Janne Balestra was proud and strong.

Janne Balestra eliminated every one of his enemies without mercy

Janne Balestra did not go on errands.

It had started out simply enough. Yew had asked him to oversee the preparations for the Crystalguard's initiation ceremony. It had all seemed to be going smoothly, so Janne took his time to kick back and relax. That had, apparently, been a bad idea as he was set upon the following morning by a very angry lady who claimed that the porcelain which they had ordered for the party had yet to be paid for.

That was only the start of the trouble. After that, more people came bearing even worse news. The banner wasn't finished. People needed more supplies. "My dairy products are late!" And apparently, it was all Janne's fault.

Stupid Yew. Stupid Crystalguard ceremony. Stupid what's-her-name with the flower head who wouldn't stop talking about some sort of unrelated nonsense.

Yew hadn't said anything about this stuff had he? He just said oversee the preparations. 'Oversee' means watching, right?

Oh wait… hadn't he also said something about a list? Nah, it was probably just his imagination. Janne decided to pass the problem off to somebody else and leave them to do the clean up work.

….The only problem was he couldn't find anybody. Yew was busy, apparently he had a speech to write and several Orthodoxy-related affairs to oversee. His girlfriend what's-her-name was also busy. Seemingly. He wasn't sure what relations diplomatiques ah la Lune meant. Was it even a thing?

Oh and then, of course, today of all days Old Man Nikolai wasn't to be found. The guy was probably snoozing it off right now in the nice warm sun.

So that left, well, nobody. He didn't really have much of a choice. Janne grudgingly went back to the place where the preparations were being made. He met up with the kid Othar, who was apparently in co-charge of the whole skadig.

"Sir Janne!" Othar said with a salute, "Here's a list of what has to get done before tomorrow."

Janne was handed a rather large scroll which made him struggle to stand up.

"I was thinking we could split the jobs in half." Othar said as he took the scroll back and set it down, much to Janne's relief. How could that kid hold the thing without falling over?

"Fine by me." Janne replied and went to draw his sword. It could use a little trim anyway.

Othar pulled out another scroll that was equally as large as the first. Janne's jaw dropped.

"See you, sir Janne!" Othar said, and without effort lifted his scroll up and carried it away.

Janne was flabbergasted. The nerve of some people! But heck, he might as well try and…

First Item; collect silverware from station.

Janne Balestra did not go on errands.

He told himself so over and over as he made his way through Gathelatio towards that location. It wasn't an errand. It was a…. fetch quest. Yes, a fetch quest. Everyone knows a fetch quest isn't an errand.

The lady at the station was rude. Jann was ruder. It ended in a stalemate because Janne wasn't willing to soil his honor by beating up an old lady, and the old lady didn't want to have to waste her time with a jerk like him.

Second Item, deliver 100 PG to the Millidaine residence.

What, so they were just giving away money now?

This was not an errand either. It was business.

After many minutes of waiting, the door to House Millidaine was answered by a droopy-faced butler who looked to Janne like some sort of Slime.

"I brought your money." Janne said.

"What money?" Droopy Slime-Face asked.

"The money I was supposed to deliver."

"What?"

"I said it's your money, take it."

"But… but what is it for?"

"How should I know?!"

In the end, Janne just threw the coins at the butler and through the door. Droopy-face just wouldn't accept strange money from someone he didn't know.

Third Item, walk Mrs Pilly's dog.

"You've got to be KIDDING ME!"

Mrs Pilly's dog turned out to be easy. And yet, so shameful. The great Janne Balestra, walking a dog…? Even if it was a really, really cool-looking dog with a dark coat like a wolf and a loyal personality that made him seriously question whether to get one someday or not.

No, this still wasn't an errand. It was a favor.

Once he had collected a strange-looking banner from the old lady, he moved on to the next thing.

Fourth item, take Crystalguard garmaments to the laundromat. Starch collars.

Okay… THIS one was a bit too much of an errand.

Janne Balestra did not go on errands.

Two hours later saw him at the laundromat waiting for a very slow cleaner to starch each and every one of the collars.

That guy was slower than a snail. It took him like two minutes to move his hand from the collar to the starch bowl. And then two more minutes to completely submerge the material! Seriously!?

In the end, Janne pushed the man out of the way and did the work himself. One dip for each collar, and then he stuffed them all haphazardly into a box. He didn't even wait for them to dry, why should he? He was busy. He had work to do. Work that was certainly not errands. And this one could now count as a job since HE was the one starching the collars now!

Once Janne had taken the garments back to the Sanctum, tossed them on the floor, and told one guy standing around nearby to put them up, he moved on to the next item on his list.

Fifth item; Convince Alice Mistletwo to perform during the festivities.

This was absolutely not an errand! It was diplomacy.

Diplomacy that involved shouting at the girl to do her job and then threatening to kill her if she didn't. Needless to say, she complied in the end.

Sixth item; Gather party favors and bags for every guest.

This wasn't an errand either. It was ridiculous.

Janne ended up grabbing fifty paper lunch bags and dropping something in each one. The 'somethings' being whatever he could find lying around. One bag had a turkey sandwich from lunch that evening, one had a big rock, one had someone's pair of pants and most of them had a cupcake.

The cupcakes weren't his idea. They were how he had gotten the paper bags, and each one said 'Happy New Year' on them. It was June.

With this done, Janne looked at his list one last time.

Seventh item; Buy milk.

That was what did it.

That was so absolutely and positively an errand that not even an excuse like 'it's grocery shopping' could do it for him. Janne knew his limits.

So what did he do after that? Well, first off he burned the list Othar had given him and slashed it twice for good measure. The next thing he did was get Nikolai to sign his name on a scroll saying that he was responsible for all of the chaos that would most certainly happen during the ceremony. The old man was very busy, so he did it without questioning the paper's contents, nor why their bearer needed his name on it.

Then he spent the rest of the evening sleeping on someone's rooftop where he was certain he wouldn't be disturbed. No one knew where he was for the rest of that day, and when the celebration had come and gone, disastrously, they all blamed it on poor Nikolai.

A day later Yew came across Janne lounging about in pretty much the same place he had been when he had first been given the job.

"What happened?" Yew demanded, "Janne, there was talk of a clothes thief, and the pottery wasn't paid for… and someone's pants were found in the goody bags! Not to mention everyone is blaming Sir Nikolai when I specifically remember tasking you to deal with this stuff." He sighed, "Why didn't you take care of everything?"

Janne opened one eye and put a hand behind his head.

"Didn't you know, Yew?" He replied, "Janne Balestra does not go on errands."