For as long as Eddie Lawson could remember, he'd had one very particular weakness. He suspected it stemmed from having three sisters, one of whom was several years younger than him, or a mother he was close to. But for as long as he could remember, he had never been able to cope with a woman crying in front of him.

Rather ridiculous, he knew, especially for a grown man. But he couldn't help it. Whatever his feelings towards Hordley and what Rachel had done were, he found himself feeling overwhelmingly guilty whenever he remember the choked, slightly desperate voice his headteacher had in his classroom earlier, or the hurt look in her eyes when they'd been in her office. The tears she'd fought back when he'd threatened to go to the LEA. He'd caused that, and the knowledge had nausea welling up inside him.

Even when he'd been a child, he'd never liked seeing a woman cry and it wasn't something he'd lost with time. Whether it had been his mother, one of his sisters or a classmate, tears stopped him in his tracks. He liked it even less when he was partially to blame, he admitted to himself with a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck and grimacing.

On the desk where he was sat, the brown envelope that contained his resignation letter was staring at him. Half of him was tempted to go and deliver it at that very moment, as it had been for the past hour, but the other half rebelled against the idea of leaving the job he'd had for only a few months. Not to mention he knew first-hand the trouble he was would cause, leaving Rachel and the school without a deputy midway through the year, especially when he was overseeing so many unique facets that an outsider would have trouble getting to know with any sort of speed…

Eddie blinked. What did he care about causing trouble to Rachel? She was the one who had caused issues, the one who had lied and… he couldn't even convince himself. All his anger and fury had died in the face of her obvious distress, and the pain in her voice when she said aloud what they'd both been thinking- he couldn't see past what she'd done.

His face was going red from where he kept scrubbing it with his hands, he was sure. He'd spent half his career preaching that the past didn't matter, that kids needed to have second chances. So why didn't that apply to Rachel? Eddie groaned, and before he could change his mind yet again, the envelope was shoved into the bottom of his bag, where he could at least forget about it for tonight. It would make no difference if he gave it in tomorrow instead. And in the meantime, he'd talk to Rachel and apologise for his harsher words; hopefully, they could salvage something from this mess and figure out what to do with Hordley, because regardless of anything else there was no way Eddie was allowing that particular facet of this situation to lie.

He found himself turning their argument over and over in his head as he headed down the car park, trying to figure out exactly what to say when he saw Rachel the next morning. This whole thing was a disaster, he thought, before he paused. He hadn't quite made it to his car- not far down the row, Rachel was leant against the back of her own vehicle, apparently staring out across the grounds. Not that she could see much, the lights not extending past the edge of the concrete. Eddie's brow furrowed at the odd behaviour- it was late, and while she was known for staying long past finishing to do paperwork, this was… more unusual.

He hesitated. The place was almost empty, not even the cleaners were still there now and as much as he wanted to put this off until morning, he couldn't. Not only for his own peace of mind, but also because there was no way for him to drive out without being noticed, and that would just make everything worse. He mentally steeled himself, began the walk up towards her but quickly realised there was a reason she hadn't spotted him yet- even when he was still a fair distance away, he could hear the sound of her voice, and realised she had a phone pressed to her ear.

"Things aren't that simple. Don't you think I would have done that if I could?"

Eddie slowed, not actively meaning to listen but unable to help himself. Was she talking to Hordley? A boyfriend?

"As if that matters." Rachel let out a bitter laugh, and he thought he could hear tears in her voice. "All Eddie sees when he looks at me is a former whore who spread her legs for money. And how can I blame him?"

Ice pooled in Eddie's stomach. That was merely a cruder way of saying what she'd accused him of earlier, but hearing it like that was worse. And, he realised with a rapidly sinking heart, untrue. Had he really given her that impression? He'd been angry, yes, more at her lies and deceit than anything else, and especially at everything he suspected had happened with Hordley. But of course that wasn't all he saw when he looked at her.

"The world doesn't work like that, Mel," Rachel was saying, and he saw her swipe roughly at her face with her hand. "No of course not- you have a job and a son, I don't need you to... no don't be silly. Melissa, I'm fine, I don't need you to come. Yes, I'm sure."

Eddie began to move closer again, sensing her conversation was wrapping up and wondering who Melissa was. Obviously not a boyfriend, but someone she trusted. And then he wondered why he cared. Rachel didn't notice him coming closer, glancing down as she listened to whoever was on the other end of her phone. "I love you too- I still don't need you to come. Say hi to Philip for me. Bye."

She hung up, and Eddie watched as she ran a hand over her face, sagging against her car.

"Rachel?"

She jolted, gasping and barely keeping her phone from slipping from her grasp. "Eddie! Don't do that!"

"Sorry."

She'd quickly ducked her head to hide her face and was attempting to discreetly wipe away her tears, swallowing thickly to normalise her voice before she spoke. "Whatever it is, Eddie, can't it wait until tomorrow?"

He eased himself next to her, felt his stomach knot when she instantly looked wary. "Who's Melissa?" He questioned curiously, and irritation flashed across her face, but when she spoke her voice was lacking any real bite.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to eavesdrop?"

"You're in a public car park," he pointed out bitingly, instantly wincing when she hid a flinch. It was disturbing to watch her withdraw inwards, wiping any trace of the confident headteacher he'd first known away.

"She's my sister," she murmured after a few seconds. Definitely not a boyfriend then, Eddie thought with some humour, and then wondered again why he was caught up on that. Rachel was oblivious to his thoughts, eye fixed away from him. "Exactly how much did you hear?"

He sighed. "Enough to know I owe you an apology."

"What?"

"Rachel… I don't only see your past when I look at you," he said gently, and she jerked, stiffening.

"We're not having this conversation." She pushed herself upright, made to move away but he caught hold her wrist and stopped her, missing the way she inhaled sharply, eyeing his hand with an inscrutable expression on her face.

"We need to have it."

A weary looked crossed her face. "A few hours ago I was nothing but a liar, and this morning I was screwing Stuart Hordley. Are you ever going to make your mind up, Eddie?"

"I never said that!"

She looked at him with a raised eyebrow, and he grimaced. If he were honest, he couldn't remember if he'd explicitly said it- he'd been fairly angry at the time- but even if he hadn't, he had probably insinuated it. He studied her for a moment, felt the weight in his chest grow even heavier at her red rimmed eyes and exhausted expression. "I don't only see your past," he repeated quietly, and if he hadn't been watching her so closely he would never have seen the faint disbelief that rippled across her face. "I don't like what's going on with Hordley," he said frankly. "And I hate that he's getting away with this. He blackmailed you, for God's sake."

"Why can't you just leave it alone?" she half snapped, half pleaded, finally succeeding in pulling her arm free of his grip and quickly backing up a few steps.

"Because I want to help you!"

She looked genuinely baffled. "Why?"

"I thought we were friends, Rachel." He tilted his head at her, hands slightly out in front of him to appear as non-threatening as possible. She reminded him of a startled rabbit, tense and on the verge of fleeing any moment. "Or at least on our way to becoming such. I want to help stop Hordley- you can't honestly be so dense as to think he didn't keep a copy of that article. He's going to come back, everywhere you go, anything you do, he'll be expecting the same favours. Not to mention that what he's done is wrong!"

She looked stricken, turning away and wrapping her arms around herself. He hovered awkwardly, unsure whether to step closer or not. "Why did you have to go looking through my desk?" her voice was hoarse, her knuckled clenched so tightly they were white. "Why couldn't you just leave it alone?"

He tilted his head, genuinely curious. "Aren't you even a little glad there's at least one person you don't have to lie to anymore?"

"Glad?" She looked incredulous. "How could I ever be glad to know that every time you or Hordley look at me, you're thinking of..." she cut herself off and looked away, attempting to swallow the lump in her throat. Eddie grimaced.

"That's not true, Rachel."

"Isn't it?"

"No," he emphasised. "I should have made it clearer earlier. Rachel, he's going to come back for something else, he's never going to leave this alone."

"He won't-,"

"Don't be foolish, Rachel!" he snapped, losing all patience and she fell quiet, the following silence between them almost too loud.

"All I ever wanted was to help these kids," she almost whispered after a moment, "to make sure no child ever had to do what I did. To be more than what everyone else said they were. Was that really so wrong, Eddie? Was wanting to help really so wrong?"

He softened abruptly at her words. "No. No, of course not."

She sagged, the fight escaping her and she practically fell back against her car, eyes staring unseeingly over the fields. "Two decades I've kept this secret. Now it's all coming apart because Hordley couldn't keep to a damn budget."

It was getting late, Eddie noted, the sky above them darkening and the breeze chilling. Rachel didn't seem to notice.

"He's a slime ball," he said softly and she gave a humourless laugh.

"No arguments there."

He stayed quiet, hoping it would prompt her into speaking. For a few heartbeats, nothing was said and he was just beginning to think it wasn't going to work, when she sighed. "I wasn't going to do it, you know," she said softly. "When he was just threatening me, I had no intention of doing as he wanted."

"What changed?"

"Bolton."

His forehead creased in confusion. "Bolton?"

She nodded, still not looking at him. "Stuart gave him the job solely to gain access to him. I believe his exact words were that he could undo all we'd accomplished with him in about a week."

His jaw dropped. "Son of a-,"

"Eddie!"

Her head had whipped around, but to his delight amusement glinted in her eyes, the first positive emotion he'd seen throughout the entire conversation. He grinned at her, could see her visibly soften towards him. "He played you, Rach," he said, sobering slightly. "Anyone with half a brain knows how much you care about the kids. He knew exactly how to get to you."

"Well, it worked," she said bitterly. "I couldn't let him harm Bolton. And then..."

"Then you were in too deep," he finished, and she nodded.

"So now you know. Happy?"

He frowned. "Of course not. Why would I be happy?"

She waved a hand, looking indescribably sad. "Can't you just forget about all this, Eddie?" she requested quietly. "Pretend it never happened, go back to a few weeks ago?"

Oh, how he wished he could. "No, Rach." He shook his head. "Every time I see him, or that building, I'm going to know."

She closed her eyes, a single tear escaping to trickle down her cheek and faint alarm ran through him. "Don't cry," he almost begged, and anger at herself ran through her, causing her to turn away from him as she tried to swallow back tears. She'd managed perfectly well for twenty years all by herself- why now was she suddenly unable to control her emotions?

"We'll figure this out," Eddie had continued, hands hovering as he tried to decide whether to reach out to her or not. "I want to help you."

But she shook her head, her anger at herself leaking into her voice through her harsh tone. "Stay out of it, Eddie!"

"I can't do that." He didn't move as she let out a small sound of frustration, fists clenching. For a moment, Eddie was quiet, contemplating her and when he spoke, it was without putting much thought into his words. "You don't get much help, do you?"

She spun to face him, a wash of emotions crossed her face, confusion being the most prominent one he recognised. "What?"

He stepped closer, hands coming to rest on her elbows. "Rachel- let me help you. I know what I'm getting into." She shook her head, trying to pull away but he tightened his grip once again. "Why not?" he demanded.

"Please..."

"Rachel-,"

"I said no!" she pushed his arms away, hastily backing away. She shook her head, unsure even herself whether she was shaking it no or shaking in an attempt clear it. Regardless, she was done. She fumbled for her keys, unlocking the car without looking and ignoring Eddie's attempts to call out, to stop her. As quickly as she could, she climbed in, grateful when he seemed to get the message and backed up a few steps to allow her to drive away without issue.

As she did so, she risked a glance in the mirror. Her deputy was still standing in the same spot, watching her car with an inscrutable expression on his face.

She shuddered, returning her gaze to the road and resolutely ignoring the nauseous feeling swirling inside.

New story! This has been in the works for a while now- Tell me what you think? x