He willed himself not to turn around. Put the frog on her desk, turn around, walk away — the plan was simple.

In all truth, he willed himself not to make the frog, but here he was. He knew he had pissed her off more than usual this week, starting with a dead husband and ending with almost getting killed by a Red John copycat.

The team was mad at him too, but mostly on behalf of their boss. He'd learned over the five years he'd been working with the serious crimes unit that when he pissed off Lisbon, he pissed off everybody. Partly because an angry Lisbon did not make for a pleasant boss, but mostly because she possessed a great deal of respect from her colleagues, and they made a point to stand in her defense.

Lisbon had been mad at him dozens of times before this, but for some reason, he felt especially compelled this week to make it up to her. He didn't know why, and it partially irritated him.

He couldn't begin to let niceties get in the way of his quest for Red John. While Rigsby, Cho, and Lisbon (and now Agent Van Pelt) were good people, and he wouldn't want to see harm come their way, he also didn't intend on getting sidetracked with emotional relationships.

But lately, he felt an emotional pull towards his boss that could only be described as admiration.

He was, of course, trying to tamp it down.

Indulging in her smile when the frog inevitably jumps would only fan the flame of the growing fondness he was feeling for Teresa Lisbon. He told himself that it was common to feel a level of affection for someone you work so closely with.

As long as she didn't get between him and Red John, there wasn't an issue. The problem was that he wasn't sure if that was still the case.

Lately, he found himself imagining what he would do if faced with a choice to either save Lisbon or kill Red John. He could vividly picture everything up until the moment of his decision, then it was as if he was staring at a blank screen.

He couldn't predict which action he would take, and that scared the life out of him. Up until this point, he hadn't had any doubt that he would kill Red John at all costs. Now, he had someone who he considered… a friend?

Did he consider Teresa a friend? He knew he enjoyed being around her. He also knew he felt happier when she was happy. He didn't actively want to cause her pain, and when he did, he wanted to make it up to her.

Friend seemed to be the accurate term. It felt strange to think of her as a friend because he'd never really had friends.

Back in his carnie days, his father hadn't allowed him to spend much time with children his own age, insisting that he practice his act day and night. Then, when he'd married Angela, he'd been so wrapped up in the con and becoming wealthier that he never took the time to make friends.

It struck him that Lisbon may be the only friend he's ever had.

He suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to see her smile. He knew it was a bad idea and that one smile would only lead to another, which would ultimately lead to distraction from the Red John case in attempts to please his boss.

He mentally berated himself. He quite literally had only one job — emotionally detach and self-isolate — but he couldn't even manage that. In his defense, Teresa Lisbon was an enigma.

While he could read her like an open book, she was one of the only people he couldn't quite figure out. In the five years he'd known her, he'd come to see many facets of the woman.

She wanted to outwardly appear as tough, cool, and hard as nails. Inwardly, she was anything but. He'd caught her talking about old movies, her brothers, and the team and seen the warm joy in her eyes. He'd noticed her calls to "check-in" on anniversaries and birthdays when she knew simply existing for him took an extreme amount of effort. He saw how she greeted the workers in evidence storage and the fingerprinting lab, asking briefly about their families and lives before getting down to business.

Yes, Teresa Lisbon was tough, but she was also one of the warmest people he knew. And that puzzling mix of qualities made it impossible not to become invested. Especially for someone like Patrick Jane, who created a life around solving puzzles.

The realization hit him like a freight train. He didn't know when it had happened, but he knew he cared about Teresa Lisbon. He wanted to be her friend and he wanted her attention.

Maybe friends weren't so bad. So maybe instead of taking Red John down by any means necessary, there was one circumstance off limits. That couldn't hurt, right?

He turned around.


A/N: So it appears I have a fondness for episode tags. This will be the first in a series called 'Realizations'. I guess technically Flashes would also be included, but we'll call this #1. I'm looking into small, unspoken moments in the series where I think major realizations between Jane and Lisbon were made - friendship, love, etc. I'm also still working on my longer fic, but it's going to be slow going. This isn't my favorite thing I've ever written, but it was begging me to write it, so here it is. And now that my novel of an author's note is done, thanks for reading.