Yes, it's 2020 and I'm posting Tokyo Mew Mew fanfiction. I don't know if anyone's still reading fic in this fandom, but even if only one or two people see this, I hope deep in my heart that you'll enjoy it.

I took a few minor creative liberties with the ending of Tokyo Mew Mew. Nothing big, just ignoring things like the crappy sequel and Aoyama going off to England. Also, I chose to follow the anime canon rather than the manga, just as a personal preference.

Anyway, that's about it for my author chit chat. Enjoy the story.


On Happiness

(And Other Pesky Side Effects of Impulsive Altruism)

Time is not a great healer. It is an indifferent and perfunctory one. Sometimes it does not heal at all. – Ivy Compton-Burnett

Chapter One

Far above the bustle of evening in the largest metropolitan area on Earth, with the city lights twinkling like a vast ocean below and the dark, nearly starless heavens as a backdrop to his brooding, a young man sat atop the edge of the Shinjuku Mistui Skyscraper and contemplated his hands.

He stretched them out in front of him, his fingertips flirting with the darkness. They were pale hands. Paler than hers. Paler than any human's. Hands that had seen only caves and wastes for a decade and a half. Hands that had struggled and worked every day to survive in an unforgiving world. Kish stared down at those—his—hands wryly. Different, he thought. I'm different.

He turned his hands over and examined the backs with an apathetic downturn of his lips. Long, thin fingers, soft skin… They could be human hands, he thought. Were it not for the alien paleness and strong, sharp nails, they would match hers. I'm different, but I'm an Earthling the same as her. I'm a child of this planet too.

Closing his hands, Kish lifted his eyes from his lap and cast his gaze over the sparkling cityscape that lay far below his perch. It was beautiful, despite the ruin it caused to the nature around and within it. Perhaps humans would never appreciate the full scope of their own destructiveness, but he had faith now that they were capable of healing as much as poisoning. Ichigo and her friends had their work cut out for them.

Kish didn't know why he'd come back. There was no longer a reason to care about Earth now that his own planet was at last beginning to prosper. Why return to this dying, forsaken globe when on his own planet he was a hero, his friends had asked when he'd told them he wanted to return. They couldn't understand.

Kish didn't understand either. The only thing he valued on this planet was entirely out of his reach. There was no reason to linger.

But Kish was young and foolish and he simply didn't know how to say no to his heart. For all his cleverness, he was still a fool in love. After a year away, he'd realized that it didn't matter that Ichigo would never be his. He just wanted to be close to her. He wanted to see her smile and watch her do her best, the way she always did. He wanted to be the guardian of her happiness. And what an odd turnaround that was, he thought, when a year before he'd delighted in her suffering. After all, what was a human to him? Merely a parasite on this beautiful planet. Who cared if they all died? Who would miss them? Certainly not the species they'd destroyed.

A year ago, Kish's love for Ichigo had resembled that of a master for his pet. He'd wanted to claim her and adore her the way a human does a toy poodle. Well, perhaps the analogy wasn't perfect, but he'd certainly favored her among all the cute, quaint homo-sapiens and playing with her had brought him pleasure. But Kish had never been good at practicing restraint and fondness had quickly turned to obsession. Perhaps that was the problem. Perhaps he was still obsessed. He would never move on from her until he found a way to let her go.

Yes, he thought. Surely that was why he was here. He needed to let her go. He needed to be reminded one last time of how doomed his love was and then he could go home and live out the rest of his life in peace.

Kish fingered the hem of his long, high-collared tunic—a symbol of his newly elevated status—and then crumpled it in his palm. His sharp nails dug into the dark fabric but didn't puncture it. A brisk wind fluttered though his forest hair. His heart was beating fast. He had a purpose now. Excitement at seeing Ichigo again pumped in his veins. His pupils contracted in anticipation.

Right now she would be at home. Her work at the café would have ended about an hour ago. Likely, she was taking a bath or doing homework. It was the perfect time to go and check on her. He would stay out of sight, of course. There was no reason for her to know he was back. Hopefully, her obnoxious little robot wouldn't start shrieking the moment he came within fifty feet of her. But if it did… well, he could teleport. His lips turned upward in amusement. What a delightful scare that would give her, he thought with a small amount of glee.

Golden eyes glinting in the bright moonlight, Kish pushed off the edge of the roof of the skyscraper and let himself plunge in a freefall toward the glowing city below. He allowed himself to fall for the space of a few breaths, enjoying the feeling of the cold air rushing past him, before catching himself and taking off in the direction of Ichigo's suburb.

o0o

The flight wasn't a long one. Kish could just as easily have teleported, but he found himself enjoying the familiar scenery of nighttime Tokyo. There was the shopping center that Ichigo and her friends frequented on weekends and over there was the park with the colorful play structure that Tart had always looked upon with thinly veiled yearning. Everything was silent and peaceful. There were no chimera animas tearing things up and no aliens out for Mew Mew blood. Kish found himself wondering why he'd been so fixated on destroying this place. It seemed such a waste now.

His breath caught in his throat as Ichigo's house came into view. One year. Four whole Earth seasons since he'd been here last. He wondered how much had changed. He wondered if Ichigo still thought about him. Would she recognize him if she saw him? Sometimes Kish had trouble recognizing himself these days. It wasn't that he'd changed much physically—he was a little taller, a little broader, and his hair was in need of a trim, but otherwise a single year wasn't enough time to drastically transform anyone. Still, when he looked in the mirror, he had trouble reconciling the person who looked back with the person he'd always considered himself to be. He found himself having to force a smile because the solemn boy in the glass wasn't him. Those tired eyes and pursed lips surely belonged to someone else—not Kish, the charming and energetic trickster. He had promised years ago that he would never show such a face to anyone ever again. He wasn't a weak little kid. He was strong. He was crafty. He was indomitable.

Kish shook his head and approached the house cautiously. The light was on in Ichigo's bedroom window. He could see her parents watching a gameshow through the large window to the living room on the ground floor. He quietly floated up to her window and took a deep breath as he prepared to take a peek inside.

He steeled his nerves and poked his head around the side of the frame. Ichigo's soft pastel curtains were parted and he could see the inside of her bedroom clearly. Just as he'd anticipated, Ichigo was there. She was sitting on the floor in front of a low table and textbooks and other study materials were spread out before her. She had the end of a pencil pressed against her lips and a look of deep contemplation on her face.

She was still beautiful, was Kish's first thought. Her hair was the same deep merlot and her eyes that familiar strawberry chocolate he remembered. Her face was largely unchanged, but to Kish, small differences were apparent. Her eyes were that little bit sharper, her cheek bones the tiniest bit more defined, her lips the smallest bit fuller. Little touches of maturity that he only recognized because he'd been away. His heart quickened. He felt suddenly sad for having missed witnessing all of these small developments.

He felt an old spark of envy as his gaze traveled to the young man sitting across the table from her. Aoyama Masaya. The boy she'd chosen. The boy Kish would probably never be able to like for as long as he lived. The tan-skinned adolescent wore a small smile as he studied quietly. Kish clenched his teeth, unable to stop from baring his canines at the unaware male. His abdominal muscles clenched as he remembered being run through by Deep Blue's sword.

I died for her, he mentally told the other boy scathingly. What did you do? You asked her to kill you. You thought you'd be the pretty little martyr. But you just couldn't stand to live anymore, could you? You're just a coward.

Coward. The word tasted like ash and failure on his tongue. Kish knew he was being petty and unfair. The real coward, the one who had really wanted to die, was Kish. He was the one who decided that death would be nicer than living in a world where he couldn't have Ichigo's love. And wasn't that pretty messed up, he thought. Someone who's barely started to live choosing to give up everything for a girl he'd only known for a few months; a girl who didn't even like him.

But Kish would do it again. He knew he would. Even without the threat of Deep Blue, he'd go to any length to keep her safe. Just look at me, he thought self-deprecatingly. The once proud alien. You were going to kill her and now you can't even raise a nail against her. She has you under her little finger and she doesn't even know it.

That was fine, though. His mission here was done already. Clearly, she and the boy were still together. He had the proof he needed. It would be best if he just went home.

But he couldn't. Not just yet, anyway. He'd come all this way. Nobody could fault him for wanting to savor this closeness to her for just a little longer.

He watched as Ichigo bit the end of her pencil and frowned down at her textbook. Her eyebrows were furrowed and… was it just him, or did she look upset? He continued to watch with new interest as she tore her eyes from her studies to look briefly at the boy. The brat was still working happily and didn't appear to notice her gaze. Ichigo's frown deepened and she looked back down at her work. Now that Kish was paying better attention, he could see that her shoulders were slumped and she was worrying her lower lip with her teeth. She continued do so for several moments before she finally pushed the book away with a sigh. She looked like she was going to grab a different book when the boy finally looked up.

"Are you tired?" he questioned gently. The boy looked at his watch and nodded to himself. "It's getting pretty late. Why don't we call it a night?"

Kish expected Ichigo to look relieved but her expression only shifted to appear more cheerful. "Okay," she agreed. "We can continue tomorrow."

The two disappeared from Ichigo's room and a few moments later Kish heard them saying their goodbyes at the front door. Ichigo stood on the pavement just outside and waved as the boy hopped onto his bike and rode away down the street. When he was out of sight, her hand dropped to her side and she sighed in what Kish thought to be a decidedly forlorn manner. He waited as she went back inside and returned to her window in time to watch her flop face-down onto her bed. He raised an eyebrow at the display. Trouble in paradise? he wondered wryly.

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door and it opened to reveal Ichigo's mother. She was smiling and holding a tray with a small plate of shortbread cookies and a cup of tea. Ichigo perked up immediately and greeted her mother cheerfully.

"How was studying, honey?" the auburn-haired woman asked as she set the tray on a clear section of the study table.

Ichigo's smile faltered a little at the inquiry but she masked it quickly. "Good, mom," she answered as she hopped off her bed and returned to the table. She packed up a few of her books and took a cookie.

"Feeling confident yet?" Sakura prodded gently.

Ichigo made to nod but she faltered again and this time she seemed unable to find the energy to put back up her cheery faade. Instead, she gave up entirely and hung her head.

Her mother saw this and her eyebrows furrowed in concern. "Still struggling?"

Ichigo nodded sullenly. "No matter how hard I study, I feel like I'll never catch up to Masaya-kun." She hung her head again. "I want to get into the same high school as him but my test scores… they're just not good enough. At this rate, I think it'll be a miracle if I'm able to pass the entrance exam for Hibiya."

Sakura gave Ichigo an encouraging smile and laid a hand on her daughter's shoulder. "Listen, Sweetheart, I know you want to continue to go to school with Masaya-kun, but Hibiya is one of the top schools in Japan. Of course I'll be immensely proud if you're able to get in, but remember that you're aiming for the top of the top." She rubbed Ichigo's shoulder comfortingly. "You're a very smart girl and you've been applying yourself wonderfully this past year, so even if you don't make Hibiya, I know you'll get into a good school. And remember that you'll still be able to spend time with him outside of school. Masaya-kun isn't going to lose interest just because you ended up going somewhere else."

Ichigo sniffed and nodded her head glumly. It was clear that her heart was still very much set on this Hibiya school. Kish couldn't relate to the struggle of testing into schools. His planet's education system was still very rudimentary compared to Japan's. His people attended general education classes until they were old enough to enter into an apprenticeship. Of course, his people's technology was advanced compared to Earth's, so science and math were the most highly valued skills among his race. Every child was instructed carefully and thoroughly in these subjects from a young age. Less critical subjects such as language and history, however, were forced to take a back seat and were generally not studied in depth until one entered into their apprenticeship and then only if they proved pertinent to that particular field of work.

Kish wondered how he would fare on one of these "entrance exams". They sounded stressful and unpleasant.

"You just keep doing your best, dear," Sakura spoke again. "No hard work ever goes unrewarded. I believe that everything will turn out just fine, even if things don't happen exactly the way you think they should."

At this, Ichigo seemed to cheer up a little and she offered her mother a small smile. "Thanks, mom. I'll keep studying as hard as I can. I won't give up just yet."

Sakura smiled. "That's the spirit. Let me know if there's anything your father or I can help you with, alright?"

Ichigo nodded. "I will."

With that, Sakura took her leave, closing the door softly behind her. Kish felt a small pang of jealousy toward Ichigo for having such kind and supportive parents. Kish barely remembered his.

Ichigo got back to work with her books and Kish turned away. So, there wasn't any juicy drama between her and the boy after all. How disappointing. He supposed he should find a place to rest for the night. He would make the trip back home tomorrow.

It was nice to see her again, he thought as he flew slowly away toward the mountains. It was worth the trip just to see her face and hear her voice again. But he was fooling himself by thinking that anything would change by coming back here. He just hoped Pie and Tart didn't tease him too badly when he returned. He'd declared that he was leaving for good, after all.

o0o

It turned out that Kish was very bad indeed at keeping his word. The next day, he did not go home. Just one more day, he told himself. It would be a waste to make such a long trip only to return after one evening. And it wasn't like his duties back home couldn't wait a little longer.

That evening he watched through the window again as Ichigo and the boy studied. It was largely uneventful, but Kish enjoyed just watching. Simply being near her was enough. He made himself comfortable just out of sight and basked in that nearness. Occasionally, Ichigo would speak up to ask a question and Kish's ears would perk up at the sound of her voice. Many of her questions, the ones about history and classical Japanese went right over his head, but he found himself quite able to answer her math and science questions and he couldn't stop himself from muttering the answer under his breath whenever she posed one.

That night, after the boy left, Ichigo once again fell onto her bed with a long sigh. Clearly, she still felt she wasn't making much headway toward her goal. Kish crossed his legs in the air and rolled over onto his side to rest his cheek in his palm. His booted foot bounced lazily as he considered the girl on the other side of the glass. If this was what she did every day when she wasn't fighting aliens then he wondered if he wouldn't be doing her a favor if he decided to stir up some trouble.

He wouldn't, of course. He had no desire to make his presence known. He was going home tomorrow, after all.

o0o

He didn't go home the next day. Or the day after that. Despite his daily promises to himself, he found himself becoming more and more invested in this "entrance exam" dilemma his favorite human faced. He began observing Ichigo at school as well as during her study sessions with the boy. One thing he noticed right away was that her teachers were useless. The classes were all lecture-style and geared toward rote memorization. The teachers apparently placed no value on teaching theory or the development of critical thinking. He was starting to understand better why Ichigo was struggling to understand concepts and equations he'd learned years ago. What she needed was someone to work with her and patiently explain the knowledge and processes behind the multitude of facts her teachers crammed into her head every day.

Perhaps, he considered, a private tutor was what she needed. Not that he had any personal investment in her getting into high school with 'Masaya-kun', but he could tell that this was important to her, and even if he didn't care for her reasons, he wanted her to succeed. She was putting her all into this, just like she'd always put her all into their battles. He liked seeing that look of determination on her face. It was so deliciously nostalgic.

But while Kish could do many things, he couldn't magic her a tutor out of thin air. Of course, there were plenty of people on his home planet who could teach her chemistry and physics and calculus and sociology and even combat and magic, but there was nobody who could teach her about Japanese history or kanji or classical literature—and he highly doubted she was eager to deal with aliens again even if they were there to help her pass her tests.

As he hovered in his spot just outside her window the evening of his fourth day stalking her, he wondered why Ichigo didn't ask her green friend for help. Lettuce had always struck him as incredibly drab and bookish. He'd always imagined that she and Pie would get along well. But… if he went to her, he would be forced to reveal himself. If he was going to go that far, he might as well just teach Ichigo himself.

Kish shook his head violently and immediately pulled the emergency brake on that train of thought. He was getting way too swept up in this. What was he even doing, he mentally chastised himself in a sudden moment of clarity. He needed to go home. He'd delayed it long enough already. It was of no consequence to him whether or not Ichigo got accepted into her froufrou fancy-pants school. He had a life to be getting back to. He swiveled around and prepared to take off. He would go now, while he was in his right mind.

You have an opportunity to help her.

He stopped abruptly.

You've only ever been a nuisance to her, but now you have an opportunity to support her instead.

Kish turned back around with a sigh. When had his life come to this? he wondered for the thousandth time since returning to Earth. He was powerless to resist her and it was high time he admitted it. There was no way he'd be able to leave when he knew he could help her.

"You'd better thank me for this, Masaya-kun," he muttered under his breath as he sat back to wait.

oO0Oo


I deliberated for a good long while about which romanization to use for Kish's name. While "Kish" is the least accurate, "Quiche" made me laugh too much and "Kisshu" just felt unnecessarily over-literal. I know everyone has their own preferences. Just pretend I used yours. ;P

I'm going to try to post chapters weekly. A good chunk of this story is written already, so updates should be fairly regular. Stay tuned for Chapter 2!