Jay's Story: One

This is an El Goonish Shive fanfiction, based on a long-running webcomic by Dan Shive. Jay "Arthur" in this story is based on a canon character introduced in 2019 in the arc "The Legend of Diane". It takes place in a suburb of Chicago, Illinois. Jay and many of the other characters are in their last year of high school.

Moperville South High School, Monday Morning, February 3rd

The Bard, and the Druid, together, like Saturday night...

"Oh, you two, again."

"Excuse me?" said the Bard.

"Pizza?"

"Oh, you delivered pizza to the party," said the Bard.

"Yes, an order from a 'Tedd Verres'. A big order. How many people were there, anyway? I just saw you two."

"Ten," said Grace, the Bard. "You're 'Jay'? Or is it 'Jill'?"

"I go by 'Jay'."

"Nanase said teachers call you 'Jill'," said Grace.

"It's 'Miss Arthur' with old Mr. Raven, said Jay. "It's 'Jay' with my friends."

"Then I'll call you 'Jay'," said Grace. "There were ten of us."

"Was Nanase at the party too? I've seen you together a lot, and her girlfriend, what's her name?" Ellen Dunkel, I know, but... "But your boyfriend, Tedd Verres, I've never seen you with anyone. Is he in college?"

"No, Tedd goes to North," Grace said before Diane could interrupt her.

Diane the Bard called out, "Lucy! Rhoda!"

The Amazon and the Mousegirl. Jay the Wizard let the Bard and the Wizard go off with Lucy and Rhoda. The Bard used that spell again, but stronger—and there was something else...

Jay Arthur's boyfriend found her and wasted most of her free time before her first class. She had already written down as a non-keeper, but was leaving him clueless, for now.

Nanase. I saw her floating around all the time, even caught her magically changing her clothes. But before I got magic. I bet Nanase was at that party.

The Bard got suspicious. Hard to get more out of here, and she'll warn Grace.

Father probably knows everything, but he'll never just answer my questions. All I really know about Tedd Verres now is that he—maybe she?—is a name that's important now. Tedd might be like Grace; magic I can't copy. But whoever was at that party may have magic... and answers Father won't tell me.

"...magic?" the Mousegirl was saying. Jay barely caught that single word, with the rising inflection that indicates a question, while rounding a corner in the halls, passing the Bard and the Mousegirl as they rounded the same corner in the opposite direction. Any chance of turning back was lost because Jay's dead weight boyfriend dragged her along. The one class I have with this loser and it's the last one.

"So?" the Loser prompted.

"So? So what?" asked Jay.

"That mousy girl with Diane."

"With Diane? Diane the cheerleader?"

"We just passed them," said the Loser. "Where's your head today?"

"Where your head should be, on getting to Raven's class," Jay grumped.

And then they were in the classroom. Raven was already there. "Please close the door, Miss Arthur."

I swore I'd never take another Raven class, and here I am.

Mr. Raven was a great believer in seating charts and alphabetical order, and like everyone who'd been in the class from the first day, Miss Jill "Jay" Arthur was seated according to her family name, which put her in the first row—and Loser, as a Yardley, in the last. That, at least, was something Jay was glad of today.

Raven seldom asked for voluntary answers to oral questions; he used his seating chart, and seemed to have some sort of plan for who would be asked what. As usual for a Monday, the questions were mostly about the reading assignment for the weekend, with others about things covered earlier, mostly from the previous week. Yardley got called when he was nodding off—not for the first time. "Resting up for basketball practice?" But Yardley had, in fact, read the assignment, and while he had little grasp of it, he remembered all the facts.

Raven didn't call on Jay at all. Jay thought he was about to several times, but each time, Raven selected someone else. Jay became curious enough to linger after class, telling Yardley the non-keeper, "I need to talk with Mr. Raven. Go on." Jay made sure that Raven heard the "Mr." Raven may have raised an eyebrow.

Once her non-keeper jock boyfriend was gone, Raven up to Jay and spoke. "Are you using me to avoid Mr. Yardley?"

"That's a side benefit," said Jay. "You kept looking at me today, but you didn't call me. Is there a reason for that?"

"Is there a reason you approached Miss Holmes and Miss Scuiridae this morning?"

"Reason? I just delivered some pizzas to them for a party. I wondered who else was there. I mean, ten extra-large pizzas could feed like thirty, forty people. But I didn't see anyone but Diane and Grace, not even the guy who ordered. Grace said he was her boyfriend." Something just lit up in Raven. "His name was 'Tedd Verres', with two D's. You wouldn't know him, would you?"

"I know his father, Miss Arthur," said Raven. "And I know your father from before you were born. Did you tell your father about Miss Holmes or Miss Scuiridae?"

"No," said Jay. "I told him about Diane giving that big speech about being a virgin, but that was on News Four. And I'm straight, Mr. Raven. And even if I wasn't, I wouldn't steal girlfriends like I don't steal boyfriends. I'm not stalking Diane or Grace. I just wanted to know what went on at that party. And why are you worried about what I tell my father about two girls I barely know?"

"They have a right to privacy, Miss Arthur."

Jay was tempted to use the spell she'd learned from the Bard, but she heard the door opening, and saw Raven react to it. Jay turned to look. It was Diane the Bard.

"Okay, I guess we're finished here," said Jay, and walked out past the Bard. There's a connection. UGH! PLEASE don't let them be...UGH!

"Did you taste it again?" asked Mr. Raven.

"Yes, Father," said Diane. "Did you?"

"Yes. Even in this form, I tasted it. She's a wizard, and powerful. Arthur has to know she has talent, yet he hasn't trained her."

Jay the Wizard avoided the gym as she left the school grounds only to find the Yardley the Loser at the bus stop, accompanied by some other jocks. "Practice was cancelled," Yardley explained. "So we can ride the bus together after all."

"Nice," said Jay, putting on an excellent fake smile.

Like many dull people, Barney Yardley talked a lot, completely oblivious to the disinterest of anyone's interest. Jay was prepared to pretend to listen when Yardley asked her, "What did old Mr. Raven want with you?"

"That?" Jay responded, surprised. "I thought he might have a problem with me. He didn't call on me at all, you know, but he kept looking at me."

"Really?"

Again you didn't notice. "He said it was about..." No. No, I won't tell him that. "Never mind what he said, I'm sure whatever it really was, he wasn't telling me. He's so strange, who knows what he was thinking? But I'm sure he wasn't telling me what he was really thinking."

"Yeah, Mr. R is as weird as they come," said Yardley. "I saw him talking to that cheerleader—you know, the one who made that big speech about being a virgin a coupla weeks ago? Doreen?"

"Diane," Jay corrected automatically. Then she quickly added, "I think." Wait, did he just pretend he didn't remember Diane's name? He dated her, I saw them. Yardley might actually have something like a brain. "But that had to be just after I was leaving. I didn't see you anywhere. You were supposed to be at practice."

"No, this was before my lunch break. I didn't hear what they were talking about. But he didn't look like he was doing his me-big-teacher-you-dumb-student thing he always does. You don't think there's a thing between them, do you?"

"UGH! Don't joke like that!" Jay punched his shoulder harder than she intended. Yardley flinched, but shrugged it off, and his fellow jocks all laughed.

"Sybil? Where's Father?" asked Jay

"Not here," said Jay's much older half-sister.

"And I suppose you can't tell me where he is," said Jay. "Never mind. Maybe you can tell me if he's known one of my teachers since before I was born? Mr. Adrian Raven?"

"Mr. Raven told you that?"

"Yes, today," said Jay. "Is it true?"

"I took classes from him, so Father knew about him," said Sybil. "Are you in trouble with Mr. Raven?"

Jay hadn't expected her sister to be home, so she wasn't really prepared. Got to give her something...

"It's silly, really. I made a delivery Saturday night to a party on the north side. Big order, I needed to go back to the car for the rest. But I only saw two people there—and they were from Moperville South. One of them was the cheerleader who made that big scene a coupla weeks back. Anyway, I ran into the same two together this morning, and I tried to find out a little more about that party. And that was it, I thought. But in Raven's class, he was giving me looks, and... Well, to tell the truth, I didn't want to watch Yardley at basketball practice, so I told Yardley I needed to talk to Raven."

Sybil shook her head. "And did you really talk to Mr. Raven?"

"I just stalled until Yardley was gone. Then he guessed what I was doing—Raven, not Yardley. But Raven really had been giving me the hard eye, so I called him on it. He was upset about me talking to the cheerleader, but he really didn't tell me why. And just before I left, guess who came into the room? The cheerleader."

Sybil gave Jay the hard eye. "And I suppose you've told half the school about this?"

"No, I didn't. But Yardley saw them together and told me about it when I saw him later, and there were a bunch of his jock friends right there."

"You think Mr. Raven has an inappropriate relationship?"

"If you mean sex, no, but that's probably what the rumor's gonna be. One of the rumors." Jay shrugged. "And it's all because I just wanted to know about that party. All that pizza for three people?" The Druid said 'ten' and I believe her, but...

"None of your business, whatever it was," said Sybil.

"I suppose you're right," said Jay, adding a sigh of relief and a shrug as she started to move away.

But before Jay had taken a third step, Sybil spoke again. "You said three people?"

"Yes?"

"But you said you only saw two people."

"That's right. The guy who ordered them didn't come to the door. Just his girlfriend Grace and the cheerleader."

"Grace?!" Sybil blurted.

Uh-oh, that rang a bell with Syb. "Yeah, Grace. Why?"

"I... Sorry," stumbled Sybil. "But you know this Grace?"

"Not really," said Jay. "But how many 'Grace's' my age are there. You know her?"

"Not your Grace," said Sybil. "My Grace was my friend in high school."

"So maybe this Grace is her daughter or...?"

"Not her daughter," said Sybil. "My Grace died before we graduated."

"Died?"

"Drunk driver. He lived, Grace died."

"That sucks," said Jay.

"Yes, that sucks," said Sybil. "Anyway, could you try to leave your Grace and your cheerleader in peace for a few days? Until any rumors die down?"

"Yeah. Sure."

The school week didn't exactly fly by for Jay the (Secret) Wizard, but there weren't any more surprises. Friday night brought an opportunity to dodge going to Yardley's basketball game. The owner asked her to cover for his daughter (again) at the pizza place. There were no orders from the mysterious "Tedd Verres" that night.

Father had returned by then, with no comments about where he'd been or what he'd been doing. And no indication that Sybil had told him anything. No news is good news I hope was the gist of Jay's thoughts on that.

Saturday, February 8th

Saturday Jay got a call from Yardley, and Father happened to overhear part of it. "You're still dating that basketball player?"

"Well, yes. Nothing serious, if that's what you're worried about," said Jay.

"But you're going out with him tonight? I thought you were working."

"Father, I had to work last night, remember? That used up all my hours for this week."

"Oh," said Father, on the back foot. "I thought you were going to one of his basketball games again."

"My boss needed me to cover," said Jay.

"Yes," said Father. "Do you need a ride?"

"Yardley has a car."

"Of his own?"

"Sort of. It was his mom's."

"Oh, yes, his mother's." His dead mother.

That ended the conversation. Jay wondered again if that was why she had stayed with Yardley so long. Mrs. Yardley had been dead for nearly a year now.

"Let's go to the River Walk."

Jay had had to stifle a snort at that suggestion, but went along with it, at first without any good reason she could think of. But by the time they had parked, she'd come up with one: The park threading its way through downtown Moperville wasn't crowded—it was February, after all, winter in Northern Illinois. Too cold to just sit in the car; too cold outside to stay in one place for long, which would any minimize physical intimacy that might, might occur.

"Oh, they fixed the bells in the tower," Jay remarked.

"Yeah, I knew that. Thought you might like it," said Yardley as they walked. There was no wind; the sky was clear; and trees masked the city lights so that many more stars showed against a blacker sky.

Crap. He isn't going do something stupid like propose, I hope. "Hey, we aren't alone." Jay pointed to some figures becoming visible as they rounded another curve in the walkway.

Yardley had been staring at Jay, and didn't turn fast enough to see what Jay saw. And, of course, Yardley did not see all of what Jay the Wizard could see.

"Oh. Kinda far off... They went behind some the trees," said Yardley after a moment.

"Yes, they did," said Jay. "And speaking of going behind some trees, I shoulda hit the Ladies Room before we left."

"Oh!"

"I'll be back!" Jay called as she strode away, almost breaking into a run. There wasn't a lot of underbrush. The "Prairie Forest Reserve" was really more of a recreational park, more orchard than a real forest—but there was some shrubbery, and Jay's ankle found some of it, sending her sprawling to the ground, following the sharp CRACK of a woody stem.

"Stupid bush!" Jay said aloud. "Stupid me!" she said as she struggled to her feet. "Owwwww!" she exclaimed as she put pressure on the wrong ankle. "Where the hell—" she began to say after she limped a few steps to find a tree to lean on.

Something was brushing through the trees above. Something big!

"It is a human female," a strange woman's voice said from above. But it was something like she'd heard somewhere before...

"It's the mohawk-ponytail girl."

"Grace?! You can fly?!" exclaimed Jay.

Someone fought their way through the thicker shrubbery and cast a light on Jay. "You mean this is the pizza girl?" This was yet another woman's voice.

"I hear someone else coming. Did you come with others?" Demanded the first voice. It sounded like an order."

"My date. I didn't tell him to follow me."

"Does he have magic also?"

"Also? You can tell?" blurted Jay.

The owner of the authoritative voice came down from the trees.

"You're the tiger griffin! From the mall!"

"A little louder, please? I'm not sure everyone in Moperville heard you," the light bearer said.

At least one person did. "Jay?! Where are you?!"

"That's my date," Jay murmured. "Maybe if we stay quiet..."

The light went out. But Yardley kept calling out, each time closer... until a soft thudd, and silence.

Another griffin appeared. "I put a sleep spell on the boy. He is not injured. Who is the injured young woman?"

"My name is Jay—well, Jill Arthur."

"I am Lady Andrea. My wife, Dame Tara. Was she expected?"

"No," said the one with the light, which came on again, softer. "Dame Tara, are you sure she has magic?"

"Quite sure," said the tiger griffin.

The other griffin held out a taloned paw and sang something. The scarf about the griffin's neck unwound, floated to Jay, and wrapped around her injured ankle, binding it in place. "Have you learned this spell now?"

"Umm, yes."

Yardley got to meet Andrea the Griffin after she woke him up. The tiger griffin was present too, but no others. Lady Andrea cast a spell that would boost his strength and endurance for awhile so that Yardley could carry Jay back to his car. Once they were in the car, he finally spoke up: "You wanna go to the ER at Elmore? Or someplace else?"

"Just take me home," said Jay. "I'd rather my father yell at me at home than in the ER."

"HO-kay," said Yardley, starting his car. He said nothing more until he was about to get out. "I'll carry you in."

"Wait," said Jay.

"Okay," said Yardley, re-closing his door.

"You came looking for me."

"Yeah?"

"I wish you hadn't, but thank you," Jay said. Then she kissed him.

"What, was that another spell?"

"No," said Jay. "Listen, I can make it to the door. You'd better be gone before my father sees you."

"I can handle your Dad yelling at me," Yardley said, getting out of the car. He rounded it to Jay's side, opened the door, and lifted her out before she could protest, saying, "He'll have reason to yell at us both if you fuck up your ankle worse trying to walk on it. What's he gonna do? Turn me into a frog?"

Don't be too sure he can't, Jay thought but didn't say. The door opened before they reached it, and it was Father.

= = =
For one more wonder of this Saturday night, Father didn't immediately interrogate Jay or even Yardley. Father's priority was getting Jay to the ER, and Yardley drove them both in his car.

Like pretty much any emergency room, there was a wait. Elmore was a teaching hospital, so Jay wasn't surprised that she was eventually seen by a fourth-year medical student. The third question he asked her was "Is that big guy your brother?"

"He's my boyfriend," Jay asserted, using the bard spell she'd learned from observing Diane, picturing Yardley squeezing the fourth-year medical student's neck until his head popped like a pimple. Crap, did Father see me?

"Does this hurt?" was the next question.

"Yes!" squealed Jay.

"May be more than a sprain. We'll need to x-ray it."

The amorous medical student then disappeared. Jay eventually dozed off as she waited and waited, despite the pain. She woke up feeling a fresh cold pack being applied not by the jerk who was supposed to be treating her, or another hospital worker, but by Yardley.

"You're still here?" Jay asked.

"Guess so," said Yardley. "Your dad had to leave."

"He did? Why?"

"He just said it was official business. What's his job, anyway?" asked Yardley

"Why, he's a wizard, of course," japed Jay.

"Yeah, right," said Yardley. "He got a call, and then he left. Does he do that a lot?"

Jay shrugged hard enough to make her ankle hurt a bit worse. "Sometimes... Diane."

"Diane?"

"Diane Holmes, the cheerleader. You dated her."

"A few times. Usually double dates with one of her girlfriends, the tall one."

"You pretended you couldn't remember her name right, didn't you?"

"Uh... Okay."

"So," focused Jay, "You were into her, weren't you?"

"Kind of," said Yardley. "But she wasn't into me. She told me I was never going to get out of her friend zone."

"After you spent how much on her?"

"I wasn't trying to get in her pants, Jay."

"Oh? Couldn't afford it?"

"Actually..."

"Go on."

"The thing is, I got interested in her girlfriend, Lucy. We were always on double dates—or a triple with Rhoda, once. But Lucy always gave me the cold eye, you know? Do you think they were a couple back then?"

Jay almost shrugged again. "I really didn't pay much attention until she did that 'I am a virgin' routine."

Yardley nodded. "Yeah, that was..." He shook his head, and didn't finish whatever he might have been about to say.

That was when I caught her using magic, thought Jay. And learned that bard spell. Gawd, I used it last week with Diane the Bard right there—twice with Grace, I think...

What do I do about Yardley? Jay asked herself, noticing that Yardley was fidgeting, maybe. He met the griffins. Was he really joking when he asked if it was a spell when I kissed him?

The sun was not quite up when Jay Arthur hobbled out of the hospital in her new Bledsoe Boot. Few words continued to be said on the ride back to her home. But when they arrived, Jay said to Yardley, "Barney, what have you told your parents? About last night?"

"Just that you hurt your ankle and I went with you to the hospital."

"Nothing about...?"

"Giant flying cats that talk and do magic? No."

"Why not?" asked Jay.

Barney shrugged his massive shoulders. "And have that crazy reporter lady from News Four shove a microphone in my face? No thanks. Anyway, they helped us, didn't they?"

"Yes, they did," said Jay.

"Do you know them?" asked Barney.

"No. I didn't know they were in the woods." Careful, Jay. Next he'll be asking why I really ran into the woods.

But Barney Yardley didn't ask. "Well, I'd better get home myself. Help you inside?"

"Sure."

He made no move to kiss her at the door, but Jay did. "Thanks, Barney."

Jay made a show of fumbling for her keys to stall until Barney drove off, then opened her door.

"Dad? Sybil?" Jay called out.

No one answered. This wasn't unusual. Her father's "consulting" often took him away, and Sybil worked with him. Jay made a small breakfast of apple slices and herb tea, then went to bed. One of her last thoughts was that she could have had Barney come in for awhile. But it would be just like Father or Sybil to come back.

Jay slept much longer than she intended. She woke up to a house as empty as before, grumpily completed the weekend school assignments she'd put off, and found she couldn't sleep afterward. So she started watching something guaranteed to bore her to sleep: News Four. There was one of their "retrospectives" on, old material recycled for the umpteenth time. This one was a long re-re-rehash about weird happenings in Moperville over the past year or so. A lot of it was this fat kid who was bonkers over aliens and UFOs and was always up for an interview. And about that blackout at MSHS, with that bit with Carol Brown interviewing some girl when the creepy floating child showed up...

Wait... that's... That's the mousy girl who hangs out with the Bard. Rhoda what's-her-name. She looked different then...

Jay was at MSHS, walking in a hallway. Where is everyone? She was alone. I'm the first one here?

"You're dreaming," someone said. The voice was childish. Jay turned, and saw a girl, floating—not the creepy little girl from the video clip. Curly blond hair piled up on her head, and more streaming down in a ponytail. Boots, short pleated skirt, long gloves, a cape...

"Who are you?"

The floating girl said, "I call myself 'Hanma'. We've met in dreams before."

Jay realized the girl did look familiar somehow. And realized something else. "My ankle. It's all right. So I am dreaming."

"I told you!" said Hanma very childishly, hands on hips, but she was clearly not a child. She had grown more womanly, though still in her magical girl costume.

"So... what are you doing in my dream? Dreams. You said we'd met before."

"I wanted to see you alone this time."

"Alone?"

"There were others in your other dreams. We played games. But this is not a game."

"Not a game," Jay repeated. "Then what is it?"

"I have discovered something about you I did not know before," said Hanma."

The alarm sounded. The lights flickered, went out. Jay heard sirens, and someone else was shouting...

"...up!"

It was Sybil, shaking Jay. "Alright, alright, I'm up!" snarled Jay. Yawning, Jay asked, "When did you get home?"

"Never mind. I thought you'd gone to school, but I just got a call from Principal Washington."

"Washington? Jeez, so I overslept for once."

"It's not about that," said Sybil.

"So what is it about?" Jay asked, yawning again, remembering a fragment of her crazy dream.

"The principal wanted to talk to Dad. But it's about you, isn't it?"

Jay looked at her sister through narrowed eyes. "What do you think I've been doing, running a drug gang at school? Sleeping with a teacher? Peeing in the bug juice? Actually that would probably improve the flavor."

"I've seen you use your smoke spell," said Sybil. "And you were levitating yourself when I came in."

Carp! "Did you tell Father?"

"Not yet," said Sybil. "What do you think it's really about? Something that happened at the River Walk?"

Jay sighed. "I saw someone change and go into the woods. I followed. Barney didn't see, I think, but..."

"But?"

"He saw the griffins. The one that was at the mall, and another one. And the person I saw change."

"Cheerleadra?"

"No, someone else. The flying furry from after the monsters-in-the-mall and the lights-in-the-sky things."

"So you saw G—who it was?"

Jay caught that almost-said name. "So you know about Grace?"

"Father knows."

"That figures," said Jay. "Anyway, I hurt my ankle, and Grace and the griffins helped me with it, and Barney. And I learned that levitation spell from one of the griffins. But not Grace's. Do you know why I couldn't learn Grace's spell?"

"You don't have the need to know that," said Sybil.

"You're not Father, you don't get to say that to me."

"Yes I can, Silly-Jilly. I changed your diapers."

With her injured ankle, Jay could have justified staying home, but that would have meant staying with Sybil. Won't get anything else out of her, so...

Jay arrived shortly before her lunch period but without her usual prepared lunch, so she had to face whatever was on the menu this Monday. It was slimy overcooked steam-table spaghetti in watery tomato sauce, brick-hard garlic toast, and an overage salad which Jay took as her least objectionable choice. She didn't share Barney's lunch period, so seating had more choices than the food...

There's an empty seat at the Druid's table. "May I join you?" Jay said, already sliding into that empty seat next to Grace the Bard.

"What's wrong with your leg?" asked Ellen Dunkel loudly enough to be heard through a good bit of the lunchroom.

"Ankle," responded Jay, forking a delaying mouthful of browning lettuce with one cucumber slice. Jay chewed for a long time, wondering why Ellen Dunkel had put on that performance. She's no Bard, but loud enough. And she was the one with the light, I'm sure of that now. Swallowing her mouthful of doubtful fodder, Jay went on, "I was on the River Walk Saturday Night with Barney—you know, Barney Yardley, the fullback?—and he was going on and on about this dog he used to take to the place, so I thought it would be funny to yell 'SQUIRREL' and run into the woods. Well, the joke was on me 'cause I got in a fight with a bush and lost. Spent all night at the ER. Not the best date I've had."

"Were you chasing a real squirrel?" asked Grace.

"It was a joke, Grace, 'cause dogs are supposed to chase squirrels all the time, at least in cartoons. Never had a dog at home. Father always had some excuse why we shouldn't have one." That part is the unvarnished truth, thought Jay.

Ellen said, "The woods in the River Walk are tough enough to get through in the daytime. Nanase and I got pretty banged up chasing that escaped lock-picking gorilla down in them."

"You did? Wasn't that dangerous?"

Grace unexpectedly spoke up. "Imogene was female. They're smaller than the males. She was just playing. You would think from some of the news stories she was a rampaging monster."

"Yes, it was like hide-and-seek for her. Kind of harder for us," said Ellen.

"Grace, were you with Ellen and Nanase? With the gorilla, I mean," asked Jay.

"Yes, I was."

"I didn't see you in any of the interviews I saw. I re-watched a lot of them last night before I fell asleep."

"I don't like to be on TV and stuff," said Grace. "And Tedd was kinda mad I didn't tell him I was doing it before."

"Him?" Jay blurted. Jay had been checking out Ellen's expression. Carp, I said that aloud. But Ellen...

"Yes. Tedd's my boyfriend. I told you that, didn't I?"

"Yes, you... did." But Father kept saying "she" and "her" when he was talking with Sybil the morning after—

"Tedd's my cousin." It was the first time Nanase spoke.

"He is?" said Jay, careful to enunciate the preferred pronoun.

"Yes. His mother and mine are sisters. But he goes to MNHS. Why did you think Tedd was a girl?"

"Well... Gossip, really, I guess. Sorry, but with you and Ellen and now Diane and that really tall—"

"Lucy," said a new, male voice.

Jay turned to the voice. Justin Tolkiberry—the boy who fought the fire demon and then the dragon with Cheerleadra and that mysterious flying dark one with the tonfas.

"Her name is 'Lucy'," Justin repeated.

"Uh, am I in your seat?" asked Jay, thinking quickly, remembering he'd seen him with these three frequently.

"Don't get up, it's not like it's got my name on it," said Justin. He left. Without asking about my leg; he couldn't have missed the Bledsoe boot.

(Jay's story continues)

"Hey, gimpy? Wanna ride?"

Jay turned, and her cane almost slipped as she did. An older sedan was close. Isn't that... no. "Uh... Justin?"

"You got my name right. You want a ride, or you want to hobble your way home?"

"Thanks," said Jay after a second of hesitation. "Just a sec." Justin maneuvered his car around so the passenger door was closer to Jay. Nanase's with him, thought Jay as Nanase got out and helped her into the car, then got into the back seat. "Give me your cane," Nanase said.

"Thanks, both of you," said Jay. Why so nice? "You know, I thought this was my boyfriend's car."

"Yeah, well, not many of these left since they stopped making them," said Justin.

"Speaking of my boyfriend, you know, Barney Yardley? The fullback? Do you know where he is today?" asked Jay.

"He wasn't at football practice?" said Justin.

"He wasn't in Mr. Raven's last class today. I haven't seen him anywhere, and his phone is off." Or he's blocking my calls. Didn't call him yesterday...

Nanase said something, and Justin made a short reply. "You speak Japanese? I mean, both of you?"

"A little," said Justin. "I'm an otaku. I work in a comic book store, how could I not be into manga and anime?"

"I guess," said Jay. That sounded much too fluent to me. "Do you think your boyfriend is skipping school just to avoid you?" asked Nanase.

"I don t know," said Jay. "I guess I've gotten so used to Barney, it doesn't feel right when he's not right there, whether I want him or not. You know?"

"Actually I do," said Nanase. "Ellen's brother's a bit like that. I dated him for over a year."

"You did?" said Jay, surprised. "What is he, in college?"

"Elliot goes to Moperville North," said Justin. "We know each other because we all three trained at the same dojo. Now, my boyfriend's in college; that's why you've never seen him around."

"You've only had two dates," said Nanase.

"But good dates, Kitsune hime-sama," said Justin.

Nanase replied with some Japanese Jay could not understand, but the tone sounded like mock anger. Hime-sama, "Your Royal Highness" more or less, that much I understand..

Sybil had at least called to say she wouldn't be able to pick up Jay from school, something Jay didn't mention to Nanase and Justin. Much as Jay was tempted, she didn't say anything about Tedd or even Grace on the rest of her ride home because of the lunchtime surprise about Tedd's gender. Trans? And trans which way?

Plus, Ellen's brother. Elliot Dunkel. That floating guy in white at the Mall when the griffin had showed up had called Cheerleadra Elliot Dunkel, or Dunker, or something like that. But what really threw Jay off was Nanase dating him—unless he was a trans-woman? Or was Nanase just claiming to have dated a boy from another school? Jay did know for sure that Nanase had dated lots of different guys at one time, maybe as many as Diane the Bard was supposed to have dated. Did she date Elliot because Elliot was Cheerleadra, Moperville's caped, flying, pinup girl?

There's lots of NSFW Cheerleadra stuff on the web now...

So Justin had a connection with Elliot—was he the guy who did that movie-and-TV review webcast with that tall girl? And Justin did fight alongside Cheerleadra twice...

And what did all this have to do with Tedd Verres?! Why am I even doing all this to find out about Tedd Verres? Could it all be because Father's shaken up finding out someone wasn't the gender he thought he/she/whatever was?!

"Carp, I'm getting as wound-up as Father on one of his tears" Jay actually said aloud to herself in the empty house she'd come home to.

It was only then Jay realized that Justin had never asked how to get to her home. He's never been here. Neither has Nanase.

"Ullum?"

Ullum? Who or what is "ullum"?

"Ullum! Aif yae kin hyar mae, shew y'sell!

It was a female voice, maybe... but whose?

Scottish? Sounds like Merida, maybe... higher voice...

Gotta be another dream. Gotta be...

Jay was surrounded by a dense fog. Beneath her feet—which were in mannish shoes and intact—was moist grass, at least for the few yards Jay could see.

"Ullum! Ait's Taer'rae! Shew y'sell! Shoot oot, yer bluetee itjut!"

A figure emerged from the fog. A young woman, short, slightly built, wearing shoes like Jay's, trousers, shirt, tie, and a short cape fastened with a clasp bearing a white disk divided by a red cross. Exactly what Jay was wearing.

"Hoo tah blaezez ur yae?! An hoowah tah bluetee naez?

The bloody noise was Jay's alarm. The dream fog faded into morning funk as Jay fumbled for her phone.

Lunchroom, Moperville South High School

"You need to talk to your dad," said Barney, ending the very short conversation by picking up his tray and leaving her.

Jay made an effort to follow, but her cane fell down. Jay nearly fell trying to catch it, but someone caught her with strong arms.

"Barney?" exclaimed Jay, thinking for a moment that—

"Ellen."

"Oh... thanks," Jay managed. "Ever try out for football? You're strong."

"Don't forget fast," snarked Ellen Dunkel. "Boyfriend trouble?"

"Father trouble," Jay responded. "I think my father had a word with Barney. You know?"

"Was a shotgun involved?" japed Ellen.

"Father wouldn't need a gun," said Jay.

"No, he wouldn't," said Ellen, picking up Jay's cane. Leaning close as she handed it to Jay, Ellen murmured "I've met your dad."

Jay absorbed that revelation while Ellen went off to join Nanase, Grace, and Justin at another table. Three girlfriends of Barney's teammates piled into the three empty seats at Jay's table and one of them began with, "So, what's up with Yardley?"

"Did he catch you with another guy?" asked another.

"Did you catch him with another girl?" asked the third.

Jay shrugged and grazed on her salad as the trio chattered on.

When lunch was over, and the three Team girlfriends dispersed to wherever they went (not to any of the hard college-prep classes Father "encouraged" Jay into taking), Jay realized that she didn't know the names of any of them—she had a vague idea of names the jocks called them, but not which name connected to who. Thank gawd I never went on a double date with any of them, like Diane and... Speak of the Devil.

Jay spotted Diane walking alongside Mr. Raven and that boy-or-maybe-girl with the long blonde ponytail, and the tall Amazon. Lucy. I should remember that. Funny I never knew her name for so long, she stands out so much.

Mr. Raven's late class met only on Mondays and Wednesdays, so there was no excuse to see him later. Still... Diane and the blonde kid are on either side of Mr. Raven, but Lucy's trailing behind. Kinda slumped a little. Is Lucy mad about something?

Jay stumbled, breaking her concentration. For the second time in the day, someone caught her from behind.

"Thanks... Rhoda?" When did the mouse get strong?

"No problem. Jay?"

"Yeah, Jay."

Rhoda hurried off to catch up with Diane and the others.

Wait a sec... when did Rhoda get taller than me? But... she's still shorter than Diane... How...?

And then Barney Yardley passed Jay. Jay called out, "Barney!" with more volume than she really intended. He glanced backward without stopping.

The hallway began to empty as the time for the next period approached. The bell sounded, and Jay found herself alone.

Why not? Jay assumed the smoke form she'd learned from that shaggy guy, thinning out to a barely visible mist hugging the floor. In moments she was safely in a ladies lavatory, alone and with mirrors. And there she discovered...

I'm not just shorter, I look like someone else! And...

There didn't seem to be anything wrong with Jay's ankle.

Magic, again. But whose?

Jay had her phone back (her clothes and anything else on her person got "smoked"—within limits; anything she had in her hands dropped to the ground, and Jay suspected there was a weight limit—at any rate, she had her phone, so she could watch videos while hiding in a stall until the next period—or until the enchantment wore off, maybe...

The enchantment was still on when the next bell rang. But if Barney didn't recognize her, no one would, except maybe whoever enchanted her. Better to wait a few more minutes and blend into the crowd.

Jay left her hiding place, and there was no trouble (beyond being the wrong person for her next class) for more than a minute before...

"Tedd?! What are you doing here?!"

Was Tedd Verres actually here?! Jay looked around frantically and realized that the only people staring at her were..

Carp, that was Grace's voice! And Grace was with Ellen.

"Couldn't stay away from Grace this long, Tedd?!" said Ellen. "And with that bad leg, naughty, naughty."

Ellen knows something. Did she do this to me? No, she wasn't there when... unless...

None of the other students or even a passing faculty member seemed to take any special notice. Grace and Tedd drew close, and Ellen whispered, "Who are you, really?"

"I'm Jay," Jay admitted. "Did you do this to me?"

"No-o-o," Ellen murmured. "I think we all need a visit to the Ladies about now."

The same lavatory was the closest, but it had a few other visitors this time. Grace immediately started combing Jay's now-purple hair while Ellen made a show of adjusting her bra in a way that attracted some jealous looks. The next bell rang and the others soon left. The bell rang, and then Ellen started talking before Jay could ask her next question.

"Why did you think I made you look like you look now?" asked Ellen Dunkel.

"You said you met my father," said Jay Arthur. "And you do all that stuff with Nanase." And I've seen what Grace can do. "If you didn't do this to me, who did?"

"I could have done something like this to you, but the only one I know who could sort of isn't here."

"Okay," said Jay. "It wouldn't be Tedd Verres, would it?"

"What makes you think that?" said Ellen.

"Lucky guess. You thought I was Tedd, didn't you?"

"Well, you look like him."

"Except you're shorter," said Grace.

"Shorter?"

"Yes, about 2.2 centimeters, I think" said Grace.

"About," repeated Jay. "Ho-kay, how long am I going to be like this?"

Both Ellen and Grace shrugged. Grace said, "If you don't like the way you are now, probably not as long as if you don't care. If you like it, more than that. Probably."

"Depends on who enchanted you and which spell they used," said Ellen. Grace, do you think maybe...?"

"She's shorter, but..." said Grace. "Who were you with when this happened?"

"Ummm..." Jay stalled a bit, thinking about the question, and thinking about how and whether she should answer. "I saw Diane, Mr. Raven, that blonde kid with the long ponytail, and Lucy, Diane's girlfriend, but they really didn't see me, I think, and..."

"And?" Ellen prompted.

"Rhoda? That short mousy girl who..." Who was on TV when that creepy floating girl showed up.

"Rhoda," said both Ellen and Grace, almost at the same time, looking significantly at one another.

"Rhoda?" Jay asked herself.

"Rhoda's coming to our place tonight," said Grace.

"Is Tedd's dad going to be home?" asked Ellen.

"We can get Jay into the house before he gets home, I think." said Grace.

"Especially if we leave now," said Ellen.

"And skip the rest of our classes?" asked Grace.

"It's better to get her to your place earlier, and out of here before anyone else notices a Tedd lookalike," said Ellen. "If you want to stay, give me your keys—wait..."

"Ummm, exactly why is Rhoda—" Jay tried to ask.

"Rhoda's my history and psychology tutor," said Grace. "Ellen—"

Ellen held up her hand. "Wait. Better idea. We go over to my place. My parents aren't shocked by anything. Just in case Tedd's dad is home early for some reason or I get caught in traffic or another monster shows up—well, just in case, Jay gets to eat Mom's brownies for awhile while I go get Tedd."

"Go get Tedd?" asked Jay.

"And Rhoda. Tedd will want to look at both of you. Grace, are you staying or coming with us?"

"Us?" asked Jay.

"I'll stay with you, Jay." Grace squeezed Jay's arm.

"Right, let's move out now. The sooner we're out of her, the less chance we'll get caught up by someone."

As they hustled out of Moperville South High School, Jay glimpsed Barney Yardley again—actually passing him as he went the other way down a hallway with some kind of note in his hand. He glanced at her or her group, but only glanced as he passed.

There wasn't time to talk, it seemed, but o the way out there was time for Jay to think. Ellen's in charge here. Grace is going along even if she isn't sure this is right. And neither one seems to remember I'm supposed to be lame now.

Jay's last hypothesis was modified when they reached their vehicle, a very old Toyota that looked sort of like a VW beetle but not. Grace got Jay into the right front seat "for her leg" before taking her own seat in the back. "This is your car?" Jay asked Ellen as they pulled out.

Jay was actually surprised to get an answer: "Me and my brother's. It's a longer drive to Moperville South than North, and I'm Grace's ride."

"Your brother goes to North?" asked Jay.

"And Tedd," said Grace.

"And Grace has forgotten she's not supposed to say she lives with Tedd."

"You live with Tedd Verres?" exclaimed Jay Arthur.

"In the same house," said Grace.

"But they don't sleep in the same room," said Ellen. "Like me and my brother."

"And your bro—is that a joke?" said Jay.

"Nope, we've shared the same room all my life," said Ellen. "Well, this life."

You're full of it, but maybe not all of this is "it". "You said Tedd would want to see me, didn't you?"

"He will,' said Ellen. "He'll want to study you. And he might be able to help your situation, especially if we're wrong about Rhoda. Grace? … Grace?"

Grace wasn't responding. Curious, and not able to see in the mirrors, Jay twisted around in her seat and saw...

Grace's bangs were gone. Instead she had two ponytails standing up from her forehead and waving around. Like in that three-tailed form she'd shown "Smoke".

"What are those?" Jay remembered to ask.

"My antennae," said Grace. "Your leg is different."

"Yeah, it's not like my real leg, it's shorter."

"It's the same as your other leg. It isn't injured now," said Grace as her antennae went back to being bangs. "Is it?"

"It doesn't feel like it is," said Jay. "Will it go back to being fucked up when and if I go back to myself?"

Grace said, "I'm pretty sure Rhoda can shrink and grow things, and she changes her hair, but healing, Mr. Verres says that magic isn't so good for that, usually."

"Mr. Verres?" said Jay.

"Tedd's dad," said Ellen, sighing. "He's about as big a deal in our little gang as your dad, Jay."

"Is that why Father has been so intense about Tedd?"

"Part of it," said Ellen. "I think I see another interrogation in my future. Maybe you can put in a good word to your daddy, Jay?"

"For what good it might do," said Jay. "You really got magic? I mean, everyone with a brain and a memory at Moperville South knows Nanase used to do strange stuff."

"Yeah, I can do strange stuff. I am strange stuff. You're going to meet my mom and dad in a few minutes. You want me to say I changed you into a Tedd to prank him?"

"Um, one question," said Jay.

"Only one?"

"For now. Is the real Tedd a girl or a boy?"

"I can be Tedd as either a boy or a girl," said Grace. "And I can even be you, sort of."

Grace proved this by morphing into an excellent double of Jay as Jay had appeared at lunchtime, right down to her clothes and the Bledsoe boot.

"You didn't get the cane," said Jay. "But otherwise, that's scary good."

"Thank you," said Grace.

"But could you go back to being Grace for now?" said Jay.

Who wears house dresses now? I gotta be careful not to call her "Mrs. Cleaver."

That was the first thought Jay Arthur had upon meeting Ellen's mom. "Hello, Mrs. D," were the first words Jay spoke to Mrs. Dunkel.

"Call me 'June'," said Mrs. D.

Of course. "If you like, June," said Jay. "My name is really 'Jill' but everyone calls me 'Jay' Mostly."

"Then I will call you 'Jay', Jay," said June Clea—Dunkel. "Do you have your own magic?"

No wonder she bought that "prank Tedd" story. "Ummm, a little. I'm not very good yet. Who told you?"

"No one, but most of Ellen and Elliot's friends have magic, I think. Why would they let you know if you weren't magical yourself?"

Smarter than June Cleaver was written as. "Well, yes, I guess. I didn't knowEllen had magic until today."

"Well, have a seat. I've got brownies in the oven."

So the brownies weren't an Ellen joke. Ellen's mom left the room. Ellen was using her phone, texting; she hadn't been using it as she'd driven. So was Grace, who announced in a low voice, "Still can't get Tedd."

"Elliot's phone is on, but he's not answering my pings. Maybe when he's between classes he'll remember to check his texts."

"Did he send you anything about Tedd?" asked Grace.

"No," said Ellen. "What about Rhoda?"

"Rhoda?" It was Mrs. D, returning with a heavenly-smelling plate of fresh brownies to set before Jay. "Your little friend, Grace?"

"Yes. I tutor her in math and science, she tutors me in history and psychology."

"Tonight?" asked Mrs. D.

"Unless something came up," said Grace. "Usually at our place, but maybe at her place tonight."

"Well, I think there will be enough brownies for you to share with Rhoda if Ellen doesn't eat them all again."

"I don't do that!" protested Ellen loudly, adding a much softer "Much."

Not once has Mrs. D said anything about us being here long before school let out. And she's been with us nearly all the time—Ellen and Grace both go right to their phones when Mrs. D. leaves the room. Did either of them pick up anything the last time?

And now Ellen's brother is home. He's taller than I thought from those review shows. I guess that girl he does them with must be tall, too.

"Tedd?" said Ellen's brother as he spotted Jay.

Jay didn't have to act much to giggle. "Not exactly."

"Wait, Grace, are you Tedd and Tedd is you again?"

Again?

"No, I'm someone you've never met. Jay Arthur."

"Jay... Arthur?"

"You've met my father too?" said Jay.

"Yes," said... Elliot. Ellen and Elliot. Twins?

"Whoever did this had better undo it before Mr. Arthur finds out!" said Elliot.

"Elliot! It's just another prank," said Mrs. D. "I can't imagine Mr. Arthur won't understand."

"Do you know my father?" inquired Jay.

"Yes, I do," said Mrs. D.

"That does not sound like my father," said Jay. Uh-oh. I don't like the looks I'm getting now.

"I know Arthur is a man of proportions. He may not like pranks but he understands them for what they are. So is this a prank? Or something else?"

Jay beat the others to responding: "I think it was an accident. I was about to fall and "And I think someone did this to me to help. I'm much taller and heavier in my real body, and the person who caught me was not even as tall as the real me."

Mrs. D asked, "Who was this person?"

"We aren't sure my friend was the one who enchanted Jay," said Grace.

"But your friend was close enough to catch Jay," said Mrs. D. "And Ellen would have no reason to lie to me if she had done it to help Jay with her magic."

"But none of us is sure Rhoda is the one who enchanted me," said Jay. "Grace has been trying to call Rhoda about it. I'm sure she will reverse her spell once she knows I am still enchanted, if it is her spell. Or it may expire. I might be prolonging it because my ankle was injured and hurting a lot before the enchantment, and now it seems to be healed. Or maybe it's just not really my ankle. Anyway, it doesn't hurt, and I like that it doesn't hurt. So maybe the enchantment is lasting longer because of that."

Mrs. D nodded gravely. "You seem more like your father now." Then she rose. "I'm going to start dinner now. My husband should be home when it's ready. I'm not going to insist that you call your father, Jay, or reveal to him things about my children and their friends you'd rather not. But I think it would be better if you are as honest with him as you feel you can be."

After Mrs. D left the room, Elliot said, "That was really Mom, right?"

"If it wasn't, she stole Mom's brownie recipe," said Ellen.

The sun had set over Chicagoland and dinner-like smells were wafting in from wherever the kitchen was—it wasn't on the path to the downstairs half-bath, so it was as yet unexplored territory to Jay Arthur—when Grace finally made contact with Rhoda. It was all text, so Jay and Ellen had to wait for Grace to report the results.

"Rhoda can come after her dinner like she was going to, but where? I still don't get an answer from Tedd or Mr. Verres. Can we do it here?"

Jay said, "If you're trying to keep my magic secret from Mr. Verres, I can will go there, Grace."

"Rhoda really isn't ready to do that," said Grace. "Ellen? Would your father be okay with it?"

"If you must," said Mrs. D, suddenly and silently appearing, at least to Jay's perception. "But if it can wait until after dinner, Jay, I'd rather you just be Tedd for awhile. Frank's had a lot on his mind lately. He'll be home any minute now."

"I'll do my best, but I've never met Tedd."

"You should be fine. Frank gave up trying to understand Tedd a long time ago. You might make a bathroom visit now. Frank usually makes a long one after he gets home."

"Yeah, that's Dad," said Elliot.

Ellen made a hands-up point-made signal with a nod, and then pinched her nose.

Jay did make a bathroom visit, and looked around for some air freshener. She found four cans in the cabinet. Guess no one's got a spell for that.

Finishing her bathroom business, Jay picked up her phone and noticed the screen did not come to life. Damn. I must have left it locked onto video and drained the battery.

When Jay opened the door to leave she found a man standing right there. "Oh, Tedd. You're a girl."

"Um, yes."

"Nice outfit." He sidled around her. "'scuse, gotta go."