South Park: The Revenge of Professor Chaos

Contents

Warning: Mature Content 1

Disclaimer 1

Chapter 1: An Introduction to our Heroes 2

Chapter 2: School Can Suck My Balls 2

Chapter 3: Professor Chaos Rises 5

Chapter 4: Professor Chaos' First Attempt 6

Chapter 5: A Buncha Stuff That Happened Next 8

Chapter 6: Professor Chaos Makes Another Attempt 9

Chapter 7: Third Time's A Charm? 10

Chapter 8: Cartman's Plan 10

Chapter 9: Executing The Plan 10

Chapter 10: Kyle Dies 10

Chapter 11: The Funeral 10

Chapter 12: Grieving 10

Chapter 13: "Vengeance shall be mine!" 10

Chapter 14: Professor Chaos Goes To Juvie 10

Chapter 15: Cartman's Confession (FINAL CHAPTER) 10

Warning: Mature Content

This story has inappropriate language, violence, suggestive dialogue, & sexual content. For this reason, I suggest that readers are at least 18 years of age, or at least mature for their age. If you cannot handle swearing, violence, or sexual themes, then please read another story. You are too immature to read this & I would like you to leave. I warned you. Don't say I didn't warn you if you have nightmares or your parents yell at you for reading this.

Disclaimer

I am not the owner of South Park. That right belongs to Matt Stone & Trey Parker.

Chapter 1: An Introduction to our Heroes

Once upon a time, there were 4 boys. Their names were Eric (Cartman), Kyle, Stan, & Kenny. Cartman was fat & mad annoying. Kyle was Jewish & had an attitude problem. Stan was a party pooper & ruined others' fun. Kenny wore a parka & died all the time. He was immortal, so he could live forever even though he died a lot.

One day, at the bus stop, Kyle & Stan were talking about some random shit when Cartman ran up yelling, "Guys! Hey, guys! Guess what?"

"What?! What is it?!" Kyle demanded, annoyed that Cartman interrupted his conversation with Stan. Cartman yelled, "I found a rock. But it's no ordinary rock. It's a rock that can transport you anywhere you want. Here, I'll show you. By the time you get to school, I'll be at my desk! Watch!" And with that, he disappeared.

"Wow," exclaimed Stan, not all that impressed. Kyle muttered swears under his breath & was about to change the topic when Kenny ran over. Breathless, Kenny yelled, "I have an idea!" But he was muffled, so no one could understand him as he panted for breath. "What did you say, Kenny?" Kyle asked. Kenny, grinning from head to toe, proudly exclaimed, "I have an idea for a song that our band can perform! Remember our band, Fingerbang?" Stan nodded & Kyle motioned Kenny to continue with his hand. "Well, I wrote it myself! I call it, 'The Wonders of the Fingers'. Don't you like the title?"

Stan shook his head. "We don't even know how it sounds," he explained, "So how are we supposed to like the title if we don't know how the song goes?" Kenny drooped his head sadly & said, "You're right. I shoulda showed you the lyrics. Except that I lost them on the way here. They're probably gone forever now!"

As Kenny cried, an alien spaceship flew & abducted a nearby cow. Kyle noticed & cried, "Holy crap! That UFO just abducted a cow!" Stan & Kenny looked over & laughed. Kyle got angry & yelled, "It's not funny, you guys!" But then he realized that his friends were laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of the situation & laughed along with them.

Suddenly, a loud BANG! was heard & an empty grenade shell dropped at Kenny's feet. Kenny bent down & picked up the shell. The shell had sharp edges & cut through Kenny's glove, causing him to bleed. "Ouch!" Kenny muttered. Stan saw that Kenny was bleeding & grabbed the shell, but it caused him to bleed, too. "Yeouch!" Stan cried, & dropped the shell.

Kyle looked down & saw that the shell had blood on. "Careful, guys," he warned. "That shell is sharp & will cut you." The he looked at his friend & saw that they were bleeding. "Too late," Stan mumbled. "We're already bleeding."

"Oh, oops," said Kyle. "I'm sorry." Stan shook his head sadly & changed the subject. "Hey, what do you think the aliens will do with that cow they abducted?" Kyle replied, "I don't know. Maybe they'll probe it." "Or eat it," suggested Kenny, "Cuz I doubt aliens probe cows. Only people." "Yeah, true," agreed Stan.

Kyle looked at his friend & sighed. "WHAT?!" demanded Stan. "N-nothing," stammered Kyle. "I was just thinking about cows & aliens. And other weird stuff. Oh, look! The bus is here."

The bus had just pulled up when Kyle stated that the bus arrived. Kenny cheered for joy. Kyle looked at Kenny & then at Stan. He made a weird face, causing Stan to snicker. Kenny looked in their direction & shrugged. The three boys got on the bus. The bus pulled off, headed towards South Park Elementary.

Chapter 2: School Can Suck My Balls

When Kenny, Kyle, & Stan arrived at school, Butters stood at the front door waiting. Craig & Tweek were nearby. Tweek was daydreaming while Craig flipped of Wendy & Bebe. Bebe scowled & Wendy saw Stan walking with his friends.

"Hi, Stan," Wendy called out. Stan saw Wendy & ran over to her, only to barf at her feet. Wendy screamed & ran off. "Sorry, Wendy!" Stan cried. Kyle walked over to his friend & patted him on the back.

"Feel better, Stan," Kyle murmured. Stan wasn't reassured & started to cry. "Why do I always barf when Wendy's around? WHY?" Stan cried. Kyle did all that he could, so he backed off.

Butters chose that moment to run over & be his mad annoying self. "Hey, guys!" he yelled. "I saw Cartman in class already!" Kyle & Stan looked shocked, but were probably faking it.

"The rock! The rock that Cartman was talking about at the bus stop earlier!" cried Kenny. "What rock?" asked Butters. "The rock that can transport you anywhere you want. Ask Cartman about it!" Kenny replied.

As this was happening, Craig was flipping Kyle & Stan off. Kenny saw this & demanded, "Why are you flipping my friends off?!" Kyle looked at Kenny & saw that he was yelling at Craig. Kyle nudged Stan & they both looked at Craig, who was still flipping them off.

"Stop flipping us off!" yelled Stan. Craig frowned & turned to Tweek, who was now talking to Token. "Tweek," Craig called. "Yeah?" Tweek asked. "Let's go to class. These guys-" Craig pointed to Kyle & Stan "-are acting like big fat retards!" "OK, let's go!" Tweek cheered.

As Tweek & Craig walked to class, Token frowned, as he was not finished talking to Tweek. "Hey, wait up, Tweek. We still have to finish our conversation!" Token cried as he ran after the couple.

As Token ran after the couple, Butters turned to his friends & said, "Let's get to class before the bell rings." Kenny agreed with Butters & walked to class. Stan shrugged as Kyle prepared himself for Cartman's smart-alecky remarks when he got to class. Butters waited for the two to walk to class. He waited until he decided to go to class himself.

Right after Butters entered the school, the bell rang. "Oh, SHIT! We're late!" Stan yelled, & he ran into the school. Kyle, still thinking about the situation, didn't hear the bell. Stan had to yell at him for Kyle to get back down on Earth again.

Kyle ran to class, but he was late, & his teacher was mad. She gave Kyle a pink slip & told him Detention starts at 2:30 exactly. Kyle frowned & went to his seat. Stan looked over at his friend & asked, "You got a pink slip, too, huh? Well, Butters got one, too."

Cartman, wanting to be an asshole, quipped, "Well, I didn't get one. Cuz I was on time & all." Kyle was mad & yelled, "Shut your fucking mouth, Cartman!" Cartman just laughed & remarked, "Well, that sucks, cuz I won't!" And he continued to blabber until the teacher came & gave him a pink slip for "talking too much & disrupting the learning environment".

"Aw, screw this!" Cartman yelled, & crumbled up the pink slip into a ball. He then proceeded to throw the ball in the trash can, but missed, & hit Wendy on the head.

"Ouch! Watch it, bitch!" Wendy yelled & went back to her work. "Sorry, Wendy!" Cartman cried. He turned to Kyle & said, "Jewish can't do work right. And you're a Ginger, which is bad." Kyle scowled & yelled, "Shut the FUCK up, Cartman! Besides, calling someone a Ginger is racist!"

Cartman shut up after that, but that was only because the teacher yelled at Cartman to "shut the fuck up so the other students can learn in PEACE!" When she said that, Cartman scowled but kept quiet.

Two hours later, it was almost lunchtime, & Cartman was HUNGRY. You could even hear his stomach growling. That's how hungry he was.

Kyle kept yelling at Cartman to "tell his stomach to shut the fuck up." Cartman was confused because of Kyle's comment, but kept quiet.

Eventually, the lunch bell rang, signaling lunch had started. By then, everyone was in the cafeteria eating lunch. Cartman had a tuna sandwich with salt & vinegar chips. Kyle was eating a turkey burger & fries (cuz he kept kosher). Stan was eating pizza from the cafeteria, & a can of Coca-Cola that he brought from home. Kenny was eating a BLT that his mother made.

Butters, Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Jimmy, Timmy, & Token were also at the table. Butters was eating a chicken patty, while Craig & Tweek were sharing spaghetti that Craig's mother had made for the two. Clyde was also eating pizza from the cafeteria, just like Stan. Jimmy was eating a grilled cheese sandwich, & Timmy was eating chicken nuggets. Token was eating tacos from Taco Bell that his father bought. (He had brought it in about 15 minutes earlier to give to Token.)

Clyde was talking about a new episode of Terrance & Phillip that had recently aired. Cartman yelled that he couldn't watch it because his cat was being annoying. Butters stated that he was grounded, so he missed it. Kyle mentioned that Ike was being loud, so he missed the whole episode.

Stan said that Shelly hogged the whole TV that night, so he missed it, too. Tweek said that he was on a date with Craig, so they couldn't watch it. Kenny said he watched it. Jimmy acknowledged that he & Timmy missed it.

Token raved about how great the episode was, which made Cartman mad. "You spoiled the whole goddamn episode, Token! Great, now I know what's gonna happen BEFORE I watch it!" he yelled. "Geez, I'm sorry for spoiling the episode, Cartman," Token meekly replied.

As Cartman continued yelling at Token, Butters started feeling stressed by all the chaos. He felt the urge to run out of the cafeteria screaming profanities. He couldn't, though. That would seem like he's mentally ill. He didn't want to seem like a mental patient, so he kept quiet. He took several deep breaths, but didn't work. He mentally counted to 20, but that didn't work either. He felt his supervillain alter ego, Professor Chaos, coming to life inside of him. He had to keep Professor Chaos from appearing. But how? a part of him wondered. How do I keep Professor Chaos from appearing?

"Hey, Butters, what do you think about the election for class president? Why does Kyle get to be Class president & not me?" Cartman's voice interrupted Butters' thoughts. "Um, uh, well, I don't know! That's how elections work!" Butters yelled. Kyle yelled, "Cartman, you're such a fag! You didn't win & that's FINAL!" Cartman yelled back, "Well, I wanted to win! But YOU go & steal my votes!"

"Cartman, no one voted for you. You have proved- many times, in fact- that you would be a TERRIBLE president. That's why no one voted for you!" Stan shouted. Cartman was mad at the truth, so he shouted, "You know what? Screw you guys. I'm going home. Oh, wait. We can't go home. We're at SCHOOL!" And with that, he got up & threw out his lunch.

Soon enough, it was time to go home. Cartman was cheering & jumping for joy by the time the bus came to drop them off. Kyle & Stan were talking about a movie they wanted to see. Kenny was thinking about his little sister, Karen.

Butters was with them. He was still trying to control himself. He looked at Kenny, who had his head in the clouds. Butters kept worrying that Professor Chaos would spring any minute. He couldn't let that happen. Not now, not anytime soon. Never. But he was struggling to control himself. And Kenny noticed that.

When everyone was on the bus, Kenny sat next to Butters. Stan & Kyle were sitting on the seat behind them. Cartman was sitting on the seat in front of Kenny & Butters. Kenny looked at Butters & asked, "What's wrong, Butters? You seem tense." Butters sighed & replied, "Nothing. I'm just stressed, that's all."

Kenny thought for a second & mentioned, "Professor Chaos hasn't come out to commit crimes in a while, so that's good." Butters looked up & glared at Kenny. He was mad & wanted to commit crimes now. But he couldn't.

The last time he did that, he nearly killed Kyle. He felt bad & tried to apologize. But Kyle was scared of Butters for while after that. We're good now, Butters thought. At least, for now. He didn't want to kill anyone. So he kept to himself.

Kenny wanted to bother Butters, though. So that didn't help. Kenny kept asking if Butters was OK. "I'm fine!", Butters kept saying, annoyed that Kenny kept bothering him. He was about to snap.

Wait, his brain told him. Wait for the bus to arrive at the bus stop. But he couldn't. He looked at Kenny & slapped him. "OW! What the fuck, Butters?! What the fuck was THAT for?!" Kenny exploded, shocked that Butters had slapped him.

Cartman had just decided to add his two cents now. He exclaimed, "Uh, oh. Professor Chaos might be back!" Kyle, overhearing Cartman's comment, started to yell, "Oh, GOD! NO! Don't kill me!" The he realized he was being a big baby & shut the hell up.

Chapter 3: Professor Chaos Rises

When Butters got home, he was grounded. As always. He was mad & his parents & his friends. Were they really his friends? He wondered. Well, DUH! He just had issues, that's all. They're not the bad ones. They were perfectly fine. He was the one with the issues. He needed help. Fast. But at the same time, he wanted to be Professor Chaos.

But, no. I can't be Professor Chaos, he thought. I would try to kill Kyle again. I don't want to do that. But at the same time, I WANT to be Professor Chaos. I WANT to cause chaos. But DO I want to kill Kyle? He never did anything to me. It's only cuz he's Jewish. No, wait. Now I sound like Cartman. Oh, shit. I gotta stop sounding like Cartman & more like me.

He eventually decided on being Professor Chaos. Kyle's gonna be in trouble, he thought evilly. He better watch out for Professor Chaos!

That night, Kyle was brushing his teeth when the phone rang. His father answered it because his mom was getting Ike ready for bed. "Kyle! Phone's for you! You're friend's on the line!" his dad called. Kyle spit the minty toothpaste out, rinsed his mouth, ran downstairs, & grabbed the phone. "Hello?" he spoke into the phone.

"Kyle!" an all-too familiar voice yelled into the phone. "Cartman!" Kyle cried. "Why the fuck are you calling me? I'm getting ready for bed!" Cartman replied, "Look at your Facebook timeline. Butters posted something. If you're busy, I'll tell you what it says. Hold on a sec. Lemme get to it. Aha! Here we go. It says, 'Mwah hahaha. I am Professor Chaos & I will kill you. You wanna know why? It's cuz your Jewish. I sound like Cartman, but he wouldn't kill you. I think. YOU WILL DIE TONITE IN YOUR SLEEP! Mwah hahaha! Goodbye for now.'"

Kyle was stunned. Professor Chaos was going to kill him tonight in his sleep? He couldn't believe it. Ike would be alone. He couldn't die. Not today. Not ever. At least until he was 75. He need to live for Ike. For his family. For Stan & Kenny. Maybe even for Cartman.

"Hello? Kyle? Are you still there? I was just saying to not worry & that I wouldn't kill you just cuz you're Jewish. That's way past my prejudiced nature." Cartman was still talking to Kyle. Apparently, Kyle had his head in the clouds. He shook his head & replied, "Yeah. I'm still here. I'm scared, Cartman. I'd never confess my fear to you, but I really am scared. What do I do? I don't wanna die!"

Cartman, trying to be good person for once, yelled, "Snap out of it, Kyle. Get a hold of yourself. We can fix this." "But how?" Kyle asked, confused. "I don't know, but call me if you need anything. Or Professor Chaos sneaks in. I'll be making a plan to fix things. I promise. I will NOT lie. I'm not letting you die, Kyle! I'm not even though you're Jewish. You're my friend! I'll do something good! I PROMISE!" Cartman replied.

Kyle realized just then that Cartman pronounced his name right. For once. "Cartman," he started, "You said my name right. You said it the way it's post to be." Cartman realized that, as a matter of fact, he DID pronounce Kyle's name right. He cheered, "I DID. Oh, my god. I did pronounce your name right. I'm gonna do it again. Kyle."

Kyle was smiling at Cartman's happiness. He was being a good friend. And so was Cartman. For once, he thought happily. "Thanks, Cartman. I have to hang up now. I gotta go to bed. I was getting ready for bed when you called."

"OK, Kyle," Cartman replied. "My mom's calling me. She said I have to go to bed, too. Bye!" And the line clicked. The line was dead. Cartman had hung up & got ready for bed. Kyle had to do the same. Finish what he started, at least.

Kyle hang up the phone & ran upstairs. He got into his PJs & heard his mom tuck Ike into bed. "Goodnight, Ike," he heard his mom say. He heard a cheerful, "G'night, Mommy," in return. Kyle got in bed just as he heard footsteps head towards his room. "Goodnight, Kyle. Oh! You're in bed already!" his mom said. "Goodnight, Mom," Kyle replied, & covered himself with the blanket more thoroughly. His mom left the room, shutting the door a crack.

Suddenly, Kyle remembered about what Cartman told him & got up. He walked to the window & checked if it was locked. It was locked. Phew, he thought. I'm safe. Professor Chaos can't POSSIBLY enter. He got into bed, feeling safe & secure.

Chapter 4: Professor Chaos' First Attempt

At about 1 AM, a loud crash was heard. A window had broken. Professor Chaos had entered & was going to kill Kyle. Kyle was asleep. "MWAH HAHAHA! I'M GONNA KILL YOU, KYLE!" Professor Chaos cackled. Kyle woke up with a start. Professor Chaos was in his room. "AHHH!" he screamed. The knife was going to stab him. "Nononono", he thought. "This is the end… I'm gonna die…"

Kyle woke up with a start. He was sweating bullets. It was just a nightmare. Professor Chaos wasn't here to kill him. The window was intact. Or was it? Kyle shook his head. You're just imagining things, he told himself firmly. He got up & checked the window just in case. Locked, he thought. Still safe. No worries.

Suddenly, his bedroom door squeaked. Kyle instantly was on guard. Someone might attack him. "Kyle?" a soft voice asked. Kyle spun around quickly. It was just Ike. "Ike, what's wrong?" Kyle asked, concerned. "There's a big scary monster outside my window. He has a big knife in his hand. I'm scared, Kyle," Ike whimpered, & buried his face in Kyle's chest.

Professor Chaos, Kyle thought angrily. He's not gonna kill my brother. Or me.

Kyle walked into his brother's room & headed towards the window. Ike followed Kyle, who looked out & saw Professor Chaos looking straight at him. Kyle gulped. Not today, Professor Chaos, Kyle thought angrily. You're not touching me or my brother, you bastard.

Kyle walked out of Ike's room. Ike followed his older brother, who tip-toed downstairs.

"What are we doing, Kyle?" Ike asked.

"You'll see," replied his brother.

Kyle grabbed the phone & dialed 911. But before the operator could say their typical "911, what's your emergency?", Professor Chaos broke a living room window & entered the house.

Ike heard the loud crash & whimpered, "Kyle, the monster entered the house. I'm scared." He hid behind Kyle, who led Ike to the kitchen & grabbed a steak knife, prepared to defend himself & his brother.

Ike saw the knife, but didn't ask anything, as he knew that Kyle was defending him.

When Kyle left the kitchen, Professor Chaos was standing in the living room doorway, chilling near the stairs. Kyle froze, not knowing what to do.

"Hello, Kyle," murmured Professor Chaos, scaring Ike. He shrieked & squeezed Kyle's leg, who yelped in pain. "Ouch, Ike! Be careful of my leg. Godammit!" he yelled. "I'm sorry, Kyle," Ike whimpered & hid behind Kyle's leg again, shaking in fear.

Kyle glared at Professor Chaos, who smirked. He had a 18-inch dagger in his hand. Kyle stared at the dagger in fear. He wasn't going to die this time, but still, he was scared. Frightened, actually.

Professor Chaos lifted the knife & stabbed the air, showing Kyle the way he was going to stab him. Ike started screaming, "Mommy! Daddy! HELP ME! I'm gonna die!" Professor Chaos glared at the screaming child & yelled, "Shut the fuck up, you fucking asshole baby!"

"Shut your fucking mouth, Professor Chaos! Don't call my brother a fucking asshole baby! You're the fucking asshole baby here!" Kyle yelled.

Suddenly, a siren was heard. Then flashing lights appeared. Apparently, someone had called the cops. But who? Kyle wondered.

The cops entered & arrested professor Chaos, who yelled, "I will get you, Kyle! Don't bet that I won't! CUZ I WILL, & YOU WILL DIE! I VOW REVENGE, YOU BITCH! MWAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

After the cops dragged the still-screaming villain to the police car & drove off, Kyle & Ike's parents ran downstairs, wondering what the fuck was going on.

"What just happened here?" Sheila, the mother asked in fear. Kyle took a deep breath & explained the whole situation to his parents.

After Kyle explained what had happened, Gerald, the father, cried, "Oh, my god! Kyle, are you OK?" Kyle replied, "Yes, Dad. I'm fine. Ike is too, but he's a bit shaken from the experience." As if on cue, Ike whimpered, "No more monsters. Keep the monster away, Kyle. Keep him away!"

"He's gone, Ike. The monster, I mean Professor Chaos, is gone, Ike." Kyle reassured Ike. "Wait, Professor Chaos is the monster?" Ike asked. "Unfortunately, yes, Ike. Professor Chaos is the monster," Kyle responded. "It sucks, but it's true."

Ike started crying, so Sheila put Ike to bed. Gerald yelled at Kyle, saying that he should be ashamed of himself for making his brother cry. Kyle stormed to his room, mad at his parents & mad at Ike for crying at that exact moment. "It wasn't my fault that Ike cried," he muttered. "Ike's still young. He doesn't know any better."

Kyle got into bed & eventually fell asleep.

Chapter 5: A Buncha Stuff That Happened Next

The next day, Kyle told everyone what had happened the night before. Well, first, he told his 3 closest friends. Stan told Wendy, who told Bebe & the rest of the girls. Kenny told Tweek & Craig, who told Token. Cartman told Clyde, who told Jimmy & Timmy.

Soon, the whole school knew the story. Except for Butters. He was minding his own business at his locker when a 5th grader shoved him into his locker. "WHY WOULD YOU HURT AN INNCOENT LITTLE KID, YOU FUCKING MANIAC?!" he yelled. "YOU HURT KYLE! YOU NEARLY KILLED HIM & HIS FAMILY! HE NEVER DID ANYTHING TO YOU! SO WHY WOULD YOU HURT HIM?!"

Butters was startled by this. He told the 5th grader (sorta) bravely, "I-I never would hurt Kyle. He's my friend. You might be mistaking me for Professor Chaos." The 5th grader bellowed, "YOU ARE PROFESSOR CHAOS, YOU STUPID RETARD!" "Oh, yeah," Butters replied meekly.

Butters wanted to go to class, but the 5th grader was going to beat up Butters. He punched him in the nose, which started bleeding.

"Ow! My nose!" Butters cried. He covered his now-bleeding nose with his hand. His eyes started to water, & he felt like crying. The 5th grader punched Butters in the eye, causing it to swell up & turn black. "Owie! My eye hurts!" Butters cried.

The 5th grader decided to go a step further & punched Butters in the gut, causing the much smaller 4th grader to collapse. His head hit the ground, causing him to feel dizzy. He whimpered as the 5th grader & his friends took turns kicking Butters in the stomach & nuts.

As all this agonizing drama was going on, Kyle & Stan were nearby at their lockers, talking about the latest meme: Horsemanning. Apparently, they wanted to do this at Stan's house, but they wanted to avoid Shelly at all costs. So they decided to go to Kyle's house to do this.

The last craze, according to Cartman, who was drinking water from the water fountain, was planking, which was mentioned in the meme-ing episode. But now the craze is horsemanning, so they had to use one's head & one's body for this. It seemed complicated, but it's pretty easy, actually.

As Stan & Kyle were talking, Kenny walked by the 5th graders beating up Butters. Quite accidently, one 5th grader hit Kenny, causing him to bleed. He bled so much, he bled to death. He hit the ground, creating a loud thud.

Stan & Kyle turned around & saw Kenny dead. "Oh, my god! They killed Kenny!" Stan cried. "You bastards!" Kyle yelled. Cartman heard the exchange & muttered, "He's always dying."

Cartman walked over & said, "This is COMPLETE chaos here." Then he looked at Butters, who was whimpering in pain as the 5th graders taunted the 4th grader, & muttered, "Blame Professor Chaos here."

The nurse came & sent Butters to the hospital. Butters nearly died, but he didn't. His parents came & Butters was grounded. "Not again," he muttered, & made plans to kill Kyle. At least, an attempt to kill Kyle that can't POSSIBLY fail, he thought.

The next day, Kyle came to school & told Cartman, "I don't know what to do. Professor Chaos just emailed me a scary death email. I'm gonna die, Cartman!" Cartman looked at Kyle & said, "Stop crying, Kyle! You're not a baby & you're not gonna cry like one, either! You need to toughen up & tell Professor Chaos to shut the fuck up & leave you the fuck alone! Tell him that he's a bigger bitch than your mom!"

"Stop calling my mom a bitch, Cartman!" Kyle yelled. Cartman muttered, "Sheesh, I was just making a point. My point is that Professor Chaos is a BIG FAT FUCKING BITCH!"

"OK, I get your point, Cartman," responded Kyle calmly. "But what do we do? How can we stop the evil from rising & killing me?"

"I don't know. But I'll make a plan. When I figure one out, I'll tell you." Cartman said. "Maybe I should right it, too," he said more to himself than to Kyle.

Kyle nodded & thanked Cartman just as the warning bell rang. "Cartman, we gotta get to class before we are late," Kyle said. Cartman nodded & followed his frenemy to class.

Chapter 6: Professor Chaos Makes Another Attempt

That night, Kyle took a shower & brushed his teeth. When got in his room, his iPhone 12 buzzed & showed an text he just received. It was from Cartman. It read, "Kyle, look at your timeline. NOW."

Kyle opened his Facebook & entered his timeline via his account. He saw that Butters had left another message. It read, "I AM PROFESSOR CHAOS! I WILL KILL U TONITE! MWAH HAHAHAHA!"

Kyle just stared at the message in shock. He realized that Butters, no, Professor Chaos, still wanted to kill him. He wanted to cry. But that wouldn't do anything. That would make stuff worse. And Ike would wonder why Kyle was crying.

Kyle picked up his iPhone & texted Cartman, "I saw it. Wat do I do?" He put down the phone & leaned back. He sighed loudly. He chair flipped over, causing Kyle to hit the ground.

"Ouch," he muttered. He stood back up, & his phone buzzed. Kyle got back on the chair & grabbed his phone. He looked at the screen. Cartman had replied back.

The reply read, "Call the police. I still don't got a plan, but I'm thinking of one." Another texted popped up. It read, "I'm not lying, Kyle. I got ur back."

Kyle texted, "Should I tell my parents?" Cartman texted back, "No. They can't do anything. They got Ike to worry about." Another text popped up, which read, "We gotta be men. Every man for himself, expect for u, me, Stan, & Kenny. We stick together."

Kyle sighed & texted, "Should I keep a gun or knife near my bed, just in case?" Cartman immediately replied, "NO! That makes it easier for PC to kill u!" "PC?" Kyle texted. "Professor Chaos," Cartman texted back.

Kyle yawned & realized he was tired. He texted. "G2G. 2 tired 2text. Goodnite." Cartman replied, "OK, Kyle. I'm tired 2. Goodnite." And with that, Cartman was on DND (Do Not Disturb).

Kyle was about to put his phone on DND when Stan texted him. "U OK?" was the text Stan sent. "yeah, dude. Just tired." Kyle texted.

Stan texted, "Professor Chaos send u anything lately?" "Yeah" Kyle texted back. "was it a threat?" Stan asked. "Yeah. He said he was gonna kill me" Kyle replied. "that won't happen. Don't worry dude." Stan texted back.

Kyle texted, "I'm tired. I gotta go to bed." "K. Goodnite." Stan texted back, & went on DND. Kyle waited for any texts from Kenny, but none came. Wait a minute. Kenny doesn't even have a phone, Kyle thought. I'm so stupid! He mentally face palmed, & went to bed.

At one in the morning, Kyle woke up to the sound of shattering glass. He looked to the direction of the sound & saw professor Chaos standing there, holding a gun.

"Oh my fucking God," Kyle muttered. "Not this again."

Professor Chaos smiled & said, "It's nice to see you too, Kyle the Jew." Kyle yelled, "Hey! Only Cartman says that! And I don't even like him saying that. So why are you starting with the anti-Semitism?"

"Cuz I can," was the reply. The villain held up the gun & loaded it. He aimed it at the 10-year-old, who trembled with fear. He was gonna die.

Suddenly, a blur of blue footie PJs ran in. "Kyle!" Ike cried. "Why is the monster in your room?"

Professor Chaos glared at the 6-year old in hatred. Ike saw the villain glaring at him & his expression changed to looking frightened & curious at the same time. (A/N: What a TERRIBLE combination.)

"How DARE you call me a monster!" Professor Chaos snarled. Kyle glared at the villain & yelled, "Hey, leave my brother alone!" Professor Chaos ignored Kyle & continued ranting Ike out. "You'll pay for that! How would you like to play KICK THE JEWISH BITCHY BABY?!" & laughed evilly.

"YOU'RE NOT KICKING MY BROTHER, YOU SON OF A FUCKING ASS BITCH!" Kyle practically screamed.

Ike ran shrieking out of the room, presumably to wake up his parents, & Kyle exchanged more angry words with the villain. This continued for about 3 minutes or so.

Suddenly, a loud female voice is heard yelling, "WHO IN THE FUCK DARES TO HURT MY BABIES?!"

Chapter 7: Third Time's A Charm?Chapter 8: Cartman's PlanChapter 9: Executing The PlanChapter 10: Kyle DiesChapter 11: The FuneralChapter 12: GrievingChapter 13: "Vengeance shall be mine!"Chapter 14: Professor Chaos Goes To JuvieChapter 15: Cartman's Confession (FINAL CHAPTER)