Stupid little chit! She thinks she's so great just because she got her man and her father and now I'm an injured has-been. It wasn't my fault! A girl's got to make a living when you're an outcast. It's all because my brother gave me such a bad reputation. Nobody ever liked me anyway.

I was always different from my sisters. I wasn't beautiful, I wasn't talented, I was just the seventh child. Can you imagine how terrible that would be? Everything I could possibly do my sisters had already done. So, I had to find something that my sisters didn't do. Maybe then my father would like me better than them. My dad felt guilty that I was his least favorite so, he gave me a Magic Shell.

So I decided to dabble in black magic. It was so much fun! I was much more powerful than my sisters. I quickly realized that since there were only girls in the family, the title of Queen would fall to the oldest girl. If they were alive of course! I had to make sure they weren't. It was a good thing Daddy gave me that magic shell. It made it so much easier to dispose of them.

My oldest sister was Daddy's favorite. She was so nice! It was disgusting. So, I got rid of her first. The second sister I shoved into a whirlpool. My third and fourth sister got washed up on the seashore. It was so sad how dried out they were. Yeah right! Daddy had so many daughters I doubt he even cared. Sisters five and six mysteriously disappeared and were never found.

Finally, I was the only daughter left! I was so caught up in my success that I forgot about one child, my precious little baby brother Triton. A boy! After all the trouble I go through to secure the title, all he had to do was be a male to get it! Patriarchy sucks tail. When my brother became king, he found out about my magic. He was so jealous he made me an outcast. Thankfully I still had my magic because I needed a way to take care of myself.

I had always been good at persuading people so I ran a little black-market bargaining service. People came flocking to me for help with things they were ashamed of or couldn't get anywhere else. All I asked for in return was a small bargain. And to keep things fair of course I made them sign contracts. If I wasn't disgraced, I would have made a good lawyer.

I made sure they knew exactly what they were signing up for. So what, if people were so desperate that they didn't think things through! That wasn't my fault. The deal was the same every time. Either they obtained their goal or failed and pledged their soul to me… forever. Part of their new allegiance to me would be used to lure in more unsuspecting clients.

One day my eels came to me with news that Triton's youngest and favorite daughter Ariel was pining away at some human prince. Now, I am nothing if not an opportunist so I had my eels try to convince her to come to see her old Auntie Ursula. She came and told me all about her teenage woes and how mean her daddy was being. How juvenile can you be! However, with me being the generous person I am, I told her I could make her human if she signed a contract and gave me something unimportant, like her voice. After all, I can't make it too easy for the darling.

Now, nowhere in my contracts does it ever say that I won't meddle to make sure the outcome goes my way. They never read the fine print. Anyway, I turned my niece human and then waited for disaster to strike. In three days she was back in my lair thanks to a few distractions on my part and I owned her soul for eternity. Of course brother dear was very, very angry about that. He came in huffing and puffing and throwing his Trident around like that could break a legal contract. When he realized that he couldn't, he decided to trade his life and trident for her to be released which made me the Queen of the Sea. My reign was tragically brief however because that impertinent human Prince decided to ram his ship into my middle which still smarts occasionally. Now my life sucks as bad as a clingfish.