The Following Trailer Is Rated NM for No Mercy!


From the visionary director who brought Gerard Butler's bare ass to the big screen in 300, comes an adaptation of a comic book so revolutionary, it was said to be completely unadaptable to film. So naturally, the jackasses in Hollywood had to prove it.

Watchmen!

Journey across space and time to a parallel universe where superheroes are real, lesbianism was socially acceptable in the 1940s, and Lyndon Johnson never got a chance to F##k up the Vietnam War.

Join the Watchmen, a former group of brave heroes, brutal vigilantes, murdering rapists, and radioactive nudists who work for claymation Richard Nixon. When their most unlikable member is mysteriously murdered, the gang must reunite to uncover a sinister conspiracy that threatens them all.

Dive unto a dark tale of corruption, betrayal, and intrigue, which sometimes feels like window dressing for the main character's emotional instability and weird sex lives. As you spend over three hours wishing that Dr. Manhattan would put on a pair of pants.

Experience the most depressing and unnecessarily gory pre-The Boys superhero movie you've ever seen in your life, as the moral, philosophical, and sociological themes that made the comic a cultural phenomenon are swept aside in a wave of blood, boobs and other GOT level bullshit.

So curb your desire for a story that will uplift you, inspire you, invigorate you, or have any positive effect on you whatsoever, and settle for a twisted tale of really weird shit that is still somehow superior to what HBO crapped out ten years later.

Starring:

Dick Tracy- Rorschach

Owlman- Nite Owl

The Blue Dick- Dr. Manhatten

The Silk Slut- Silk Spectre

Captain Illuminati- Ozymandias

Smiley The Asshole- Comedian


Pornmen!

Alan Moore may be a certified nutcase, but can you blame him? If I'd written one of the most revolutionary comics of the modern era, only to watch Warner Bros and HBO turn it into a pop culture punchline, I'd probably grow a castaway beard and worship a Roman snake god too.