Glad you're okay

By

Natalie Elizabeth

Beckett pulled up to Castles apartment and turned her vehicle off. She turned to look at the man beside her. He had been eerily quiet the whole ride home. Once Ryan and Castle had been given the all-clear by the paramedics despite both of them protesting that they didn't need to see one, Beckett had driven Castle back to the precinct. He still needed to give the official statement despite what he had already told her at the scene. Tyson had fooled him, had fooled everyone. An extensive search of the area had come up with nothing. He was gone.

"We are here,"

"Huh," Castle looked up at his surroundings. "Oh okay. Thank you. You didn't need to drive me home."

Beckett smiled at him. "Hey. It's what partners do."

She watched as a sad expression crossed his face. What was that about?

"Do you want me to walk you up?"

Castle shook his head. "No thanks. I am a big boy. I'll see you later."

Beckett frowned. Later? What was that about? It was always until tomorrow or if he was being playful until we meet again. Never later. He was taking this hard.

She reached out a handed squeezed his bicep. "Hey, it's going to be okay."

He simply nodded but kept his head down as he got out of the car. She watched as he made his way over to his apartment building and his posture reminded her of Eeyore from Winnie the Poo. He was so dejected over what had happened. It wasn't his fault but she knew that wouldn't make him feel better.

When Martha had called and told her something was wrong Beckett's heart had jumped up into her throat. She had tried calling and when neither answered she started to feel sick. She knew what 3XK was capable of. Sure, brunette males weren't his usual MO but if push came to shove, she had no doubt he would do what he needed to get away. The fear that was coursing through her body as she and Esposito raced to the hotel was unlike anything she had felt before. Her whole body was on fire and she felt a prickly sensation go through her arms. It was as if the fear was trying to explode out of her body. She had no idea how she had the will power to race up the stairs, to bust through the door. Adrenaline was a crazy thing. Even with her meagre flashlight, she had been able to make out Castles figure. The relief she felt when she saw him move away from the light. He moved; he was going to be okay. It was probably only a few seconds from the time she got out of the car until she saw him move but it felt like an eternity. Her brain wasn't firing on all cylinders because all she told Castle was that she was glad he was okay. Really! Glad, was all she could come up with. Glad he was okay. That was so far from the truth. Relieved he was okay. Thankful he was okay. Although she thought it was better than what was going through her mind. Fuck you're still alive. She had wanted to do so much to him at the time instead she simply cut away his restraints. If she focused on her job, she wouldn't get too emotional. She had to keep it together and be strong but at the time she felt anything but. Getting Castle a coffee had been an excuse to get away and compose herself. The hotel had started a huge pot of coffee once they realized their place was going to be swarming with cops for a while. When Castle brought her coffee it always made her feel better. It made her smile. She had seen the almost shocked look on his face when she had given him the coffee. Shocked and then that look he always gets when he is trying to figure her out. She knew giving him coffee would make him analyze her and the motive behind it. It wasn't just coffee anymore. It was a gesture of friendship, of kindness, of love.

Beckett bit her lip and hung her head down. Tonight, was just too close. To close to losing him. To close to losing them. Raising her head, she looked at the time. It was late but she knew it had to be done. Picking up her phone she selected the number and listened to it ring. It went to voicemail so she left a message and then started her car and headed off home. A minute later her phone began to ring. She answered it and quickly turned it onto loudspeaker.

"Hey, Kate. Perfect timing I'm on break."

"Hi, Josh,"

"Kate. Is everything okay?"

Beckett sighed. "Yes. No. I don't know."

"Are you at work?"

"No, not anymore. Just about to head home." She wasn't about to tell him where she had been moments earlier.

"Did something happen?"

"Yeah, Josh it did."

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am okay. Well, I am not injured or anything but. Well. Look this isn't easy and I am sorry. It's not the sort of thing I would do over the phone."

"Why does it sound like you are breaking up with me."

"Because I am."

"I don't understand Kate. I thought things were going great."

"They were Josh. It wasn't anything you did wrong. It's just. Tonight, I came really close to losing someone and it made me realize that I really do care for them. A lot. I just can't be in a relationship with you if I feel like this."

"Okay, so what happened today."

"We messed up. Turns out the innocent party wasn't so innocent and lives were put at risk."

"Castles life?" he asked.

Beckett nodded even though he couldn't see her. "Yeah, and Ryan."

"Well, it's natural to be worried about them. They are you, partners, after all. Its times like this that make us step back and realize how much we do care for the people around us. That maybe we should show it more. You know to invite them around for dinner and a few beers to show them how much they mean to you."

Beckett rolled her eyes. A few beers. "Josh. I am sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen but it's just not going to work between us."

"Because you love Castle."

Beckett signed. "I don't know. Maybe. I care about him a lot. I was so scared tonight Josh."

"He's your partner."

"Josh you're not getting it. Yes, I was fearful because Castle and Ryan were both in danger but all I could think about was him. If I lost him. I was thinking the same for Ryan to but this was different. I can't even explain it. I just know that I can't work out what I need to if we are together. I am sorry. It's over."

She didn't even wait for a response she hung up the phone. She would give him a few days and maybe text to check-in. Make sure he knew it was over. He didn't have anything at her place so there was no reason for him to come past but she wanted to make sure he was clear on it. This wasn't some adrenaline-fueled decision. Josh was nice and fun. It was what she had needed at the time. She would have to find someone new to go riding with which seemed to be the only thing that was getting her down over the ended relationship. Espo had mentioned wanting to get a bike. Maybe she could convince Lanie she'd look hot sitting on the back of one or better yet in front of Espo.

Beckett stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her. Unfortunately, a shower could only wash away dirt and not fear. It had been a tough case and she was certainly worse for wear after it. She frowned when she heard a knock at her door. She wasn't expecting anyone and she hadn't ordered food.

"Beckett,"

Although the voice was slightly muffled, she knew it was her partner frantically knocking on the door.

"Castle. Give me a minute," she yelled back while trying to find her robe.

He didn't hear her as the knocking continued then she heard a thump against her door. What was going on?

"Castle," she yelled out but heard the thump again. Was that fool trying to break down her door again.

Her door was more needed than her modesty so she forwent the robe and ran towards the door clutching her towel to her chest. Trying to open the door while keeping the towel in place was a challenge but she somehow managed it. Beckett stepped back as the whirlwind that was Rick Castle entered her apartment.

"Oh, Beckett. Thank god you are okay," he told her as he gripped her arms. "When you didn't answer your phone, I thought you're wet."

Beckett frowned. "What?"

"You're wet," he told her as he removed his hands and looked down at his wet palms. He then looked her up and down and his eye widened.

"Oh, you're in a towel and probably naked."

He looked towards her dimly lit bedroom and then back at her before cringing.

"I'm so sorry. I guess you didn't answer your phone because you and Josh were umm," he closed his eyes and shook his head.

"Yep, umm sorry." He then opened his eyes and looked back towards the bedroom. "Sorry, Josh. I owe you both a champagne dinner and a night at the theatre."

He turned to walk out the still opened door when Becket reached out a hand to stop him.

"Castle wait. Josh isn't here."

"He's not? then why are you?" he waved his hand up and down her body.

"I don't know about you Castle but I usually get naked when I have a shower."

"But you said you were going straight home to shower and that was ages ago."

"Well, I didn't leave your place straight away. I made a phone call first. I did take a bit of a long shower I guess."

"What call couldn't wait until you got home or tomorrow?"

Beckett bit her lip.

"Listen Castle this isn't the kind of conversation I want to have while naked with the door open."

"Right of course. I'll go."

"No. I just meant shut the door and I'll go get changed."

Castle shook his head. "No, its fine I was just being paranoid. I can see you okay."

Beckett squeezed the bicep that she was still holding. "Stay."

He looked at her for a second before nodding and closing the door with his other arm.

Beckett smiled before heading back to her bedroom.

"Open a bottle of wine and make yourself comfortable,"

"Oh no that's okay I'm fine."

Beckett turned around and faced the rattled writer.

"Yeah, that was more of a request than a suggestion. I could do with a glass after today."

Castle nodded. "Oh yeah of course. Sure."

Beckett quickly headed off to her room to change. The normal vibrant writer wasn't himself, and to be honest she really did need his company. When she had exited her room dressed in sweats, she noticed he had opened one of the bottles of wine he had given her a few weeks ago. They had made a bet over the traffic of all things. Castle was so insistent he knew the quickest way to go. He said he could get them to their destination in under 30 minutes if she just listened to him. She knew that time of day there was no way it could happen so she figured she would see what she could get out of him for being wrong. It was a bit of a gamble as if he was right, she had to attend some fancy gala with him. However, construction had played in her favor and they arrived in 32 minutes and she was the proud owner of 6 very delicious bottles of wine. Well, 4. Well actually now 3 considering he had opened one. She had been saving them for a special occasion as it was so good and she had shuddered when she had seen the price when she googled the wine online. Today wasn't the kind of occasion she thought she would be opening the bottle for but she totally needed it.

Sitting on the couch next to the writer she picked up her glass of wine and took a large sip and closed her eyes to savor the flavor.

"You are in so much trouble for this,"

"Do you think Montgomery could kick me out over this?"

Beckett opened her eyes and looked towards Castle. She placed her hand on his knee and squeezed.

"Castle I meant the wine. What happened tonight isn't your fault."

"But if I"

"No, Castle, "she forcefully told him. "This is not your fault."

She placed her wine on the coffee table and then grabbed his hands. He looked down and their joined hands confused.

"Castle, look at me,"

When he finally raised his head at looked at her Becketts heart ached. There was so much pain and sadness in his eyes.

"Castle this is not your fault okay. You have nothing to feel guilty over. Please don't let this eat you up inside. Thinking about the what-ifs is just wasting brainpower on something that's not productive. Trust me, I speak from experience. Overthinking will just take you to a place you don't want to be."

"I should have figured it out sooner."

"What makes you so special Castle?"

"What?"

"What makes you think it was up to you to figure this out. You are a writer Castle. A great one, but you are not a trained detective. Yet you figured it out. Espo didn't. Ryan did. I didn't. Castle I was on my way to have drinks with Montgomery when I got the call from your mother. The what-ifs have been going through my mind to. What if you had been injured and bled to death while I was out having fun. These thoughts aren't helpful though Castle. They just keep our bodies in a state of constant dread and fear. You figured it out, Castle. You, a writer amongst trained investigators figured it out.

"Too late."

"But you figured it out. We now know to look for him.

"But he is still out there. I am fearful for a reason. When you didn't answer your phone, I thought he came after you."

"I thought that may have been why you came flying through the door as soon as it was open."

"Sorry. Overactive imagination."

"Well, that's what makes you such a good writer. That overactive imagination has saved my life so I'm thankful for it. I really give you a spare key to my place. We can't have you damaging that arm of yours. That's twice you have had to break down my door."

"Okay Beckett how much have you had to drink before I got here. Giving me a pare key. Aren't you worried ill rifle through your underwear drawer?"

Beckett laughed. There was the Castle she knew and. Mmmmm Loved? Well, that's what she wanted to find out.

"How can you be sure I haven't booby-trapped the drawer."

Castle smiled as he leaned forward and grabbed his wine. "Oh, that's a risk I'm willing to take."

Beckett shook her head and grabbed her wine again.

"So why am I in trouble over the wine again?"

"Umm because it's delicious and so expensive."

"But worth it right?

Beckett shrugged but nodded.

"Don't get me wrong. Not everything that is expensive is necessarily good quality. Hey, why don't we do a wine night? We could buy a bunch of wine from different price range and do a blind taste test. Will Josh have any nights off coming up. We can Invite the whole gang around maybe even do the same thing with cheese and olives."

"That sounds great Castle. Montgomery has been hinting the team should take a few days off. Wouldn't hurt to do it when we don't have to work the next day."

"Ahh yes hangovers are no one's friend but I have concocted a few remedies that my Mom swears by. So, you think Josh can work it around his schedule?"

Becket winced. Well, this wasn't exactly when she had planned on doing it but no time like the present.

"Umm, we won't need to worry about Josh's schedule."

She watched as Castle narrowed her his eyes at her. He knew something was up. Shew bit her lip. Why was this so hard?

"We broke up."

His brows shot up in surprise. "Oh. I am so sorry. When? Do you want to talk about it?"

Talking about it would open up a can of worms she wasn't sure she was ready to see. Except she had broken up with Josh for a reason and that reason was sitting in front of her.

"Tonight actually. After I dropped you off, I called him."

"Wow. So umm wow. Okay; So, did you break up with him or…."

"Yeah. I did"

"Was this something you had been thinking about for a while or…"

Beckett took a sip of her wine to avoid answering.

"I'm not trying to pry it's just the case was pretty stressful. It's not good to make big decisions when you're stressed. It can make us act irrationally."

Beckett nodded and bit her lip. "Yeah, I know. Josh kind of said the same thing. It's not like there was anything overly wrong with the relationship but there wasn't anything great either. We were just okay. Life is meant to be more than Okay right."

"Yeah, it is. I feel like a lot of people settle for okay because it's better than what some have."

"Yeah. Tonight, I realized that there were things in life that were important to me and I shouldn't miss the chance to experience them."

"Like Bungee jumping naked?"

Beckett rolled her eyes and smiled. "No. Like these moments. With you."

Castle smiled. Then frowned. Then had an expression somewhere in between. "I… Ummm. MMM. Can you embellish on that a little?"

"I broke up with Josh because of you. I was so scared when we figured out something was wrong. Those unhelpful what if thoughts were going through my mind Castle. What if something happened to you and I never got to explore what I'm feeling in my heart I can't live with what-ifs anymore."

"Okay."

"Okay. That's all you have to say."

"Well to be honest my brain has shorted out and my heart is racing. What are you saying, Beckett? That maybe your feelings for me extending to more than I want to slap him."

"Maybe we should save that for a few months down the track and in the bedroom Castle."

His mouth dropped open in shock. "Detective Beckett"

She bit her lip and smiled. She would always love shocking him. "Yes, Castle. I want to do more than slap you. There is something there more than friendship and I'd like to see where that goes but... "

"But you just broke up with Josh."

She nodded. "Yeah."

"So, we let things sit for a bit. After all, I'm no one's rebound skank."

Beckett laughed. "Oh, rebound skank huh. Do we have a Freddie Prince Jr fan in the house?"

"Like you're not," he said in a full 90s teen voice. "Let's make a plan. In a month we go on a date. Nothing over the top. Dinner at my place. Just you, me and Freddie."

"Dinner and a movie in a month."

Castle nodded. "Yep. Time for you to figure things out."

"And in the meantime?"

"We just be us."

"Us?"

"Yep. Writer and his muse."

"Cop and her annoying tag along.

"Exactly. Nothing has to change."

Beckett smiled. "Well, I was kind of hoping it would."

Castle smiled back at her. "Well okay. If I not so subtly yawed and put my arm on the back of the couch and slowly let it rest on your shoulders, I'm hoping you won't then try to handcuff me to the lamp."

"Try it and see."

The end