My last chapter.

I had this idea stuck in my head for a while. I wanted to do a parody of the Pilot episode with my own cast from Human Ranked: Dib.

The show took place in Operation Impending Doom 2. I made this one 4 because my fic took place 3,000 years later so 4 sounded about right.

This one-shot is riddled with Easter Eggs from my other fic! Enjoy!


The Announcer Irk cheerfully continued.

"Now! Wiggle your antennae in salute… because here they are! Your all knowing, all powerful leaders… Almighty Zim and Former-Tallest Purple!"

There was a giant round, grey structure in the middle of the stage. Standing in a crescent behind it was a row of Irkens.

The latches around it unhooked themselves and the structure split in half with the top half spinning as it rose in the air.

Two orbs flew into the air and shot out red lasers like a light show at a concert.

The crowd cheered.

Two metal legs sprang out to the sides before shooting to the ground, showing a massive holo screen on standby.

A large disc in the bottom half of the top portion separated and started to lower. More red lasers shot out from the rim.

Two Tall Irkens. Normally the Tallers all wore these strange mechanical robes (That Tallest Purple is wearing) that gave them an air of laziness. But… Tallest Zim? He clearly forgone that tradition. He's wearing red and black armor over his chest, a black metal belt over black pants and combat boots. Coming from his belt is probably his compromise on the robe thing as it was a slitted simple skirt to just below the knees with a black stripe on the bottom. Along his plants are several white straps to match around his waist armor and arm bands.

They stood waving as it lowered down to the main stage.

"Thank you! Thank you!" Purple spoke to the crowd.

Zim leaned in close: "See, told you they'd like lasers!"

"Everything's lasers with you! I'm telling you, smoke machines are what the people really- ahh!" A laser shot his eye and he collapsed to the ground.. The crowd cheered more.

Zim just looked smug before helping him up, then he started waving to the crowd. "See?"

They finally made it to the ground, Zim stepped up with the speech.

"Welcome mighty Irken soldiers!" He grinned at the crowd. "You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Oh yess..." He leaned forward to cackle a little before straightening. "Standing behind us however… " gesturing to the row of Irkens on stage. "Are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in the most crucial parts in OPERATION IMPENDING DOOM 4!"

At the end of his speech, Zim took a dramatic pose via a step forward, and clenching an open fist in the air as he started laughing. (Think Zims dramatic pose in Florpus when declaring 'PHASE 2!' To Dib)

As he laughed, the screen activated and showed their battle plans with the current known map of the universe.

"You in the audience get to sit and watch." He spoke mockingly.

"You should've tried harder!" Purple shouted.

Zim continued. "These superior ones-"

"Not quite as superior as us of course!" Purple grinned.

"Pfft! Duuh~!" Zim smirked at Purple. "These… less superior than us, but still quite superior soldiers! Will each be assigned an ENEMY PLANET!"

Purple walked to the row of soldiers to face them.

"There you will blend in with the hideous native inhabitants."

"All while gathering crucial information, assessing the planet's weaknesses, vulnerable to our Armada!"

Purple faced the crowd again. "Let the assigning begin!"

Silence.

A lone Irk in the back shouted "Wooo!"

After an awkward beat, Purple just continued. "Step forward, Invader Blue."

Startled, Blue quickly made his way over as two ramps shot out of the disk the two stood on.

"Ah! You've seemed to have grown since you've last stood before us, soldier!" Purple started, pleased.

"You've been assigned to Blorch!" Almighty Zim continued pointing to a screen with a drawing of the poor Invader about to get swarmed. "Home of the slaughtering rat people!" He started rubbing his hands mentally picturing the havoc Blue can do.

Blue gaped. "W-why would you draw that...?" Voice shaking.

Startled, Zim looked at said picture and then glared at Purple.

"Trust me, I didn't draw that. It was Red."

Zim rolled his eyes exasperated at the demoted Ex-Tallest. Purple continued. "However… because of your increased height, we have decided to give you planet Vort: Home of the universe's most comfortable couch." A different photo appeared with him snoozing on a MASSIVE couch. Also to spite Red for the drawing.

"Yes!" Blue cheered. Purple held out the data pad with the mission details, which Blue grabbed and happily ran off.

"Next! Invader Mala!" Purple shouted.

The two oohed at her increased height and muscle tone.

~/~

A small Voot Cruiser was quickly speeding its way to the orbital parking lot of space ships.

"Move it! Move it! Out of the way!" A voice screamed. It literally wedged itself between two ships parked along the planet-wide teleportation ring.

~/~

"And lastly, Invader Skali!" Purple yelled.

Oh no! Purple can already hear Red's commentary as Skali comes forward. Now that's just sad . Could you get any shorter!? Purple's internal voice mixed with Red's voice internally mocked the poor Invader..

"You will be assigned to Blorch, home of the slaughter rat people." Purple spoke in a rush. "Thank you."

The image before came up, but showed Skali instead.

She looked like he wanted to cry.

Meanwhile, a small Irk was shouting at people to get out of her way.

~/~

"Thus concludes the great assignment!" Purple cheered. "Help yourself to some nachos and we'll see you at the equipment station."

"Yes, gorge yourselves, you mooches !" Zim teased.

"WAIT!'

"That voice-?" Zim squinted at the hand waving in the air as an exhausted Irk climbed up on to the stage. "YESS!" He cheered.

"It can't be?!" Purple stood back in horror.

"Stell." Purple groaned as Zim fist-bumped the air.

"Sorry, I'm late My Tallests! I couldn't find my invitation." She saluted. "You're lucky I made it at all."

"You weren't invited at all." Purple corrected.

"She wasn't?" Zim questioned. Purple gave him a very dry deadpan look.

"Weren't you banished to Foodcourtia?" Purple questioned her. "Shouldn't you be… frying something?"

"Oh yeah…" Zim mumbled. "I had forgotten about that…"

"Oh, I quit when I found out about this!" Stell smiled.

"You quit being banished?!" Purple spoke in shock.

"Are you really so surprised?" Zim calmly asked Purple. Referring to how he quit as well way back when.

"But you can't have an invasion without me!" She protested. "I was in Operation Impending Doom 3! Don't you remember?"

"Ohh yes~" Purple groaned, just remembering it. He glared death at Zim who started rubbing his hands and cackling like a madman. "We remember."

"I put the fires out." She declared.

"You made them worse!" Purple glared. Still glaring at Zim.

"Worse?" She started, sharing a smirk with Zim. "Or better?" She smiled smug.

Zim held out his fist to her to bump. Which she did not looking away from Purple.

Purple looked so done.

"Oh…" He groaned before facing Stell. "Besides… No Invader has ever been so… very small. You're very small Stell. You're a tiny thing."

"Please~!" Zim scoffed. "I was Smaller than her and you know it."

"Still-!"

"BUT!" She interrupted. "Invaders blood marches through my veins! Like SIZZLING TOXIC CUPCAKES! The cupcakes command me! Do not ignore my veins !" She pleaded while doing a series of dramatic poses.

Zim just looked this close to losing it to laughter.

Purple blinked, squinted then just stood tall. "As a… show of gratitude… for your service in the past-" He dug in his belt for something. "Here's a Taco." He handed it to Stell.

"But-"

"THANKS FOR COMING EVERYBODY!" Purple interrupted. "Good night!"

"NO! WAIT!"

"What?" Purple looked at Stell. "You got your Taco!"

"My Tallests-!"

"Not the Tallest." Zim smirked at a joke that has clearly long been beaten to death.

She screamed and scrambled to collect herself.

"Sirs! An opportunity to prove I can truly be an Invader is all I truly ask. Gimme!." She hugged the crumbling Taco.

"Hold on, I've got a plan!" Zim declared to Purple. Facing Stell again, "We see now you are truly deserving!"

Purple slowly faced him. "Zim~."

"Yes. Yes I am." She smiled.

"You will be sent to a planet so mysterious no one but myself and Purple has ever even heard of it!"

"Right!" Purple reluctantly began play along. Here we go again... "And those who've heard of it, dare not speak its name."

"What's its name-?"

"Oh, I dare not speak it!" Really, he wouldn't.

"Where is it?"

Purple faltered. "Um… uh…"

Zim simply took out his PAK legs to scale the map without even scratching it. (Purple will forever be jealous of Zim's upgrades…)

Zim found a note taped way off to the side of the projector. It had a detailed sketch of Earth that caused Zim to pause and stare fondly at it.

Purple sighed in sympathy. Oh yes, he definitely knows where this is going...

"Right there!" Zim declared, pointing to the note then leapt off the projector like a giant spider hunting its prey. Several Irks fell back screaming (why is it so easy to forget that Zim is terrifying?) But Stell stood unmoved as she watched in wonder.

"Ohh! A secret mission." Stell gracefully landed on his feet and stood tall before her again.

"Happy now?" Purple asked softly.

"Oh! Yes." She smirked.

"Invaders, report to the Equipment Hall! Oh and remember!" Then, Zim whispered. "Lasers." One zapped Purple's eye again, and he fell to the ground, again.

"The universe is ours for the taking!" Zim cheered. "It's only a matter of time before all the races of the universe serve the Irken Empire once more!

"I hope they're serving curly fries again." Purple mumbled.

~/~

Earth

Mary sat on the roof and heard the last bit. "They're coming…" She then raced inside to tell her family.

~/~

Purple started the introductions. "This is your Standard Issue Information and Retrieval Unit. Also known as a S.I.R. It will assist you in gathering valuable knowledge during your mission."

Zim then lifts the one standing on display before them. "Who wants this one!?" He grinned.

Random Invader- "I do!" Zim chucked it at them. "Ouch! Thank you."

Purple continued. "Everyone else, line up and take a robot."

Up near the ceiling, a round metal opening opened and a long curvy pipe sped towards them before stopping and small metals things ziplined down.

Stell cut in line before Mala. "Finally! A robot slave of my own." Holding her arms up in a Gimme gesture.

Zim smirked as Purple fondly rolled his eyes.

Zim. "We have a top-secret model for you Stell." Gesturing behind him, a large bin rose from the floor. He dug through it as Purple moved forward to block Zim's view. "I, myself used this very same style robot during my own invasion back in Operation Impending Doom 2."

Purple dug through a pocket and found coins, a few paper clips and a pink sphere. He then put it in what would be a Gir Unit's head. Then he tosses a limp, dead looking, GIR behind him on the ground.

They all stared it.

She squinted. "It looks kind of… Not good."

Purple- "Yes! Well, that's what the enemy will think! Get it?" Zim raised a non-existent brow behind him.

Stell oohed in awe. "I see… Very good! It even fooled me!" Clutching her hands before her before going back to attention. "I am honored to be trusted with such advanced technology."

Zim smiled while shaking his head and Purple snickered while her eyes were closed. The other Invaders were both confused and gave her pitying looks.

Suddenly, the GIR Unit lit up its red optics before sitting up and then leaping to stand before Stell.

"GIR. Reporting for duty."

Zim- "GIR? What's the 'G' stand for?"

Stell watched his face confused. There's something about that question...

Gir- "I don't know." looking at him, then back at Stell. Optics turning cyan and slouching forward with its tongue sticking out.

Zim patted its head and faced Stell. "It's designation is Nova."

Stell kept staring. Nova then started to bang its fists against its head and began squealing. "WEE! HOO! HOO! HOO!"

Stell looked concerned. "Umm… Is it supposed to be stupid?"

Zim stepped forward and kneeled before her. "They are at first, but they are designed that way. Believe me mine drove me insane quite often." He then reached out to place a clawed hand on her shoulder. "But there is a reason for that. You see Stell, by making their programing like this, it ups the difficulty of your mission. It will especially be helpful on your destination like how my own Gir Unit was for me."

"How so, sir?"

Zim leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "Most Invaders here will be done quickly. But as a result of their swift victories, they won't learn anything. With this Unit, you will learn to try again and again. A new tactic, new strategy. You will be tthinking of very unorthodox solutions to solve simple problems." He leaned back.

"It's through befriending these units that I became the Almighty Zim I am today."

She stared wide eyed as Nova started to dance and flip all over the place with Purple laughing silently in nostalgia.

"Through giving you this mission, I have one thing to say:" He put his other hand on her other shoulder and looked her in the eye with a smile.

.

.

.

"I expect great things from you Stell."