p class="Standard"span lang="EN-GB" style="mso-ansi-language: EN-GB;"Alec looked at his phone for the fifth time since the beginning of his meeting. /spanSaying that he wasn't interested was saying the least./p
p class="Standard"No messages./p
p class="Standard"He looked up, trying to focus on the young and perfectly carved face in front of him. The girl looked barely seventeen but had lived through six centuries. Her jet black hair flowed along her back as if constantly waving in a summer breeze, her electric purple eyes lighting up with every word she said. She was trying to contain her anger so hard that her fists had now turned red under the pressure./p
p class="Standard"Yet, Alec wasn't paying attention. He was thinking of Magnus. It was the first time his husband had left him alone with the children in Alicante to visit a friend in need in London. Alec had proposed to accompany him and leave their offsprings to Alec's mother in New York but Magnus had insisted that he had to do it alone and that he wouldn't come back for a few days, having to focus his attention on this friend in need./p
p class="Standard"Alec had caught that there was something Magnus didn't want to admit. Why wouldn't he say who that friend was or what kind of danger his friend was risking unless Magnus believed Alec wouldn't be happy about this trip and veto his decision ?/p
p class="Standard"Alec grew restless, fidgeting on his chair to find a more comfortable position, his legs tensing still a little more. Magnus had left six hours before and still he hadn't even sent a message to say that he had arrived. Nothing./p
p class="Standard"Who was that friend ?/p
p class="Standard"Was there really a friend in need somewhere ? Alec had been so completely absorbed by peace treaties and council meetings in the past few months that the only times they had been together, their children had been with them. Maybe he had let work take over too much of his time and Magnus had felt neglected./p
p class="Standard"Alec instinctively pressed on his phone and the screen lit up. 2.45pm. He needed to call him. Just to check that everything was alright. Or maybe a text, just a text to touch base. It would be less intrusive./p
p class="Standard"He slid his phone closer to him, intending to type under the table a quick message but the girl's eyes took an even darker shade, her rage flaring out, her hair lifting more menacingly behind her./p
p class="Standard"Alec quickly moved his finger away from his device and put them on his lap with contrite eyes. That wasn't the right moment. He had to attend to this warlock's issues first. He knew already what could be done to help her but he had to first let her finished her exposé and wait for the others to propose their own idea./p
p class="Standard"He had gotten used to listening to others and weighing if his ideas were the best in a group, feeling that his instincts, though still sharp and quite on point, sometimes lacked the openness others could have. It helped to have others agree and disagree with his own plans. Not because he could realise they weren't as good as he had first imagined but more because he could complete his schemes with a larger panels of potential issues already taken into consideration beforehand. That was, according to him the reason why he had become one of the most competent inquisitors for the Clave./p
p class="Standard"When he was focused, he was./p
p class="Standard"The girl finally stopped talking, taking a seat opposite him with the elegance of a queen, her hair resting on her shoulders like tiny snakes waiting to understand where the conversation would now go./p
p class="Standard"Alec breathed out slowly. Now would be the best time to anounce a break and call Magnus but he had to deal with this matter as fast as he could./p
p class="Standard" Thank you, Merin, for your recount of what happened to you and your friends. /p
p class="Standard" Followers, she corrected immediately./p
p class="Standard" Followers... Alec repeated with embarrassment. I'm sure that everyone here agrees that this predicament isn't an easy issue that shadowhunters should overlook. As you know, we have changedspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spandirection in our views of the downworlders in the last few years and now, you and your... followers are entitled to the same rights and the same duties as anyone of us here. We will therefore make a point to see to the matter. Erik, Melchiora, Delvin, any ideas how to solve this ? /p
p class="Standard" I think that we need to send a group of shadowhunters to defend the zone and scare off anyone who dares contradict the Clave's orders, Erik proposed, arms crossed against his chest./p
p class="Standard" I disagree with you, Melchiora cut drily. We won't get anyone on our side if we only use strength ! /p
p class="Standard" Delvin ? Alec called hesitantly./p
p class="Standard" Why not both ? /p
p class="Standard"Alec had heard enough of that. He hadn't been the most focused but he had understood where the problem lied and knew what was best to do./p
p class="Standard" Thank you for your input. I have, however, a slightly different option that I would like to submit... I agree that sending troups wouldn't help the problem but I believe there is another way. What if you were, you and your followers, to organise an event where everyone would be welcomed ? I and other members of the Clave would join in. We would provide some security around the event with our presence, of course, but the idea would be to show that we, the Clave, value your being here in our community and therefore validate your presence as an equal to all of us. Anyone part of the downworlders or the shadowhunters would have to see that we would protect you if the matter was getting more serious. I am certain no one would defy us knowing what it would cost them. /p
p class="Standard" Mister Inquisitor, the girl answered with a solemn glance around the table. Thank you for your offer. I do believe it would be the best option at present. But I hope that if there were to be a greater issue, you and your peers would step in and help us defend our rights. /p
p class="Standard" We would and we will if it comes to that. /p
p class="Standard"Alec nodded at the end of his statement to give it more weight. He already knew that she believed him and that was enough for him./p
p class="Standard" Well, thank you all. We will wait for your invitation and will make sure we can attend it. Meeting ajourned. /p
p class="Standard"The three unuseful subordinates stood up and left the room as quickly as they could, too glad to be free at last./p
p class="Standard"Alec waited at the table for the right moment to grab his phone and make the quick phone call without being rude to his visitor. The girl stood by her chair, her fingers seemingly floating like her hair. Her eyes narrowed into two slits for a brief moment but when they opened they were suddenly mud-brown, making her face almost perfectly human-like. She walked to him in slow-motion and put her hand on his arm./p
p class="Standard" Thank you for your help, Inquisitor. /p
p class="Standard" I am here for that. /p
p class="Standard" Well your mind was occupied elsewhere but you, at least, heard me clearer and with more interest than anyone else at this table today. /p
p class="Standard" I'm sorry for that. I... /p
p class="Standard" You do not need to explain your heart, Inquisitor, Magnus Bane is a man that many have loved to distraction. He will call you when he can. Never doubt it. /p
p class="Standard" How do you... ? /p
p class="Standard" My powers go beyond the simple warlock charm. I can read any mind at any time but I choose carefully who to tell this secret to. /p
p class="Standard" Then I thank you for your trust in me ! Alec smiled, clearly flattered./p
p class="Standard" Don't believe it is out of trust. It is out of debt. I am indebted to you, Inquisitor, and I always honor my debts. /p
p class="Standard" There is no debt. The Clave will be doing their duty to protect any downworlder on this planet. /p
p class="Standard" Believe me, the Clave is not as rightful as you are and my debt is really to you, not to anyone else. /p
p class="Standard" Then I thank you, Merin. /p
p class="Standard"Alec felt a wave of reassurance invading him. If this warlock believed Magnus would call him as soon as he could then he had to believe her. At least for now. And now that he was almost free from all the other engagements planned today, he could therefore go home and pick up his three children./p
p class="Standard"He was already considering the training he could do with them when his phone rang less than half an hour later. He picked it up immediately, feeling a wave of relief when he heard that soft voice saying his name./p
p class="Standard" Alec, darling, sorry it took me so long to call you. I've had a very busy day so far... /p
p class="Standard" So glad to hear you are safe. /p
p class="Standard" Safe ? Would you imagine me jailed and tortured in a strange land ? /p
p class="Standard"Alec could hear his husband smile and this made him smile too. He felt a little closer to style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="Standard" So you are in London ? /p
p class="Standard" Well... not exactly actually... I will explain later. I haven't got a lot of time at hand. I just called to let you know that I probably won't have time to call you for the next few days. Hopefully it will only be for another day or two. /p
p class="Standard" You are coming back to us, right ? Alec asked, feeling suddenly panicked./p
p class="Standard" Of course I will ! Magnus exclaimed in surprise. Pup ! You are my husband and my family ! I just need to help this friend ! /p
p class="Standard" Okay... Please call me whenever you can... And come home as soon as possible... /p
p class="Standard" Kiss our babes for me ! /p
p class="Standard" I love you. /p
p class="Standard" I love you too. /p
p class="Standard"And then he was gone again./p
p class="Standard"Having him on the phone normally put him in better spirits and more able to focus on his day but this time, unfortunately, it had the opposite effect. He felt as if the world was about to fall on him and that he would have to survive this by himself./p
p class="Standard"The thought of being without him was terrifying. In all their conversations, it had been understood that he would be the one leaving and that Magnus will look after their children, grandchildren and any other generations he would come to see. He had to be there for as long as he lived. Alec wouldn't be able to survive if Magnus died before him./p
p class="Standard"On his way home, he called Izzy. She was the only one he could think of who would have some comforting words for him. They still phoned each other about once a week but it wasn't the same as before. Now that Simon and her were married and were trying to get a family of their own, they hadspan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanless time to talk. Yet, she was still the first one he wanted to chat with when he needed some advice./p
p class="Standard" Hey brother ! she exclaimed with excitement. How are you ? /p
p class="Standard" I'm okay. You ? /p
p class="Standard" Oh ! What's going on ? she asked sensing the catch in his voice./p
p class="Standard"Alec didn't even try to make conversation first, just plainly explaining what was on his mind. Izzy listened without a word and after a pause that seemed like a year, she finally decided to tell him what she was thinking./p
p class="Standard" We both know Magnus. He loves you more than anyone. He even married you ! He never committed to any relationship as much as he committed to you two. You have three beautiful children and a great life. He wouldn't risk it ! /p
p class="Standard" He used to party all the time and to have fun at any time of the day or night before me. Now all he has is a husband working all the time and three kids needing him constantly. Did he really sign up for this ? /p
p class="Standard" Yes, he did ! You told me yourself when you got Max how he had always considered the young warlocks as his children but he never thought he could be a real father like anyone else, not before both wanted those children. He never left his night life for you. He just decided to focus on a different aspect of his life. He doesn't regret it, I'm sure ! /p
p class="Standard" He said he won't be in touch with me for a few days and doesn't know how long it would take... /p
p class="Standard" Separation will be hard but it's not insurmontable... You just need to find something to calm you down when you start doubting your relationship too much. /p
p class="Standard" Like what ? /p
p class="Standard" I don't know ! Fighting practice, killing demons, writing letters to Magnus, crying yourself to sleep, hugging your kids for hours, singing your problems away... shooting practice ? /p
p class="Standard" So violent or cheesy behaviour ? Those are your options ? /p
p class="Standard" Find your own way to deal with this. You know what you need ! /p
p class="Standard" I need my husband to be with me. /p
p class="Standard" Well this is not possible right now. You'll have to accept it and find your own way./p
p class="Standard"Alec nodded. He knew she was right but didn't know what he could do about it./p
p class="Standard"Soon, with his three children running around him, he slowly relaxed and enjoyed their loud voices screaming and skealing in delight for a few hours before getting the usual parent headache./p
p class="Standard"Each one of them was so different and somehow made his life so much richer. He had an unbreakable bond with Max and Eden in their own way. Max felt the need to hop on his lap whenever possible, even ready to sleep on his father if he was left the choice. Eden, instead, was quite independent but had such a thirst for justice and rightfulness that she seemed more of his blood than anyone else from his own family. Whenever Alec talked about his work and affairs that had led to a war in the past, she had that impartial look on people that reminded him of his past self. Rafael was less interested in Alec. He loved him, of course, but he didn't rely on his affection like the other two did. Maybe it was his mistrust for shadowhunters that taught him detachment or perhaps was it linked to Magnus. After all, Magnus was the parent he had adopted immediately, feeling the need to share his life with him from the start. He trusted Magnus with anything and let the other three on the sideline./p
p class="Standard"As long as they were up, Alec felt strong enough not to constantly think about Magnus but once the three little monsters went to bed, the shadowhunter suddenly felt the weight of his husband's absence. Sitting on the couch, legs crossed with a file open on his lap, he started thinking about all the times Magnus had appeared by his side with a Martini in his hand and had patiently busied himself until Alec was ready to give him attention./p
p class="Standard"His throat closed as if thirsty. It wasn't a Martini that he needed though./p
p class="Standard"He looked at his phone. It was tempting to call him. He probably wouldn't answer but it would have been such a relief if he would. Just to hear his voice one more time./p
p class="Standard"No./p
p class="Standard"He couldn't./p
p class="Standard"He closed the file, unable to focus on anything and rubbed the bridge of his nose with his index and thumb, feeling tears rising in his eyes. He wasn't allowed to pity himself. It wasn't the same as the time he almost died because he used magic that wasn't his. It wasn't like the time he almost died because of the virus either. It was different. He was just gone to help others. Alec could understand this better than anyone else – he was build from the same material. And yet, he hurt him more than if Magnus had left him for good./p
p class="Standard"He closed his eyes, head leaning backward and thought of all the emotions he felt at the same time. There was this emptiness in him that Magnus had filled in the past few years that no one else had seen or known of. Alec had never even talked about it. Being happy had been his only priority and so many battles had led them astray that every moment of joy he could gather had been spent with the love of his life at his side but never sharing how much of this love he awed him. Saying it could have maybe spoiled it./p
p class="Standard"His thoughts drifted to his sister's phone call that afternoon and what she had considered to be a therapeutic support while Magnus was away. He didn't have much interest in punching something right then and it would be too loud anyway so maybe the cheesy option was his way to go./p
p class="Standard"No shooting, no killing, no fighting practice./p
p class="Standard"Remained the letter writing, the crying or the singing./p
p class="Standard"He wasn't the singing type./p
p class="Standard"Crying looked like an alternative at that moment but he wasn't likely to sleep just yet. Writing a letter was the last resort./p
p class="Standard"He smiled./p
p class="Standard"He had never written a letter in his life. He was born long after most people had given up those foolish ways of communicating. They used texting, phone calls and missives to get information to others. The only thing he kept on writing were reports and forms, typing them on his tablet or laptop whenever necessary./p
p class="Standard"Writing a letter was a first. Writing a love letter was the strangest concept he could think of. What was he supposed to put in it ? Repeated loving words ? Talking about his day and what he would normally tell him in the evening ? Perhaps he could tell him things he had never really said because there was no time for it ?/p
p class="Standard"He sighed. He never talked about these things. How could he even write them ? Where could he start ?/p
p class="Standard"He got to his feet and poured himself a glass of Martini then walked to the dinner table. He put the untouched glass on the transparent surface and decided to get some paper and a fountain pen from Magnus's office. He knew he kept the perfect correspondence paper in one of the drawers, something a little grainy under the touch with a nice golden frame running around it. He opened the drawer and found exactly what he was looking for, a smile spreading on his face. He came back with it less than a minute after and finally sat down at one end of the table./p
p class="Standard"He was ready./p
p class="Standard"He swallowed a large gulp of the drink, feeling the soothing liquid slowly burning his throat down to his stomach./p
p class="Standard"If he had to start somewhere, he had to start with the very beginning./p
p class="Standard" Dear Magnus,span style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="Standard"I miss you so much. I know how stupid it can sound. You've only been gone for a few hours and I already feel sick of it. You'd probably laughed at my face if you were here with that insolent smile of yours. /p
p class="Standard"He smiled. God ! That smile... The first time they spoke. Yes, that was a good place to start./p
p class="Standard" Do you remember our first conversation ? I had followed you in your flat and found you fighting with one of Valentine's followers. You were just some warlock then – one I had to protect until you became a liability to us. But when you turned around and looked at me with that smile on your face as if you could read my every thought, my whole body seemed to wake up. I had met men who would excite my curiosity but never knew a warlock could. Not in that way. The way you looked at me, the way you spoke, I could barely register a single word of what you said. I felt trapped and ridiculous. You knew it then how much confused you made me.../p
p class="Standard"Worse still was when your hand locked in mine for the ritual. I could feel the tension of the pentagram but more than anything else my body connected to yours in a single moment. Your skin impressed on mine and I could feel the lesser side in Jace. I trully believed that I loved him more than I could have ever loved anyone at the time but the power of our touch was ten times more powerful. When my memory of Jace was released, I felt shame for it but more than this, there was the confusion you had sparked in me. How could I trully love Jace when I could feel so much more with you in one single touch?/p
p class="Standard"For days after that, I thought about you and how you made me feel. You never felt shame or restraint. You talked about your past lovers as if this was just a game for you. And I feared you could sense the attraction I felt and only wanted to toy with me. You offered to meet for drinks and I was terrified by the idea but at the same time, I wanted it so badly. I refused it the first time because work was calling me but every single free moment I had after that conversation, I wanted to call you to propose it again. How many times have I looked at my phone and considered ringing you after that ? You were constantly in my thoughts and it scared me./p
p class="Standard"Then came that time when Jace ordered me to help you with Luke. My whole body was shaking at the thought of seeing you again. I knew Jace could feel it too and it made me even more tense. If I had been the only one to know how you made me feel, I would have born it but the fact that my parabatai could sense every change in my moods and know what it meant... /p
p class="Standard"Alec stopped writing. Feelings were clearer for him now than when he had felt them. At the time, it was all muddled like breathing under water without knowing what was happening at the surface. He could recall the overpowering sensation of feeling trapped whatever was to happen next, his heart beating fast in his chest, out of breath just thinking of seeing him again. Yet, every second he was away from him he doubted having felt anything at all. It was all building in his mind like a maze where firm certainties faded into half-truths and needed diversions. He had even considered that Magnus was working a spell on him to make him feel love where there was none. A powerful warlock was willing to do anything for their own amusement. Why wouldn't he ?/p
p class="Standard"Alec could feel sleep coming. He took the fountain pen and the piece of paper he had covered with his own handwriting and put them in his tablet's bag. That way, he was certain no one else would read it./p
p class="Standard"He then turned off all the lights in their flat and dragged himself to bed, hugging Magnus's pillow against his face until he fell asleep./p
p class="Standard"The next thing he felt was something hitting his face hard. So used to the harsh way his children had of waking him up, he didn't even shout, only grabbing whatever had landed on his jaw and dragging it down to his side./p
p class="Standard"He recognised Eden's leg at the touch, trying to make out where the rest of her body hung. She was upside down across his chest, her tiny frame and golden locks grazing his shoulder as he pulled her down to her side. The following minute, another body had hopped to his right and Max buried his chin his father's neck./p
p class="Standard"Alec opened his eyes lazily, not quite certain what time it could be. The two little wrestlers were still quite fixed against him, hugging him hard all the while trying to push each other off the bed./p
p class="Standard"Rafael stood by the door, already dressed and quite ready to go. His eyes, though, lingered on the scene with an expression of sadness in them. He missed Magnus and felt left out./p
p class="Standard" Come here ! Alec growled at him as he extricated his arm from his daughter's embrace./p
p class="Standard" No, that's alright. We're going to be late anyway... /p
p class="Standard"Alec looked at his watch and frowned. His alarm clock hadn't even rung and they had a good hour before they had to leave. His son was still playing distant. It was the right time for him to stop. After all, they probably wouldn't found themselves separated from Magnus ever again./p
p class="Standard"The shadowhunter seized his daughter and kissed the mass of hair at the top of her head as he hauled her to her brother, pushing the two bodies as far as he could from his own. He managed to drag himself out of the bed, still feeling drowzy and tired, but he was conscious enough to sense the pillow that came flying in his direction, already diverting it from its target. These children were way too awake for such an early hour./p
p class="Standard"He showered in peace, only hearing the raging fight that was happening in his bed from a distance. He was used to having to split them up when things got too heated between them but he was a firm believer in trusting the children to know their limits. When he was their age, Isabelle and him got themselves in as much trouble as they had time for, always being caught messing around or leading some kind of rebellion against one of their training officers./p
p class="Standard"Once he was finished, he sent Max and Eden to get dressed, giving them only five minutes to get to the kitchen for their breakfast. He found Rafael chewing silently on his cereals when he entered the room a little later, his head down and eyes shadowed. Alec passed behind him and grasped his shoulder with one arm, pulling him closer to him and kissing his head. The child let him do it begrudgingly, not daring to lift his head and meet his gaze./p
p class="Standard" I miss him too. But I'm here... Maybe we should do something together for once. /p
p class="Standard" Max and Eden will love that... Rafael muttered quickly./p
p class="Standard" Well, I was thinking just us two... We already train a lot together... /p
p class="Standard"Rafael didn't move but his eyes seemed to panic for a split second before he regained his gloomy appearance and sulking face./p
p class="Standard" Like what ? /p
p class="Standard" I don't know... Anything you would like to do... /p
p class="Standard"Rafael seemed to consider it for a moment and Alec, filling a mug of coffee, gave him time to style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanThe other two joined them moments later, not leaving much time for a conversation, their loud voices calling out for attention./p
p class="Standard" Rafael, think about it and tell me what you've decided. Max, Eden, eggs or cereals ? /p
p class="Standard" /p
p class="Standard"His day felt heavier than it normally did. There was a succession of meetings and interruptions from his main work that slowed down his normal routine. And yet, the thought of the letter still tucked in his tablet bag caught his attention repeatedly. He wanted to take it out and read it again. He probably had ridiculed himself but it felt like an open conversation he hadn't yet finished. He needed to get it on paper as soon as possible./p
p class="Standard"During his lunch break, he locked his office door and grabbed the letter from his bag, barely able to maintain his excitement. His eyes ran through the lines he had written, almost considering reaping it out twice but once he arrived at the end of the page, he knew what he wanted to write next and grabbing his pen, he continued his writing straight away./p
p class="Standard" I waited for a good ten minutes just down your building, not certain I should get to yours. There were so many good reasons for me not to come. I didn't know Luke, I didn't like Clary, I didn't want things to change between Jace and I, I didn't want to feel so strongly for another person – especially not for someone who would end up hurting me./p
p class="Standard"I eventually got to your door and thought I had to be as cold as possible. I was prepared for it. I was absolutely sure I would notice when you'd try to play me for a fool but when I saw you, I felt something different. In your eyes, I could see how desperate you were for my trust – just as I did. I could sense your thoughts through our fingers, the tingling feeling that I was sharing my soul out to you. You asked for my strength but there was much more that transpired, wasn't there ?/p
p class="Standard"I could feel the connection between us even after Luke got the antidote and was better. You were so exhausted and weak but I could still feel something else, that satisfaction of having helped someone else. It resonated in me. I was all about my family, my people, my community but that day, you made me feel how much richer I would get if I lent a hand to others, to downworlders, to people I knew almost nothing of./p
p class="Standard"I remember cleaning up the mess we had made in your living room and having so many feelings I had never really experienced before in my head. Your feelings. They felt as strong as the ones I shared with Jace through our parabata bond. It was like listening to music without having to hear a sound – so entrancing that I could bear the idea of leaving. I wanted it more./p
p class="Standard"You then offered me a drink and I, who had never really tried any alcohol before, felt foolish. You had those ways of speaking as if you had to convince me of something and I looked at you with that same incomprehension I had felt the first time we had met. How did you manage to appear so warm and cold at the same time, so close and so distant, so free ?/p
p class="Standard"When we were there, standing only a metre apart, it felt so confusing, as if I couldn't hear my own thoughts anymore. Too close. So I asked you the only question that I had had in mind since Jace had called me. Why me ? Why did I matter to you ? Why did you want to share yourself with me ? And then you said that one thing I wasn't expecting from you – you told me that I was different from the others, that I felt different to you./p
p class="Standard"I wanted to ask you so many more questions, I wanted to tell you how you made me feel but I couldn't really say it. Not just then. I had never really talked about those things, not even to Izzy, not to anyone. There was so much that I needed to say and I never did. Not that night and not ever. At first it was because I wasn't sure why you meant so much to me after such a short time together, also because I had been taught how I couldn't trust anyone that wasn't a shadowhunter but more importantly because I feared that any word coming from my mouth would betray how weak and meak I was./p
p class="Standard"I'm the kind of person that prefers to let their actions speak for them. Shadowhunters praise the strong ones who are not waiting for a reward. But so many times since I met you, I've wanted to tell you how much you meant to me. You are the one that opened my heart to love. Not to a fantasy of love but to a real one. I felt love like an attachment, deep one, to link me to the people around me but the love I feel for you is different. It does not stop to sharing my life with you, to raising children with you but also to seeing life through your eyes and accepting that any being should be given a place to live and grow. I wanted a world where we would be as accepted as anyone else and you were the first one to give me that world./p
p class="Standard"The day that I told you about my engagement to Lydia, you said I was a traditionalist and it haunted me for a long time. You were right – of course, not only because I believed in marriage in a traditional way but also because I didn't believe that I could live without a wife and children, without fulfilling my duties as a gave me the understanding of who I was without making me give up on what I believed in. You gave me a life with your love. /p
p class="Standard"He leant backward until he touched the back of his chair, tears welling up in his eyes. That wasn't going as smoothly as he had imagined. He had first considered revisiting some memories from their past but didn't realise he was becoming such a sentimental wimp./p
p class="Standard"He wondered for a moment how Magnus would react reading a letter like that. He usually had that look on his face when he thought his husband was wrong like that day Alec had proposed moving in and Magnus had softly but hurtingly refused him. In his mind, Alec was being overly romantic in his considerations and was too nave. Maybe that letter still showed his innocence./p
p class="Standard"The inquisitor observed the two pages in front of him and hesitated. The idea was originally to let Magnus know how he felt but that was maybe too much sharing. After all, his old way of proving his love and commitment by his own actions had so far worked and it seemed rather pointless to lie down every thought or emotion he had felt for him. Magnus knew how much he loved him, no doubt over that./p
p class="Standard"He picked up the fine paper between his fingers and rubbed his chin with his other hand. That was too much./p
p class="Standard"He was about to get to his feet when his phone vibrated by his side. It was a text from Rafael./p
p class="Standard"Alec opened it, getting straighter in his chair, a little nervous./p
p class="Standard" How about going for a demon hunt ? /p
p class="Standard"He smiled. They could go to New York, drop off Max and Eden at the institute or at his mother's and then just walk the street for a few hours. Somehow this proposal was the most logic and the best option that could have been proposed. They were both shadowhunters and Magnus was unlikely to take him to dark corners in search for demons. This was something they could both share without having the feeling they were out doing something that was generally reserved for another person./p
p class="Standard" Sounds great. How about New York ? We can leave your brother and sister there and see what we can find... Alec answered quickly./p
p class="Standard" K was the only reply he ever got but that was enough for him to feel excited about his evening./p
p class="Standard"He put the phone down and contemplated his letter again. There was something he had to add to that./p
p class="Standard" I miss you so much, come back soon,/p
p class="Standard"I love you,/p
p class="Standard"Your only husband /p
p class="Standard"He felt relief flashing in, having poured most of his heart out and knowing that he could now decide what to do with it. He didn't have the shadow of a doubt. It had filled its purpose and was now no longer useful to him. Magnus didn't have to read it to know he was loved and missed./p
p class="Standard"He got up, walked to the fireplace and threw it in the flames, watching the fire consumming it in a few seconds. It was now time to work and focus on the matter at hands. He would consider whether to write another one when the children would be in bed./p
p class="Standard"Maybe because of the finished letter or maybe because of the prospect of going for a special night out with his eldest son, Alec felt the rest of his day go past much quicker, much more relaxing. He concluded his last research and left for the academy to pick up his three children, freer than he had felt in weeks./p
p class="Standard"His offsprings could sense that change in their father too, all merrily getting ready to be portaled to New York. Maryse was waiting for them at the Institute with her husband Luke – the same that Magnus had saved with the help of Alec – Jace, Clary and Izzy. They all hugged and spoke for a few minutes before Maryse and Luke took the two younger ones away, promising a debauchery of fast food and sweets./p
p class="Standard" Where could we go ? asked Alec as he checked the city map with care./p
p class="Standard" We have spotted three demons yesterday night that were leaving the Pandemonium after some dodgy business. Maybe you could try there ? sang Izzy's soft voice./p
p class="Standard" Let's go then ! Alec smiled with pride./p
p class="Standard" Want some backup ? Jace offered./p
p class="Standard" No. That's our father-son night. If needed, I'll call you. /p
p class="Standard"As soon as they had left the institute, though, Alec felt less certain that going alone had been such a good idea. They were now alone and waiting for some actions to get their attention which meant that they either had to keep quiet this whole time or find something to talk about./p
p class="Standard" How was the Academy today ? he asked bluntly, hoping to get something better to talk about./p
p class="Standard" Same old... /p
p class="Standard" I see... /p
p class="Standard"For a moment, Alec could feel a wave of panic overwhelming him. Magnus was such a talkative one that he was always the one dealing with this kind of awkwardness and filling the gaps when no one else had anything to say./p
p class="Standard" We don't really have to talk, you know... Rafael finally muttered. It's not as if I wasn't like you... /p
p class="Standard" What do you mean ? Alec picked up in confusion./p
p class="Standard" Well, that's why we get along so well with dad, Max and Eden... Because they are the chatty ones and we don't need to make the effort of communicating. /p
p class="Standard" I hadn't really realised it before but you are probably right... /p
p class="Standard" Yeah... As I said... No need to push it. /p
p class="Standard"Alec smiled. His own son had just admitted that he took after him or at least that they shared the same personality which was, somehow, a source of pride for him./p
p class="Standard" Let's see how alike we are then ! exclaimed Alec as he started to run and hopped gracefully against a wall to grab the corner of a windowseal./p
p class="Standard"He hung himself from his hand before pulling himself up and climbing the rest of the building without much of an effort. Once on the roof, he waved for his son to join him, a large grin on his face./p
p class="Standard"Rafael didn't wait for another invitation, imitating his old man as best he could, feeling less certain of his own abilities than his father. Twice he felt his hands sliding down against the stone slabs but he propped himself up as best he could to regain balance and managed to get to his parent without falling even once./p
p class="Standard"They both heaved loudly under the effort, feeling the adrenaline still pumping through their veins./p
p class="Standard" I used to do that when I didn't want to chat with people. It's so much easier to get a good ventage point from a height and getting people far away from you. This way you never have to bother with a conversation. At least, we don't need to fake one ! /p
p class="Standard" Aunt Izzy is chatty, isn't she ? /p
p class="Standard" She's a complainer ! And she always wore those terrible outfits for our hunts, everyone was always staring ! /p
p class="Standard" That was the whole point for her, wasn't it ? /p
p class="Standard" Exactly ! I'm pretty sure it still is ! Which weapon do you prefer ? /p
p class="Standard" I'm not too bad with a bow but I prefer balisongs and throwing stars... Rafael admitted with embarrassment./p
p class="Standard" Not bad at all ! I used to keep a balisong in my right shoe when I went to the Academy. I thought it looked cool... /p
p class="Standard"They both laughed, their eyes meeting still with some awkwardness but also lievity./p
p class="Standard" Alright. We are now round the corner of the Pandemonium... Let's keep our eyes open. /p
p class="Standard"They both kept quiet, observing the surroundings in their own way. Alec could sense his son only a few feet away, feeling closer to him than he had ever felt since he had come to live with them. The young man slowly found a comfortable resting position that allowed him a good vision of the street underneath, moving precautionously not to be noticed from down there./p
p class="Standard"After a long waiting, Rafael saw a man approaching the entrance that looked rather suspicious. He elbowed his father who had already noticed the suspect but was waiting for his partner to mention it first. A few seconds later, another one appeared from another corner, a woman with shiny brown hair and a plaited school skirt. The third one was slightly behind, glamoured as a thin-looking homeless man./p
p class="Standard"Alec nodded toward the other end of the roof where they could jump onto the street and Rafael already at his side followed as silently as a doormouse. They ran to the gutter that hung comfortably against the stone slab. Alec's instinct told him he needed to be the first one to slide down but knowing that his son shared a lot of his personality, he asked first. The young shadowhunter only nodded, observing the street as his father let himself down the metal tube./p
p class="Standard"Once on the ground, Alec rose two fingers in the air and moved them quickly to give him permission to proceed. Less than a minute later, Rafael was by his side, waiting for the order./p
p class="Standard" Take the woman. Careful, she might be carrying heavy weapons under her skirt. Do not let her get in the club. /p
p class="Standard"Rafael grabbed the stars he kept in a stack in his side pocket and threw three of them with only a flick of the wrist in the woman's direction, avoiding people as they walked past him. The stars hit right in their target, throwing the demon against the wall and catching one of her arms behind her back. She winced in surprise and hissed as she saw the shadowhunter getting closer, her legs moving upward like an elastic figurine. A third and fourth leg emerged from underneath her skirt, causing Rafael to leap backward./p
p class="Standard" Raf ! he heard his father calling out./p
p class="Standard"He looked back at him fighting the two men without seemingly being in difficulty – two swords in hands. The inquisitor threw one of them in the air and Rafael caught it mid-flight, used to doing these exercises with him every evening with his brother and sister. The sword now gripped with all ten fingers, he hesitated for a split second, not having yet had any experience in killing a demon./p
p class="Standard"The demon was less inclined to think before acting, her four free legs kicking viciously the air to catch the shadowhunter. One tentacle suddenly swept him off, seizing his ankle and pulling him closer./p
p class="Standard"This time, survival instinct took over and the child waved his weapon under his foot to cut the limb off. The next three were already getting closer to him as if the demon hadn't felt a thing and Rafael dragging himself back to a standing position severed them in one blow. This time the woman opened her mouth and shrieked loudly, her forked tongue whistling between her teeth. The shadowhunter disgusted by the sight stepped back until he found his father arms securing him./p
p class="Standard"The woman managed to extract herself from the wall, the stars falling onto the floor with a metal clic. Rafael then saw the feelers growing back from under her skirt, progressively getting her to her normal size. The old ones still laid on the floor but she didn't care. Her anger was much more powerful than he could have considered. She was now advancing quickly toward them both, her mouth contorting as her tongue waved madly in search for a prey./p
p class="Standard"Alec did not move. His son had to. This was his prey and he was the one in charge for what would happen next./p
p class="Standard"Rafael looked back at his dad and swallowed hard. Training had only been theory and this was something else completely. His lower lip quivered for a second, feeling the need to feel his father's arms protecting him but when the tentacle came closer to him again, his arm lifted mechanically and slashed the demon across the face, cutting one tip off of her tongue and digging hard into her head. The whole body seemed to implode as the blade came down on it and the next moment nothing was left of the demon./p
p class="Standard" Are you okay ? Alec asked two steps behind./p
p class="Standard"Yeah... I don't know... the boy said as he turned to him./p
p class="Standard" My first time killing a demon, I did it by accident ! I was trying to protect my side and my blade ran through it without me acting on it. I was so scared ! /p
p class="Standard" It's different... /p
p class="Standard" It is. This is not training... I can teach you anything I can at home, nothing will quite prepare you to what you can find outside... /p
p class="Standard" Maybe I can practice again with you outside... Before I try with other shadowhunters... /p
p class="Standard" They won't expect you to know everything right away, you know... /p
p class="Standard" Yeah but I'm the son of the Inquisitor and the Warlock who defeated Lilith... /p
p class="Standard" Well, to be honest, it was your Aunt Izzy who did that... We just came to help Magnus and she was the one who had the power to kill her. /p
p class="Standard" So all the family has accomplished great things and I'm meant to be the only real shadowhunter to take over after that... Rafael said with a pained look./p
p class="Standard" Oh well, thinking of it, I don't think Jace has done anything worth noticing... Alec smiled as he placed his arm around his son's shoulders. Actually, quite the opposite. Once he actually killed a room full of downworlders... By accident. /p
p class="Standard"Rafael shrugged, mixed feeling taking over from that night. He had managed to kill a demon but it hadn't felt like a reward and he couldn't shake that uncomfortable feeling of being a killer./p
p class="Standard" Do we really need to kill demons ? /p
p class="Standard" If we let them live, they would kill others, downworlders, maybe even simple mortals... /p
p class="Standard" But were these three doing anything wrong ? /p
p class="Standard" I could tell you some stories of my own experience in which terrible demons tried to wipe us off the planet but that wouldn't help you. We are told that preventing demons from doing bad deeds is our mission, that it allows us to protect shadowhunters, downworlders and mortals alike but I have learnt that there are things that we do because others have told us to that are acceptable even if they aren't... /p
p class="Standard" Like using downworlders to get what you want and considering them inferior ? /p
p class="Standard" For example. /p
p class="Standard" They told us, at the Academy, how things have changed thanks to you. /p
p class="Standard" Any of us can change the rules if we understand them to be wrong... Don't forget that. /p
p class="Standard"Rafael nodded, his head getting clearer as they walked back to the institute./p
p class="Standard"By the time they got to Maryse's, Max and Eden had fallen asleep on the couch and Luke proposed them the guest room./p
p class="Standard" You can get back home tomorrow morning with a portal. /p
p class="Standard"Alec accepted without much of a fight, feeling the tiredness from the rough night wearing him off. It had been such a long time since he last fought in the field that he felt quite out of practice. The bed was more than welcome and sleep took him over quickly. His last thought was of Magnus, somewhere in London, dealing with something of his own that Alec knew nothing of. He dreamt of getting there and finding him sipping a cup of tea by the parliament, his eyes lighting up as he saw his husband getting closer./p
p class="Standard"Alec smiled in his sleep./p
p class="Standard"He woke up with the smell of a good cup of coffee on the sidetable, his mother leaned over his head. She looked younger now that she was with Luke, a few white hair the only sign that time had passed since she had opened the shop a few streets away from the institute. She kissed him on the cheek and walked away./p
p class="Standard"He found them all together at the dining table enjoying their meal a few minutes later./p
p class="Standard"Rafael seemed much happier, his eyes smiling openheartedly. He was telling his siblings of the fight he had with the four-legged demon, not sparing any details of her horrid looks or her terrible death. He admitted being scared and not being sure about killing her but conceded that he didn't feel he had had another choice once the demon started attacking him./p
p class="Standard"Eden and Max listened eagerly, devouring their breakfast as much as their brother's tale of a real fight./p
p class="Standard"Before 8, they were all back at the institute and the next moment they crossed the threshold of their own house. The children ran to their rooms to get changed and grab their bags whilespan style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /spanAlec who only needed to get his tablet walked to the dining table. When he lifted it off the glass surface, two sheets of paper rose after it before slowly landing back onto the cold area. Frowning, Alec came closer and realised this was his letter he had destroyed the day before. Every word he had written was still there, down to his name at the end of the second page./p
p class="Standard"How was that even possible ?/p
p class="Standard" I missed you too, pup ! /p
p class="Standard"The voice rose from his bedroom where Magnus stood, wrapped up in his silk robe with his arms crossed against his chest./p
p class="Standard" How... ? Alec started as he waved at the letter in astonishment./p
p class="Standard" Maybe I should have told you before, but this paper is magic... the warlock said as he walked to his husband. Whoever you are writing to gets the letter directly in their hands. You only have to burn it once it's finished and tada ! It appears to the one it was addressed to ! /p
p class="Standard" Oh ! /p
p class="Standard"Yes, oh ! Magnus repeated with warm eyes. I was surprised not to find you home when I came back a few hours ago... /p
p class="Standard" Rafael wanted to go for a demon hunt. I took them to New York... /p
p class="Standard" That's what Maryse texted me. /p
p class="Standard" Everything okay in London ? /p
p class="Standard" I'll tell you everything later. For now, I just need a kiss before our children come back. /p
p class="Standard"Alec bent down and found his husband's lips, his arms sliding to his side and locking in his back. He felt lightheaded and relieved in the same breath, the embrace crashing any worries he still had about the letter./p
p class="Standard" I've missed you so much ! he whispered as they pulled away./p
p class="Standard" Have I told you how much I loved your letter ? /p
p class="Standard" Really ? Alec smiled hopeful./p
p class="Standard" After all those years, you continue to surprise me, Alexander. /p
p class="Standard" Well I felt... /p
p class="Standard" I know. Me too... /p
p class="Standard" Dad ! Max shouted as he ran to them both, hugging them hard./p
p class="Standard"Eden and Rafael rushed out of their room too, their little faces lit up with joy./p
p class="Standard" Five minutes and we need to go, kids ! Alec reminded them./p
p class="Standard" No ! they yelled at the same time, loud and agitated./p
p class="Standard" We'll have a whole evening together anyway, children ! I've brought things back for you all ! Magnus anounced as he caressed their heads one by one. Get ready, we are both taking you today ! Your father and I have some things to discuss after dropping you off... /p
p class="Standard"Alec's blood froze in his veins as he heard those words ringing like a threat. He watched his face carefully but the warlock's attention was all given to his children and not revealing any emotions, making it impossible to understand what he had in mind./p
p class="Standard"They portaled to the Academy and the three of them waved as they entered the high building, their smiles larger than their faces./p
p class="Standard" What is it you wanted to talk about ? Alec asked immediately, putting a hand on Magnus's arm./p
p class="Standard" Not here, let's go home ! /p
p class="Standard"They stepped back into their house the next moment, Alec feeling a wave of worry building up in his stomach./p
p class="Standard" Then, what is it ? What happened in London ? /p
p class="Standard" A friend needed my help after he unadvertedly opened a mouth of Hell... he waved dismissively. It's sorted now. /p
p class="Standard" What ? I thought... /p
p class="Standard" Honestly, it wasn't such a big problem. We just needed to take turns to close the rift. Took an awful lot of energy to do it so we took turns. One would use their magic until unable to do it anymore then the other took over. We did it in the end ! /p
p class="Standard" So... What did you want to discuss ? /p
p class="Standard" Your letter... Magnus shrugged as if it made complete sense./p
p class="Standard" Oh ! I'm sorry, it was Izzy's idea to tell you things I had never said before and when I realised how... /p
p class="Standard" You decided to burn it instead. /p
p class="Standard"Alec nodded uncomfortably./p
p class="Standard" That would have been a pity because you definitely stroke the right cord with it... Magnus admitted in all seriousness as he stepped closer. I would even say that it made me pine for you so badly I couldn't wait one more minute before seeing you but you were not even home... /p
p class="Standard"The warlock rose one hand to his husband's neck and undid the zip of his jumper as quickly as he style="mso-spacerun: yes;" /span/p
p class="Standard" Now, it's time for me to show you how much I've missed you... /p
p class="Standard"Alec wasn't really paying attention to a word he could say, his breathing getting shorter by the second. He passed his tongue over his dried lips and pulled his lover closer, his mouth crashing on his with urgency./p
p class="Standard"He was going to be late for work but he didn't really care./p