Chapter Five

Ruth's flat - Christmas Day - 4am

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come

When Ruth wakes again at 4am there's the unmistakable sight of a blonde pixie cut sitting in the chair by the window.

Ruth sits upright immediately.

"Jo! I'm so glad it's you ! I've missed your face so much. Are you…?"

Jo smiles brilliantly, her huge eyes shining in the darkness, but doesn't speak. Ruth swings her legs out of bed and stands up slowly.

"Christmas Yet To Come?"

Jo nods once and her smile fades slightly. Such a beautiful face she had, thought Ruth.

Jo puts out a hand and Ruth takes it to pull her up. Jo puts her arms around Ruth for a hug. Then she pulls back and points towards the bedroom door.

As they walk down the wide terrazzo stairs at Thames House, Ruth realises where they are going. She stops. She's afraid.

"Jo, why are we going to the memorial wall? What happens? Who else dies?"

Still, Jo says nothing, just takes Ruth's hand and leads her gently onwards.

As they near the memorial wall, Ruth sees the unmistakable shape of Harry standing in front of it with his back to them, his arms hanging uselessly from his shoulders and his head bowed. In one hand he holds a bunch of white lilies.

"Harry!" says Ruth smiling, and jogs towards him. He can't see or hear her. She comes alongside him and sees that he has been crying.

"Harry what happened?" She looks worriedly at him, then turns, panicked, to Jo.

"Jo what's going on, why is he crying?" she asks pleadingly. Tears are coming now - she can't bear him being in this pain and unable to do anything about it.

Jo says nothing, folds her arms and looks at her with sad eyes. Ruth turns back around and looks at the wall, scanning down the list of names - many of whom were her friends and colleagues. Fiona, Adam, Colin, Ros, Jo, Zaf...so many good people.

Harry gets down slowly on one knee and places the lilies on the ground at the foot of the wall. His hand comes flat against the face of the memorial stone and over the letters of the newest name engraved there. R Evershed.

As he runs his fingers over the letter R he suddenly convulses and his hand comes to cover his mouth instinctively. He starts to cry in earnest.

"Why, why Ruth? Why didn't you listen to me? I loved you so much." He falls to both his knees.

"No, no, no." Ruth has seen her name now and her wide, wide blue eyes flicker from the name to Harry and back to her name again. She flips around to look at Jo.

"Jo! What happens to me? How - why do I die?"

Jo says nothing. She turns to Harry again.

"Harry. Harry I'm here. I love you too." She can't touch him. He can't hear her.

Jo holds out her hand again but Ruth can't leave Harry like that. She yearns to touch him and make everything okay again. Jo steps towards her.

"Come Ruth, you must see what happens now."

Ruth and Jo are standing on the grid floor. Two men in black suits are removing Ruth's desk items and stacking them into cardboard boxes. Nobody is really watching apart from them. Dimitri and Callum aren't there.

"What are they doing Jo?"

"You know what they're doing. Same thing they do for everyone. Same thing they did to me. Clearing your desk."

Ruth closed her eyes and remembered them clearing Jo's desk. She had had to go down to the archive to avoid it.

They pull her lowest desk drawer open, where Ruth keeps her more personal items, a photograph of Nico, the scavenger hunt notes Harry had left all over the grid for her to follow, a post-it from Malcolm. Ruth surges forward angrily to protect them.

"No! Don't!"

Jo has to restrain Ruth and it is then that she looks up to see Harry standing at the window of his office. He is standing still, watching the removal men and he is drinking. After a moment he closes the blinds abruptly.

"What happens to him Jo?"

Jo gives her warning look and shakes her head.

"Please Jo. I need to know."

"He carries on for another year or so."

"And then?"

"One morning Erin Watts comes in to find that he's had a heart attack at his desk."

Ruth's hand flies to her mouth and a sob breaks free.

"No, Jo. That can't be how this ends."

Ruth runs to his office door and slides it open. Harry is sitting in his chair but his head is on the desk and there's paper everywhere.

"Harry! Please wake up. Wake up, please."

She shakes him but he is lifeless.

OOO

Chapter Six

Ruth's Christmas Day - 7am

A sliver of weak sunlight fell across Ruth's eyes and warmed her face. The bed was warm and she felt rested and peaceful. Suddenly she came to her senses and sat bolt upright.

"Wake up!"

Instinctively she grasped for her phone on the bedside table to check the time.

"What day is it?" she flicked through her phone. "It's Christmas morning !"

She leapt out of bed and threw open the curtains to look outside. "It's sunny!"

Opening the sash window, she put her head outside to breathe the cold, clean air with closed eyes. Everything felt fresh, new and hopeful.

Throwing on her dressing gown she padded to the kitchen and put the kettle on. She closed her eyes and a smile broke across her face. "I'm going to Harry."

"Ros, Adam, Zaf, Jo? Do you hear me - I'm going to Harry and I'm going to tell him everything. I'll tell him I love him and that we're meant to be together. I won't leave until he agrees to go on another date with me." She grinned even wider. "I'm going to kiss him."

Suddenly the kettle was taking too long. She bolted back to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe.

"I'm going to wear colour again." She pulled out a red dress, brimming over with excitement and anticipation.

Once dressed and in the hallway she paused to put on her cream coat, which she hadn't worn in years. Glancing in the mirror she saw a different person reflected back - eyes sparkling with life and face shining with happiness.

"Right! Let's go" she said to nobody in particular, and grabbing the car keys she opened the door.

Ruth had already been to Harry's house (no answer), looked on the Grid (lights out in his office), at their bench (empty), at the cafe (closed) and there was no sign of the man himself. She was starting to worry that she wouldn't find him and this really had to be something that happened in person. She couldn't very well call him on the phone, what would she say?

"Hi Harry, Happy Christmas. I'm calling because I've been visited by three spirits and I've realised I'm in love with you and I can't waste another moment without you."

She sat in the car wondering where to try next. Her heart sank slightly wondering if he was with another woman, but then she rallied and set off once again for his house. Perhaps he popped out for the newspaper and she just missed him?

OOO

Harry was walking back to the house from the park when Ruth pulled up outside his house for the second time that morning. He wasn't particularly looking forward to Christmas Day at home. Perhaps he should just give up and go into work? How depressing.

Suddenly Scarlett quite uncharacteristically pulled sharply on the lead and disappeared round the corner out of his hands, shaking him out of his melancholy.

OOO

A small white and tan dog came hurtling down the road trailing her lead after her. Ruth bent down and scooped her up delightedly.

"What have you done with Harry girl? Given him the slip?"

That was when Harry appeared around the corner to be greeted by Ruth, dressed in red, holding Scarlett and beaming smiling. He wondered whether he was hallucinating.

"Ruth?"

"Hello Harry, Happy Christmas! I've been looking for you everywhere" Ruth put Scarlett down and handed him the lead, still beaming at him. Harry was completely struck dumb. Ruth was gone and in her place was the Ruth of five years ago dressed like the true spirit of Christmas, with the face of an angel.

Finally after a couple of seconds Ruth couldn't wait any longer. She just walked into him and put her arms around him and her head against his chest, breathing him in. After a couple of long moments she felt him exhale slowly and his arms came warmly around her too.

"God, it's so good to touch you again" She said quietly.

"What's going on Ruth? Are you okay?"

"I am now..." she said, then pulled away from his chest to look into his face. Harry smiled and put his hand on her forehead to see if she was running a fever.

"I'm fine !"

"Sorry, it's just that this is all rather...unexpected." He dropped his hand, and she took it in hers immediately. He looked down at their hands joined together.

"Unexpected, but nice?"

"Very."

"I love you. So much. Please would you come for lunch?" She said with absolute certainty.
It felt so right suddenly. He didn't speak but his eyes were locked with hers, the tiniest hint of a sparkle there.

"That's quite a conversation shift."

"It's a place I think you'd like…" She returned immediately, eyes lowered slightly. A blush appearing.

He pulled her back against him then, so hugely grateful suddenly for this change in her. Scarlett has sat down and he lets her lead go.

"Ruth you've made me so happy, I can't tell you." His hands come to the sides of her head, fingers in her hair. "I love you too. So much." He can feel her smile against his chest.

"Please will you kiss me now?" she asked, raising her face to his.

"Yes. Yes I will."

She will remember the next few moments for the rest of her life. His fingers run slightly deeper into her hair on either side of her face, his palms on her cheeks. Then he is kissing her and it's ten times better than her very best guess of what it would feel like. It feels like he is bringing her back to life. Which in a way, he is.