Rest of my life Rewrite

hey guys

So this is my new version of rest of my life. I will be pulling down the old version in a couple of days to give old readers a chance to see the notice about the new version. I apologise to anyone who was invested in the old version but I just wasn't feeling it as it was to vague, lacked details and was significantly shorter. If you have any feedback, good or bad please leave a review because it can only help me. Hope you guys enjoy and again please let me know what you think. Keep safe

Kensi JJ xx

Chapter 1

JJ's P.O.V

I was playing with Henry when it came. When I heard the post drop through the door, I knew it would be non there. Between the bills and notes, I would have my answer. It took me thirty minutes to even considering picking up the post. Henry would always be my priority and keeping him in the dark about this would always be more important than actually anything about me. Besides the doctor already seemed pretty sure of my diagnosis. Why would it be anything else but the obvious. Fate was cruel to me but crueller to my son. After everything that has happened this year, why would we be able to catch a break? As we played, my eyes wandered to my beautifully year old son. I countering myself to open that letter because then I'd know. And it wasn't just my life that this was going to mess with. It's not even been a year since we lost Will and my previous boy was still reeling from that. God where did I go wrong to inflict this kind of karma on him? His life literally turned upside down in the space of a day. If only I had stopped Will from going in. If I had stopped him, my son wouldn't still cry for his father when he wakes up and have nightmares from seeing his mother all out brawl with someone in the house. Maybe I should have quit the FBI after that. After losing the man I loved with all of my heart. But it kept me sane whilst Henry was at school and have me somewhere to send these emotions rather than letting them wreak havoc inside my head full time. Not that staying would matter for much longer. Not if that letter told me what I already suspected. I think I already kind of knew. I saw it in my grandma as a child, my aunt as a teenager and my brother as an adult. Genetics must hate my family. Because brain cancer in three sequential generations of one family musthave something to do with heritage. It has to come from somewhere.

If it's inherited, then this can't really be my fault. But for some reason that thought didn't help at all. Because of its not my fault, then who can I blame? I thought back on all of the church sessions I attended as a child. The ones that told me that God world in mysterious ways and that He did everything for a reason. Well, if that's true then screw God because what reason could be have for doing this to me? To my baby boy? How can anyone, particularly an all knowing, all-loving God do this to my family just when we were working out how to live without Will?

My mind drew back to my sons cerulean blue eyes as he clambered for his dinner. I realised he hadnt had it due to the park and playing and general excitement so I got up to make it for him. As I handed him his Mac and cheese with hot dogs and his cup of juice I noticed he had brought the post over and paid it carefully on the table. Had he noticed my distraction? No he couldn't have. He was smart no question, but I had withdrew more whilst working with profilers all day and they hadn't noticed. I learned through the envelopes he had laid out and for a moment I missed it. I just hoped it had been delayed and that I could spend another day in ignorant bliss. Then I rescheduled and like magic, I was able to find it this time.

White envelopes. Some carry excitement within, some carry horror. Some contain the prospect of a better future, whilst some inform of no future at all. This one contained my future-mine and Henry's-yet this is the one envelope I didn't want to open. My hands shook as I removed it from the pile and placed the others down. This was too important to consider the others. I tried to convince myself that it was nothing. That maybe my past had made me overly cautious and that it was nothing. But I knew otherwise. I just didn't want to admit it. Because the second you admit it, is when it becomes more than words on a page. That's when it becomes real. So maybe I just wanted to live in my bubble of denial. But would it have been that bad to live in?

Who knows, because I tore the envelope and pulled out the paper within. It was like the world had slowed down around me as I skimmed the diagnosis paragraph. When I saw the two words, my heart stopped and it was almost as though I had forgotten how to breathe.

'Brain Cancer'