Some Kind of Stranger


NOTES:

This is my first fan fiction EVER, so please bare with me. English is my second language so please excuse my mistakes. Heavily inspired by Tism's "The Moon's Pull", Progdor's "Braver than we are" and a fic available on wattpad called "Bohemian rhapsody", unfortunately I can't recall the author's name. Huge thanks to Hidranick for proofreading this, be sure to check out his fic; "Neon Genesis Evangelion: War"


REMASTER NOTES:

After receiving complaints about spacing I have decided to fix this chapter a bit, sorry for taking so lonag, I may have missed many mistakes, but if I find any more I will be sure to fix them.


chapter 1: Some kind of stranger

It was over, finally, the angel war has come to an end. Thousands of casualties and trillions in damages, but humanity was now safe, SEELE's plan for human instrumentality has been thwarted, the SEELE members were dead, and Gendo Ikari was serving a life sentence for crimes against humanity. God is in his heaven, all is right with the world, or so it seemed.

5 years have passed and the world has moved on, Shinji Ikari's friends all have moved on, Toji married Hikari, surprisingly enough Rei has started dating Kensuke, Kaji moved in with Misato, and Asuka... Well Asuka moved back to Germany, cutting all ties with Shinji, as much as he hoped that everything they went through together would help them develop a friendship, maybe even a relationship, unfortunately he was mistaken.

Shinji finished his education, and in lack of anything to do he started learning english, but now that there are no Evas, no angels to fight, he felt like he was useless, there was nothing he could do. Everyone who he cared for moved on and left him behind, hanging out with Toji and Kensuke became rarer and rarer, what happened a few times a week now happens once a couple of months, everyone was busy with leading fulfilling lives, except for Shinji. Shinji Ikari, now 19 years old was standing on the balcony of Misato and now Kaji's apartment, watching the dusk over Tokyo III, listening to a cassette tape he found recently; "First And Last And Always" by The Sisters of Mercy on his SDAT. Deafening loneliness all around him, he couldn't've thought anything but

"What do I have now? Rei has found love with Kensuke, a beautiful thing, but I'm missing my friends, same with Toji and Hikari, and Asuka... Oh god Asuka, I loved her, but i couldn't have made her stay, she left, I probably won't ever see her again. Misato and Kaji, they're the only ones who haven't abandoned me, I'm truly thankful they haven't kicked me out yet. I can't help but to feel like I'm... Some kind of stranger, to everyone."

"Seen the way careful lingers, undecided at the door"

He was tired, extremely tired, but that wasn't a type of exhaustion sleep could fix, but that didn't matter anyway, sleep never came easily, the nightmares caused by the trauma of the angel war didn't help.

"A beer." he thought. The 19 year old went back into the flat, silently closing the balcony door behind him, he scanned the room,

"Alone, nobody's here, they probably went for a date again, too bad, I could use someone to talk to."

His words echoed through the apartment. Shinji started his journey through his home of 5 years, heading towards the fridge, and the supposed temporary salvation held within.

He reached the fridge, and took out a can of Yebisu, he drank it a few times with Kensuke before when hanging out, but now he's alone, has been for a very long time. He remembered something Toji told him once about drinking; "Drinking with your friends or at a party, that's normal, but drinking alone? That's a sign that something's wrong."

He was drinking alone, one can of Yebisu soon turned into 3, and 3 turned into 6, and so on.

a few hours later

"We're home!" the sound of Misato's voice filled the apartment, she was greeted with silence, deafening silence, all around them, no signs of life. "Shinji? Are you there?" Misato called out after the boy who was like a son to her, but she heard nothing. Now on edge, Misato and Kaji entered the kitchen to find Shinji passed out on the kitchen table, empty Yebisu cans all around him. Shinji looked nothing like his old 14 year old self, face covered with stumble, sunken baggy eyes, and hair with similar length to the ex-bridge bunny Shigeru Aoba's.

"Oh god." Misato whimpered in horror at the sight. Her mind was racing. "Why would Shinji do something like this?" Was the only thing going around her head. "We need to do something, he can't stay passed out on the table like this." Kaji broke the silence. the next day

Shinji awoke in his bed, it was 1pm, after noticing how late it was he groggily got out of bed, he was still in his clothes from yesterday, after finding his SDAT on the floor he picked it up, he was very surprised to find that his tape was rewinded, but he was too tired to think about how he found himself in this peculiar situation.

Exiting his room he found Misato sitting by the table, unable to look her in the eyes, only a quiet sound sound exited his mouth.

"Hello Misato." Silence, silence enveloped the room.

"Shinji, we need to talk." Misato's voice broke this extremely uncomfortable, and somewhat terrifying silence.

"About what?" Shnji replied

"About what happened yesterday I-"

"I'm sorry, I really am, if you want me out of the apartment I understand." he interrupted with hopes of ending the conversation quickly

"No Shinji, it's not that, I don't want to punish you, I'm worried about you, are you... ok?"

"H-Honestly? I don't know Misato, I don't know, I just feel.. wrong, I did what I did yesterday because I thought it would be an escape, b-but I just ended up being a nuisance again, I'm sorry Misato, I'm so sor-"

"Shinji stop, just stop, yes drinking 13 cans of Yebisu is a dumb idea, but I'm seriously concerned about you, you have withdrawn, its almost as bad as after the Kawo-"

"Stop, D-don't talk about him, please, don't."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have, but you need help Shinji, I'm scared for your health, both mental and physical, even Rei-"

"Misato, I haven't seen Rei in months, I'm not really sure we're even friends anymore."

"Rei still talks to me, she said you haven't responded to her calls and messages, she's worried about you, and so is Kensuke, they miss you."

"Thanks Misato, but I don't think they do, I don't deserve them either way, there are no angels left to fight, no Evas left to pilot, I'm useless now, I'm sorry."

Those were the last words Misato heard from Shinji for a long time.

"Lords knows I've tried to say but I've heard a million conversations, going where they've been before"

Toji and Hikari's house, the night of Shinji's drinking binge

Toji and Hikari were sleeping, the married couple were leading a fulfilling life out in the outskirts of the city. Suddenly their sleep was broken by the sound of a ringing phone, and incoming call that woke them up.

"Why would anyone call so late? Who are they and what the fuck do they want?"

Were the thoughts that filled Toji's head, in an attempt to stop this ungodly noise he went to answer the call, the caller ID surprised him, it was Shinji, his old friend Shinji Ikari was calling him in the middle of the night.

"Shinji it's 1am why are you calling me this late?" Toji said groggily.

"Is that a way to greet your old friend Toji? Come on, tell me how are you guys doing over theeere."

Toji noticed something in Shinji's speech, from the few times that they drank together as teenagers, Toji knew what a drunk Shinji sounded like.

"Shinji are you drunk?"

"I drank 13 Yebisus, maybe I am."

"Shinji, it's 1am you ne-"

"Oh come on Toji, why won't you just talk to an old friend, please, I have no one to talk to, I'm alone, have been for some time, or are you going to leave me behind and forget like everyone else? I'd understand, I'm useless now, there is no reason to keep me around."

"Shinji what the fuck are you talking about? I'm not going to leave you behind, it's just that it's the middle of the night and you woke me and Hikari up, It's true that we haven't spoken in a long time, but what do you mean everyone left you behind? We still care we just-"

"No it's ok. Toji, I'm sorry I should't've acted this way, sorry for waking you up, have a good night."

the next day

Shinji was listening through that Sisters of Mercy tape again, recently it replaced Gendo's tape as his default choice, he only listened to Gendo's tape because back then it was the only one he had, but now he was expanding his musical horizons. Hung over and tired, that was his fate, he wondered what everyone was doing, but most importantly; what and how was Asuka doing back in Germany, Shinji hummed along with his SDAT

"And when the rain comes down, would you choose to walk or stay, would you choose to walk, would you choose to stay, would walk walk walk walk away", Shinji smiled sadly, "I guess she chose to walk."

His pondering over Asuka's fate was violently interrupted by a knock on the door, Kaji's voice could be heard on the other side. "Hey Shinji, are you there? You haven't come out in a long time, is everything ok there? What Misato said yesterday is true, we're worried about you."

"Yes Kaji." Was the response to Kaji's question.

Shinji went back to his thoughts, he thought about his old cello, he hasn't played it in a long time, the last time he touched it was during that cursed day of his first, and as of now last kiss, he hated remembering that day, it was one of those acidic stains on his memory, something he'd love to forget.

the same night

Nightmares were a normal part of Shinji Ikari's life, he was used to them, they ranged from the standard affair of running away from someone in a dark eerie forest, to dreams fuelled by the trauma caused by the angel war.

This time they were different, he saw some things he could never explain, something impossible, he saw the JSSDF gunning down innocent NERV personell, he saw the bridge bunnies defending the bridge from a JSSDF onslaught with UZIs, he saw a dying Misato clutching her stomach, he saw a dead Ritsuko floating in LCL with his father standing over her, gun in hand and Rei standing behind him, he saw a eviscerated Unit-02 with strange white figures standing over it, he saw a huge white figure that looked like Rei standing over the world, he saw a black moon rising from beneath the Geofront, a black planet. These nightmares horrified him more than any previous nightmare in his entire life, the unimaginable horror created by these strange apparitions consumed him. But the last thing he saw in those nightmares before waking up screaming was always the same, him strangling Asuka on a white beach in front of a red sea under a crimson sky.

These dreams reminded him of his uselessness, they presented him with a version of events in which SEELE wasn't stopped before their planned assault on NERV, a version of events in which he sat and watched as everyone he loved was killed.

They intensified this feeling, he felt worthless, he deserved being left behind, he deserved the abuse Asuka threw at him when she was still there. Every day and every night made him feel even more lonely and isolated, he started missing being abused by Asuka, it was better than being alone like this.

What was the point of sticking around if there was nothing he could do but wither away, no talents, no skills, no use, and no friends, would his friends even miss him if he was gone? But there probably was something in life for him, he just didn't find it yet.

Suddenly Shinji had an idea, Asuka, maybe he would be able to track her down, he had all his piloting pay checks saved up, he could afford a flight to Germany, and to stay there for some time. His train of thought was immediately derailed, that would be wrong of him, Asuka must have had a reason to leave for Germany and cut ties with everyone except Hikari, searching for her and finding her would only hurt her, or so he thought.

"Because the world is cruel and promises are broken Don't try to tell me Anything don't try to tell me You'll be true to me you know the Real truth is never spoken"

Shinji spent days staring at his ceiling, or standing on the balcony watching the city, he considered hanging out with Rei and Kensuke, or Toji and Hikari, but he felt like his presence would only intrude, like he was a burden on them, the only human contact he had was with Misato and Kaji, but that never went past family meals and occasionally watching something on the TV with them, they were busy with each other, Shinji was happy for them, and so he decided to let them be.

Misato and Kaji were the closest things to parents he ever had, but he still felt like some kind of stranger.

"Shinji" Misato's voice pulled him back to reality, She was standing behind him in the balcony door, she slowly started approaching him.

"You need to go out some time soon, you haven't left the house in a long time, maybe try inviting Kensuke out for a bar run eh?"

"I-I don't want to bother him, I'm sure he has plans with Rei, they deserve to spend that time together, without me intruding on them. "Shinji, they have all the time in the world to spend together, you haven't seen them in a very long time, they miss you-"

"They do?"

"Yes Shinji, I told you they do, give them a call, maybe set something up and hang out."

In a small bar in Tokyo III, by a small table in the corner sat 3 people, Rei, Kensuke, and Shinji. An uncomfortable silence surrounded the table.

Kensuke had enough of it, "So... What have you been up to Shinji? Maybe got yourself a girlfriend? Started a project of some sorts? There has to be a reason why you have disappeared for such a long time."

"I- haven't, I just... Existed, I haven't done anything, but more importantly, how are you two doing?"

This time the answer came from Rei "Quite well, fortunately we haven't faced any hardships recently."

"That's good to hear." They could tell that this conversation was going nowhere. "Toji told me you called him in the middle of the night, drunk of your ass, is everything ok?"

"I wish it was Kensuke, oh how much I wish it was..." Shinji said while staring off into the distance. "I feel lost, everyone has moved on, found something to do and someone to be with, I have nothing and no one, I only have Misato and Kaji, I'm sorry to just drop all of this on you, I ruined the mood."

Rei answered her brother "I am sorry you feel this way Shinji, I can only hope that your conditions improve, We're here for you, you can always contact us when needed." They ended up spending the evening drinking together, something that Shinji missed.


EXIT NOTES

Thank you very much for reading, chapter 2 is in the works, I hope it wasn't that bad of a read, and I hope you stick around for more.