Chapter 1 - Searching

Five years...

Five long years...

Those words had constantly ran through Max's head at every turn this last month while she tried to settle back into Arcadia Bay. The town that had been her childhood home seemed so familiar that she had instantly felt something in her soul settle the moment she crossed the county line but she couldn't help but feel a little out of step with the universe as all of her memories of places were of those from five years prior.

The town itself hadn't changed all that much, many of the same people still owned and ran the same sea front shops and restaurants that she had visited in her younger years, but time had still marched forward making everything feel a little more worn and rough around the edges compared to the gloss of nostalgia in her mind.

The only thing that had changed dramatically however was her. After all, five years makes a difference at the best of times let alone during a formative part of her teen years. Being dragged away from her best friend at the worst possible moment had led to a spiral in herself confidence and emotional security. Not that she had been the most confident of kids at the best of times.

The first year in Seattle was tough. She had isolated herself at home if she wasn't at school and shied away from intentionally making new friends although some of the more extroverted art kids in her year had taken her under their wing. But for the most part she had taken solace in photography, in which she could take time away from everyone to get her mind off things but over time this had only served as a distraction and her mood had darkened again. This had led to her taking comfort in the only other thing she enjoyed...

At first it had been a small indulgence or two, just to pick her mood up after a stressful day in class or to see her through a long evening studying, but soon it became a habit, something she looked forward to, something that was guaranteed to make her feel happy if for a while at least. It became a crutch that she leaned on more and more and the consequences became harder to ignore.

No one had really noticed the changes in the beginning as she often wore baggy hoodies everywhere in an attempt to not draw attention to herself regardless. However, as she stopped growing vertically at the great towering height of 5'5, her weight continued to climb. Slowly to start given she was a fairly lithe framed girl and a few extra snacks weren't that damaging to her waist, but eventually, the pounds started to pile on and she soon found it impossible to hide her widening middle.

Her parents had become concerned and tried to get her to eat more carefully, cooking healthy meals and encouraging her to go out more, even if just for a walk while she took photos so she stayed active, but her comfort eating and her weight continued to increase. By the time she reached the end of her junior year at high school she had reached her highest weight following a few failed attempts at dieting and a very stressful period of working on her Blackwell application portfolio.

But now, she was finally here. Back in Arcadia Bay, 18 years old, attending Blackwell as she had allowed herself to dream about for the last 5 years. But for all the good will in her heart when she arrived she had already begun to feel disheartened that a fresh, yet not so fresh, start was not going to fix her self-confidence issues or prevent her from reaching for calorie laden snacks when stressed.

On her first day she'd already had a run in with the resident rich bitch and her groupies hearing them making snide remarks about her size. Although the self-ridiculing voice in her head kept telling her it was no wonder with how tight her shirt was and how her rolls of lard were clearly visible through the stretched fabric, or how her overhang wobbled as she waddled past them, huffing and puffing as she climbed the stairs to the second floor. She'd made good friends that night with the vending machine round the corner from her dorm room as she tried to make herself feel better.

It wasn't all bad though, some of the other girls on her floor were really nice and made a point to introduce themselves and offered to show her around campus the next day. Kate in particular had seemed sweet and Max had spent a few afternoons sharing quiet cups of tea with her while working on homework together. Some of the others, Dana, Juliet, and Alysa etc., always took the time to say hi or chat whenever she passed by in the halls too, so at least people were friendlier than back in Seattle.

Despite the overall good introduction to her new start at Blackwell she found herself set back in her motivation and confidence as she struggled with her own cowardice as her mind called it. She had been back in town for a total of five weeks and while she knew Chloe was still in town from overhearing the skater boys talking about picking up weed from her, she hadn't made any attempts to seek her out, out of fear of rejection. She hadn't even visited the Two Whales as her anxiety made her shrink in on herself as she debated what would be worse, bumping into Chloe, or bumping into Chloe's mother Joyce before she'd had the chance to even speak to her old best friend.

This constant cycle of negativity from her own internal voice led to many evenings trying to muster the courage while settling the butterflies in her stomach with as many snacks as she could carry back to her room without people noticing.

All those nights filled with unhealthy food had taken their toll she thought as she looked in the mirror after getting ready for bed. Her face was undeniably chubby, and her thick double chin was threatening to become a triple chin. Looking further down her pyjama top was stretched even tighter, in particular around her hugely flabby mid-section as she carried her weight lower in her torso. Her shorts had also been difficult to pull up over her widening ass and thighs causing her love handles to bulge out over her waistband even more than had been the case at the start of term. There was no avoiding that she had become seriously obese in the past few years.

Sighing she grumbled to herself and figured she should at least know what the damage was so she knew exactly how much extra she now needed to lose if she was ever going to follow the diet plan her mother had set up for her before she'd left Seattle. Retrieving her scale from the packing box where she'd hastily shoved it in the wardrobe after getting tired unpacking on her first day in the dorm, she placed it down and took a step up onto the platform.

She took a deep breath and mumbled some sort of prayer, for all the good it would do, to any deity that may have been listening to make it so the result wouldn't be too bad, but she knew the number was going to be higher than she wanted. Leaning forward she struggled to see over her bulging belly but thankfully the digital scale had a large display she could still see, at least for now the self-deprecating voice in her head chimed in.

328lbs

The number flashed on the screen judgmentally as her heart rate sped up. She'd known she was over 300lbs before leaving Seattle, but this was getting out of control. A gain of 19lbs in five weeks was a lot, she needed to get a handle on this fast or she was going to end up with nothing that fit her in a week or so at that rate.

Seeing a number that high fuelled the fire in her to try harder. She knew a large part of her negative mood had been due to not visiting Chloe yet, well that was going to change tomorrow. She was going to get up in the morning, get dressed, and get the bus down to the main promenade and visit the Two Whales diner. Whether Chloe was there or not she needed to make the effort and face the music before she could ever think of dealing with her self-image.

So, with that decided Max shoved her scale aside and climbed into bed trying to calm the butterflies that had reared their wings again. She tossed and turned for a little bit, flipping her pillow to the cool side and pulling the covers over her head, but she couldn't calm her racing mind and heart. Maybe just tonight she would have one last mid-night snack and tomorrow she could begin her dieting attempt in earnest with a fresh mindset.