Oh boy. This is one a lot of people are gonna hate me for. Today is a parody critique of Batman Vs Superman: Dawn of Justice.

Gonna spoil it for ya real quick. I don't care for this movie and think it sucks.

If you follow my tumblr or on Deviantart (Rest in Peace.) you'll know that I placed this on my list of worst pieces of fiction.

This isn't me being unaware of less talked about things. I think it's worse than Catwoman, Bulk, Birdemic, the room, and any other b-movie shlock you can pull. I'll get into why after the short.

Batman was holding a spear over Superman, "Say your prayers, ya filthy alien."

"Wait. Save...Martha."

Batman dropped the spear and his jaw dropped, "Why did you say that NA NA HMMMMEEE!"

"It's da name of me mama!"

"U R Mama?!"

"We R friend naow?"

"O Yeaaaahhhh."

Lois and Wonder Woman just looked at each other, "This is pathetic."

Lois just held her face, "You won't believe how idiotic Clark gets. You should have seen how he gets when I'm in the bath."

The women watched as the lunatics kept making random nonsense. Then Doomsday came in and killed them all. Happy ending all around.

DA And!

What's sad is that I actually did want to like this movie. I really did.

I wanted to think that this was a great film, but I just could not like it.

You've heard most of the complaints. The stupid twists and turns, the plot is awful, and the film just feels like it's trying to hard to be a big deal.

I want to talk about something less talked about. The acting.

The acting is awful. Forget Jesse Eisenberg's performance for a bit. Everyone else is either looking on in aw, blank faced, or pissed off.

That is everyone's acting in this movie. Bland and boring. Kinda like a 90's comic.

The fight scenes feel empty. There's no real emotional resonance in them. Batman and Superman fighting should be an emotional moment, but Zack decided that it should be some edgy rivalry.

B-man and S-man's fight is so lame anyway. It's essentially the fight from the Dark Knight Returns, but lame.

Lois Lane kinda has a plot in this movie. But it's her figuring out that Lex is the villain. Real intrigue there.

I don't like DCEU Batman. He's not an interesting take on the character. He's just Batman with guns.

I think someone had a theory that it was Jason Todd or Azarel. I can't remember if anyone did or not, could just be me being a nerd.

Remember readers, I'm a nerd. Big surprise I know.

But yeah, EU Batman is not good. His only character moments are very brief and most of the time he's just a blank slate. He barely gets any real character development that isn't 'oh superman is so angelic. I'm gonna do a 180 on my view on people.'

Even then it's kinda forced.

Wonder Woman is the only good thing in this movie and she's only in it for like five minutes.

Her actress gets the shaft in this. Barely in it and Snyder's terrible directing doesn't help.

The BvS conflict is so lazy. It's just 'Batman's an asshole who wants to kill Superman and Superman wants to save his mom.' Cinematic art everybody.

Luthor is horrible in this movie. He exists only to push conflict. I'm not against Luthor having that kind of role, but it's just not good.

Luthor is wasted in this film. He could have been replaced with anyone and it would have been the same.

The stupid things he does doesn't help.

That's another big problem with this movie.

The tone is so off. It wants to be like the Nolan Batman films, but it's just too silly.

Lex gets to the Krptonian stuff with frickin Jolly Ranchers, delivers his explosive urine, and is super over the top.

That's not even getting into the Martha thing, which I'll get to here in a moment.

Superman is being told by Lois that his reputation is down the toilet. THEN he proceeds to jump into her bathtub.

The retelling of Batman's origin in this movie is hilarious. It's shot in Snyder's style and that's all you need to know. That scene is god tier comedy. I'll leave a link, so you can see it for yourself. It's amazing how funny it is. watch?v=w5TsWX702fs

Batman is built up and he holds onto a roof in a silly pose. He also has these dumb over the top nightmares.

The first is some stupid Flash thing that I'm sure the Snyder Cut will explain and not waste time on stupid crap.

The second is this weird Superman rules nightmare.

The latter I'm a bit forgiving since he's supposed to be distrustful of Superman, but it's still silly.

Let's talk about something I brought up a while ago.

The lighting of this movie is TERRIBLE.

The big epic fight scenes are so hard to see because of how dark it is. So many scenes are hard to make out.

I need to say this, because it's a problem that I've noticed more and more of lately.

If i cannot make out what's going on the screen, then the movie is bad. If I can't make out what your story is, it's a bad story.

Some argue that the lighting is for the tone. To that I only have one thing to say

I! DON'T! CARE!

I don't care if it's intentional. If I can't make out what's going on in the story, it's a BAD story!

I don't care if it's Zack Snyder's 'Style' to make his films so dark and dreary that nobody in their right mind would watch it.

I don't care if in Solo it's because it 'fits' the plot.

I don't care if the Titans show is so dark because it's 'realistic.'

I can't make out what's going on, so I DON'T CARE!

I've seen people defend these stupid creative decisions and everytime it baffles me.

You need to be able to SEE something to watch it!

You can't just put a bunch of dark filters and shoot it at night, then call it a day. It takes EFFORT to make a quality product.

If you do this, you are on my avoid your films at all cost list.

It's a damning sign of a movie and I want this stupid ass style to die in a fire.

Even in shows and movies I like. It is a bitch to sit through these dark ass scenes.

It is no wonder so many people jump off DC after this movie, because scenes like this were all over Man of Steel and they are such a tedious mess.

I haven't even gotten to the Martha scene yet, so let's just do it and end this.

The Martha scene is SO stupid.

Batman has Superman at spear point. Superman in his delirious state asks him to 'Save Martha.'

It amazes Batman that more than one person in the world is named Martha and he turns into Superman's BFF.

There is one way this could have worked and that would be to have Superman say 'Save my mother.'

Then have Batman realize that Superman is a person with a family and have him realize that killing him is wrong.

It was so easy. It was on a golden platter, but Zack needs to make his films as funny as possible.

One argument I've seen in defense is that it's Batman's trauma, but even if I took that argument into account, it's still bad.

He should have had a stronger reaction other than yelling.

He should have stabbed Superman or collapsed.

The way they did it could be seen as an insult to people who have traumatic triggers.

'People won't lash out or collapse from their triggers, they'll just be pissy. Damn millennial snowflakes.'

That's the only way I can see that argument working.

Then Lois comes in and ruins any chance this scene has of being good. Have Batman realize it on his own.

Then all tension between the BS duo dies in a fire. I'm not joking. They are not hostile to each other once after this scene. No, that scene in Justice League doesn't count.

Then Doomsday shows up, because we need to make it a big deal. Even though Lex could have filled that role easily. Just give him his armor.

Then Superman dies. Even though there are so many other ways they could have done that.

Just give Wonder Woman the spear for god's sake.

This movie was clearly written in one draft.

Then Superman's death is pointless.

THERE'S THE PLOT OF THIS MOVIE! This movie is awful.

If you stopped watching DC Movies after this, I wouldn't blame you. It was the death nail for anyone taking Zack Snyder seriously. He pulled a Shyamalan and flushed his reputation down the toilet.

It is a terrible film and easily the WORST superhero movie of them all. Even with Howard the Duck, Catwoman, and Bulk.

This movie frustrates me to no end and Snyder's attitude, as well as the attitude of his fans, pushed away any hope of me thinking it's good.

Zack is a smug piece of crap, who thinks he's better than most directors because he 'does it for the art man.' He will insult you for criticizing his vision and I don't respect that.

I hold no hope for the Snyder Cut. It's gonna suffer most of these problems and more. Maybe I'll review it. Maybe I won't. I can't say to it's quality, but I speculate.

But I can say to this film's quality, which is garbage.

This film is a piece of crap and I hate it. I hope we get better DC Content than this trash.