CHAPTER FOUR

Only the Beginning

Emma quietly came in the house dropped off by Meredith a little bit sloshed. She was more than just a little sloshed. She was simply wasted and she felt a little bitter. She wanted to just fall asleep and forget everything that had transpired hadn't happened from Spinner's query to Meredith's interest in her ex and the fact she was completely mentally exhausted from the day.

She didn't want to get drunk on a work night but she was sort of thrown for a loop running into Sean who has clearly been back for quite some time and no word from him. It's not like he owed her that but she assumed that her family was a family for him and she hadn't heard from him since at least 2009 in a letter and then communication went radio silent due to Emma's life changing marriage that took even herself by surprise. Fast forward a decade and some change later she feels somewhat nostalgic and a little bitter. Is that what growing up and apart means? She often wonders what her life would've been like had she become an army wife to Sean and lived with him, eventually married him on base and shared a long distance relationship and everything that came with it and she'd wonder if she made the right choice. She knew there'd be the risk it'd never work out but now he's here and Meredith is obviously interested and she feels all sorts of insecure.

Meredith is what Emma perceives to be flawless and he's only human. She's absolutely a beautiful girl and a delight to be around someone she wished she was. She hated comparing herself but she just feels so so when it comes to herself with her confidence in the gutter Meredith is brimming with unbridled joy and optimism and while sometimes it's a good thing it can be sometimes a bad thing because it makes Emma feel and believe herself to be inadequate and it's never been her intention because her intentions are pure.

Emma dashed inside the house, and waved goodbye to Meredith before waltzing inside at 11 sharp, Spinner ran to the door and she wrapped her arm around Spinner and let out an exasperated sigh, "Oh it's just you."

"I live here, who else would it be?" Emma let go once he placed her seated on the chair by the couch, smelling the liquor on her he asked, "why are you wasted? Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"What are you, my mother?" She walked right past him and called out as she started up the stairs, "I don't want to look at you right now." she grumbled as she hobbled up the steps and rummaged through the drawer in the bedroom. She pulled out some clothes for bed. And was about to put them on when Spinner comes in and she grumbles out loud, "I don't want to talk about this right now. Meredith and I had drinks and I don't wanna say shit I'll come to regret so just leave it at that."

Spinner wasn't listening to what she was saying and just impatiently asked, "Can we please talk about this? I don't know why you're all bent out of shape right now."

Emma turned to face him, "Only if you get that stupid idea out of your head and stop thinking with your dick and yourself and actually listen to me for a change."

"Emma I listen to you. I do nothing but listen to you, for the past year it's been all about Emma and what stupid idea? The open relationship? I'm not budging on it because since when are you or let me ask you have you always been this selfish?"

"I'm selfish? Look in the fucking mirror." Emma pushed him to the mirror he was an unwilling participant, "I'm not the one who asked his faithful wife of over ten years who stuck by you when Jimmy fucked off and Paige and all your so-called friends from high school peaced. I know you think we lost our spark but we didn't. You just want to take the cowards way out. I always knew you were unhappy but not enough to leave. Why don't you just ask me to divorce your ass because you're giving up!"

"Divorce, no no Emma," Spinner looked down and then at his reflection, "We're not divorcing. Where would you get an idea like that? It could bring us closer."

"C'mon, please consider this. We ain't getting any younger and it isn't even about the end, did I say when I wanted that that I didn't want you? I still love you. I just wanted to give this a try since I've tried most of everything. Am I that horrible of a husband? I worried about you all afternoon since I got back and you didn't call once for me. We didn't talk all day! You're not supposed to be drinking with your medication and out galivanting you're supposed to be home so we can work on our marriage. I don't want to have this conversation."

"I've been thinking a lot today, today has been terrible. So who is she?"

"It doesn't matter because I'm putting the end to it. It's not like anything major happened."

"I deserve to know." Emma sadly asked, "well answer me this. Did you already do things with that mystery woman recently?"

"I don't want to lie, we've fooled around a couple times it could've gone further but I always put a stop to it out of respect for you. Before you go on a facerange spree I'll save you the effort and tell you it's Paige."

She let out a laugh and questioned him, "Respect?"

"Well yeah, I wanted to have your blessing."

"Gavin Reginald, if you know anything you've disrespected me and our marriage" she only said his real name when he really fucked up and this time he has, " get out of here. You don't know how done I am. I don't care where you go. I don't care who you fuck because as far as I'm concerned you're not getting out of this one this time no way. I'm finished, I'm finished with you. After what Jane put you through and I fuck it it's just not worth it to talk about this anymore."

"Emma stop talking like this, you're drunk maybe you were right not to table this conversation because you don't mean it you're going to feel shitty and apologize when you take out whatever shit you got brewing in your mind away I know..."

"You don't understand Spinner, we're done. Spare me. You just basically pissed our marriage away."

"Emma but I never said I wanted a divorce. Nothing has to change!"

"I think you're a coward and you wanted me to do it. You might not but I do. I'll give you twenty minutes to pack up your shit and leave. Just leave me alone."

"After everything? I should've left you to rot in that hospital."

"True colors come out, huh?" Emma chuckled that she didn't understand why he would say something so cold, "with company like yours I'm better off alone. How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long? With Paige? What was I some sort of consolation prize? I can't be with Paige who you always loved so I'll settle for Emma. She's blonde just like the one you always loved! How could I be so blind?"

"Em please reconsider this, you've got me all wrong. I'm not the bad guy for wanting to spice up our marriage and give this a go because I didn't know what else to do! Please Emma I have no one, you're the only person I can go to about things."

"That's not my fault or my problem. You have no idea what it's like to be me or have this confession come from my shoes. Marriage is a two way street and right now I don't want to be a part of this marriage because you lied to me. You longconned. I am so not the bad guy."

Spinner grabbed the bag from the bedroom closet and muttered to himself sarcastically, "no you're just the victim."

"Where do you get off right now? You want to fight with words? I told you I was tired. I told you I didn't want to fight but no Spinner you had to sit there and go on about some extracurricular with none other than the one who got away. Nows your big chance she's just gonna fuck you over just like she always does. She has power over you, god knows why and you fall for her every goddamn time and she's eaten with us, she stayed in our guestroom when she last came in town, and yo- oh my god. Emma realized something and gasped out loud, "how long has this been going on? I feel like such an idiot."

"Since the reunion and it didn't mean anything I'm so over her. It's just about affection and stuff."

Emma slapped him across the face, and paused a moment before expressing, "Merry fucking christmas to me, just screw me right? now get the hell out."

Spinner touched his cheek and reluctantly packed up his things mostly against his will but angry but he didn't say so. It was then when she got a call from Sean from the garage about her car being worked on. "Hey Emma, it's Sean from Tony's Garage."

Awkwardly Emma answered back, "Sean oh hey, how are you?"

"It's a shame we didn't get to catch up much and all I've been thinking and meaning to go about reaching out but I think it's kind of cool that you called us. "

"You were? I mean I didn't know what you've been doing. I figured you were far from home."

"Degrassi is my home, you know that. How are your parents?"

"They're doing okay, dad's principal for like a decade, mom's still working at the salon I help out and sweep hair from time to time and Jack is starting at the old alma mater this coming fall."

"Oh wow, wow Jack makes me feel old. He was born when we were freshmen! I can't believe how old he's gotten."

"He's 13 yeah, likewise."

"Yeah," he smirked, "think he'd get in less trouble than we did at his age?"

"He's pretty shy and keeps to himself honestly, but you never know."

"So I was thinking, now is it totally unprofessional of me to ask my client who is an old friend of mine to do me a solid and come out for drinks and if you don't mind bringing your friend along?"

"Of course she's a lovely friend."

"So is this Meredith friend single?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. I think you're in luck because she was interested in you. I mean ooops. Sorry, we had some drinks after we dropped the car off and I'm getting some verbal diarrhea right now. Want me to set something up?"

Emma questioned herself quietly and sighed, there was no use she thought to herself nice save.

He chuckled, "Well yeah that's good. So how's about Friday?"

"Friday is fine."

"So your car is in pretty good shape it should be ready to pick up by Thursday just in time for Friday."

"Well good old Jane is in good hands I trust you."

"Jane?" He asked with a bashful laugh, feeling somewhat nostalgic but he played it cool, "most people name their cars Roxanne or some wild name but I like it."

"Mmhmm Jane, she's a sensible car and she's well simple." She smiled realizing she let it slip her car's name is Jane the name of Spinner's ex fiancé slash girlfriend and the name in the song she and Sean shared their very first kiss when they danced at her mother and stepfathers wedding. He didn't make that connection, but she didn't expect him to after all he's a guy and she's more sentimental about that moment than he was as far as she knew. She was a little sensitive about that and she never really spoke of Jane being the car's name but it was the first thing she thought up when she bought it.

"Well it's getting late and I need to close up shop. I just wanted to give you an update and to talk. It was a really awesome thing to see you again after all of these years."

"Absolutely, likewise and Sean?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll let you know about Meredith and Friday's plans. It's also nice to hear from you. You really made your dream come true."

"How so?"

"Your own garage I'm proud of you."

"You're right. Yeah since Tony retired and Jay moved to LA yeah it is technically mine even if my name's not on the sign."

"I think it's awesome."

"I'm glad you are proud of me, Em. It's a good place to be." He paused for a moment and realized he was getting a bit weepy sappy and sentimental for some reason he couldn't explain, like dust was in his eye or something he recovered coughing to clear his throat, "Awesome, well I guess it's goodnight for now."

Emma softly smiled and thought to herself as she heard his voice telling her goodnight she closed her eyes and fell back onto her bed, "Goodnight," she echoed the sentiment before hanging up.

She remembered after hanging up she was alone again, but this time probably for good. She felt even lonelier than before and soon she was trailing off to sleep in the California king bed and dreaming of a different life from the one she had. In her dreams she could be whatever she wanted and what she wanted was to be put first.

Spinner wasn't putting her first, and Sean had simply she'd been reduced to an old friend when she had always thought so highly of him. Granted he hadn't been an open topic in years but in her head and heart of hearts Sean was always the one she pictured a future with even though things didn't pan out that way and whatever lie she tells herself to sleep for the reason they're not she blames herself for throwing herself into meaningless relationships in college and even after to where she feels content but not happy like it was nice being doted on and desired and even attracted but it was a temporary feeling. She knew she couldn't be with who she truly desired and she had never wanted to settle but that's precisely what she had done. She did love Spinner at one point and time, but did she love him because they were content or was it true and genuine? Was Spinner right? She spent the rest of the night fighting her brain and thinking about the possible, the impossible and more and finally she got to sleep.

As for Spinner, he knocked on Spike and Snake's door and he let him sleep in the basement since Connor is out of town with his longtime girlfriend, Jenna visiting her family this year. He didn't have the best sleep and they didn't probe him, all he said is that he and Emma had a fight and he's in the dog house. He knew needed to find a way to work things out with her or else he'd be sleeping in Connor's room until he gets himself back on his feet and Snake and Spike get suspicious that their marriage is falling apart and his fault in it.