A/N: Thanks for your reviews and Merry Christmas! To the anon who wants me to finish stories in a timely manner; I have this thing called a job and it takes up a lot of my time…and at that job I put up with a lot of demanding, entitled people who like to yell at me for things beyond my control; so I don't always come home feeling very inspired. Writing is my hobby; I do it because I enjoy it and I update as often as I can. I'm sorry that isn't enough for you but it's the best I can do unless you want to pay my bills so I can stay home and write all day. To the other anon who thinks I have writer's block and need to finish before I start and then have a posting schedule; I don't have writer's block; I have many ideas for this story…I just have a day job that interferes.

Chapter 5

"Grandma," McKenzie said later that day as she dipped a nugget from her Happy Meal into her sauce.

"Yes?" Johanna answered while picking up a few of her fries.

"Since you're going to stay home with me; can I go to Christmas Church with you?"

Johanna sighed a little. "Honey, that's not my decision to make," she said gently. "That's up to your mommy and daddy and I'm not sure that Daddy will change his mind about you going to church with me…and that's okay; he doesn't have to."

"He will," McKenzie said confidently. "I'll ask him."

"Maybe you should ask him after I go home," Johanna suggested.

"Why?"

"It might be better that way," she replied; thinking to herself that she was never going to be able to dig herself out of this hole. Her son-in-law was not going to be happy with this turn of events…he liked that she and Jim went away from Christmas and stayed gone until after the New Year…and to tell the truth it was a relief to her as well. With miles between them on the holiday, neither one of them had to worry about pretending or hurting each others feelings…no one had to feel snubbed when some tradition or invitation was rejected. It was an arrangement that had been working very well the last three years…and now she had given in to the demands of a four year old and she was sure it was going to throw a wrench in the careful dance they did to hold a truce for the sake of the children.

"Daddy will let me go to Christmas Church with you; I'll tell him it's 'dition," McKenzie stated around a bite of her nugget.

"Tradition," Johanna corrected; "But Daddy and Mommy have their own traditions and they might not want to change those for one of mine…and that's okay. Every family has their own traditions."

McKenzie looked at her inquisitively. "But I thought we were a family?"

"We are, honey; we're all related, we're a family; but what I meant is that the family you live with in your house have their own traditions…just like at my house Grandpa and I have our traditions. Each home has their own tradition…so Mommy and Daddy might just want to do their traditions and not any of mine and that's okay; no one will be mad."

"I want to have Christmas like in the pictures," her granddaughter replied. "I want to do all the things Mommy did when she was a little girl like me…and since you're staying home now we can have lots of Christmas fun."

Johanna conjured up a smile. "We'll do our best."

"Can I be in the pageant now like my Mommy was?" McKenzie asked.

Another sigh crossed her lips. "McKenzie; it's not up to me, it's up to your parents."

"I'll ask them if I can be in the pageant since you're staying home with me. You can get me a pageant, can't you? Can I be in the pageant with Ally?"

"I don't know," Johanna answered; although she knew that it would only take one phone call to Valerie but she didn't want to get McKenzie's hopes up." "If your Mommy and Daddy would say it was alright, I'd have to call Aunt Valerie and ask her but I can't make you any promises."

McKenzie smiled. "Mommy will say yes and then you can call Aunt Valerie and tell her I want to be an angel like my mommy was."

"If you get to be in the pageant, you'll have to go practice your songs and all of that…it's hard work."

"I can do it," her granddaughter stated. "It's like when Grammy goes to 'hersal and practices."

"Yes; it's exactly like that; you'll have to go to rehearsal."

"I can do that," McKenzie replied.

Johanna picked up a nugget to dip in her sauce, hoping that they could change the subject. "Did you like ice skating today?"

"Uh huh," her granddaughter replied; "We should do that again. I liked seeing the big tree while we skated. Grandma?"

"Yes, dear?"

"When are you going to get a big tree?"

"A big tree?" Johanna asked.

"You have to get a big tree, Grandma; like in the pictures. It won't be like the pictures if you don't have a big tree."

"Sweetheart, I explained that…our ornaments are at the cabin."

"Go get them," McKenzie replied. "Grandpa will take you. Call him, I'll ask him."

"Oh, we can't do that right now," Johanna replied. "Grandpa is at a basketball game with Uncle Jeff. I better be the one to tell him the news about our change of plans…I think before I take you home we better stop at the market so I can buy a nice steak to make for Grandpa's dinner…and a pie crust to make him a pie."

McKenzie nodded. "We could go buy a big tree too!"

"Today?"

"Yes; let's go buy a tree, Grandma. A pretty one with color lights…I don't like the ones that don't have colors. Let's get a tree!"

"I think I better wait and talk to Grandpa about that," Johanna told her.

"He won't say no," McKenzie replied. "We're his girls."

"I know…but I still think I better wait. He might not want to go to the cabin just to get ornaments."

"Then I will go with you," her granddaughter replied. "We can get them."

"I think I better talk to Grandpa first," Johanna remarked. "But even if we just keep the small tree; everything will be fine."

McKenzie shook her head. "You gotta get a big tree, Grandma."

"You're awful demanding for such a little girl," she replied.

Her granddaughter frowned. "Don't you like big trees?"

"Oh course I do, Kitten; it's just that I don't have a big tree at home. We keep the big tree at the cabin. I like to decorate the cabin when Grandpa and I go there for Christmas."

"You get a big tree for your house; I will help you decorate. I'm a good helper."

Johanna nodded. "I know; you're a very good helper."

"Then you'll get a big tree and we'll decorate it."

"I have to talk to Grandpa first."

McKenzie sighed. "Call him at the game."

"No; we can't do that. We've got time to get things worked out, McKenzie. We don't need to rush."

Her granddaughter fell silent as she picked up another nugget and Johanna hoped it would be the end of the discussion for the moment. She had no choice but to stay in the city…but she couldn't help feeling torn about the decision…and feeling guilty for feeling that way. She wished it all didn't have to be so complicated…that she could've avoided this somehow but it always seemed like things spiraled out of control before she could stop them.

"What kind of Christmas fun are we going to have next?" McKenzie asked; breaking into her thoughts.

"I don't know yet; but we'll think of something. We'll have to watch some Christmas shows soon and read some Christmas stories."

"And make cookies," McKenzie supplied before shoving some fries into her mouth.

"Yes; we'll have to make cookies…and fudge; Grandpa will want his fudge."

"Can we make a gingerbread house like Mommy made with her Grandma!?"

"We'll try," Johanna replied.

"What else are we going to do?"

Johanna smiled. "I don't know, Baby; your mommy only gave me five minutes to figure it out. I'm going to need a little longer to work everything out but I'm sure we'll have plenty of Christmas fun like you want; don't worry, okay? We don't need to know everything right now; some things can be a surprise."

McKenzie was quiet for a few minutes as she ate and Johanna thought that maybe they had finally exhausted the topic of Christmas and the plans to be made.

"Grandma?" her granddaughter said somewhat quietly.

She laughed a little; telling herself she had to quit thinking the topic was closed. "What is it?"

"You won't be sad for Christmas since you'll be with me, will you?"

She gave her a soft smile. "I'm never sad when I'm with you, McKenzie Grace; remember; you're my sunshine. Do you know that you've been my sunshine since you were a little tiny baby in mommy's belly?"

"I was?" her granddaughter asked.

"Yes; once I knew you were going to be born, I knew I'd always have sunshine in my life. You make the whole world better, Kitten."

McKenzie smiled. "What about Landen?"

"He's my special boy," she replied; "He makes the world better too. I'm so very lucky to have you and your brother."

"What kind of cookies are we going to make?" McKenzie asked; changing topics without any warning.

"We'll figure out what all kinds of cookies we want to make," Johanna told her. "Don't worry. Finish your food, sweetheart; and then we'll go to the market so I can get those things for Grandpa's dinner…and maybe we'll look at the Christmas sprinkles and see what kind you might want for some of the cookies."

"Can I get a snack at the market?"

Johanna nodded. "Yes; I'll get you a snack to take home; what do you want?"

"Animal Crackers."

"Alright; and we'll get Landen some of his puffs so he'll have a snack too."

"Grandma; Grandpa will be happy to stay home and have Christmas with me, won't he?" McKenzie asked.

"Of course he will," Johanna replied; although she wasn't exactly sure how Jim would take the change of plans. He had said that they could stay home…but that had been when she had been adamant about them doing their usual thing. Now that she had made it official that they were staying…without his input…he might not be as thrilled. She sighed a little at the thought; that was why she was buying a steak and a pie crust and going through all the 'please forgive me' motions that he was used to…and once the process was complete, even if he wasn't thrilled, he'd paste a smile on his face for the sake of his granddaughter…just like she was going to do.


At the sound of a knock on the door, Kate abandoned her spot on the sofa, glancing at her watch as she did so. Landen had been a bit contrary about taking his nap so she hadn't had as much downtime as she had hoped while McKenzie had been out with her mother. The thought crossed her mind that she might have to ask her mother to take the kids overnight soon so that she and Castle could get caught up on Christmas preparations without worry of a child entering the room while gifts were being wrapped or taken out of shipping packages. She made her way to the door and opened it, revealing her beaming child hanging on to her grandmother's hand.

"Looks like someone found your smile," she told McKenzie as she met her eye. "I'm so glad to see that happy face again."

"Mommy, guess what?" McKenzie said as she pulled Johanna into the loft with her.

"Grandma spoiled you?" she teased as she stooped down to help her with her coat.

"No, silly," her daughter replied.

"Mhmm; did you have fun?"

"Uh huh; I didn't fall down skating."

"Good," Kate smiled. "What about Grandma who is being suspiciously quiet?"

"She didn't fall down either. Guess what!?" McKenzie said as she pulled at her gloves.

"You got Happy Meals after skating?" Kate guessed.

"Yes," her daughter replied; "I got nuggets."

"I'm shocked," she laughed as she tickled her before gathering up her coat and gloves.

"Here are your snacks," Johanna said, holding the bag out to McKenzie that she had been holding.

"You didn't have to buy her dinner and snacks," Kate remarked as she took the bag. "We have snacks."

"I had to go to the market so I took her with me," Johanna replied. "She wanted Animal Crackers…and then saw the box of Christmas Tree cakes and wanted those too…and a little snack bag of Doritos. There are some baby snacks in there for Landen too; his puffs and some teething cookies."

"Those we can definitely use; I just ran out before his nap," Kate remarked as she glanced into the bag.

"Then it's a good thing I brought snacks."

Kate smirked at her. "Just say I told you so and feel good about it."

Her mother shook her head. "No need for that."

"We bought Grandpa a steak," McKenzie exclaimed as she reached for the bag.

Kate's brow rose knowingly. "Steak?"

Her mother nodded but said nothing, only heightening Kate's curiosity.

"What did you do?" Castle asked as he came downstairs from checking on Landen.

"I'd rather not discuss it," Johanna replied.

"Grandpa's going to have cherry pie too," McKenzie said as she fished the snack cakes out of the bag.

"Cherry pie too?" Kate remarked. "Wow; full Plan A. It must be big and he's going to know it as soon as he sees the plate. You know after all this time you'd think you'd change up the plan a little so he wouldn't know the second he sees his dinner that you've done something."

"It's better this way," Johanna replied. "We do the standard 'hello, I missed you, how was your day' thing and then I show him the steak and we get right to it without any prancing around it. The steak is basically the ice breaker."

"What's the pie?" Castle asked.

"Consolation," she answered.

Kate smirked at her mother. "I thought consolation was…Plan C...you know the plan that comes after the crying which is Plan B."

"Yeah, well I'm not sure I'm in the mood for Plan C," Johanna remarked; "But if it gets that far I'll have to find that mood quickly."

Kate nodded. "You've got the steak and the pie; he's going to expect the full 'please forgive me' treatment."

"You're probably right; I may as well see it through…maybe it'll make us both feel better," she replied; raking a hand through her dark hair.

"What did you do, Mom?"

"Grandma's staying home for Christmas!" McKenzie exclaimed. "I wanted you to guess but you didn't guess."

Castle dropped the box of cakes he was opening for his daughter as Kate's eyes widened in surprise. Johanna cringed, knowing it wasn't the news they wanted to hear; her gaze dropping to the floor.

Kate recovered from the surprise first. "How did that come about?"

Johanna met her daughter's eye. "Let's just say she's inherited your knack for emotional blackmail," she said quietly.

"She's only inherited my stubbornness."

"Oh no," Johanna said with a shake of her head. "She is you, up one side and down the other, my girl."

"So what exactly was this blackmail?" Kate asked; figuring today wasn't the day to have a debate about genetics…because apparently her mother had forgotten that those were genetics that she had been passed down the line from her as well.

"She said she wouldn't come to my house if I didn't stay home," she replied; "And also asked me to bring her home at that current moment because I had initially said that we were doing what we always do…so..."

"So you found yourself backed into a corner by a four year old and she won?" Kate asked.

Her mother's eyes narrowed at her. "Oh like she never wins with you."

"McKenzie," Kate said, brushing a hand over her daughter's hair as she accepted the cake that Castle had finally gotten out of the box; "Why don't you take your cake and go watch TV for a few minutes."

"Okay, Mommy," McKenzie said. "I'm so happy Grandma and Grandpa are staying home. Now I can have Christmas fun with Grandma like you used to."

Johanna's foot tapped against the floor nervously; wishing she could just flee but she knew that wasn't an option as her daughter turned back to her, shoving her hands into her pockets as she did so.

"So?" Kate said softly; "How do you feel about this?"

Johanna shrugged. "You told me to fix it; I fixed it. She's happy and over this thing about me being mad. As long as she's happy that's all that matters."

"But are you happy?"

"As long as McKenzie is happy; that's all that matters," Johanna said; her gaze shifting between her daughter and son-in-law. "And just know that just because we're staying in the city doesn't mean I have any expectations. I have absolutely no expectations…none. The things she wants us to do, we'll do while I'm babysitting…if there's some little outing that comes to mind, I'll check with you and if it's something you had planned on doing with her, I'll cross it off the list; no hard feelings. I'm not going to be in the way, I promise. I'll give her what she wants the best I can but I'm not going to be in the way of your traditions; and if I start to stray toward it accidentally; just tell me to get the hell back in my own lane; I won't get mad. It'll be fine…she's happy; that's all that matters. I'm making no demands, have no expectations and hopefully we'll get through this without any issue. I don't want issues; I'm not looking for issues. I swear, I will stay in my corner of the city."

"Mom," Kate began to say.

"I have to go," Johanna said, her hand curling around the strap of her purse. "I've got groceries in the car and a steak to fix. I need to go. McKenzie; I'm leaving; come give me a hug."

"Mom," she said again, grabbing her coat sleeve. "If it's going to upset you to stay in the city; you don't have to…she'll get over it."

Johanna shook her head. "I'm not going to break my promise to her. I'm fine…I know it's going back on the deal we made after her first Christmas but I…I didn't know what else to do. You told me to fix it, I fixed it."

"Can't you stay awhile, Grandma?" McKenzie asked as she hurried back to the door.

"No, sweetheart," she said as she lifted her into her arms. "I have to go home and make dinner for Grandpa; I'll see you Monday, okay?"

"And you'll have a big tree?"

"I don't know if I can get that done that quickly, Kitten; we'll see," Johanna said as she hugged her tightly and then kissed her. "You give Landen a kiss for me when he gets up and be a good girl; Santa's watching extra close right now."

"I'll be good," McKenzie promised. "I love you, Grandma."

"I love you too, my sweet girl," she said, giving her one more squeeze before putting her down. "I'll see you Monday, Katie."

"Mom; I think maybe we should talk about this."

"I told you I wouldn't be in the way; what more is there to say?" Johanna replied. "I promise to keep my word on that."

"I've never considered you to be in the way," Kate told her as she opened the door. "I'm not bothered that you're staying."

"Not right now," Johanna said as she turned to face them once more; "But I know that can change; which is why I'm making it clear that I'm not going to be in anyone's way…that I won't be stepping on anyone's toes or traditions. I'm not asking for anything more than what I have."

"Mom; you sound like you're in front of the jury."

She nodded. "That's how my brain operates; if you go out there with a prepared statement; you can get the point across and go home. I know this change of plans isn't what any of us expected or wanted but…I was overruled and sometimes you lose the case and you have to deal with it…which is why I'm going home and cooking a steak and making a pie. I'll see you later."

"I'll call you later," Kate told her.

"Maybe you better wait until tomorrow," her mother suggested. "You'll think I'm avoiding you if you call and I don't answer because I'm in the middle of Plan C."

She smiled and gave a nod. "In that case, I'll call you tomorrow…and I would appreciate speaking to my mother and not my lawyer."

"Sometimes it's hard for her to separate the two in certain situations," Johanna admitted; "Like a daughter who sometimes forgets to turn off the Cop function of her brain."

"Point taken," Kate replied. "Be careful getting home…thank you for making your granddaughter happy again."

"No problem," she said as she stepped across the threshold and into the hallway. "I love you."

"I love you too," her daughter replied.

Johanna hurried away to the elevator and Kate closed the door and locked it before turning back to her family. "McKenzie, you can go play or watch TV," she told her.

"Okay, Mommy. Are you happy Grandma's staying home with us?"

She smiled. "Of course I am, Baby."

McKenzie scurried back to the living room, leaving her parents alone in the entry way. Kate glanced at her husband who was glancing in the bag of snacks that McKenzie had left behind. "Those belong to your children," she said lightly; "You don't want to get reported do you?"

He gave her a small smile. "No, of course not…although in all fairness, I'm not exactly tempted by teething cookies."

"I don't know, I saw you nibble on one the other day."

"I only did that so Landen would do the same," he remarked.

"Likely story," she teased before turning serious. "She's hating this."

"Who?"

"My mother…she doesn't want to stay. She thinks I still don't want her around."

Castle shook his head. "Kate; I believe your mother's speech was directed primarily at me with her mentions of staying out of the way. I don't think it has anything to do with you…it was for my benefit. I accused her of being in the way for McKenzie's first Christmas…and she's stayed away for every Christmas since then; feeling it was the only way to keep the peace. That wasn't your doing; it was mine."

"Yeah; well…I told her to fix this thing with McKenzie and ended up backing her into a corner on the topic of Christmas without meaning to. She doesn't want to stay…but she's going to make herself for McKenzie and I feel like it isn't fair to her. I mean it's not that I want her and Dad to go away…I don't blame them for liking to go up there for awhile but…I don't like feeling like the reason why they go either."

Castle laid the bag on the stand by the closet and pulled her into a hug. "Well, you don't have to feel that way this year; we're not the reason she's going…McKenzie is the reason they're staying…unless your Dad vetoes the plan over steak tonight."

Kate shook her head. "When steak is being served and there's a pie for dessert; they're past the stage of a veto being an option. When the steak hits the plate it means whatever has happened is a done deal…which is why the steak is then followed by his favorite pie, crying and sex. Once she's run all three plans it's over and done with and they just go on from there."

He smiled a little as he held her tighter. "I've always been curious about how this steak, pie and sex thing got started as her chosen confession and forgiveness tactic."

"I don't know," Kate sighed; "But they've been married for forty-two years so it must work."

"No disputing that."

She sighed a little as she slipped out of his embrace. "She must've rehearsed that speech the whole way here."

Castle nodded. "No doubt about that. Are you okay with them staying?"

"I never had a problem with them staying," she remarked. "I never told them they had to leave the city on the holiday. She came up with the idea of them having a day with McKenzie too celebrate…because she didn't want to step on your toes after the way that first Christmas went. So I guess really the question should be, how do you feel about it?"

He shrugged a little. "It's not like I force them to leave…I think they kind of enjoy going."

"That's not the question," Kate replied.

He smiled a little. "Is that your mother's lawyer voice coming out of you?"

"Could be my father's lawyer voice," she remarked.

Castle shook his head. "No; pretty sure that's your mother's…I've heard it enough times to know."

"The question is still on the table," his wife replied. "Is it going to be a problem for you if they stay home and try to have the kind of holiday with McKenzie that she wants?"

"As long as it doesn't overtake the things we usually do, then I'm sure we can make this work."

"I'm sure there will be enough time and room for everyone to do what they want," Kate remarked. "For McKenzie's sake, we have to do our best to make this work this time, okay?"

"I don't think I'm the one who needs a speech; your mother is the one with no expectations…which means she expects us for dinner at five on Christmas Day."

Kate shook her head. "No; when she says she's expecting nothing, she really means that. It's her way of letting us know that she already expects us to say no so she won't be offering an invitation."

"How do you feel about that if that's what she meant?"

She shrugged. "I don't know…I mean it could be nice if we just went there for dinner instead of doing it here while trying to put toys together and handling Landen's fussiness if his teeth are bothering him. We could go there and eat and she'll send us home with leftovers…it would make the day a little less busy for us. Besides, I haven't had a holiday meal with my parents since McKenzie's first Christmas…and sometimes I think about that…about how part of what made Christmas special when I was a kid was going to my grandparents house. We switched off every year, some years dinner was at my dad's parents, some year's at my mom's parents…Grandma Beckett always had a Christmas breakfast too so that anyone who was spending the afternoon with in-laws could have some sort of meal with her on the holiday. It just kind of made the day extra special; there would me more gifts and the dinner and all kinds of Christmas treats and rules didn't apply that day; you could have as much as you wanted. It would be nice for McKenzie to experience that…and instead of looking at it as something being taken away from us; we could look at it as it being a small break for us in the dinner making respect."

Castle gave her a small smile. "Then maybe we should get McKenzie to blackmail her into a dinner invitation," he whispered.

She gave a soft laugh. "I think we better give her time to adjust to having to stay in the city before we go hinting for dinner invitations."

"Maybe Plans A, B and C will help her along in the adjustment scheme of things."

"We can hope," Kate replied; while silently hoping that this Christmas would be better than the last one they had all spent together.


"Jo," Jim called out as he took off his coat in the entry way and hung it up on the hook on the wall early that evening.

"In the kitchen," she answered.

He made his way through the house, stepping across the threshold of the kitchen as Johanna sat Scarlett's dish down in front of her in her designated corner of the kitchen. He caught hold of his wife as she made her way back to the counter, pulling her close for a kiss.

"Your team must've won," Johanna quipped.

"They did," he said with a grin; "But it had also been several hours since I kissed you and I was starting to feel weak from the lack of your kisses.

She slipped her arms around him, kissing him once more before she settled into his embrace. He hugged her tightly, picking up a vibe that something wasn't quite right. "Did your outing with McKenzie go alright?"

"It was fine," she answered.

"Just fine?"

"You don't really think it was spectacular do you?" Johanna asked. "I had to put the worst moments of my life in an age appropriate context for my granddaughter because her mother had to go telling things that didn't need to be told."

Jim nodded; choosing his words wisely. "Did she do alright hearing it from you?"

"She's fine…and I told her were not to talk about it anymore."

"Do you really think that's going to happen?"

"I have your dinner ready," Johanna said; changing topics as she headed for the stove. "I've been keeping it warm in the oven."

"Aren't you eating?"

"I ate with McKenzie; go wash up and I'll get your dinner on the table."

Jim nodded and moved to the sink to wash his hands, unable to shake the urge that something was off…and not just the kind off that came about when his wife was forced to talk about things she'd rather forget. There was something else afoot and as he turned and grabbed the towel to dry his hands, he saw her take the plate out of the oven…and the steak that was on it. "What the hell did you do, Johanna?" he asked upon sight of the meal.

"Come sit down and eat," she replied. "I'll get our drinks."

"What did you do? You were with McKenzie this afternoon; surely you it can't be that bad," he said as he headed for the table to sit down, but then a thought occurred to him. "What the hell did you buy her and how much did it cost?"

"The only thing I bought her was time on the ice at Rockefeller Center, a Happy Meal and some snacks when I stopped at the market before taking her home," Johanna answered.

"Okay," he said as he picked up his knife and fork. "Nothing steak worthy there. Did a credit card bill arrive? Because I have to tell you, you don't need to break your neck getting to the mailbox anymore; I signed up to get a copy of the statement sent to my email before the paper copy even gets here so don't worry; I know what we've spent so far on Christmas shopping."

"No, no credit card bills arrived…but it is very sneaky of you to sign up for emails," Johanna replied. "Now I can't be prepared before you get mad; this might throw a wrench in our marriage."

He gave a small laugh. "I hadn't thought of that…because I do like some phases of the please forgive me tour more than others."

Johanna nodded. "And now if you know in advance, I have no reason for the please forgive me tour."

"I'm canceling the emails tomorrow," Jim remarked.

"It's better for us that way," she quipped; trying to push lightness into her tone.

"Did you dent the car?" her husband asked.

"No."

"Then spit it out and let's get it over with, sweetheart. What did you do?"

Johanna sighed deeply. "Well…after that certain talk with McKenzie; she got started on the Christmas kick again and said if we didn't stay home for Christmas that she didn't want to come here anymore and told me to take her home…so I…I agreed that we'd stay home instead of going to the cabin."

Jim took a bite of his steak as he studied his wife; she looked like she expected to be read the riot act and he didn't understand why. "I have to admit, Jo; this doesn't seem like a steak worthy offense."

"It does to me," she remarked.

"Why? I told you we could stay home when this first came up."

"I know you did but I didn't think you meant it," Johanna replied. "I thought you were just trying to give me an out if I had changed my mind about our usual plans."

He shook his head. "No, I meant it. I didn't want you to think you couldn't change your mind about where we spend Christmas."

Johanna shifted in her seat. "Don't you like our Christmases at the cabin?"

He lifted his gaze to meet hers. "Of course I do, sweetheart; we have very nice holidays together at the cabin. I love every minute there with you. You decorate the house beautifully and you make a wonderful Christmas dinner and we have time together without any interruptions. I enjoy our Christmases there…but that doesn't mean that we won't enjoy Christmas here."

"I'm not very sure of it," she admitted; emotion surging forward.

"Sweetheart," he murmured, watching as the tears filled her eyes. "If you don't want to stay home why did you tell McKenzie that we would?"

"Because I don't want her to hate me," Johanna replied. "I know it's stupid to be emotionally blackmailed by a four year old but I felt like my back was against the wall…especially after this whole thing with Katie telling her about the past. It just felt like I didn't have any other choice. Katie wanted me to fix things…and that felt like it was going to be the only way to do it."

"She's not going to hate you…not because of the past…not because you'd rather spend Christmas at the cabin like we always do. If you want to go to the cabin; we will."

"We can't; I promised her…I'm not going to go back on my promise."

"Even if it means you're unhappy?"

"As long as I'm with you, I'm happy," Johanna told him. "I know this is stupid."

"What's stupid?"

"To be upset about not doing what we usually do," she admitted. "I feel terrible for not wanting to be here…and I don't even mean that the way it sounds…I mean; I want to be with the kids…but I'm not holding my breath that we're actually going to see them on the holiday. It's not that I don't want to give McKenzie the kind of Christmas she wants with us…it's just that I'm not sure I remember how to celebrate the way I used to. It's not that I have something against being in our home for Christmas…it's just that I've gotten used to how we do things for Christmas. I start looking forward to once we get Thanksgiving finished…that soon we'll be slipping away to the cabin for awhile; just the two of us and Scarlett; nice and cozy. It always feels like the perfect way to end the year; having that peacefulness…having all that time for us to just be together. I shouldn't be upset…we're still going to be together…you and I can still have a nice holiday together here at home."

"But?" Jim asked.

"But if the kids aren't here…it'll feel hollow. At the cabin it makes sense that they're not there…because were miles away and have already had our own celebration. But here…it'll feel wrong if they're not here…if we don't have the celebration we usually have to make sure that we get one. McKenzie thinks she's going to be coming over on Christmas Day…and I'd love nothing more than for our grandchildren to be in this house on Christmas Day. I would love for our daughter to be here…but I don't believe for a moment that they will be. There will be some excuse, some reason, some tradition that will keep them away and it'll just make it all seem hollow…and I'll be thinking the whole time that if we had just been at the cabin we could've avoided that feeling," she said, crying softly. "I feel like a terrible person, Jim."

"You're not a terrible person," her husband assured gently; "You're human…and we have gotten used to doing things a certain way; a way that keeps us from being disappointed…that keeps the peace in the family. I enjoy our time at the cabin too; I cherish it…and I know, you want to keep your promise to McKenzie; but we can still go after Christmas…we can still be up there for the New Year. Would that make it a little easier?"

"It might," she said with a nod; "But the cabin won't be decorated."

"It's okay," he replied; "We can get out that little ceramic tree you love and at least put it on the mantle in our bedroom so we have a little tree leading up to the New Year."

Johanna nodded as she swiped at the tears on her cheeks. "We could do that."

"Of course we can; and as for not being sure you know how to give McKenzie the kind of Christmas she wants with you…I don't think that's true. I think you still remember…it might be a little hard at first but I know you can…I know you'll give her what she wants…and it'll end up being the kind of Christmas you've wanted for a long time too. You'll pull it off, sweetheart; and you don't have to do it alone…I'll be here to help you."

"I told her we'd find some things to do leading up the holiday," Johanna remarked.

"We can do that…and don't worry; they'll be here for Christmas."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because McKenzie will drive them insane until they put her in the car and bring her over," he said with a smile. "Why do you think Katie called you and demanded you fix things with McKenzie today? She was probably driving them crazy. She's a very determined little girl. She gets that from her grandmother."

"I think she gets it from your mother," she replied. "There's some Elizabeth Beckett in there."

Jim smiled. "Maybe a little dash…but I see a lot of Johanna McKenzie...and Katie Beckett. I even see little splashes of Naomi McKenzie in that little girl."

"I see Mama in her too at times," Johanna murmured. "She has her heart."

"She does," her husband agreed; "And her need for things to be happy…especially the people she loves the most…and you're one of those people."

"Do you want a piece of cherry pie?" she asked.

"Pie too?" Jim inquired.

She nodded. "There's more."

He sighed a little. "Bring the pie and tell me the 'more'."

Johanna rose from her chair and went to the counter; slicing a piece of pie and putting it on the small plate she had sat beside the pie pan earlier. "McKenzie wants us to have a big tree as she calls it. You know I got rid of the one I bought the first Christmas I was home."

Jim nodded as she put the plate on the table for him. "I know…but we can go out tomorrow and buy another one…if you want one."

"It's not me…it's your granddaughter. She wants it to be like in the pictures when Katie was little."

"Then we'll get a tree tomorrow; it'll be alright."

"Our special ornaments are at the cabin," Johanna remarked.

Jim met her eye. "And?"

"And," she said, squirming a little; "I don't know if I could stand a normal sized tree that didn't have our special ornaments on it."

He sighed a little. "So you want us to go get them tomorrow?"

Johanna shrugged. "I'd like to have them but I know it's ridiculous to go all that way to get them."

It did feel a little ridiculous but Jim recalled a time a few years earlier when he had driven to a halfway point to meet Jeff who he had asked to deliver those ornaments to him so he could give his wife a better Christmas. He couldn't deny her now…not when she was already upset about the change in plans…feeling awkward and worried about giving their grandchild what she wanted. "We'll leave around nine in the morning and go up and get them and anything else you want," he told her; "We should probably check on the place anyway since we haven't been there since October. We'll get the ornaments and then on the way back we'll stop at a store and get a tree…and any other decorations you want to use for here at home."

"I'm sorry," Johanna said softly.

"For what, sweetheart?" he asked as he watched her wipe away a few more tears.

"For getting us into this mess of staying home and having to buy a tree and decorations and whatever else is coming."

Jim shook his head. "There's nothing to be sorry about. It's okay; we'll do things differently this year…and maybe it'll be the best one yet."

"That would be nice but I'm not going to get my hopes up. McKenzie still wants to go to church with me; she says she's going to ask Katie and Rick; I told her to wait until after I left."

Jim smiled. "So she'll probably get around to backing them into a corner this evening; she's a feisty one…they named her right. She's a McKenzie…just like her grandmother."

Johanna breathed deeply as she tried to bring her emotions back under control. "I'm sorry I'm a mess tonight."

He gave her another smile. "That's okay; the steak was good…so is the pie…I hate to see you crying but does this mean I'm getting the whole 'please forgive me tour'?" he asked lightly in hopes of making her laugh.

Johanna smiled despite the tears that still laid in her eyes. "Yeah; but I'm going to be honest; plan C might be more for my benefit than yours this time."

"That's okay too," Jim replied. "We'll both feel better."

"You don't seem like you need to feel better; you took this all better than I thought."

"Yeah; but I can pretend if it helps," he teased.

She laughed a little, his goal achieved and he smiled in response. "No pretending needed, honey," his wife remarked. "We'll just say this tour was split between us; plan A was for you; plan B just happened on its own and Plan C is for me…because I just need comforting tonight…even if it seems like a silly thing to need comfort over."

Jim shook his head. "It's not silly at all. This holiday was difficult for us for awhile and then we found footing that worked for us and now we're changing the game again for the sake of our granddaughter. It's alright to feel off balance…but it's going to be alright; I promise."

She managed another smile for him; somehow, when Jim promised her that things would be alright, she always felt better as if the universe had to respect his command.

A/N: We'll see what discussions McKenzie has in store for her parents in the next chapter ;)