In which I write a fanfic for a fandom I genuinely have no memories about save for this one ship. They're not related in this AU, and Dan is in college but back for winter break. Amy and Ian are both in the workforce.

The arranged marriage AU literally, literally no one fucking asked for, god rest my soul.


He ran up the stairs, unable to reach the top no matter how fast he was going. He was going to be late for class, his professor would hate him, he was shaking, he was tripping, he was-

"Dan," Amy whispered loudly, grabbing his shoulders and pushing him awake. "Get up!"

"Huh? What?" Dan blinked blearily, the adrenaline of treading up never-ending dream stairs running through his veins as he jumped awake.

"I'm running away," Amy announced, perched on the end of her bed.

Dan stared at her in confusion. "Hrmsengh?" He mumbled, mouth stumbling over its words. He opened and closed it a bit, getting his thoughts to become more cohesive.

"Amy… you're an adult. You don't have to run away, you can just… go?"

Surely she was joking around. Either that, or he was transported back in time back when they were 5, even though she still looked like a 20-something. Or, he came to a realization, this was just a dream. That made so much sense.

"This isn't a dream, dumbass," Amy rolled her eyes, sighing as Dan widened his eyes at her.

"Oh yeah? If this isn't a dream, how did you know what I was thinking?"

"I've spent most of my life with you, unfortunately," she sighed, pulling his cheek. "Idiot."

"Ow!" Dan glared, more out of automatic response than genuine pain. "What do you want? I was having very important dreams I want to get back to"

She sighed, hand flying to her face, dragging it back down. Dan felt a sort of self satisfied warmth spread through him, the feeling of comfort in being around someone you know partaking in the same mundane rituals as usual. Maybe he missed Amy more than he thought, she was busy with college and work, and he had been busy with the same.

"Like I said, I'm running away. You know the arranged marriage that our family has because of some long old timey tradition?"

"Yes," Dan nodded, lying.

"Well I thought I was okay with getting married to him, since there's really nothing but social and economic benefits to making the marriage, plus it's not like I have anyone I really want to be with and I dont think I'm against marrying someone who would be in the same boat of doing it for mutual cohabitation but-"

"Amy, you think too much," Dan yawned, having zoned out the moment her words started to pick up speed. "If you don't want it, you don't want it. What are they gonna do about it, marry you harder?"

"God, I hate your stupid face so much. I can't believe we share the same genetic material," Amy laughed, pushing him.

Dan grinned at her tiredly. "Just go. If it makes you more happy to run away, go ahead. I'll take care of anything over here."

"You're the worst," she smiled, climbing off the bed.

"I hate you too," Dan replied, pulling his blanket over his head and hearing the window close. Wow, she was taking the whole running away thing seriously.

Dan woke up the next day at the bright early time of 11 AM, walking downstairs to eat breakfast after he took a shower to stop feeling like a sweaty ape wearing human clothes.

"Amy ran away," his mother informed him, hanging up the call that she was on. Looking at her husband, she sighed, "I knew we should have pushed harder for an amendment in the legislature, there was no way Amy was okay with it even if she pretended she was."

Her husband nodded at her, sipping coffee. "Its too late now, dear. Today's the wedding."

"Well it's not like you're going to find her," Dan interrupted. Amy was too through for anyone to ever find her if she put her mind to disappearing. He thought for a second, and then panicked. "You cant get married without being there, right?"

What if it was all for naught and they signed the papers anyway and she got married despite not even being there?!

"No, I don't think that's possible," his mother replied, assuaging his worries. "But if she truly doesn't want to get married, this isn't the best solution. They'll just announce an engagement and then wait for her to reappear. I don't want to force my only daughter to go into hiding for the rest of her life because of a mistake ancestors she doesn't even know of did."

They all fall silent, the sound of kids playing outside floating in through the open window. Regardless of what was happening, the day was moving on and life would go forward.

"I'll take care of everything here," Dan recalled himself saying. He hummed thoughtfully, wondering what he should do as he grabbed some cereal from the pantry and returned to the dining table.

It was a given that Amy was always the responsible one between them two. He never had to do much because of it, knowing that where he failed Amy would exceed. He knew that she was forced to grow up faster than he did, that she was rarely selfish and because of it he was made up of all the things she couldn't have for herself. With all she did for him throughout his 21 years of life, was it so hard for him to repay her? Maybe not in words, but in action.

"Why don't I get married to them?" He asked, and the room went still.

As the silence dragged on, Dan asked them again. "You need someone to get married to them, right? Why don't I do it?"

His parents looked at each other doubtfully, and in a flash of self awareness Dan hoped that it was because they didn't want to marry off their son, rather than them not trusting him with responsibility. He backtracked, feeling guilty for suspecting his family like that, and then guilty again for making the fact that it was a possibility even an option.

"I can do it. I don't mind." He reassured, pouring his milk onto his cereal. Normally he would be kicking and screaming if someone else asked him to, but he was doing this out of his own volition dammit! Let him help!

"Aren't you straight?" His father inquired. "Amy was engaged to a man, you know. They're not going to let you marry the daughter just because Amy flaked out."

"Never thought about it," Dan replied honestly, because in all of his years of living he never seriously considered the thought of getting into a relationship besides in 6th grade when all of his friends were and he felt like he needed to as well in order to keep up with his peers. After that fell apart, he didn't really think about it, and his immature act probably pushed away anyone who thought he was attractive.

"It shouldn't really matter, considering the other party would be in the same boat," his mother mused. "You can get divorced the moment you start regretting it, okay Dan?"

He nodded, belatedly noting that with the conversation taking so long, his cereal was soggy.

"Well, get ready. We have a wedding to go to." His dad announced, closing the newspaper he was been reading and getting up from the table.

Dan's stomach growled loudly, and his mom laughed, tension dissipated.

"Maybe in a couple minutes," she smiled.

3 hours later, he was meeting his to-be-husband for the first time.

They started at each other, several feet apart. Dan could feel the man assessing him, judging him. It made his skin crawl uncomfortably, giving him flashbacks to the way other students would look at him sometimes. He forced his head clear.

He stuck out his hand, "Hey, I'm Dan Cahill, nice to meet you."

The man looked down at his hand, and after a moment of hesitance where he looked over to his mother smiling icily, took Dan's hand and shook it firmly.

"Ian Kabra, pleasure to meet you" he said sarcastically, the low baritone being the first that Dan had ever heard him speak.

Swallowing down the flash of resentment that had appeared when Ian had hesitated to take his hand, Dan smiled and dropped the handshake.

Their parents were discussing in the corner Ian's mother clearly aggravated. Dan watched in rapt attention as his mother, smiling, shot her down with ease, walking off towards him before the other woman could even reply. His father, on the other hand, was deep in discussion with Ian's father.

"Dan, you're going to have to get changed before the wedding. It's a civil ceremony, but you can't get married wearing that." She told him, nodding to Ian. "There's going to be some random people, is that okay?"

"I don't mind," Dan replied, feeling Ian's eyes on him. "Where do I get changed?" He asked, shrugging off his Letterman jacket and holding it in one arm. He noticed that Ian was already formally dressed, and wondered if that was why he had been staring.

"We're going to a tailor to make you a suit," Ian's mother replied, glaring at his mother, who blissfully ignored her. "We had a wedding dress prepared, but it's not going to be used now, is it?"

"Unless you want me to wear a wedding dress, no," Dan replied instantly, realizing it was a backhanded insult towards Amy.

Ian coughed lightly, getting their attention. "I'll take him to the tailor. Mother, please finish the final preparations for the wedding, we only have a few hours left."

"Of course," Ian's mother replied stiffly, to sing one last contemptuous look at the two Cahills before walking off.

"Follow me," Ian ordered him, and Dan narrowed his eyes at the commanding tone. He fell into step beside him, not letting Ian take the lead.

Ian waited till they were in the car before talking. Dan made himself comfortable in the limousine's silk seats, and watched as a window to the driver's seat slid open so Ian could tell the chauffeur where to go.

"You know, when the Cahills said that the marriage was still going through, I thought that they meant Amy was found. Not this," he jerked his chin towards Dan.

Dan frowned, he knew something was off about the guy but didn't know what because Ian kept his mouth shut around his parents. "What's it matter to you? All you needed was the name anyway,"

"Hmph," Ian replied, crossing his arms and staying quiet for the rest of the drive.

At the tailors, Ian listed off a bunch of terms that Dan didn't know existed, and the moment they had a suit he was bundled back into the car to wherever the Kabra's decided to hold the ceremony.

It was quick. Too quick, Dan would almost say, remembering. How he had repeated what Ian said in front of the judge as (probably paid) guests clapped politely as they signed the papers. They stood besides each other as people congratulated them, and then afterwards they were each given a key and dropped off at an empty but furnished one-story house.

Ian opened the door, bowing at the waist as he beckoned Dan inside, "We're home, dear," He sneered once they were in the living room.

Dan glared at the man who was currently slipping off the tie from the tuxedo he just wore to their wedding.

"Listen, can you stop being an asshole? Amy ran away because she didn't want to get married to a stranger, even an idiot could realize that."

"She doesn't have the liberty of running away, look at what she's ruined! And now you're married to me in her place, I suppose that was an intelligent oversight on your part." Ian spat back, tossing the satin tie to the side and shrugging off the jacket to hang it up.

It wasn't. Dan was prepared, had been prepared. But he was second guessing himself. He recalled what his mother had told him before.

"Don't be ridiculous, it's only on paper-" Dan rolled his eyes, still standing stiffly in his own traditional tuxedo, refusing to take it off.

"That's all political marriages are." Ian interrupted, waving his hands carelessly.

"-we can just get divorced once it blows over." Dan shot him a dirty look, continuing without caring for the interruption.

Ian gasped, looking at Dan in shock, as if he were an animal for even suggesting it. "I refuse to become a divorcee," he crowed snobbishly. "Can you imagine what would happen to my reputation?"

Dan started blankly at him, eyes widening in disbelief. Reputation?! Was he serious?

Dan grit his teeth and resisted the urge to swing his fists at him. He clenched his fists at his side and took a step forward, eyes flashing. "Then what do you agree to, fuckface? You wanna stay married to me? Then stay married to me!"

Ian crossed his arms stubbornly, matching Dan in stepping forward until they were only a foot apart. "Fine! You think you can solve this by just pushing the problem away and not confronting it? Don't be a child, I'll stay married to you if I have to."

"Don't call me a child, at least I know that Amy deserves a loving relationship that people shouldn't interfere with! You're not some kind of benevolent god for staying married to me, I can do that too!" Dan replied hotly.

Ian groaned, pulling a satirical pouty face while fluttering his eyelashes "Ohhh look at me, I'm so cool for knowing true love trumps all, oooh I'll get flowers for you during our lovey-dovey honeymoon."

Dan stiffened, he was the one supposed to be making fun of others! "I'd be surprised if you put that much effort into it, you seem like the type of privileged ass who leaves everything up to others and just stands around and looks posh."

Ian dropped the ridiculous act, stepping closer than Dan was comfortable with (well, his comfortable radius around an asshole like Ian would be about a mile anyway), but he sure wouldn't back down. "Don't you dare discredit me for my hard work, I know for a fact that I'd be a better husband than you ever would."

"Yeah, because husbands are rated by their credentials. Did you get a degree in chivalry as well, pretty boy?" Dan scoffed, imagining all the trophies and certificates he probably displayed at his old home.

"More than you would ever get, I'd be surprised if someone married you in their own right, let alone stay with you," Ian bristled, looking Dan up and down critically.

"Guess what you did, loser," Dan stuck his tongue out, raising one hand to pull his lower eyelid down while his other went to his hip. He knew it was childish. He felt childish.

"Not out of my own volition, it was to free my sister so she could have the relationship she wanted." Ian muttered, tapping his fingers on his arm.

"That's exactly what I did, yet you make fun of me?" Dan exclaimed, raising both arms in incredulity.

Ian frowned, looking at Dan with unadulterated anger. "Because you looked for an easy way out! I steeled myself to marrying someone regardless of personal feelings, you didn't."

Dan simmered in rage. This prick thought he did this without thinking! He knew the importance of his actions! "I'm just as responsible as you are! You want marriage, I'll give you marriage! Don't go crying to your sister by the end of this"

"I could say the same to you," Ian spat back, turning around and walking away, leaving an enraged Dan behind.

Dan clenched his fists in anger, taking deep breaths before sitting down heavily on the couch that was in the room. Noticing the TV mounted on the wall, he looked around for a remote. Locating it on a shelf, he scrolled aimlessly through channels, avoiding anything romantic till he stumbled across a nature documentary channel. Interested, he began watching the penguins on screen with rapt attention.

Time passed, and he eventually heard someone calling for him.

"Dan. Dan!" Ian called loudly from the doorway. "God, are you deaf?"

"Huh? No!" Dan blinked, tearing his eyes from the screen. His anger had long dissipated, but he felt a flash of white hot anger upon seeing his husband after their argument. Their first fight as newlyweds, he thought sarcastically. "What is it?"

Looking up, he saw that Ian had already changed out of his tuxedo into a less formal suit. Dan couldn't understand why he didn't just opt for some jeans.

"Since we've agreed to try and make this work-" Ian started.

Dan blinked, then snorted. "Oh, was that the conclusion of the argument? I must have missed that part."

"Since we've agreed to try and make this work-" Ian repeated, ignoring him. "Let's talk about how this'll work."

Knowing that Ian had gotten changed made Dan remember how he was still in the tuxedo, so he held a hand to interrupt Ian. "Fine. But first, let me get changed. Where's the bathroom?"

"About that..." Ian glanced to the side, "It's inside the bedroom, at the end of the hallway, but you don't have any clothes. This house was made to accommodate Amy and I when we got married, so the clothes are made for us."

"That's fine, just lend me one of your outfits. We're both guys, and I can live with a strangely fitting outfit for a night," Dan stood up, stretching. He guessed that they were just going to bypass the fight from earlier. That was fine by him. "When is my stuff coming in, anyway? I'm supposed to live here from now on, right?"

"By tomorrow," Ian nodded. "Come to the dining area after you're done."

Dan walked past him, waving his hand in dismissal. "Don't tell me what to do."

Once in the hallway, he opened the door to the right to find the bedroom. Opening one dresser, he found it filled with dresses, probably tailored to fit Amy. He closed it with vengeance and pulled open the other dresser, grabbing a shirt and pants. As he stepped back into the hallway, he peered at Ian, who was on the phone.

"Oh, I don't have my phone," Dan remembered regretfully, getting into the bathroom. He took one look at the shower and its complex knobs before turning on the faucet to the bathtub instead. Once in the welcoming embrace of the warm water, he thought about what was happening. He's married, in a new house, and all with a stranger that he didn't really like.

He felt his mind slipping into depths he didn't want to think about, the marriage registration papers floated up to his conscience, unbidden. He was someone who values freedom, and here he was in an arranged marriage. Would he ever be able to experience love? What was love, anyway?

He stayed in the bathtub till the water turned cold and his fingers pruned. Eventually deciding that getting out would be better than staying with his own thoughts, he pulled himself out of the water.

Putting on Ian's clothes, he noted with distaste that they were too big on him. Post-puberty and he was still small for his age, Dan thought to himself as he rolled up the cuffs of the pants so they wouldn't drag. Drying his hair on the towel, he walked back into the living room, where Ian was at the table, laptop open.

"Our maid is coming in tomorrow along with everything else," Ian told him, and Dan choked on the idea of having a main where there were only two people in a one bedroom house.

Ian looked up and down at him, eyes resting on the rolled up cuffs and the way the shirt sagged on him, and snorted.

"And you're telling me this because?" Dan inquired, face flushing in embarrassment. He sat down across him, glaring.

"We have no food in the house," Ian motioned to the kitchen in front of them. "We either eat out or order something, I refuse to make decisions on an empty stomach."

"Let's not eat out," Dan sighed, choosing to ignore how selfishly the statement was phrased. He looked at the clock, realizing that it was nearly 12. "It's pretty late, just order pizza."

"Alright," Ian replied, and Dan gave a low whistle in approval.

"Look at you! Pizza isn't too refined for your palette, master?" He grinned, resting his chin on his hand as he leaned across the table.

"Shut up, I'm calling the pizza place," Ian hissed in reply.

Dan rolled his eyes and dropped quiet. They ordered a simple pizza with pepperoni. Dan wouldn't have it any other way.

"Everyone can enjoy a good pizza," Ian replied belatedly, when the pizza was all done and they had thrown away the box.

"Amen," Dan said, full and content. "So what did you want to discuss?"

"Sleeping areas. As you may have noted, the guest bedroom was changed into an office. One of us has to sleep somewhere else till we can get two beds. After that, we can either go on a honeymoon now or in a week."

"In a week sounds better, I need to get used to being here." Dan decided to answer the second point first, "as for sleeping areas, what, are you flaking out already? I thought married couples sleep in the same bed, my dear husband."

Ian sighed, long and loud. "Why did I know you were going to say something like that? Whatever, you've taken a bath so sharing a bed should be fine."

"What do you mean, should be fine?!" Dan yelled at Ian as he made his way to the bedroom.

Dan turned away as Ian got out sleeping garments for the two of them, wondering if they were going to change in front of each other. Sure, he had changed in front of guys in gym lockers before but was this really like that? As if answering his question, Ian went to the bathroom, leaving Dan to quickly pull off his oversized shirt for a equally oversized pajamas. They stood on either side of the bed, staring at each other.

"Who's going to turn off the lights?" Dan asked, raising the blankets in order to emphasize that he wasn't.

Ian held up a little remote and climbed in, clicking the lights off. Dan stood there, in the dark, holding the blanket up. He grumbled, climbing in, and he swore he heard Ian laughing at him.

He had shared a bed with people before, this wasn't much different. In fact, compared to sleeping next to strangers when he booked rooms for conventions in order to save money, this was infinitely better.

A soft bed with ample space, and a person who wasn't likely to run off with his stuff or stab him in his sleep. Hell, Ian wasn't even as bad as some of his dorm mates back at the college. He was an awful person, but considering that Dan was stuck with him and morally obligated to make it work, it wasn't the worst. Feeling the warmth emanating from Ian's side of the bed, Dan turned towards him.

He turned towards Ian, as if he was a grade schooler at the sleepover.

"Hey, are you awake?" He whispered.

Ian turned away from him.

"Hey. I have an older sister, I know when you're awake and pretending to be asleep to ignore people." He whispered again, louder.

"What is it?" Ian bit out, whispering harshly back.

Dan fell quiet. Why had he bothered the older man? If he were to guess, he'd say it was because it was so late at night, and having someone else be awake in close proximity prompted him to ask questions that could only be said after being up for so long, like late night calls with friends, but in this case it was a stranger he could only learn more about

"Did you want to get married to Amy?" Dan finally said, noticing how Ian went still.

"Are you really planning on me spilling my life's story to you? You can't be that optimistic, or that stupid," Ian turned around, his golden eyes striking in the darkness.

"You really can't stop being a jerk for even one second, can you?" Dan shot back. "Come on, darling, if we want this to work we have to start somewhere. Trust is a two-way bridge, or something."

"Trust is a two-way street," Ian corrected.

"Same difference. Bottom line is, I'm going to be annoying and you're going to be an asshole, so we might as well understand each other more while we're at it."

"So you're self aware of your own annoyingness…"

"I do it just for you."

"I can feel the love, trust me."

"Answer the question, bastard."

"Yeah I wanted to marry her." Ian finally admitted, after a brief gap where Dan thought he had fallen asleep. "We met a couple times, I thought she was nice. We were both doing it for our families, I figured if there was someone to understand me, it'd be her."

"Wow that was way more than I was expecting, If you have daddy issues, go to a therapist, not me." Dan joked, trying to ease the gravity of what was just said.

"Aren't you supposed to be my emotional support, husband dear?" Ian rolled his eyes. "What about you, aren't you straight?"

"No idea," Dan replied, repeating the answer he said to his dad earlier. "I did it for Amy."

"I did it for Natalie."

It was a peaceful conclusion to their earlier conflict, the resolution passing between them unsaid.

They fell quiet, a strange limbo between tense and comfortable. Facing each other on the same bed with distance between them, Dan wondered if he could ever get used to it. His life with Ian would be his new normal until one of them gave up and inevitably broke the marriage, he just wondered how long he'd have to wait till then. A stranger that he had no choice but to get to know.

"Any other questions?" Ian asked, yawning.

Dan felt himself yawn as well upon seeing it. "Not right now, but I am surprised you were able to reply so civilly to someone as uncouth as me."

"Comes with the degree in chivalry."

"I doubt the credibility in your credentials…" Dan trailed off, feeling sleep overtake him.

He heard Ian reply something, but was too far gone to decipher it.