Max ran the whole way through the theatre. He was breathless when he approached the little office in the back. He leaned against the door; sweat running down his face.

This had to be bad…

Roger had only told him to come here because of Leo. Heaven only knew how on earth he'd gotten to know anything concerning him before himself but it hadn't taken him more than two seconds to get to his feet. Whatever had happened, it sure didn't sound good. Roger had refused to tell him any more… or he had been unable to do so because as soon as Leo's name had been mentioned Max had literally felt the blood draining from his face.

Now he tried to listen. To Anything.

But there was no sound to be heard.

Funny enough this situation made him nervous. In a way he hadn't experienced before. Maybe because he didn't know what to expect. Or maybe cause he hadn't slept at all that last night and his tired body just was on the edge. But right now he had to get a grip. For himself. And Leo. He was absolutely sure Roger would never have called him out of rehearsals if this wasn't important.

His hadn't was on the doorknob already but somehow he could not move. He just kept staring at his hand and tried to breathe, clenching his teeth so hard it was almost painful.

This was Leo. His Leo.

Somehow he couldn't shake the feeling this had something to do with his behaviour in the past couple of days. But whatever this was about, he needed to know. He needed to be there…

So, Max opened the door carefully and for a moment was surprised himself how little of a sound he could make.

The room seemed darker than the others but mainly because the light had been switched off. And the small, compressed backstage rooms usually had a way of not getting too much daylight anyway. The small narrow windows didn't help much either.

Max had to blink once or twice to get used to it before he could make out the silhouette of Carmen standing next to a couch and now slowly turning hushed towards Max. As soon as he recognised him, he got up - obviously letting go of Leo's hand who was crouching on the couch next to him. Whether he was looking good or not; feeling good or not; Max couldn't make out. For Carmen immediately jumped towards him as Max tried to step closer.

"Wait!" he almost whispered, holding up his hand and softly pushing Max outside the door again.

There was something he'd have to call worry in Carmen's voice and it was then Max realised that treacherous cold shiver running down his spine. The only time he could recall Carmen sounding like this had been when it all had been really really serious. and this was a state he didn't like at all.

Max almost stumbled backwards out of the room and was indeed about to yell at the taller man but Carmen was quick on closing the door behind them; always careful not to make a sound.

He then turned around and the look he gave max made him want to vomit.

He hated Carmen's scared eyes. And the determination mixed in it. Carmen never looked like this. He was always a little sassy and carefree and sometimes loud and rushing… but never worried. Whatever he was about to say, it would tell him two things: what this was about and why he somehow should feel bad about it.

"What happened?" Max croaked in the back of his throat.

"You need to calm down," Carmen answered silently, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"Calm down?" Max almost shrieked and backed away, a little surprised himself. "Carmen, for God's sake… What happened to him?"

"I… I don't know," Carmen let his arms and his head sink, looking almost lost as well.

Max inhaled sharply.

"But it certainly won't be good if you rush into there, bombarding him with all kinds of questions," he continued then. "He's not in the condition to take this right now."

"What condition? What the hell are you talking about?" Max felt his voice almost disappearing.

"He's had some kind of…breakdown," Carmen looked at Max with a piercing stare that told him exactly just how serious this must have been within a second. "And I am not talking about the kinds you've seen before… this was… I don't even know how to describe what this was."

"Tell me," Max whispered, not daring to look at Carmen. He felt his hands form to shivering fists and tried hard to fixate a spot on the door and not to move his eyes an inch away.

"Max, you really should…"

"TELL ME!" Max suddenly shouted at the top of his voice with an anger he's never known inside himself before. "WHATEVER HAPPENED, YOU WILL TELL ME RIGHT NOW, SCOTT!"

Carmen stared at him for a second, not moving a bit. He didn't even blink, just looking right through him. If he wasn't able to say anything or just considered Max's screamed plea the other man wasn't able to tell. But just when Max inhaled again, Carmen sighed slightly, turning his eyes to the ground and away from Max while crossing his arms in front of his body again.

"Max, I…," he started then hesitantly but quickly opened his eyes again, staring straight at the man in front of him. And something about his look had changed that very moment. Max backed away a step when he realised the pure horror mixed with incredible worry in Carmen's eyes. "I have no idea what happened to him out there…"

Max's eyes widened.

He wanted to scream at Carmen right now. To grab him by his chains and shake it out of him. But somehow he wasn't able to move… He stood there rooted and simply listened carefully the the younger man.

"He saw something," Carmen continued. "Something I swear wasn't there. But it was real for him. So real… And once he realised what had happened, he lost it."

"What did he see?" Max only whispered back. His mouth felt dry. And his head began to ache.

Ir took Carmen a moment to answer and - still observing him closely - Max felt like it was somehow hard for him too to speak about it.

"Clara!"

"What?" Max took a deep breath. "This can't be…"

"I know it can't," Carmen interrupted him quickly. "So please, tell me what is going on here?"

Max's eyes shot up.

"I…," he started but couldn't find anything to tell him apart from the truth. "He…"

"I'm talking about this strange behaviour of the both of you," Carmen just wouldn't let go. "You said yourself you're worrying and the very next day he turns up here with half his hadn't chopped off only to completely break down over someone we both know couldn't have been there… So what is this?"

"I don't know, okay?" Max was surprised himself by how much he screamed that statement. He only noticed though when carmen almost jumped back that very moment, staring at him still. It was like that woke him up too…

So, he lowered his head…

"He is behaving strange lately," he almost whispered then. "But don't you think it could just be an aftermath of his injury?"

"Could be," Carmen nodded. "But a year later? I can't recall ever having seen him like this…"

"Oh, you don't know him the way I do…"

"Oh, I forgot," Carmen jeered then. "Since you are there all the time, knowing every move he does…"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Max noticed this little side blow in an instance and felt that harsh anger arising inside of him again.

"It means you have no idea about what kind of things are still lingering there inside of him," Carmen's voice grew louder now too and he looked angry as well. "As far as I see it he didn't tell you shit and you just keep on pretending."

"I'm not pretending anything," Max yelled back, gesturing wildly. "Heavens, he is overworked. He is tired and you know as well as I do he never took stress carelessly. So don't act like he's having hallucinations or whatever. He would have told me."

"Would he?"

Max stared at Carmen for a second, uncertain about that this meant but then his face turned darker.

"I've seriously expected a little more empathy from you," he spoke dangerously quiet now. "Since this kind of stuff always happens to him when you are around…"

"What?"

"You call yourself his friend," Max continued growing louder and stepping towards Carmen now. "And you cannot imagine what all this was like for him? Being alone so much? Having experienced such trauma? Witnessing the death of someone who'd been there for him? I think it could be seen as normal he gets haunted by those images… But you just cannot understand, can you? No, because you've never…"

Max stopped himself that moment, his eyes teared open widely suddenly. It was only then he noticed whom he was talking to again.

Carmen didn't move once muscle, just looked back at him with huge eyes. He looked both hurt and controlled right then but he didn't dare to say a thing. It was more like he had to comprehend those words just now.

Max bit his lips and averted his eyes.

He shouldn't have said this. And he knew.

Who would understand that feeling other than Carmen himself? Who's whole life had been like this… Who had not only been the one holding Clara in his last moments back when but also in a way had been the cause of everything that had happened. And Max knew too well how much Carmen still beat himself up for everything; how much he still thought it had been his fault all along that any of them had been harmed…

And he regretted it immediately…

"Carmen, I'm sorry… I…," he started but Carmen looked away, only closing his eyes.

"You're right," he answered coldly after a moment. "You take care of him…"

He gestured towards the door and then, without another word, turned around and walked away.

Immediately Max was about to follow him and apologise. He felt even more miserable right now, but just before he could open his mouth to stop Carmen from leaving, he heard a silent voice from inside the room.

His head turned and he swallowed hard.

Damn it.

Leo needed him right now. More than ever probably. So, as much as he wanted to set this right; however hard he realised having once again been the asshole in their weird little family; his priority sat behind that door and sounded suspiciously like sobbing his eyes out just that moment.

When he stepped into the room the light once again made it hard for him to see something at first. But this time he was prepared and his eyes grew accustomed to the dusty darkness much quicker.

Leo sat on that couch still, staring outside the small barred window. If Max hadn't been absolutely certain something wasn't right, he would have taken this as Leo's normal daydreaming. He tended to fixate something only he seemed to have access to sometimes. And he didn't even flinch when Max closed the door behind himself and carefully approached his partner.

Max watched him for a moment.

This was kind of new, even for Leo. And somehow he didn't quite know who was more lost that very moment: himself or his partner. He wiped over his neck with one hand while trying his best to think of something to even say. But somehow Leo didn't even look up. Thus, Max approached him and slowly sat down next to him on the couch, not daring to touch him or getting too close right now.

Then he inhaled deeply, closing his eyes. But as he opened his mouth to say something, Leo's voice, as normal as it could be, sounded next to him which made him turn his head a bit surprised.

"You think I've lost it, right?"

"I…"

"You must," Leo continued silently. "Carmen must have told you. And then…"

He turned around and looked at Max from the corner of his eyes. Max almost backed away, seeing tears glittering in them.

"He is right after all," Leo looked down again, the tears now falling down his cheeks. "I've lost it. Completely and utterly lost…everything."

"Leo…," Max bid his lips, putting one hand on his shoulder.

But he didn't manage to enlarge on him even more for his partner whirled around and almost fell into his arms, sobbing loudly. Max sat there flabbergasted. He didn't know what to say or do other than wrapping his arms around the younger man and softly stroking his back, while he pressed himself as close to him as possible. Whatever happened out there, Carmen had been wrong. Leo had been wrong. If he was so very aware of something being not right, how could they even think about him having lost control over…whatever this had been?

"It's alright," he whispered then. "We will work this out."

"How?" Leo still cried. "How do you want to work this out? I saw him. I swear I did. I would have given my everything Carmen had too… But…"

"Sometimes you mistake people for someone else," Max tried to comfort him. "It has happened to everyone."

"He felt so real," Leo whispered next to him but didn't dare to look up.

"Maybe because you were so convinced that person was him," Max tried again, even though he didn't really know what else to say. "Maybe…"

"NO!"

Leo suddenly jumped up, looking enraged. His fists were still shivering next to his body. He had troubles standing as Max could clearly see, but he was almost drilling his feet into the ground to get a good grip and stiffened.

Max backed away a little. He was surprised to say the least. Actually a little more than surprised. Right there in Leo's eyes was a rage he'd hardly ever seen in anyone ever before. Let alone Leo. Little soft Leo… He couldn't believe it but the stare of the younger man in front of him almost burned through him.

"Don't you get it?" Leo screamed now. "I've seen something that was not there. I haven't mistaken him for someone else. HE JUST WAS NOT THERE!"

"Leo…"

Max had pressed himself so hard to the headrest of the couch, he had to remind himself this wasn't an attack, even though it felt like it a lot. Heavens, this was Leo. He kept telling this to himself over and over again. It's Leo! Leo! Leo! Leo!

"No, you just don't get it," Leo kept on screaming. "This wasn't …well, me. It was so strange so…so… out of my hands. I …," he sighed and finally let his hands fall. "I couldn't do anything. It was real. Can you even understand this?"

"Calm down, will ya?" Max tried to sooth him, but went only so far as to stretch his hand out. He couldn't move his feet and bring his body to stand up, even if he wanted it.

This just wasn't true.

He could hardly believe Leo reacting like he did. And he had to admit, this scared him a little. well, a little much.

Leo seemed to notice as well. He tore his eyes wide open and inhaled deeply before almost freezing to stone. Their eyes met.

It felt as though they were staring at each other for an eternity, searching for something. Some clue inside the other that told them what to do. But as nothing happened, Leo sighed and let his head sink again shaking it slightly.

"Leo," Max spoke softly and dared to move a little towards him now, stretching out his hand to reach him. "I…I know this must be confusing…"

Leo sniffed and looked up at him. It almost tore Max's heart apart seeing him looking so desperate; so confused.

"Hey," he continued gently and put his hands on his shoulders. "Okay listen. I don't know what happened… But we can do this. Together."

He could see Leo's eyes getting wet and immediately the younger man flung his arms around Max, who was taken aback at first but then had to smirk. This was it. This was Leo the way he knew and loved him. And so he returned that hug without hesitation. After all, he was the only one who managed to bring him to this much affection.

"I think you're just overtired," Max spoke while rubbing Leo's back. "You need to rest. and tomorrow.. Tomorrow everything will look differently."

"You really believe this?" Leo sounded muffled pressing his face so tightly to Max's chest. But that question was sincere.

"I…," Max hesitated, which caused Leo to look up immediately again.

"Alright," Max gave up. "I must admit all this cutting and screaming and seeing things …it scares me a bit…"

Leo instinctively stepped a few steps away from him; his eyes widened.

"But I think," Max continued, softly taking his partners hands and pressing them to himself again. "I think it might just be an aftermath… I mean you've been hurt badly. It's probably nothing we should worry about too much."

"Max, I…"

"Don't wreck your brain," Max pulled him a little closer and was kind of relieved to feel Leo relax in his arms. "We will have you checked again. There must be someone able to tell us nothing happened with you. And you'll see then it is just a phase."

Leo snuggled a little closer.

"I love you," he whispered.

Max thought at first he misunderstood but then the surprise in his face melted into a warm smile. And he hugged Leo even tighter this time.

"Don't you worry," he repeated. "I won't let anything happen to you. We'll figure something out."

"I don't want you to get hurt," Leo whispered almost not audible.

Max looked up, puzzling for a second if he'd heard right.

"What?" he asked.

Leo lifted his head again.

"What do you mean?" Max asked.

Leo shook his head, not knowing what he was referring to. So, Max observed him a second long, but then decided he must have misheard.

"So, maybe we just need an evening off," Max said, wrapping his arm around Leo's shoulder once more. "Just to relax a little…"

"You really think an evening is enough for that?" Leo raised his eyebrows.

"Okay, perhaps a day then," Max rolled his eyes, but seeing Leo's mouth lifting to a cheap smile again made him feel a lot lighter about the situation as well. "But Leo…"

"Hm?"

"Promise me you'll tell me next time you're not feeling well," Max suddenly noticed how worried that sounded once more.

To his relief Leo didn't seem to have noticed it and nodded shyly, a little cute blush appearing on his face.

"Can we go home?" he asked then, almost like a little boy wanting to do something forbidden.

Max sighed and bid his lips. He looked around. There was plenty to do still. He would have several meetings in the morning and some production things still to prepare…

But then, Leo's pleading look made his plans melt away within the blink of an eye.

So he smiled, nodding once.

"Alrighty then," he answered softly.

And immediately, Leo smiled even wider, pressing himself even closer to Max.

"Thank you," he whispered once more. "And I'm sorry…"

"What for?" Max asked.

"For not telling you immediately… I know you wouldn't have let me down… I should have come to you immediately. But well…Carmen was worried and..:"

"Jeez, Carmen," Max suddenly yelled, causing Leo to jump back in surprise.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Leo," Max smiled at him. "I didn't mean to scare you… It's just… Do you mind a little detour?"

"A detour?"

Max nodded.

"There's something I need to set right..:"

Roger almost tiptoed around the kitchen.

When he had come home he sensed something was different. But he hadn't been able to quite make out what it was. Everything was the way it had always been after all. Well, almost. He had marched the last steps to the townhouse in a rage he hadn't known before. It hardly ever happened that he had to go home alone without Carmen saying a word about himself leaving earlier. Which was bizarre. If anything happened to him… Whatever it was, he usually would talk to roger before deciding anything. This was new and definitely something he worried about. Maybe something had happened. Maybe he had done something, which wasn't even so strange if he thought about it. But whatever it was, he wanted to set things right with him.

But then he had entered the house and immediately Kevin had almost jumped him. He told him about Carmen storming in here about an hour earlier without saying a word. He had marched up to their room and locked the door ever since. He had refused tot all to anyone and even when Scott, Shirley and Brian came home they hadn't been successful.

"It's almost like he's …;" Kevin hadn't finished the sentence, but Roger had understood immediately.

Almost as though he was back to who he was in his first days with them. A state that worried Roger more than anything if he was honest. But then again, he knew Carmen tended to withdraw sometimes. A trait only Roger knew about. And mostly when something was bugging him or he felt unwell… But even if that was the case, he would have said a word to anyone. And it caused him even more to wanting to talk to him.

The only problem was he hadn't come out yet. And he had even refused to open the door for Roger. So now, Roger sneaked the stairs with a plate of their evening meal in his hands he had successfully stolen under Shirley's eyes.

And now, he stood in front of that huge white doorman softly knocked three times.

"Darling?" he spoke as gently as he could. " Darling, could you open the door? It's me!"

No answer…

Roger sighed. "Carmen, please… I'm really beginning to worry!"

He stared at that door for a while longer but then his smile faded and he lowered his eyes. He sighed once more, shaking his head slightly and was just about to turn around and leave again, when he heard footsteps behind the door.

And then the familiar clicking of the door lock followed. Roger held his breath for a moment and didn't dare to move.

When Carmen stepped outside, he obviously did his very best to carry his usual smile. The one he used whenever he wanted to show affection towards Roger. But also, when he didn't want him to worry. And it was then Roger knew immediately something had happened. Something that had moved him deeply. He wasn't sure of Carmen knew, but he could always tell when he was pretending. Not least because of the dark lumps under his eyes he always tried to cover with makeup. But they told another story to his partner right now.

"I fell asleep," Carmen spoke silently, forcing himself to a smile. "I didn't hear you. I am sorry."

Roger on the other hand stared at him and then put the plate away in a hurry while fishing over to his loved one and flung his arms around the very surprised looking Carmen. He hardly managed it but this time Carmen's body stiffened with this unexpected touch.

"Never scare me like this again;" Roger mumbled to his shoulder.

"Scare you?"

"I thought…," Roger took his face between his hands and stared directly into those brown eyes he loved so much. But then he shook his head. "Nevermind… I'm glad you are alright."

Carmen blushed slightly and looked down. Then he softly put his hands on Rogers and made him let go of his face.

"I'm sorry," he spoke then. "I never meant to scare you."

"What happened?" Roger asked quietly, knowing too well Carmen would talk only if he wanted to, but he still needed to know.

At first, the younger man shook his head, which made Roger almost scream internally, but then he seemed to think about it and lifted his head once more.

"Some old shit coming up…," he said then almost without his voice. "Stuff I didn't want to think about. I am sorry I left like that. But I needed to shake this for myself…"

Roger listened carefully and at first couldn't tell what he was referring to. But then again, the only things Carmen hated to discuss more than anything were related to his past. Maybe someone had asked him about anything. It happened sometimes ever since their community had learned about him. Or maybe he had been confronted with something that brought up memories inside of him he thought he had been over with. Whatever it was, Roger was certain this must be the reason.

So, he let go of Carmen and smiled at his baffled expression.

He gently took his hand and lead him into their bedroom once more.

He sat him down on the bed and turned to get something out of their nightstand.

Carmen followed him with his eyes and started to wonder what he had planned now.

But then Roger turned again and kneeled before his love.

"Roger…what…;" Carmen flinched and pulled his shoulders up but didn't manage to finish even his thought. For Roger shushed him by putting his fingers to his mouth and smiled widely.

He took out a small powder box and dipped a sponge into it carefully. Then he softly used two fingers to lift Carmen's blushing face again and smiled even wider when he looked into the huge shocked eyes of him once more.

"You've missed a spot," he declared then and started to gently dabbing the powder underneath Carmen's eyes, spacing it out evenly.

Carmen didn't move a bit. He sat there like frozen, not daring to blink and, if Roger hadn't known better he'd said he didn't even breathe anymore.

"You've been crying," he said then casually; just as though he was discussing today's shopping list from Shirley.

Carmen took a breath.

"I thought we were past the phase of you hiding your emotions," Roger said then. He tried his very best not to make it sound taunting.

Again, Carmen blushed.

"I…"

"It's no big deal," Roger interrupted him, closing the powder box with a loud click. "But I want you to know there is absolutely nothing you need to be afraid of… Not anymore that is. And whatever you're dealing with… You can always tell me. No matter what."

Carmen looked at him for a second and then, without warning, fell into his arms pressing himself closely to the taller man. Roger leaned his head against his head and patted his back.

"I'm sorry," he heard him say. "It's just… Something came up and… Do you… Do you think I am being selfish?"

"What?"

Roger grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him so far away he was able to look into his face again.

"What on earth makes you think that?"

So, Carmen decided to tell him about Leo. What had happened and about his break down. Roger listened the whole story through without saying much. Only he grew paler a bit listening to it.

"I'm really thinking something's not right," Carmen continued. "You can't deny he's behaving strange…"

"Well, maybe he is indeed just tired;" Roger replied after listening to him. "Or overworked. You know how much he hates being without Max…"

"Yes, I know," Carmen sighed.

"You shouldn't worry about him too much," roger continued, getting off of the floor and sat down next to him on the bed. "It usually affects your self-esteem…"

Carmen had to laugh slightly.

"My what?"

"You know," Roger winked at him. "there's something you need to understand…"

"What's that?"

"you cannot save everyone," Roger smiled, stroking his face once more. "and especially not, if it makes you think you are the selfish one trying to help."

Carmen looked down again. "It feels so similar… You know… Like I'm seeing myself years ago… and… And I keep thinking…maybe I've become numb to this. Maybe I cannot see what he is going through anymore because I've abandoned all this for so long."

"There is no way this could ever happen," Roger laughed, causing Carmen to look up again. "When you're seeing yourself in him… I mean how much more compassionate can you be?"

Carmen looked away again but Roger gently pulled his head towards him again, smiling warmly.

"Believe me," he whispered. "You could never be selfish… And there is probably no one who knows better what it is like to work through something traumatic… Don't you ever believe something else, Scott Pembroke!"

Carmen raised one eyebrow in disbelief and Roger immediately had to laugh deeply in his throat.

"Ooooh, I've always wanted to test how this sounds," he giggled. "But no…no… I'm sorry, it doesn't suit you at all."

Carmen grabbed a pillow nearby and hit roger hardly on the back with it.

"You're a jerk," he laughed now too.

"But a jerk who will always…ALWAYS…. be there for you," he smiled while covering his head.

Carmen let the pillow sink immediately, staring at him with the biggest affection he ever felt.

Roger turned around, winked once and embraced him once again.

"And I hope you'll never believe otherwise," he whispered then.

"I love you," Carmen flung his arms around him as well.

"Love you too, Darling."

"Erm, excuse me," A knocking on the door interrupted them and they looked up. Brian stood there, looking a bit out of place. For some reason he hardly ever came into the room. Why though, they had never asked. "It seems we've got company…"

It was a little surprising to find Leo and Max standing in their huge hallway without a warning, they had to admit. But then, they were welcome whenever and after exchanging questioning looks for a second, Roger fell into his old smile again. He patted Carmen's shoulder once more before making his way down to them and welcoming them exuberantly.

Carmen shrugged only and shook his head, smirking before following his partner down to greet them.

They asked them to the living room then, only to learn why they had come here.

"Leo needs some rest," Max said. "I'm sure Carmen has told you about…about his little episode today…and I really want a day off tomorrow for the both of us."

Roger and the others had listened to him carefully. He had stood with his arms folded in then doorframe still, while all the others had sat down in the living room. Shirley had immediately brought drinks and little snacks for all of them and they were about to make it a cozy evening, when Roger interrupted Max.

"So why showing up here?" he asked. "I mean, Max of course you can take a day off…both of you. If you think it's best for Leo… But you should have told us. and you could have called… why did you show up here?"

"Oh er," Max looked down and blushed too. "Two reasons to be exact…"

Roger looked straight at him now, as did all the others, with the exception of Leo.

"First of all, I figured it's a good thing to be surrounded by his…his family for a while," he blushed even more now, causing Roger to smirk. "and then…"

Max stopped. It almost seemed as though the second part was enormously hard for him to tell.

"And then I need to talk to Carmen," he continued a lot quieter, looking shyly at the slender man, who gloomily leaned against a wall close to Roger without having spoken a word. And now he looked a little surprised from Roger to Max.

"Could we…maybe?" Max nodded to the hallway again but never took his eyes away from Carmen.

And for a split second Carmen thought about declining his wish only to make him feel even more embarrassed for once. But then he just couldn't do it. He wasn't like that. So, he sighed and then nodded, making his way outside.

May got up and followed him, mumbling his apologies to Roger when he passed him.

Roger on the other hand looked more surprised than anyone else but only shrugged and decided it was best to join Leo on the couch instead.

Their footsteps echoed through the marble hallway and for once it almost appeared like this house was empty. Whether the others in the living room were listening or not, Max wasn't sure about at first. But then he heard laughter and their joyful chatting started again and he knew it was just them; him and Carmen right now.

Carmen stopped in front of the huge stairs in the hallway and folded his arms, only staring at Max with a blank face.

"Listen, erm…," Max started, fumbling his fingers and avoiding Carmen's eyes before taking a deep breath and straightening up. When he opened his eyes again, he looked more determined than ever before. "I wanted to apologise… Like really… What I've said… It wasn't fair."

"No, it wasn't," Carmen replied slowly.

"I know," Max blushed again, looking away and lowering his eyes. "I know very well that…that you are the only one really knowing about how he must feel. And…and you were right. I have no idea what that must be like. I just…"

"Max?" Carmen spoke then. "Forget it, will you?"

"No, please," he looked up and seemed determined to finish this for once. "I …I honestly mean it. I just…keep forgetting sometimes… About…Everything."

He heard footsteps and then felt Carmen's hand on his shoulder. When he looked up, he smiled at him for once.

"I appreciate it," he answered softly. "I know it must be hard for you… So thank you. But seriously, I forgive you that. I know it'S hard to get used to… and I don't expect all of you to think about it twentyfour-seven."

"How could I ever not think about it?" Max asked in return, but he was being very quietly all of a sudden. "When…when you've had the courage to tell me at first."

Carmen giggled slightly.

"Oh, Come on," he said then. "I have been a coward for fifteen years and only told you because the situation didn't let me out of it."

Max looked up again but then Carmen punched him gently on the shoulder with his fist, smiling widely.

"Let's go back to the others, don't you think?" Carmen grinned. "Like you said: It's good to spend some time with the family!"

So, Max broke into a smile as well and nodded again. Carmen flung his arm around him and they soon found themselves between the others again.

As usual Leo and Max stayed a lot longer than anticipated and when the night had fallen and the moon started to shine through the windows already, Max sat on the floor between Brian and Shirley, listening to their stories and giggling about their jokes.

Especially funny was Roger that evening, who already fought with Scott a lot about whether he should really have that last drink or not. And it was plain to see (and hear) for everybody that Roger started to sound pretty drunk already.

"You definitely should stop," Scott said once more.

"Oh, poppycock," Roger mumbled. "It's not that bad yet." And he raised his hadn't to hold his glass up high so Scott wouldn't be able to reach him that easily.

Max grinned brightly and he felt lighter right now than he had the whole day. It was true…something about them was intoxicating. It had taken him years to understand it but it was so plain to see now. And for a short moment he looked over to Leo, who sat on the couch next to Carmen and laughed out loud about something Kevin had said to him that very moment.

Max had to smile. It was so good to see him laugh again after all of that. And he thought about having him brought here was the right thing to do. Leo always felt better between the Debris'. He himself used to hate that fact, ignore it and be secretly jealous… But now, he started to see more and more why Leo always felt that way and he had to admit, even though never out loud, it began to lighten him up being here as well.

"We should play a game!" he heard Roger proclaim suddenly very loudly.

All their heads turned.

"How about truth or dare?" Roger grinned like a schoolboy. A state the alcohol was by all means not too innocent with. But everyone started to laugh immediately.

"Aren't we a little too old for a teenager's game?" Shirley threw in, rather bored though.

"Aw, Shirl," Brian wiped a tear out of his eye with his thumb. "It could still be fun."

"Do you think that's a good idea Rog?" Scott said then. "You're a little done already…"

"Aaaand there is hardly anything we don't know yet," Kevin laughed still, causing the others to start once more.

"Except for the naughty details," Brian added quickly, raising his eyesbrows knowingly at Carmen, who acted as though he was superior about that anyway. Which he probably was, Max thought and had to smile.

"Actually, it'd be more fun, if you let Carmen and Leo do it," Shirley grinned at them. Seeing her grin was something so unusual it was almost scary Max had to admit.

"No thanks, i'll pass," Carmen waved his hand. "But maybe since Roger started it, he wants to be the first."

he gave him a seductive look all of a sudden and Max almost burst into laughter again seeing how sheepishly Roger grinned seeing it.

"He does everything when Carmen looks at him like this," Brian whispered to him and grinned as well.

"He has his ways then," Max answered silently.

"Oh you wouldn't believe;" Brian laughed. "Just witness this. It'll be very educational, believe me!"

So Roger filled his glass once more and raised thigh above his head.

"Alright, you may start!" he proclaimed.

"Truth!" Shirley screamed immediately.

All the others joined by cheering him on top of their voices.

"Alright, you won!" Roger said triumphantly and emptied his glass in one go. He put it down rather noisily then and stood up. "So what do you wanna know?"

"Why all the hookups before Carmen?" Kevin was the fastest to throw in a question.

"Oh, no fair," Carmen interrupted immediately. "You cannot go only for naughty stuff right now…and it is a little too private, don't you think?"

"Which tells us, you know," Shirley grinned at him and Carmen blushed immediately.

"I don't think it's too bad, Darling," roger interfered now, causing Carmen to look at him. "This shit belongs in the past anyway," he smiled. "So they can know…"

"But…"

"Relax, Carmen," Leo grabbed his sleeve now and pulled him back to the couch. "It's not like he's going to embarrass you."

"You don't know jack," Carmen rolled his eyes and sat down rather reluctantly again.

"Come on," Leo slid closer a little. "You trust him, don't you?"

"Of course," Carmen smiled at him. "I just don't want him to say something he doesn't want to…and you have no idea how he can get when he is drunk!"

"Well, Can't be worse than Max ," Leo laughed. "Just let him do it. If he wants to… Just try to trust him not to do anything weird."

Carmen looked at him a little shocked at first, but then had to laugh loudly.

"What?"

"When did we swap roles?" he asked Leo while trying to catch his breath.

"I didn't notice," Leo grinned now. "But you're right. Haha…"

"So as I was saying," they heard Roger speak again and looked up. "There were many reasons to do that. First of all…everyone needs contact somehow!"

"Hear! Hear!" All of his roommates lifted their glasses at those words simultaneously.

"And then," Roger continued and very obviously had his troubles standing up now too. "It was fun… I mean there's nothing bad about it if you think about it… And I've never hurt anyone. They all knew what they got themselves into…"

"That's what he keeps telling himself," Shirley rolled her eyes.

"And you never saw any of them again after all," Leo threw in, quite amused.

"That's true…!" Roger smiled at him, until he caught sight of Carmen raising one eyebrow mockingly. "Well…no…No! Not exactly… I saw one of them again…But this was the biggest mistake of my life really. And I still am feeling ashamed of it…"

"So did you ever betray any of them?" Shirley asked then.

"One question at a time!" Max said immediately, but Shirley shut him up with one look.

"Nah, it's alright," Roger giggled giddily. "I never betrayed anyone per say…"

"Meaning what?" Scott looked up now too but his face had changed. All of them were all ears right now.

And as drunk as he was, Roger noticed their eyes on him now.

"Oh no," he continued. "Don't you ever think that…There was never something coming between someone else and me…and I have always been way too open with them…"

"That's true," carmen shrugged, looking amused over to Leo. "He was never secretive about it."

"Wouldn't you get jealous?" Leo asked him. "I know I would…"

"We weren't together when this happened…" Carmen grinned. "And no one is a blank sheet of paper, never forget."

"Exactly," Roger agreed with him. "Except for that one time he know everything…"

He started to laugh loudly, not noticing what he had just said. Carmen on the other hand sat upright in a second, not taking his eyes away from him.

"Roger!" Max whispered, now reaching for him, always looking at Carmen from the corner of his eyes.

"What? I mean I should have told him a while ago," Roger continued, laughing more and more.

"Roger! Stop!" Max yelled now.

"What Max?" Roger shook his arm away from him. "I'm sure he doesn't mind, do you Darling? See? He doesn't say a thing…and It's not like there were feelings involved or something…"

"ROGER! STOP IT!" Max screamed now, looking from Leo to Carmen in panic.

"Oh Max, don't be such a sissy," Roger yelled back now. "It's not like we didn't have fun, wouldn't you say? We had a pretty good thing going on back then….and you know it… you…!"

It was then Roger noticed the silence that had taken over the room within a second. It was as though none of the others were even there anymore.

He looked around.

All of his roommates stared at him shocked, disbelieving and with huge eyes. Some even had their mouths wide open in shock. He looked down at Max who sat there, pale as a ghost. But he didn't catch his eyes, but stared at Leo without the slightest movement.

And it was then a moment of clarity washed over him like a huge wave. He noticed what had just slipped his mouth and his eyes grew to a new dimension while his jaw sunk down.

In a while he turned to find Carmen among them, but when his eyes reached the couch, both him and Leo were at their feet already.

Roger's heart skipped a beat immediately. he felt like someone having punched him in the stomach when he looked into the shocked and pale white faces of them. And he almost felt like falling over when he saw tears appearing in Carmen's eyes, who somehow was unable to take them away from Roger.

"Oh my…," he inhaled… "carmen…I…!"

But Carmen stepped back without hesitation, shaking his head. And it was plain to see his body started to shiver…

"Carmen, I…"

But Carmen simply turned and ran out of the room. Roger wanted to follow him immediately when he heard Leo starting to sob. He turned again and all of a sudden the whole room started spinning so badly, he could hold himself anymore and crashed to the ground…

~ to be continued ~