Also on AO3 under TimeTravelTiddy.


"…Stupid Jayden self destructed today." Koshka sighed as she took a bite of her parfait. "He said something about how nervous he was to go further with Meow. I almost threw up on the spot."

"Are you sure you're not jealous meow?"

"As if. I have no interest in doing that with anyone, let alone someone as sweaty and smelly as Jayden." Koshka's stomach churned. No, she wasn't going to think about it for a second time today. Especially since it wasn't every day that she (and Lilja, unfortunately) got to be alone in the cafeteria, gorging on as many sweets as she pleased. "I don't understand how any woman could willingly put herself through that kind of torture. I'm never falling in love."

A cat-like smirk appeared on Lilja's face. "Then it's a good thing you're Koshka meow. You couldn't get a boyfriend even if you tried, not with how crazy your personality is!"

"Excuse me?" Koshka glared at Lilja. "You're the crazy one. All you do is scare boys away with how annoying and loud you are."

"That's only because they can't handle someone as stunningly beautiful and cute as me meow," said Lilja, narrowing her eyes and taking a bite of her cake. She pointed at Koshka with her fork. "You, on the other hand, don't even have to look at a man to scare him away! You're gonna be single forever meoooow."

Scooping more of her parfait into her mouth, Koshka put her spoon down and balled her fists. If that was the way Lilja wanted to play it, so be it. She could get a man. She could be a real sweetheart if she wanted to, acting so cute that any man would throw himself all over her. Maybe it'd even be worth it, if he was willing to grind for her in WanyaDora whenever she needed him to. "I'm going to find a man who loves me. If it means having something you don't, then I'd love to have a boyfriend."

Lilja stabbed her fork into her cake. "Grrr, then I'm gonna find a man too! And I'll find him before you meow!"

"Why you—piss off! I'm gonna find one first!" Koshka rose from her seat and stared down at Lilja.

"Fat chance!" Lilja stood and met Koshka's gaze. "I'm already a step ahead meow, I'm downloading a dating app as we speak!"

"Me too, and I'm writing a message to send to every man I know! By the time you finish filling out your profile, my boyfriend and I will be making out in front of you!" She nearly gagged at the thought.

"Gimme a break meow! Who'd wanna kiss a lame hick like you? It'll never happen meow!"

"I don't wanna hear that from someone who's never been kissed either!"

Lilja hissed. "I will have a kiss! You'll be breaking down in tears when I get kissed before you do meow!"

"And what makes you so sure you're not gonna be the one breaking down in tears?"

"I already know what'll happen if you manage to get to the point of kissing, even though you never will meow." She leaned forward. "You're gonna walk up to him, and before you can even touch, he'll pass out from how stinky you are meow!"

"Oh yeah?" Matching Lilja's stance, Koshka leaned in even closer. "I bet the moment your lips touch, he'll throw up all over you!"

"Prove it! Kiss me right now meooooo—"

Koshka smashed her lips against Lilja's, banging their teeth together in the process. She pulled away as quickly as she had approached, grimacing as her mouth throbbed.

"Gyaaahh! What the heck, that hurt!" Lilja rubbed her teeth and scowled. "You suck! Not that I expected anything in the first place me—"

Koshka grasped Lilja's shoulders, pulling her close as she roughly pressed their lips together again, holding back only to avoid the potential shattering of any teeth. A hot sensation jolted through her body as she held the kiss, making her grip tighten. She let go and stepped away few seconds later, feeling a chill at being parted. "Happy now?"

"Not at all meow! You're still—" Lilja's eyes suddenly widened. She slowly sat down in her chair, face rapidly turning scarlet. "…Oh, *kero*kero*."

"…What?"

Clenching her jaw, Lilja growled. "Idiot, do you realise what you've done? You kissed me! And not just once, but twice meow!"

"…Oh. Guess I did. Huh." Only then did Koshka notice how quickly her heart was beating. When had she begun to feel so flushed? Her stomach clenched; yet, nothing threatened to come up. "…I'm only disappointed that I didn't puke."

"Meoooow! What's with that reaction? You just had your first kiss! I know you're Koshka but come on meow! How can you be so—" A pause. Covering her face with her hands, Lilja groaned. "Aaaargh! This means I had my first kiss with you! I had my first kiss with a *kero*kero* hick girl! This sucks! This sucks big time meow!"

"Shut up, you literally asked for it." It was a little annoying, knowing that Lilja would probably use this against her someday. But seeing her get this worked up about it was so worth it. She smirked. "Besides, you didn't resist. Heheheh."

"T-That's not the point meow! I was only kidding! You *kero*kero*, you were supposed to tell me I'm insane or that you'd rather gouge my eyes out or something, not actually kiss me meow!" She spat onto her plate, wiping her tongue before shovelling the rest of her cake into her mouth.

"I—" I can still do that. The retort froze on her tongue. Koshka slumped back into her chair, gaze turning to her parfait. Why had she gone straight for the kiss, rather than the usual banter? Sure, there was something about being taunted by Lilja that pissed her off more than usual, something that set off a spark inside her. A flame that drove her to get off her ass and do things she'd never do normally, even if only to spite Lilja. But to outright kiss her? Not in a thousand years did she expect that. And yet, she had simply reacted the way her gut told her to.

Sighing, Lilja spoke. "Okay, you know what? Because it was with you, it doesn't count. Let's forget it ever happened meow."

…What? Suddenly Koshka felt as if she'd swallowed ice. A dull ache began to form in her head. "…What do you mean, it doesn't count? That's not what you were saying a minute ago!"

"Why should it meow? It's not like you kissed me because you wanna date me," said Lilja, shaking her head. "Not that a hick like you has a shot with a glamorous pixie girl like me anyway. And I don't want to tell people you were my first kiss meow."

The ache grew stronger; a fire began to burn deep inside Koshka. "First of all, never suggest that I'd want to date you ever again. Second, too *kero*kero* bad. It happened and I won't let you forget it."

Lilja rolled her eyes. "You just want credit for being my first meow. I won't let you have it!"

Higher and higher the fire roared. "You're damn right I do! Quit being a *kero*kero* and accept it!"

"No!" Lilja slammed her fist on the table. "Listen, you *kero*kero*kero*! This isn't a game, stop being an idiot! It shouldn't count, it shouldn't!"

Koshka stood so quickly that the plates rattled. Her entire body shook as she resisted the urge to knock the absolute daylights out of Lilja. Forever, preferably. "You *kero*kero*. Do you really hate me so much that you'd rather pretend it never happened? Because I think I hate you."

Lilja stared at Koshka with wide eyes. "H-Hey now, what's the big deal? I thought you of all people would be glad to bury this hatchet meow. Why do you care so much?"

"I don't," spat Koshka. "Why do you care so much?"

"Isn't it obvious? I wanna save my first kiss for someone I'm actually interested in meow. Now stop being dumb and tell me why you care!"

"I told you already, I don't."

"Liar! Who do you think I am? You can't fool me meow!"

"...I'm done talking about this. Bye." With that, Koshka turned and walked away.

"Hey, hold on meow! You can't just leave like that! Get back here!" called Lilja.

"No. I'm too full and sleepy for this."

Rising and marching over to Koshka, Lilja caught up and stood directly in front of her. "Meoooow! For real, what's up with you? You're acting way too serious about this meow!"

"Leave me alone!" With a grunt, Koshka shoved past her. She kept moving, ignoring Lilja's words as they faded.


Slamming the door shut behind her, Koshka kicked her boots off and stormed through the living area. Her stomach grumbled as she threw herself onto her bed, grabbing the tattered corner of her blanket and pulling on it with her teeth.

Stupid, stupid Lilja. No matter how much she wanted to save that first kiss for someone else, she was never going to get it back. What was the point of denying it? Was it just to piss Koshka off? If that was it, then she'd reached a new level of despicable. Telling Koshka she was unkempt or gloomy or ugly in that colourful way of hers was one thing –this body was complete shit, after all–, but feeling so much shame at having kissed her was unforgiveable. Really, she should've felt honoured; Koshka was going to destroy this world, after all. Who wouldn't want to kiss someone with that much power?

But then, why should it matter how Lilja felt about her at all?

She bit down on the blanket even harder. More infuriating was that she knew Lilja was right, that she'd been acting like an idiot and taking this entire thing far too seriously. There was no reason to be this upset; it wasn't like she actually cared what Lilja thought about kissing her. Seriously, how could anyone want to be kissed by Lilja? She was the most annoying person on the face of the planet. It was as if her entire existence revolved around riling Koshka up, like a dog chasing a cat. Not to mention, thinking about kissing in general usually activated Koshka's gag reflexes. It especially didn't matter who she might have her first kiss with. Why bother giving so much importance to something that, as she expected, wasn't nearly as magical as everyone hyped it up to be?

…Then again, it hadn't felt exactly as Koshka had imagined it to be, either.

The kiss reared itself into her mind. There was nothing resembling the disgust that curled inside her whenever she thought about kissing a man. Lilja's lips had been surprisingly soft; they reminded Koshka of the way a pillow or blanket felt against her mouth. How would it feel, she wondered, to feel them press back against her? For Lilja to take her into her arms, to rub her hands against her back and pull her close? Her entire body warmed as her heart pounded, wishing Lilja was here right now—

Wait a minute.

Koshka kicked her feet wildly and groaned. What the hell was wrong with her? Where were these terrifying thoughts coming from? She shivered. Worse was that she had allowed herself to think them. Rather than push them out of her mind as soon as they came, she'd let the emotion wash over her. Uncomfortable as it was, there was something oddly…compelling about it? Her thoughts wandered to Lilja kissing her again. This time they lay on Koshka's bed, lying close as she gently cupped Lilja's cheeks with her hands—

The blanket ripped. Koshka spat out the piece she tore off to the side. She needed sleep, and she needed it now. Loading up a video of purring kittens, she rolled herself up in the blanket and lay against her pillow. No more thinking about Lilja tonight, especially about kissing her. There was no sense in giving that piece of crap the time of day. Cats and WanyaDora were the only things that mattered.

Videos began to roll by. She tried to keep her eyes on the whiskers and orange balls of fur rolling around in front of her, but barely paid it any mind ultimately; her thoughts kept wandering back to the girl who didn't deserve them. All of this was so stupid. Was it really, truly how Lilja felt? Whatever. Lilja didn't care about Koshka, and Koshka didn't care about her. That was the way it was, and that was the way it always would be. Two rivals giving each other a distraction from their unfortunate fates, nothing more. Anything else was a dream – a nightmare, even. And Koshka was perfectly fine with it.

A single tear rolled down her cheek.