Mario Mario the funny Italian wahoo man sat on a plain, wooden chair at his kitchen table that was also plain and wooden — because he was a modest man on a budget — one fine afternoon. It was Sunday. Maybe. He wasn't sure. The calendar hanging on the fridge was three years out of date, and half of the pages were ripped off. It didn't matter. Nothing did. Not anymore. Not after the incident.

"I can't believe Peach left me for Bowser just because of my erectile dysfunction. Stupid bitch." Mario mumbled to himself while nursing a fire flower under a spoon full of white powder. "I'm going to smoke crack to make me feel better. And then I'll go fuck Bowser in the ass with my broken floppy dick that can't stay hard enough to ejaculate properly in order to assert my dominance." Mario sighed to himself because of his low self esteem from having saggy penis troubles as he watched the concoction in his spoon come to life.

Suddenly the front door burst open and slammed against the wall with a bang, further contributing to the door knob shaped dent in the wall, because the Mario brothers were too cheap and lazy to go down to Home Depot and install a doorstop. Luigi marched into the kitchen and pointed at his brother dramatically. "MARIO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he exclaimed loudly, in a panic.

"Shut the fuck up, Luigi. You put another dent in the wall. I'm smoking crack, what does it look like I'm doing?" Mario glanced down at his spoon and was met with a terrible shock that rocked him to his very core. The white powder on his spoon was now an inky, burnt, black blob. "OH MY FUCKING GOD! WHAT HAPPENED?!"

"Mario, you poor fool! That's what I came to warn you of! That isn't cocaine, it's sugar! You must tell me quickly, who did you buy it from?"

Mario threw the spoon against the table and it bounced off and clattered to the floor. The sticky black ooze was firmly grafted to the spoon at this point so it didn't come off and make a mess, thankfully, because that would really suck to scrub off of the linoleum. And of course Mario would be the one cleaning up because his brother was a useless freeloader who sat in his room and masturbated into his socks while browsing princess Daisy's onlyfans.

"GOD DAMN IT! I bought it from that motherfucker, Yoshi! I'm going to go beat that fucking horse into next week!" Mario stood up from his chair in a fit of passionate rage and clenched his ass cheeks and fists violently. He never let go of the fire flower so it got smooshed and caused a fire in his hand but Mario's gloves are fireproof so it didn't matter.

Luigi immediately ran over to his brother and put his hands on Mario's shoulders. "Mario! Calm down, Mario! Don't do anything rash!"

Mario shoved Luigi off of him. "Get the fuck off of me, Luigi. I need to go take care of business."

"But Mario, you can't go back to jail again!" Luigi pleaded on his knees. "Who's going to pay the electricity and internet bill?!"

Mario adjusted his hat to look cool and manly. "I'm sorry little bro, but sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do. Goodb—"

It was at this moment Mario was distracted by something. The spoon on the floor was emitting thick black smoke from the glob of burnt sugar it was cradling. The smoke took the form of a masculine Arabian man. He had a large smoke wiener. It made Mario feel penis envy for the second time today, but the Arabian smoke man wasn't plowing his princess (probably) so it wasn't worth getting mad over.

"Greetings, I am the almighty sugar genie, and you have freed me from my eternal prison," said the smoke figure, "Thanks to your heroic deeds, I will grant you any three wishes you desire."

Luigi was visibly excited by this fortuitous turn of events. "Woooooow, Mario! Think about all of the spaghetti and porn we could wish for!"

Mario slapped his brother across the back of the head. "Shut the fuck up Luigi, the wishes are mine and I'm not wasting them on your porn addiction."

Luigi went to sulk in the corner with his favorite sock and Mario shifted his attention back to the smoke genie with the huge dong in his kitchen. "I'm allowed to wish for anything right? Are there any rules?"

"Haha no, rules are for chumps," replied the genie.

"Okay, cool," said Mario. "Then for my first wish I want you to cure my erectile dysfunction."

"Oh? Penis troubles, huh? Well you're in luck my friend, penis magic is my specialty!" The smoke genie began gyrating his hips in a circle, causing his penis to fan around in the air, casting his patented penis magic powered by the ancient dickcopter technique. His dick began glowing and then a laser shot out of the dickcopter into Mario's crotch. It made Mario's dick glow brightly through his overalls for a moment before his dick became hard as diamond. It also grew a bit bigger. "Mama mia! It's hard! I'm popping a stiffy for the first time in thirty years! It's a miracle!" Mario then realized his penis was bigger than it used to be, "Hey wait, you made my dick bigger too, is that going to cost me an extra wish?"

The genie laughed in response, "No, I just felt bad for you so I did that on the house, free of charge."

"Oh, sweet. Then for my second wish I want Yoshi to die for being an asshole."

The genie snapped his fingers. "It is done." Somewhere out yonder, Yoshi the horse was Thanosed out of existence in the middle of a big drug deal with some shady looking koopas behind a toad house. The koopas shrugged and just jacked the goods and left. Then they overdosed on drain cleaner and died in a gutter somewhere.

"Okay perfect, for my last wish I want to fuck Bowser in the ass for stealing Peach from me."

The genie frowned. "But that's gay as fuck."

"I know, that's the problem!" Mario replied.

"Hmm..." The genie stroked his smoke chin. "I think I have the perfect solution. I will teleport you to them and you will fuck Bowser's ass and it won't be gay."

"How will you accomplish such an amazing feat?!" Mario asked in wonderment.

"Just you wait and see!" the genie winked at Mario before snapping his fingers again. As soon as he did, they both teleported to right outside of Bowser's castle. "Okay we're here, go into the castle and fuck Bowser in the ass like you wanted, and it won't be gay no matter what."

"Okay, I trust you genie, you fixed my dong after all. Here I go!" Mario tore off all his clothes with a primal roar of pure manliness and charged into the castle with his member sticking straight out like the Spear of Longinus coming to ruin Jesus' day.

Meanwhile in Bowser's bedroom, him and peach were sitting on the bed and Bowser was very confused. Mostly because he had huge tits and was HOT AS FUCK. He was now a she and (s)he didn't know why. "Why am I Bowsette all of the sudden, I'm not wearing that stupid crown right now!"

"Wow, I didn't know you were so hot as a woman. Too bad you don't still have your penis though, that's all I'm interested in," said Peach.

"Don't worry, I'll figure out how to change back so don't go anywhere." Bowsette stood up to leave and ask Kamek to grow her a penis with his magic to hold Peach over in the meantime, but she was stopped by the door slamming open with a bang, leaving a door knob shaped dent in the wall because Bowsette was too cheap and lazy to go down to Home Depot and install a doorstop.

"IT'S-A-ME-A-MARIO!" Mario jumped into the room completely nude with a super mushroom between his legs, ready to party. He was momentarily shocked by Bowser who was now a very erotic naked woman with huge titties, but regained his composure quickly because he was a man on a mission. "Mama mia! I see what the genie meant now. This is perfect. Now I can fuck you in the ass and not be gay!"

"Wait, what did you just say?!" asked a very surprised Bowsette.

"M-Mario?! What are you doing here?!" Peach shrieked from the bed. "And when did you get such a huge dong?!"

"Shut the fuck up bitch, I'll deal with you later." Mario replied to Peach, turning his full attention to Bowsette's ass. "That's right Bowser, I'm going to fuck your ass for stealing Peach from me!"

"NO! DON'T FUCK MY ASS!" Bowsette screamed. But it was for naught, because under the power of Mario's raw machismo Bowsette was no match and Mario overpowered her and pushed her over the bed face down and grabbed her ass with his fireproof gloved hands, because he left them on even though he took the rest of his clothes off. Better safe than sorry.

"WAIT, NO! MY ASS IS STILL A VIRGIN, AT LEAST USE LUBE!" Bowsette pleaded.

"No way, I'm going in raw!" Mario then plowed his dong all the way into Bowsette's ass in one powerful and ultra manly thrust.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" Bowsette screamed in agony from having her ass violently penetrated by the funny Italian wahoo man. "You're going to tear my ass apart you fucklord!"

"That's the idea you dipshit!" Mario began forcibly pistoning Bowsette in the booty as hard and fast as he physically could, wholly interested in fucking her ass as efficiently as possible, because it wasn't about the pleasure but to make a statement. "You motherfucker, you stole my princess, I'm going to keep fucking your ass until your rectum prolapses!"

Mario continued to fuck Bowsette's ass for four hours straight while Peach watched the entire time because she's a stupid whore. "Wait, Mario you must stop quickly," Bowsette said in a weak and defeated tone. "You're supposed to call a doctor if you have an erection last more than four hours!"

"Shut the fuck up you stupid retard, I don't give a shit," Mario thrust one more time into Bowsette's ass extremely hard, and then stopped because something happened. All of the sudden there was a rumbling sound and Bowsette's ass began to booty quake violently like a signal for the twerk apocalypse. "Wait, what the fuck is going on?!" Mario said in fear as the reality of the situation hit him like a sack full of hammers.

"YOU IDIOT, YOU FUCK, YOU GODDAMN RETARD, YOU HAVE DOOMED US ALL BY FUCKING MY ASS FOR MORE THAN FOUR HOURS STRAIGHT!" That was the last thing Bowsette ever said, because afterwards she fell unconscious from the force of a giant geyser of blood rocketing out of her anus like the Kilauea volcano, ejecting Mario's dong and launching him across the room knocking him out as well.

Peach began to scream and flail her arms around in a confused panic because she's stupid and can't do anything but complain and fuck. Blood continued to rush out of Bowsette's gaping anus at an unstoppable rate, until it flooded the entire room and drowned all three of them.

Later on, Bowser Jr. discovered their corpses accidentally, when going to his dad's room to ask him why Wendy was sticking her magic wand into her pee hole on a live webcam. He was scarred for life and became mentally retarded and unfit to rule as king, so with the news of Bowser's passing, Kamek was forced to ascend to the throne. He went down in history as being a better king than Bowser just because all he did all day was smoke pot and vibe.

Luigi never found out what happened to his brother, because he stayed inside the house for the rest of his life and never watched the news because he was too busy cumming in socks while watching paid internet porn like the simp he is. Eventually they cut the electricity and internet in the house because he never paid the bills and then he committed suicide.

Nobody knows what happened to the genie to this very day, but the legends of his dickcopter live on in the hearts of everyone.

The end.