren't enough to guess that something bad had happened on the case, the tears forming at the corners were. Ressler took a step forward, reaching out a hand as if to graze her arm.
"Keen?" He asked softly, watching her eyes. Liz shook her head, hastily wiping at her eyes even as they clouded with more sadness and fear.
"Did something go wrong with the case?" Liz's breath hitched, and she nodded, wiping her eyes again.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry, Ressler, I don't mean to cry in front of you," Liz breathed, her voice breaking.
"It's just that... a lot of things happened." Liz took a deep breath, not trusting herself to say more. Ressler nodded slowly in understanding.
"What happened?" He questioned, watching her face as it contorted with pain. Liz breathed out, wiping her eyes yet again as she moved her gaze to meet his. Those eyes were enough to still Ressler's heart; clearly something bad had happened. Something really bad.
"The-the woman; Ahmad, that we were supposed to bring in. I lied to you guys. I didn't lose her before you guys got there; I helped her and her son escape." There was a charged silence, neither saying anything, until Liz spoke again.
"He-he's terminally sick, and I couldn't just leave him for you guys to arrest. Plus, I didn't have much choice in the matter because Reddingto directed the whole thing. But he-he took them to a warehouse where they set up a hospital room of sorts, and had surgeons waiting. And her son was wheeled toward the surgeons while the mom was waiting with Red and I, but then the surgeon asked for the donor and-" Liz's words came out in a warbled rush, but she had to stop for a moment, tears tracking down her face.
"And then-she said that she was the donor. And she shot herself in the head, donating her blood and organs to her son." Liz's voice broke, and she gasped for air as her throat tightened.
"How can someone be that brave, Ressler? How can-how can someone have so much hope and courage?" Liz buried her face in her hands, sobbing as Ressler stood by, unsure of what to say.
"I'm so scared," Liz whispered after a few moments.
"I'm so scared that I wouldn't be brave enough to do the same; that I couldn't sacrifice myself for my child, or Tom, or anyone else." Liz's sobs grew even louder.
"I feel-I feel so guilty for getting to live with my child when she doesn't get to live with her own." Ressler's heart shattered at those words. How could Keen be thinking these things? He slowly walked forward, reaching out.
"Keen, come here." Liz stopped crying for a moment, looking up to stare at Ressler. His blue eyes shone with sadness as he saw her own glittering with it too, her mascara also beginning to run down her cheeks. Sniffling for a moment, Liz began to break down again, and Ressler was just about to wrap his arms around her when she lunged at him, wrapping her arms around his neck so tightly he could barely breathe and burying her face into his chest. Sobbing silently, Liz clutched his suit jacket, his warmth and sense of protection like a lifeline. It was a moment before Ressler's own arms came up around her, clutching her just as tightly as she was clutching him.
"You dummy," Liz choked, her voice thick with tears.
"Why is it that you're the only person who can see right through me?" Ressler smiled silently against her hair as he held her, not trusting himself to let her go anytime soon.
"Because I know you, Keen. At least, I'd hope so after working with you for over 4 years." A small, weak laugh escaped Liz's lips, and she closed her eyes as she continued to hug Ressler, letting his warm, comforting embrace calm her mind and heart.
"Just say you won't let go, ok? I don't know if I'll be able to hold myself up." Ressler's laugh rumbled through his chest and through her, making Liz smile just a tiny bit.
"Whatever you say, Keen," he said, holding her just a bit tighter than he did before.