Ford's worst nightmare had come true.

Weirdmageddon had been unleashed on the world, and all his efforts hadn't been enough to stop it from happening.

His only hope now was to somehow, perhaps, use the quantum destabilizer to send Bill back through the rift from whence he had come.

He'd been preparing for something like this for over half his lifespan: either to defeat Bill, or die trying. And now, with the sky turned red and a swarm of giggling fiends converging on Gravity Falls, it looked like all that training and preparation were finally going to pay off.

Ford's heart trembled at the thought, but thanks to years of training and practice, his hands stayed steady as they lifted the gun, raised it against his shoulder.

"We're only gonna have one chance to take this shot," he told Dipper, and hoped that didn't sound too discouraging. One eye slowly closed, as he used the other to look through the crosshair. He had Bill dead in his sights, gloating to the terrified crowd of people about how he and his "friends" were about to unleash chaos on the world.

"Steady...steady...and-"

"Hey boss!"


Bill twisted around to the side at the call, ruining the shot.

Ford barely managed to stop himself from squeezing the trigger; he suppressed a curse of frustration.

One of the triangle's minions, a blue-green figure with a big keyhole in the center of his forehead, was floating up from the forest and practically running on air in his excitement. Something small and dark was clenched in one of his fists; something that was squirming and struggling.

"Look what I caught!" the minion yelled as he reached Bill's side. He lifted his fist-

-and Ford's blood ran cold.

"It's your old buddy Stanford! I caught him running around in the woods!"

"Lemme go, ya big blue freak!" the person clasped in his fist yelled, squirming even more fervently and (it was hard to tell from this distance, but knowing who it was Ford wouldn't be surprised) actually trying to bite the demon hand.

Bill stared at his minion for a long moment. Then, putting a fist on his hip, he asked in a slow voice, "Keyhole, do you remember how ta count?"

Keyhole (that was seriously his name?) blinked. "Uh…"

"How many fingers does Stanford Pines have? Think carefully."

"...I'm getting the feeling I did something wrong here-"

"SIX, you idiot! Stanford Pines has SIX fingers! This guy that you caught has FIVE!" Bill waved his hand, and Stanley, surrounded by a sudden angry red light, was lifted into the air and his arms spread wide. "This is the OTHER Pines twin!"

Ford knew he should shoot now, while Bill's attention was fully occupied. It was the perfect time, right?

Except...Stan was so close to him, and so high off the ground, and there was a chance that the blast might hit him no matter how careful Ford was-

Reluctantly he lowered the gun.

He turned towards Dipper while his mind raced to come up with a new plan-

-except that Dipper was gone.


Ford whipped his head around frantically; at last he peered through the trapdoor they'd used to reach the top of the bell tower, just in time to see his nephew's hat moving rapidly down the stairs.

"Dipper!"

Ford dropped the gun without a second thought and half-jumped, half-sprinted after him.

He caught up to the boy just as he reached the door of the tower, and grabbed him by the shoulder, dragging him back.

"Let go!" Dipper twisted in his grasp. "We gotta go save Grunkle Stan!"

"We can't do anything for him right now! We have to focus on-"

Dipper froze, before he suddenly wrenched himself free, and rounded on him, eyes blazing.

"What is WRONG with you?!"

Ford started to open his mouth in protest, but he wasn't finished.

"Bill might be about to kill him, don't you care about that?! He might've already killed Mabel-!"

He bit his lip, and squeezed his eyes shut, clearly fighting back tears by the skin of his teeth. Then, before Ford could stop him, he threw himself at the door and darted outside.

"No! Dipper, wait-!"

Once again, Ford chased after his nephew-in time to see Bill and his group of degenerates driving away in an unbelievably tacky flying car towards a giant pyramid that was now floating in the sky, while giant eyeballs with bat wings and brightly colored bubbles began swarming the streets.

There was no sign of Stanley, meaning it was more than likely that he'd been taken with them.

That is, if Bill hadn't decided to just-

Ford's stomach plummeted.


"No, no no no nononononono-!" Dipper gripped his hair in both hands and tried not to hyperventilate. But after only a moment he drew himself up, and despite how scared and upset he clearly still was, he took a few deep breaths, and turned to glare at Ford.

"I'm gonna go find Mabel," he said in a cold voice that sounded far older than his years. "And then we're gonna rescue Grunkle Stan. With or without your help."

Ford felt himself hit by several different emotions at once: he was impressed at how quickly his nephew had pulled himself together in the middle of this crisis, astonished that he could be so confident in his ability to do so many seemingly-impossible things, indignant at the unspoken accusation being leveled against him-but also a little sick at the thought of what could be happening to his family at this very moment.

He swallowed down his conflicting feelings, and finally said in a soft voice, "Of course I'll help."

Dipper's chin bobbed up and down in a tiny nod. "Good."

"For the moment, though, we need to go back inside." Ford grabbed Dipper again, and pulled him into the safety of the tower just in time to avoid their being seen by one of the eye-bats.