CHAPTER ONE

Life Goes On

Emma Nelson awoke bright and early 7:00 AM to her alarm buzzing and she was anything but chipper. It was a cold December morning and she shivered once she took the blankets off her in her king-sized bed.

A year ago she took a two week stint at the local hospital. She overdosed on Ambien and it earned her a two week stay. She was diagnosed with depression and she takes medication daily. She didn't mean to overdose she would swear but sometimes she just feels nothing but emptiness inside that she can't explain despite being married, having a job, a supposed purpose, good friends and she almost feels guilty for being unhappy and wanting more and not completely satisfied with her life. She calls it a rut. For years she feels like she's been on autopilot and she doesn't really know why.

Spinner she figured was already at work and they've been pretty distant for the past few months. By now they've been married for ten years and do not have children. She'd call it a rut but he was her rock after the hospital. For the past year she had been doing what she'd say is she's simply okay but it'd be a lie. She keeps the hospital stay a guarded secret and a forbidden topic in the house but life goes on and frankly it's a reality that Emma has yet to accept constantly living in her head. Begrudgingly and careful not to be late Emma gets ready for work.

From the bathroom she sees Spinner who had just exited the shower and was wrapped in a towel, "Emma glad I caught you, can I ask you something?"

"Spinner you scared the ever living shit out of me, I thought you were at work."

"I don't have to be in for another hour." Spinner told her sitting down on the bed and then he patted the spot next to him.

"Well I'm running late and wish I could but -"

"Oh you thought?" Spinner laughed, "no but if you have time it's cool but there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

Skeptically she asked him, "First it was a question, now it's a talk. Should I be worried?"

"I know your um libido has been like pretty much non existent since you've been taking the Zoloft and I was wondering if -"

"If I could carve in some time for us or better yet ask the doctor about another med, of course. I'll get right on that but in the meantime I gotta get to work so we can pay the rent and the bills and yada yada. We're okay. I promise."

Spinner although humored didn't feel that sentiment, and she had missed the mark by a lot. Finally he said, "Emma I wasn't done talking, I was thinking something along the lines of have an arrangement like an open marriage?"

"Are you fucking kidding me with this?"

"No, dead serious."

Furiously she exclaimed, The answer is no!" Emma questions him, shaking her head no, "no way. Are you serious right now? I have been true to you and I don't like polygamy!"

She raced down the stairs and he followed her down to the kitchen, "Think about it - this could be good for us."

"I met someone but I don't want things to change between us if they don't have to, right?" Spinner pleads as Emma paces in her work clothes unsure of how to talk about this thinking long and hard about why this has to sprung upon her a mere 45 minutes before she has to get to work, "please. I'm dying here."

"Who?"

"Who who?"

"Who do you want to do shit with, Spinner?"

"An ex you know her and she knows about you and -"

"So you're saying she knows about me and she's okay with this and more importantly WHICH ex are you referring to? Not to mention the fact you've been talking to another woman while we're married?"

"I didn't peg you to be so uptight about this."

"How would you feel if I invited Sean Cameron to sleep with me or Jay Hogart or Kelly or Peter for that matter?!"

"Not very good but I'd respect it? What's this got to do with the arrangement unless you are into it?"

"So you're free to fuck whomever and I gotta stand by you?"

"No you'd be free to be with who you wanna be with but at the end of the day we'd be together and nothing has to change!"

"Do you listen to yourself? Things would change drastically for that to even come close to working. God Spinner get your head out of the sand, I am not okay with this." Emma slammed the front door and left the house in a tizzy and she instantly bought herself a coffee at Starbucks. She was dreading going home.

She finally arrives to work and she sees Meredith, her much younger, confident, go-getting colleague who is always positively optimistic and camouflages her flaws so that they don't exist, "Good morning, Emma! It's going to be a beautiful day. I just know it." Meredith is obsessed with perfection and is a self-proclaimed perfectionist. Emma can't resent her because she is an absolute sweetheart to her and picked up the slack at work when she took her two week leave the year before. Meredith is boy crazy and is always meeting guys but she's looking for Mr. Right and not mr. right now she's always finding an excuse or something wrong with each guy she dates and has no problem finding someone new. Nothing could get her down. She was Emma's polar opposite when it comes to mood but she somehow lifts Emma's spirits.

"Good morning, Meredith." Emma sits at her side of the office and removes her winter coat and immediately hangs it on the hook by the lamp beside her desk. Sometimes Meredith can be a bit much for 8am. Emma sips her Starbucks and takes a seat and Meredith gives her the work for the day and while she's technically Emma's underling she always is kind to her and their friendship is genuine and she's a good listener. She's loaded so she gives the best Christmas gifts and she can drink Emma under the table any day. Since Manny moved permanently to LA, Meredith sort of fills that friendship void but nobody could replace Manny.

Preoccupied with work and making friendly conversation she asked, "So you still see that guy Roger? The one who took you ice-skating with roses?"

"Robert and that's a negative."

"How come? What was wrong with that one?"

"Oh you know I wasn't feeling it anymore."

She says that a lot of times and Emma smiled and questioned her, "When do you know when you feel it? You only knew him for a month? Who's to say he hadn't shown you all that he is?"

"I didn't feel it in my heart you just kind of know as corny as it sounds and the sex was subpar and blander than bland honestly." Emma uncomfortably sipped her coffee seeing as though she and Spinner hadn't been intimate for at least a year at this point and given the bomb he dropped this morning she sure wasn't in the mood to discuss at length her romantic woes. While Meredith is an open book Emma still feels uncomfortable sharing too much of her personal life with her.

By lunchtime they got the work done they wanted to do so they were able to take the full hour for some retail therapy and some sushi. Emma drove this time, usually they take Meredith's pink PT Cruiser she got when she sold Mary Kay for a summer. Once they left it was super snowy and the visibility was hard to navigate and they soon were stranded in the blizzard when Emma's car unexpectedly broke down.

Emma banged the wheel with her hands and started to cry. Meredith wasn't sure what to do so she patted Emma's back and tried to soothe her, "Breathe it's gonna be okay."

Emma tries to breathe but then she erupts into tears. She throws her hands up in the air and covers her face with her hands and then hits her steering wheel hard but not hard enough to where it beeped, , "It's not okay."

"Do you wanna talk about it? Oh honey, you can tell me and I'll take it to the grave. I promise you I won't tell a soul. I just hate seeing you sad."

Emma was by this point hysterical crying she hung her head and leaned her head against the steering wheel and she had done her best to hold it in and finally her darkest secrets are coming out, "My husband just told me this morning he wants an open marriage so he could screw his ex girlfriend who he refuses to reveal the identity of not to mention now the car is shot. Fuck my life."

"I am here for you.," Overall she remained supportive, "Emma, it'll be okay. We can call a mechanic and a tow and everything is going to be fine. I know a great lawyer. We'll let the guys at work know we'll be out for the rest of the day. Emma whines when she sees her phone is dead and where they are she has no service. She grimaces and looks at Meredith and they call up Tony's Garage where Jay works and he'd likely be lenient on the prices because Jay and Manny are together and she helped make it happen when they got together so she gets the friend discount.

"Thank-you Mer." Emma sniffled, wiping her smudged eyeliner with her hand she looked in the mirror she had pulled down and then looked to her friend, "But a lawyer?"

"Anytime Emma for your inevitable fall out with hubby."

Meredith dug in her big ass purse and pulled out makeup wipes and let Emma use Naked 3 palette and and smirked, "Here now wipe those tears and put on a happy face."

The young tow driver took the car and gave the women a ride to the garage to get an estimate on the car, "Wait here I'll go get the boss. "

And that's when Emma saw him, Sean Cameron who was in town, alive in the flesh and she looked as if she had just seen a ghost. "Well isn't this a blast from the past." He smirked in Emma's direction and gave her a hug. He couldn't help but observe Emma's rings on her left hand which meant she was spoken for but he didn't mention it aloud.

"Sorry to meet under these circumstances, since you're an old friend I'll give you a major discount."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

Meredith looked at the two of them and asked Emma covertly, "Are we going to be introduced?"

"Sean Cameron, an old friend of mine."

"Meredith Kitteridge, it's a pleasure. Since I'm the one who suckered Emma into this mess I think I'll pay for her to get it fixed."

"Mer you don't have to."

"I want to."

"Meredith, I'll tell you what, don't even worry about it. Emma's an old friend."

After the garage, the working women decided to get drinks. Emma couldn't believe they've been reduced to 'old friend'. It sounded so foreign to her she often would say he was her first love but it'd sound weird if used in a sentence. As Emma sipped her drink she zoned out and was rather over this whole phony bar scene with Meredith. She came back to reality and heard over the music Meredith quipped, "So who is this Sean?"

Emma wanted to downplay the entire thing and she most definitely didn't want to talk about it, "Like I said he's an old friend. I won't bore you with the details."

"Please I'm dying here, what's he like?"

"You sound like those kids on Westdrive and I'd rather not say."

"Come on Emma! The way he was looking at you. It could make your hubby quite jealous and want to rethink the arrangement. I love a good scheme."

"Not a chance am I talking about this." Emma laughed it off and Meredith frowned, "Fine alright? All I know is that I haven't seen the guy in a decade, people change but last we spoke he was in the army. It was always his dream to graduate high school in his family and when that didn't happen and he got his equivalency and enlisted."

"Why do I feel like you're leaving out details? So you guys weren't close?"

"We were back then but life goes on, right? I don't want to talk about it."

"So it'd be cool if I asked him out for drinks?"

"Do what you want, it's not like he's looking at frumpy ole me. Just know he's got a good heart okay? Whatever you do, don't hurt him."

"I won't dare I mean, who doesn't love a guy in uniform?"

Emma beamed and excused herself outside the bar and she wondered what kind of guy he was. What kind of girl Meredith was how they'd likely clash but with her luck they'd fall madly in love and she gave her the blessing to ask him out. She knows she can't have him to herself but she didn't want Meredith , especially Meredith to take him out but she wanted to avoid the entire interaction and now she's going to get 21 questions from Meredith about Sean. Sean was always into her so the thought of him being into someone else sort of confused her in a not so good way. She knows they had both moved on but she feels oddly protective like he had always been of her with him.

She stamped out her cigarette and walked back into the bar to pretend for a while that all was fine. She sure needed a drink, perhaps make it a double.