3

The Secret Life of Uncle Gard

Samantha once believed that her Uncle Gard was a secret spy because he's so handsome and brave. Everyone she knew, Grandmary, Jessie, Mrs. Hawkins, and even Cornelia told her that she was being foolish for having such a thought. Little did she know, she was exactly right about her Uncle's pastimes. He was indeed a secret spy whose cover story was that he was a lawyer. It's the reason he used to travel so much, why he was constantly going on short business trips now, and even why he married Cornelia. He had them all fooled, nobody except Cornelia knew the truth about his career. He hadn't wanted to tell her, but he really had no choice in the matter.

"Samantha, Nellie, dears," Cornelia called as she stood by the door tying on her scarf and buttoning up her coat. "Your Uncle Gard and I are going out for a while; we probably won't be back until after midnight. Please be good for Gertrude, finish your homework, and don't stay up too late."

"Yes, Aunt Cornelia." Samantha paused briefly in talking to Nellie to address her aunt. They were sitting on the floor playing dolls with Bridget and Jenny. She wanted to ask where they were going, but this was such regular occurrence that it didn't seem like a big deal anymore. Although Samantha still burned with curiosity about what they were up to, now that she had Nellie to occupy her time she no longer cared about finding out.

As soon as they were out the door, Cornelia said, "Really Gardner, you know I never wanted to be a mother. That wasn't part of our deal."

Gard groaned. "Do we have to go over this again? Adopting the O'Malley girls was the only way to keep Sam out of our hair, and the only way to arrest drug dealing Mike whom I've been trying to catch for years."

"If you hadn't insisted that Samantha live with us then we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"I felt bad for mother, Sam looks too much like Lydia-"

"Was that truly an accident?"

Gard didn't speak for a long moment. Then he finally said, "Yes. Mr. Parkington was my worst enemy, I only meant to do away with him but-"

"Ah, I see. You're trying to make it up to mommy dearest."

Gard nodded. "I do feel bad about that, but what she doesn't know won't hurt her."

"I wish the old bat would just hurry up and die already so we can get her money," Cornelia grumbled.

"Well if she died then we'd still be stuck with Sam, now wouldn't we?"

"I suppose you're right."

A fancy couple walked past along with a chimney sweep and a few dirty immigrants. Gard jumped and ducked into the nearest dark alley. He pressed himself against the wall in the shadows and darted his head back and forth to make sure no one else was watching.

"Would you stop that?" Cornelia demanded. "You're just going to draw attention to us."

"Shhh," Gard said putting one finger over his lips as a signal for silence. "A spy must always-"

Cornelia sighed. "I don't need to hear your mantra again. We're only stealing an automobile and busting some suffragists out of jail tonight, it's not like we're-"

"I said quiet! Don't tell the whole world our mission."

Cornelia rolled her eyes. Gard sighed as he slunk out of the alley. Cornelia wasn't as fun as she used to be back when they were courting and she was way too much work as a wife. He didn't want to be stuck in New York most of the time. He wanted to go back to Russia and get revenge, but he was too afraid that Cornelia would take all his money and run or fake his death or something in his absence. Gard never wanted a wife or children, but Ma and the rest of polite society were getting suspicious. Plus, his spy agency insisted that partnering with a gal like Cornelia could only help his career. Gard was trying to make the best of a bad situation by being the best uncle that he could to those girls and most of the time that meant putting up with Cornelia.

They stopped walking outside the city jail. To keep up appearances, he kissed her on the cheek. He whispered, "You sure you'll be alright while I get the stuff from the agency?"

"Aw, you do care about me."

Gard's face reddened. "I meant; you're not going to screw up the-"

Cornelia laughed. "Of course I'll be fine! We've only done this a million times." The twinkle in her eye told Gard that his boss was right, a girl like Cornelia was the perfect partner.

"Yes, well." Gard coughed nervously and then quickly disappeared into the shadows. He walked two blocks over and taking a crowbar out of his brief case pried open the nearest manhole cover. He jumped down into the sewer tunnel and walked straight until he got to a steel door with a peep hole to his left. He did the special knock as glowing green eyes peered out at him. A hoarse, scratchy voice whispered, "What's the password?"

Gard cleared his throat and said in a Russian accent, "Is mother home?"

The door creaked open. Gard walked forward in total darkness and waited until the door clanged shut behind him. Then he pulled a sting above him and a single lightbulb flickered on. The room was bathed in a soft yellow light. It looked nothing like the damp sewer surrounding it for plush Persian carpets blanketed the floor and plushy armchairs sat beside a roaring fire. The walls were lined with old timey books, or rather hallowed out books and levers that led to secret rooms. Expecting to be alone, Gard's heart nearly stopped in shock when he saw an older gentleman sitting in one of the armchairs. The man was holding up a newspaper so Gard couldn't see his face, but he could see wispy white hair poking above the edge of the paper. "Long time no see, my boy," said the gentleman.

Gard frowned for the voice was familiar though he couldn't place it. "Do I know you?"

"I would hope so." The man put down the newspaper.

Gard gasped. "Admiral? What are you doing here? Does mother-"

The Admiral shook his head. "Mary has no idea and I'd like to keep her innocent in all this if we can."

"Still the question remains," said Gard. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you, my boy."

"You're not a secret agent spy too, are you?"

The Admiral hooted. "I didn't get banished from England for nothing. Now, do you want to know what your next assignment is or not?"

Uncle Gard stroked his moustache with two fingers and leaned close. "I'm listening."