3. Shoes

January 19th, 2010

Today I'm a lightning rod.

No padding for me today, no sir. Part of some special training Balthazar came up with. Something about building up strength or mindset. Or some other Confucian piece of wisdom.

Balthazar hits me again with a spark from the coil behind me. Somehow it sends me flying. Jesus, how much current is the old man using? The coils can only handle 500,000 volts; any more and they'll short-circuit.

"I won't always be here to tell you what to do," Balthazar shouts from the balcony. "You have to be ready for anything when you're in combat."

"Yeah, because every sorcerer can conjure Tesla coils and a wall outlet."

"You're hilarious, David."

I scramble to my feet. Brush off some burnt flannel. Ignore the old man's sarcasm.

"Every sorcerer has his own strength," Balthazar continues, "If an opponents is shooting plasma bolts or electricity at you, the only way to match skill with that sorcerer is to use that strength against the opponent."

"And how exactly do I do that?"

Another bolt hits me. Somehow, I know it missed my liver by a hair. "Figure it out."

Figure it out. Figure it out. Why should I figure it out? This isn't rocket science, it's self defense. There's literally a guidebook for everything! Who cares if I can't read the Incantus? There are pictures. I'm sure they have something about fending off lightning.

The coil in front of me is firing up. I prepare to defend myself. Suddenly, the coil to my right knocks me to the ground again. My ears start ringing. I shouldn't be doing this. I should be focusing on my work, not submitting myself to electrocution.

"Balthazar-"

"I'll give you a hint," he says.

"I don't want hints, I want out."

He pauses. Fires up another coil. I shriek like a wimp land on my shoulder. "You'll have out if you get through this. The hint is this: you don't just have to use your shoes to direct current."

Jesus Christ, does this guy care about anything I say? Of course not, he's trying to frickin kill me. Fine. I'll play the game, Balthazar. What was the hint again? The shoes. The old man shoes. Why did he give them to me? Something about looking classy. And conducting current. But electricity goes to the ground through the shoes. How does conducting current help me in this situation? I'm certainly not projecting any electrical energy through frickin shoes. I could, maybe, if I had a power source like a wall outlet. I'd love to be a coil right now.

Wait, the coils. Wall outlets. They're all around me. And there are exposed wires all over the ground, too. Is he saying…

"You want me to be a human Tesla coil?"

"I dunno. Do I?"

Balthazar shoots another bolt at me. It hits me, but it doesn't knock me to the ground. It slithers through my body and escapes through my feet. I swear to God I felt the current pass through my heart. But it should have killed me. But it didn't kill me. Another bolt hits me. This time it passes through my intestines.

"I'm shooting 1,000 volts at you and you're just standing there?"

"You're only using 1,000? It feels like 80,000!"

"God gave you magic. Use it already."

A blue light hints at the corner of my eye. The bolt hits me in the shoulder. I don't freak out. If the electricity can hit me and escape through the ground, maybe I can draw it from the ground too. I focus on the inside of my body. The current disguises itself in my nerves, travels through my circulatory system and tries to escape through the capillaries in my feet. I stop the electrons on their path before they reach the floow. Take them on a detour route up my body, closer and closer to my heart until-

I cough electricity. Streaks of lightning stream out from my ring. My eyes are splitting open. The inside of my body is on fire. Everything is white and purple and blue. What the hell am I doing to myself?

I fall to my knees and gasp for air. Will myself not to faint. Balthazar rushes over. Puts a hand on my head. My body cools down. My blood stops boiling. I can feel my tongue again.

"Whuh happnd?" I muster.

"I know what you were trying to do. Maybe I wasn't clear when I was talking about using the other person's strength to your advantage. It's my fault."

"What did I do?"

"You electrocuted yourself. The current didn't reach your organs, but it hit the water in your blood vessels. The electricity almost exploded out of you."

I breathe and shake my head. I electrocuted myself? That's something a cartoon character would do. And me, a twenty year old dweeb. A pathetic excuse for a sorcerer. I sit down and rip off the old man shoes.

"It's a miracle you're alive," Balthazar fails to assure me. "You did the right thing by trying to take out the-"

"I never do the right thing! I nearly killed myself! Not the Tesla coils, me! The idiot known as Dave Stutler."

"If you're an idiot why are you here? If an idiot were standing in your place I'd be pondering where to bury him. You're alive because of what you did-"

"Sure, sure. Try in vain to get my confidence up, Mister Master-not-Mentor."

"No. You don't interrupt me when I'm in the middle of my train of thought. If you have something to say you wait until I finish."

"See? You're angry at me! I'm angry at myself too! We finally both agree on something."

"I'm not angry at you. You shouldn't be angry at yourself, either. I don't know how many times I have to drill this into your head, but you did beautifully. Mistakes happen."

"Not near-fatal ones," I grumble.

Balthazar sighs. Checks the clock on the wall. "I think that's enough for today. Your emotions are getting the best of you. Try to get some work done. Take a walk. Just get your mind off of this."

"I think I'm gonna go back to my apartment. Bennett probably needs help doing laundry."

"Good idea. You do that."

The subway ride is silent. I stare at the empty orange and yellow seats in front of me. I was an idiot. I should have just stayed a lightning rod and let the old man shoes save me from certain death. Wow. Even old shoes can protect me more than I could ever protect myself.