A Captain's Apology

As always, I don't own anything belonging to the show. I am just playing. I will return them in good working condition when I am done.

This is set the morning after Johnny gets run over in the Nuisance.

Sleep alluded the remaining members of A shift after Johnny's accident. The engine crew was alone in the station, even though both trucks were home. Roy was understandably staying at Rampart. Finally, after a worry filled few hours, B shift showed up and relieved the men.

Chet and Marco headed to Marco's mom's house. In a rare move, Mike went with them. The invite had been extended to Hank, who declined, at least for now. The shaken captain had somewhere he needed to be.

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A know the size of a golf ball filled Hank's throat as he saw Johnny's rover in the parking lot. At this point, the shaken man could only hope for the day the younger man returned to work. With Roy's bag in hand, Hank climbed in his car and headed for Rampart.

Roy's last report was more encouraging then his first. Yet, Hank needed to see his youngest crew member for himself. Almost on reflex, the captain's focus was razor sharp as he drove the familiar route between the station and the hospital.

Thankfully, the early hour meant the main parking lot was relatively clear. Hank grabbed Roy's bag, took a deep breath, and headed for the imposing building. This wasn't the first time he had visited a co-worker in the hospital, but it never got easier. Johnny's current condition added stress to this particular walk.

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Hank made is way through the quiet hospital. Doctor Joe Early met him as the duo waited for the elevator. The seasoned doctor was not at all surprised to see the worried man. "Hi Hank."

Hank's voice was quieter than usual. "Hi Doctor Early, I hope it's okay that I'm here this early. I just couldn't go home without seeing him for myself."

Joe laid an understanding hand on the taller man's shoulder. "Normally, you would be way to early, Hank. However, I was actually expecting you about now. I knew you'd want to see him."

Hank let out a tight breath. "Thanks, Doc."

"You're welcome."

"How…how is he?" Hank couldn't keep the nerves out of his voice.

"Stable. The last I checked he is sleeping, but we took the sedation away a few hours ago. We also gave him some anti-nausea medicine. He is responding better, but is understandably upset. Roy has been a godsend when it comes to keeping him calm."

Hank let out the deep breath that he didn't realize he was holding. "Thank God and thank you."

Joe smiled tightly. "You're welcome, Hank. I'll be honest he took a few years off my life with this one."

Hank turned and looked Joe in the eye as the elevator arrived on Johnny's floor. "Mine too, Joe."

The duo walked toward Johnny's room. Joe quietly opened the door.

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Roy nearly jumped out of his skin when they walked into the room. The senior medic's voice was low. "Good morning Joe, Cap."

Hank's breath caught in his throat at the sight of both of his men. He looked at Roy. "You're a sight for sore eyes, Roy. How is he?"

"Getting better slowly, but he is quite restless."

Joe spoke up in a low voice." Let me take a look at him."

Hank looked at both men before he addressed Joe "We'll be outside. Just let us know when you are done."

"Okay."

Roy knew not to argue with Hank. He nodded and let his captain lead him out of the room.

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Joe went to work on Johnny. He knew the two men needed time.

Hank set the gym bag on the floor and bear hugged his senior medic. It was a motion that the tired man gladly reciprocated. Although Roy was not one to show his emotions often, he needed the hug as much as Hank needed to give it. The captain's voice was thick. "Sorry, I wasn't here, Roy."

Roy was stunned. "It's okay, Cap. I knew you guys had to get home."

"I brought your clothes."

"Thank you."

Hank pulled back slightly and looked Roy in the eye. "How are you really doing?"

Roy let out a long breath before he replied. "Scared shitless, tired, angry. I did eat, but it wasn't much." Roy dropped his head in anger and frustration. "Damnit, Cap! He's my partner, my brother, my best friend. I was there and I couldn't do anything, but watch."

Hank rubbed Roy's back as he let the man rant. When he was done, he spoke. "That's the thing, Roy. You DID a lot for him. If it wasn't for your skill, he wouldn't be here right now." Hank took a breath. "I know this isn't easy, but you saved his life."

Roy was quiet as Hank's words sank in. Then he slowly lifted his head. "Thanks, Cap. I needed that."

"I meant it."

"I know."

"Listen,, I know you didn't sleep last night. Let me sit with him for a while. Go change, get some coffee, and stretch your legs. Later on, when you're ready I'll take you back to the station to get your car."

Roy nodded. He knew Hank was right. He needed to take care of himself. "Okay, Cap and thanks."

"You're welcome."

Hank picked up the gym bag and handed it over. Roy took one last look at the room and left.

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A few minutes later, Joe walked out of the room. "Where did Roy go?"

"I sent him to change and get some coffee."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. How is he?"

"All things considered, okay. You can go in and sit with him if you want."

"Thanks."

"Call me if you need anything."

"Will do."

The duo split.

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Hank took one more deep breath and walked back into Johnny's room.

Johnny was sleeping. An IV board was over his eyes as he had his hand flung in its normal position. Hank sat down and put his hand on the bed. He wanted to take Johnny's hand, but did not want to wake the sleeping man.

The shaken captain bowed his head as the scene from hours earlier replayed in his mind like a slow-motion horror movie. He shuddered reflexively as the sounds rang through his head.

As the scenes stopped, the stoic man found a sliver of his voice. His eyes were down, but he turned his head enough so Johnny could hear him. "Come on John, fight! I need my family back together. Please fight and fight hard!"

Silent, needed, hot tears ran down Hank's cheek. His voice cracked as he spoke again. "I am so sorry, pal. I am so incredibly sorry that I couldn't scream fast enough. It all happened so fast. By the time I found my voice, you were in the air. Please, I hope you can forgive me. I am so incredibly sorry."

Hank's voice faded as he slowly opened his eyes and wiped them.

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Unbeknownst to Cap, Johnny had woken up in the middle of the apology. He stayed quiet as he knew Hank needed to get this off his chest. Once the man went silent, the room remained quiet for a few minutes.

It was only then that Johnny slowly reached over and gripped Hank's hand. The squeeze he gave surprised his captain. Slowly, the two men's eyes met. Hank's voice was still rocky when he spoke. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

Johnny squeezed the shaken man's hand harder. His voice was dry because of the oxygen. "It's okay, Cap. My internal alarm clock went off. Your voice just brought me around faster."

"H…how much did you hear?" Hank was slightly embarrassed.

"All of it."

"Oh." Hank started mentally kicking himself.

Johnny slowly reached over and hugged his dear friend. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Cap. Shit happens in our line of work. You did everything you could for me. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for."

Johnny took a breath before he continued, "I accept your apology, but with one condition."

"Yes?" Hank's eyebrows were raised.

"Don't let this eat at you. Keep the guys safe and Roy sane until I get back. I promise I don't blame anybody except the driver."

Hank smiled as he relaxed. "Now that I can do."

"Good. Where's Roy?"

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Roy's voice floated in as he walked in the room. "Cap sent me to change and get some coffee."

"Kay."

Roy and Hank spent another hour with Johnny. Then the younger man, who was half asleep, knew he had to take charge. "Pally, Cap, I say this with all the love and respect in the world. Go Home! Yes, I miss you guys, but you need to take care of you."

Roy and Hank smiled as a loud yawn escaped both of them. Johnny was right. Hank spoke, "Behave. I'll check on you later." He stood and shook hands with the injured man.

"Will do, Cap."

Hank left to give his paramedics a minute.

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Johnny reached over and carefully hugged his best friend. "Pally, I'll never be able to thank you enough for saving my life."

Roy's voice was muffled as he had leaned into the hug. "I had to. You're my brother."

"You kept me calm last night, but I know it took a toll on you. Go home. Kiss the kids and Joe. Get some sleep. I promise you if I need anything, I will call you."

The duo went quiet for a minute before they let go of each other. Roy spoke as he stood up. "I will Junior. I'll be back later tonight."

"Looking forward to it."

Roy took one last look at Johnny before he left the room.

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Hank greeted him in the hall. The two tired firemen headed for the elevator. Neither of them was awake enough to do the stairs. Although they were physically and emotionally drained, both were relieved. They knew eventually Johnny would be back.

As they left the hospital, both men started a mental countdown to the day that A shift would be whole again.