Chapter 10

Team Hot Mess

Tuesday afternoon saw Alan and Muffy waiting at the front desk of Haute Vernis, Elwood City's trendiest high-end nail salon. Haute Vernis was one of Muffy's favorite places to frequent, or so she had told Alan quietly on the journey from MCM. Too preoccupied with whatever she was doing on her phone, she had barely spoken beyond that. Now that they were here, her excitement had not seemed to pick up, not even when Serendipity emerged. An aardvark woman dressed in red ripped jeans and black heels, long and straight platinum hair strung in a ponytail high atop her head, she greeted them with a blindingly-bright smile behind glossy red lips.

"Muf-fee!" She sang out, stretching her name emphatically to sound like two distinct words as she rounded the white marble counter to give Muffy a hug. "Whatcha been up to, girlfriend?"

"Oh, you know," Muffy said after pulling away, "the yoozh. I've got someone with me, if you have an opening? I promised Alan here a relaxing afternoon."

"You're in luck," said Serendipity, smoothing her white smock bearing the Haute Vernis name, stitched in silver. "Maisie's cousin started here last week—a real up-and-coming talent, and I'm not just saying that because she's my best friend. Clients have been raving. I'll just have him prep the chair next to yours. Give us two seconds."

Serendipity was off, heels clacking on the shiny gray tiles as she left, and Alan and Muffy were alone again. Muffy wandered over to the left side of the lobby, and Alan followed, mostly out of not knowing what he was supposed to do, but also because he found being separated from her in a place so foreign to him unsettling. They passed a purple velour sofa with silver accent pillows and came to a stop in front of a massive display of nail polish bottles that seemed to occupy the entire wall. While Muffy considered the collection of purple hues, Alan read the color listings, taken aback by what he saw. Most of the names listed under the bottles had nothing to do with the color inside them, and were often sexually suggestive when they did. He stood with his fingers clasped behind his back, thankful he did not have to hand over a bottle labeled "Spank Me Red" or "Orgasmic Onyx," unable to meet his tech's eyes. Alan wondered what he had gotten himself into. This was a whole new and surprisingly-intimidating world, and he figured this would be his first and only excursion into Haute Vernis. If not for his commitment to hashing things out with Muffy before the day was over, preferably before they began their tutoring session, he likely would have rescinded his commitment and read his driver's manual for the hundredth time in the comfort of the limo cabin. He would take the test Saturday morning, and he welcomed the extra study time. As it stood, he had to do his best to change the trajectory of their friendship, which grew more anemic as time passed. It would take courage to step in and do it the right way, but step in he must.

"I usually peruse the entire color selection," Muffy piped up, "but that would just be a formality today. I think I know the exact one I need." She plucked a bottle of light and smoky purple from the display and held it out for Alan to see. She continued in a tone that was not as enthusiastic as it normally would have been when speaking on the subject of color coordination, "Lilac Lush—the perfect shade to offset Lola's aubergine gown."

If you say so, thought Alan, knowing nothing about Lola's allegedly-iconic purple dress. "Lilac Lush" was a comparatively conservative name, and Alan appreciated the restraint.

"Um, cool," he said.

"We're ready when you are, guys!" Serendipity called from the counter.

"Ready?" Muffy said to him.

No, but let's do this.

Alan nodded and followed Muffy once more.

The salon was even showier than the lobby. The walls were the same deep shade as the purple sofa out front and trimmed in white crown molding. At the center of the recessed ceiling was an ornate and modern chandelier comprised of sparkling crystal beads. Hundreds of swagging bead strings extended from the chandelier to the ceiling's ridges, and the space above them glittered with thousands of tiny spheres of light. R&B played at a respectable volume, one of Usher's soulful ballads, and the air was scented with a mélange of various clients' perfumes and colognes, heavy but not wholly unpleasant. To one side, clients sat getting manicures at upside-down U-shaped tables that appeared to be made of white marble, though Alan doubted they were real. On the other side was a row of elevated easy chairs in gray leather, and at the foot of each sat a large white marble basin. There was one pillow for each chair made of the same purple velour as the sofa, each embroidered with "Haute Vernis" in silver thread. A few clients, all women, sat at either end of the row, receiving pedicures from their respective techs while reading magazines or scrolling through their phones. A young rabbit woman with long brown hair, looked up from her copy of Allure to eye Alan curiously as he and Muffy passed, making their way to their chairs, which were dead center of the row. As Serendipity told them to get comfortable and disappeared again, Alan stared down at the churning water in their basins, aglow with a changing rainbow of colors from a light somewhere within its depths. He contemplated it for several moments before Muffy interrupted his thoughts.

"Take off your shoes and roll up your jeans."

Alan turned to see that she had already stepped out of her flats and was sitting in her chair, pulling up the cuffs of her leggings. He hastily did as she asked, trying not to look as out of place as he felt. As he rolled up his jeans, he heard Muffy sigh in relief as she placed her feet into the water.

"Boy, I've missed this," she said.

Alan climbed into the chair to Muffy's right. The leather was plush, but opposite of what he had expected, it was not cold. He settled into the warm, soft cushions willfully. Muffy must have caught his surprise.

"Heated seats," she said. "Don't you love it? And that's not all they do…"

She reached over and pressed a combination of buttons on the panel next to the chair's cup holder. Alan's chair hummed to life, and it felt as if invisible knuckles were working their way up and down either side of his spine, massaging out his remaining yoga soreness.

"Oh, wow," Alan said, louder than he would have if not taken off guard.

"I know," Muffy said.

"Wow," Alan said again as the kneading grew more intense at his knotted shoulders.

"I know…"

A young male monkey sporting a trendy spiked haircut dyed in a striking combination of electric blue and black stepping in front of Alan's chair, giving him a wave and a smile.

"Hi, Alan. I'm Jax. Serendipity tells me you've never been to Haute Vernis before, so welcome! Now, here's a menu. Just soak your feet for a bit, and I'll give you a minute to look while I grab you two some water, okay? Lemme know if you have any questions."

"Will you bring Alan a hot towel for his face, please?" Muffy called after him. "Thanks!"

"A hot towel?" said Alan. "Is that customary?"

"No, but I'm a very loyal client. And Daddy owns the building. Do you know which pedicure you're getting?"

Alan glanced over the laminated menu Jax had given him.

Private Beach?

A Night in LA?

Smexy Deluxxxe?

While not as bad as the polish, the names given to each manicure did nothing to aid his decision making.

"I don't know where to begin."

"Just select one from the menu."

"Okay, but the terminology still eludes me. I may as well be deciphering cuneiform. They intend to rub brown sugar on my feet?"

"It's more like turbinado sugar, actually. Might I suggest the Smexy Deluxxxe? It's pretty much the works. Ask for it when Jax comes back."

"Do I have to call it that?"

"You could always just point to the menu."

"And they spelled 'deluxe' with three Xs…" Alan muttered.

Muffy giggled, the first time Alan had heard her laugh today. "It's going to be okay, Alan. Don't forget to soak your feet. It softens them up for the callus grater."

Alan paused, one foot hovering above the basin. "Is that anything like a cheese grater?"

Muffy smiled and motioned for him to continue, and Alan sank one foot, then the other into the warm, bubbling water, matching Muffy's relieved sigh.

"Wow…"

"I know… I still can't believe you're doing this with me, Alan. It's so craz— It's just not what you're known for."

She looked to her lap, practically squirming from her perceived gaffe. It had taken a while, but Muffy eventually opened up this afternoon, kidding around with him, laughing and acting more like her normal self. And now, once again, she thought she had made a faux pas, and she might shut down for the rest of the day because of it. Alan took a slow, deep breath. He had to stop this. He began in a voice that was gentle, hoping Muffy would not mistake his concern for anything but.

"There's no need to walk on eggshells around me, Muffy."

As expected, she gave a nonchalant wave of her hand, though she still refused to look him in the eye.

"Don't be silly. That's not what I'm doing. Um, not that I think you're silly."

"I know…I know about the Noob's Guide."

The look she shot him was easy to read: How?

"The other day, while you were in the bathroom, I saw it, sticking out of your bag. I couldn't help myself—it was just so orange. I was curious and sneaked a peek. I'm sorry, I really wasn't trying to snoop. Please forgive me."

She said nothing but looked as if she were thinking hard about what she should say.

"I'm not trying to justify it, but I'm glad I found it. I would have had a lot of questions about your recent behavior otherwise. I feel as if you're…afraid to talk to me. Really talk to me, that is. Are you?"

Muffy shook her head, but it was not an answer to his question.

"And I thought I was being so discreet, so smart about it. I guess I kind of...am afraid. Not of you. Just afraid that I'm going to get it wrong. This is the part where you tell me I got it wrong anyway, isn't it?"

Alan cocked is head to one side, considering her words.

"Ohmigosh, I knew it. I'm crap at this. You deserve better. I was trying to be better, I swear. I thought the Noob's Guide would help me. There is so much I didn't know, about what you might be going through... And then I looked back on the times I tried to push you and make you do things because I was so sure it would help, the times I yelled at you…"

"If I'm being honest," Alan said, not bothering to hide the smirk that formed, "I've...missed that side of you."

"But the guide—"

"I know. I got a copy and read through most of it last night. And while it contains some helpful advice, it is just a book, Muffy. Everyone is different. Some might prefer a more delicate hand from those around them, and that's valid. As for me? Watching you be anxious about all this…makes me more anxious in turn, which kind of defeats the purpose. You're not crap. You never were. Maybe you were a little too bossy sometimes, but I think I vastly prefer a flawed Muffy over a Muffy who polices herself into barely speaking to me. That must be valid, too."

"But last week—I told you I wasn't going to pressure you into going to the Autumn Ball. I got that idea from the guide, and you agreed with me. The flawed me pressured you into going to my Halloween party. If I hadn't read the Noob's Guide, that same flawed me probably would've tried to pressure you into going to the Autumn Ball. How am I supposed to know if I'm going too far?"

"How about a deal? Just be yourself, and I'll let you know if something makes me uncomfortable. I won't take it personally if you don't, and we'll work around it. We're both learning, working on ourselves. I know it's hard sometimes, but maybe we should leave some space for forgiveness, for ourselves as well as each other."

Muffy looked uncertain.

"My dad has a saying," Alan said, "'It really doesn't need to be as complicated as all that.' I just want my friend back, Muffy. I've…missed you."

"Omigosh, stop," she said, reaching across again to swat him on the chest. "Seriously. You're going to make me cry…" She wiped the corner of her eye with her thumb. "I've missed you, too, you big, nerdy softie."

That felt nice to hear.

"Also… You can talk to me, too, about whatever is bothering you. It's not a burden, and it's not a waste of my time."

"Thanks," Muffy said. "I really do appreciate that, but I promise this is nothing you should worry about. Not even a little. Maybe I'll tell you later, once it's all over, so you can get a good laugh out of it. Maybe I'll laugh about it, too. One day…"

Perhaps whatever was bothering Muffy was just too embarrassing for her to admit. That she was talking about it earnestly in such a manner was encouraging, and Alan did not sense that she was in any sort of danger. A relief.

"Fair enough," he said. "Just remember that confidentiality can be a two-way street. Nothing leaves the cabin." He offered his fist to her. "We can hardly be Team Hot Mess if we don't actually function as a team."

"You're right," Muffy said, eyeing his hand with a wide and pretty smile before bumping his knuckles with hers and blowing it up, "it does sound a little weird coming from you."

To be continued…