NOTE: This chapter will be by far the shortest because it sets up the premise. It picks up immediately after Infinite Crisis and the following chapters will deal with continuity from Post Infinite Crisis and the New 52 mixed together (maybe a little bit of Rebirth too if I'm feeling it, even though I prefer it more than the New 52. Just feel like there's more to nitpick for New 52.) If I get any continuity wrong please bear with me, I can only memorize so much lore from all of these DC heroes. Also, if anyone seems to be acting out of character, remember this fic is a comedy/spoof. Thank you. :)


Um, hullo?

I wake up in a dark place, my memories all garbled.

What happened to me? Where the hell am I?

I sit up- or at least it feels like I do, everything around me is black. I rub my eyes trying to adjust my eyes to the darkness. But no avail.

"Hey, anyone here?" I call out, and in response, a bright light flashes in front of me.

"?υρ?явσу ρяιм?." a powerful voices say, it's almost as if they speak as one. You could clearly hear an adult male and woman, and faintly, other voices of younger people.

I get up to slowly walk toward it, but no matter the further I walk, the light doesn't get closer- unless it appears that I am stuck in one place. "Yeah, that's me. Who's asking?"

"ι αм тн? ?ιт?яα? мαиιf??тαтισи σf я?тяσα?тιν? ?σитιиυιту αи? ι αм ιит?я??т?? ιи уσυ ?υρ?явσу ρяιм?." The voice replies.

"Me?" I cock my head to the side curiosity, "But why?" Though of course I was being humble, who wouldn't be interested in me. Amirite?

"ι αм αωαя? σf тн? ?ν?ит ?нαиgιиg ρυи?н уσυ ?αυ???, ?нαиgιиg тн? нι?тσяу σf ?αятн 1."

I raise my brow intrigued, I recall my escape from the Paradise Dimension. The walls of the Paradise Dimension were lines with crystals that replays events. When I punched it tk break free, some events were changed. I remember so much as what happened after, and my own defeat, but after that is where the blanks start drawing up.

"ι ωσυ?? ?ιк? тσ в??тσω му я?тяσα?тιν? ρσω?я υитσ уσυ αи? α??σω уσυ тσ fя???у ?σ ωιтн тн? ωσя?? ωнαт уσυ ωαит."

I liked the sound of that a lot. Smirking, I cross my arms. "Anything I want?" I ask the disembodied voice. (Well unless the body of the voice is the light that shines before me, then I have no idea.)

"αиутнιиg. уσυя σωи ?ιтт?? ?αи?вσχ íf уσυ ωι??."

I tap my chin, considering the offer. "What's the catch? Things like this don't just fall in your lap."

"αу?, тн? σи?у тнιиg ι ωαит ιи я?тυяи ι? уσυя ?σмρ??т?? ?αи??α?т??, ?σ тσ ?ρ?αк. ι ωι?? ??т уσυ нαν? тн? ωσя?? уσυ ωαит αи? м?я?нαи?ι?? ιт тσ σтн?я ?αятн?, ?ιк? тн? σи? уσυ υ??? тσ ιинαвιт, ωн?я? α?? тн??? н?яσ?? αя? ?σмι? вσσк ?нαяα?т?я?."

"Hm…" I didn't have many other options, for all I knew if I refused, I would be stuck in this dark space forever, or maybe put back on stupid Earth 1 to be punished. Besides who am I to deny myself more power? Tch! As if!

I nod in acceptance, "I will take up your offer… erm.. What do I call you?"

"ρ??α?? ?υρ?явσу ρяιм?, ?α?? м? я?т?σи fσя ?нσят."

I dip my head in understanding and somewhat reversed fashion. "Okay Retcon, I accept."

"fαитα?тι?." Retcon replies, their voice sounding please. They bestow me their power and I could feel it running through my veins. I already feel stronger than I was before, especially since there wasn't any sunlight to give me my kryptonian powers. The light of Retcon was just enough for me.

Using my new awesome powers I make my escape out of this dark realm. Cracks of light form all over and the darkness shatters. I reappear in what seems to be Smallville in the middle of a cornfield. I bear my fists and fly above the field, ready to wreak havoc.

"Look out DC Universe, here comes Superboy Prime."