Content warning: This story includes mentions of suicide and attempted suicide.
Reader discretion is advised.

U.S. National Suicide Prevention Line: 1-800-273-8255


The hollow opened his eyes slowly, blinking away the dizziness as much as he could. His lungs burned as he inhaled the crisp night air, though the sensation was somewhat detached. Everything looked warped and too far away, but shapes and color were slowly making themselves known.

He was standing on a ledge. Far below, a river flowed on. His hands were wrapped around a metal railing, knuckles white from gripping so hard. The death-grip was the only thing keeping him from tumbling forward and down. The bridge behind him was silent.

He took another deep breath, trying to ignore the tightness in his chest as he tried to move. It felt like controlling a marionette, stilted and off. It would have to do. With a careful patience that was unbeknownst to the hollow before this moment, he maneuvered himself back over the railing, pausing for a moment when his feet were safely back on solid concrete.

Running a hand through his hair, he turned and began to make his way back to the riverbank. The stone crunched under his shoes and he let his eyes unfocus as his body carried him forward.

'What the hell do you think you're doing, King?'

-0-

Isshin nearly dropped the medical journal he was reading when he had felt his son's reiatsu spark faintly against the edge of his senses. He probably should have been surprised to feel it so far away, especially because it was past 2 am, but Isshin was more surprised that he had felt it at all.

That shouldn't have been possible with the state of Ichigo's soul. He had sacrificed all of his powers to beat Aizen. There shouldn't be any reiatsu to feel.

But, he had felt it. Just for a second.

Isshin was out of the house before he could realize it, sprinting as fast as he could and cursing the limitations of having a physical form. Flash step would be faster, but he had the sinking feeling that his son needed something to hold on to, quite literally. He hadn't even realized the teen had slipped out of the house. Dark thoughts swirled in his mind as he headed to the location he had sensed: the river.

He found him sitting on the bank, orange hair barely illuminated by the waning moon. Isshin approached slowly, a tentative hand reaching out to grasp a still shoulder.

"Ichigo..."

"Touch me and I'll rip your arm off." A voice that wasn't entirely Ichigo's said. The teen turned and Isshin drew up short at the burning, acidic gold eyes lazily regarding him back.

"You're... not Ichigo." Isshin stated, more confusion clouding his thoughts.

The hollow didn't bother with a reply, simply shifted back to watching the mesmerizing current.

"What's going on?" Isshin prodded gently, he was pretty sure the earlier threat was empty, but he didn't really want to chance it.

The hollow scoffed, hissing out "What do you think!?" He folded his arms, nails biting into the skin, rage etched in the lines of his snarling expression. "He was gonna jump off'a the bridge. Was already over the railing when I snagged control." The hollow growled, "That coward. If he wants to die so bad, the least he could do would be to let me do it."

The words hit Isshin like a slap in the face. He thought he was keeping a good eye on his son. It had been obvious that the loss had affected him greatly, but Isshin never would have guessed it was this bad. He shook his head, feeling guilt and shame stab through him like ice. He should have known better! He should have been on top of this! If the hollow hadn't-

He couldn't let himself finish that sentence.

Isshin's stomach dropped and he sank down next to his hollow-son. His eyes locked on to the water, the ground, an annoying bug near his knee, anything to avoid glancing at the nearby bridge. His mouth was dry when he spoke. "Ichigo... He... He came to...?" It hurt to think about and it was agony to voice, The words broke in his throat.

Tears stung the corners of his eyes as he realized how close he had gotten to losing his son.

Isshin's thoughts suddenly snapped away from that, honing in on something simpler. It was a coping mechanism and he was well aware that he would need to take time to sort through his emotions later, but the question burning on his tongue was a welcome distraction from all of that. At least for another second. "How is it possible that you are here and in control?"

"I'm not." The hollow stated plainly. He clenched his hand into a fist, it took a second for his body to respond. "I don't exist. Not anymore."

"Then how...?"

"Who knows. Guess King's survival instincts kicked in before he could let go and I'm just how that manifested. I'm just an echo of a memory; some fractured piece his mind made up to avoid breaking entirely. Maybe I'm-" the hollow flinched, "-he's just dissociating to avoid the pain. Like I said, who knows? It's confusing knowing you don't exist." He dropped his fist, drawing his knees to his chest and resting his chin on top. Making himself small.

The silence stretched on. Isshin wasn't so sure, he had felt the spark of reiatsu. He supposed it would be possible for Ichigo's sub-conscious to have dragged what remained of the hollow forward to take partial control and get them out of danger- a soul was most malleable when under duress.

The hollow scowled and Isshin's heart almost stopped at how 'Ichigo' the expression was.

"Do you know why he tries so hard to save everyone?" The hollow asked quietly, "it's because he's terrified of losing more people. When I lost Mom-" A confused look passed over his expression for a split second. The hollow corrected, "When he lost his mom, it shattered him. He barely survived it. He knew, better than anyone, that he couldn't withstand that pain again. He would rather die than break like that a second time. That's why he pushes himself so hard. It's pathetic, really."

Isshin didn't bother mentioning that the stretch of river where Masaki lost her life was disturbingly close by. They all tried not to think about that year after she died; picking up the pieces and trying in vain to stack them into something resembling a life. And here he was, dangerously close to repeating the process. He would keep a better watch, he promised himself. Karin and Yuzu would not lose their older brother. Isshin drew in a shuddering breath and said something he never guessed he would have ever said to a hollow: "Thank you."

The hollow frowned, reaching a hand out to roughly grab the front of Isshin's collar and bring them face-to-face. "Shut up! I don't want your thanks, I want you to fix him! All we ever wanted to do was protect him! It's your fault for telling him about that final attack! I'm never gonna forgive you for that. I don't care if it was necessary to beat Aizen! This is too much! I can't take it anymore!" The hollow let the venom building in his words go, shouting by the end of his tirade. Fear flashed across his face for a moment. his next sentence was cold and emotionless, clinical. "He'll try again, you know."

Isshin knew.

All Isshin could do was take the blame, bitter remorse plucking at his frantic heart.

"Ichigo s'gonna be wakin' up soon. Think the shock's wearin' off." His speech became slightly slurred as his control wavered. "Just... take care of him, alright? For the Old Man... and me." His gold eyes slid closed and Isshin caught him as he slumped sideways.

A second later, brown eyes fluttered open, looking around wildly without really seeing anything. "What-? Where!?"

"Ichigo, it's okay. You're safe." Isshin soothed, rubbing slow circles on his back.

"S-safe? I was-" Ichigo's breath hitched, the memory of stepping over the guardrail slamming into him all at once. Words failed him as he began to hyperventilate.

Isshin simply held his shaking child, hoping- desperately hoping- his arms were strong enough to keep Ichigo from falling apart.

Ichigo's ragged breathing and not-quite-crying slowly evened out, replaced by a dull numbness. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, too busy being swallowed up by his own exhausted and traumatized mind. It barely registered when Isshin scooped him up into a tender, if awkward, carry and began the walk back home.

"It's not your fault, you know." Ichigo murmured. "I didn't mean that."

Isshin merely made a nondescript sound in response.

"Dad... 'm sorry."

Isshin sighed again, he wanted to be angry that Ichigo would even think about putting him in this position, but the fire just wasn't there. "Just get some rest." He said softly, but Ichigo was already asleep in his arms.

"I'll protect you, Ichigo. I promise."