we're just feeling fine

II

Mr. Frond once explained The Butterfly Effect theory; how a mere butterfly's flap was enough to start the chain in a far more destructive and grand disaster later on. To test that, she had scared a butterfly during recess, of which nothing but disappointment came of it within the next few minutes. The fact that the memory came to her now about a week later, serves to baffle her more than it does annoy her.

...and vaguely, Louise wonders if her taking the Kupi Kochi dakimakura was the proverbial butterfly-wing flap in this whole mess.

She wouldn't realize this until much later, though.

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"I'm not giving the pillow up."

"Duly noted."

Sergeant Bosco is this close to taking up a smoke — the annoying little girl had kicked him in his shin, the centre of his chest and elbowed his chin; she had utterly refused to let go of her giant pillow, throwing punches and kicks with the entire weight of her body whenever there was an attempt to separate her from her toy. Much to his annoyance the little girl is looking happily unperturbed as if this is some regular occurrence, which he doesn't doubt.

"Do you two even know the extent of trouble I can really put you in if I decide to actually hold you accountable?"

Louise perks up, "Wait... are you saying you're not going to put us in the slammer?"

Bosco simply ignores that. "Destruction of private property, loitering, multiple counts of vandalism on private and public property, and theft. Am I missing anything?"

"Okay, first of all, I didn't do any of that—"

"Oh really? Because the stupid pillow you refuse to let go says otherwise."

"You didn't let me finish! I didn't do any of the stuff before you mentioned theft. And to be fair, I did pay for this. It wasn't my fault I didn't pay the exact amount, or that I didn't win the game. I fail to see my crime, Chief."

It takes until the end of her ramble to realize that Bosco didn't seem too invested in what she had to say, or even her explanations — he's eyeing Logan.

As a matter of fact, Logan hadn't said a single word since the moment they were caught. That fact hadn't made itself apparent to her until now. She'd call him out for looking so ridiculously pathetic as all hell and slumped into his seat, but can't bring herself to comment.

Bosco rubs his head. There's an inexplicable tension in the air that kind of makes her realize how ugly this can turn if Bosco decides to do so. She can be in for some serious trouble, and for a moment, she feels panic. What an absolute bother — she wasn't expecting this kind of momentum until much later in her life. She had plans for it, for crap's sake.

Louise's uncomfortable shifting seems to break the Sargeant out of his self-induced reverie, this time running a hand through his hair. "Quit your whining kid, you're lucky the only thing I'm doing is calling your parents. Which, in retrospect, probably isn't doing much, but whatever keeps me in the office longer."

In the corner of her eye, just barely, she notices Logan stiffen. 'Woah, okay, guess Cynthia is scarier than I gave her credit for…?'

"Is there anything you two would like to say, some kind of bullshit excuse that would miraculously let you walk out of this office problem free?" Logan simply works his jaw, still not looking to the man's face. Louise swings her legs back and forth. He snorts, "Didn't think so. Both your parents' must be worried sick."

"Actually, Chief Lieutenant Sir, I'm supposed to be attending a sleepover with some gal pals of mine, so if you'd kindly just—"

"Zip it, kid."

Eventually, Bosco leaves the office — something about getting coffee before wreaking havoc on the two brats. Louise smirks, chair tilting from the weight she's applying to watch his back. Knees on the seat, it's a personal challenge to keep the stupid thing balanced without falling.

"Adults are fragile things. Like puppies, except… not at all cute, or likable. And they're stupid." she can't explain the sense of relief when she feels Logan tilt his head back, finally not acting like a goddamn statue.

"You're telling me. Mom's gonna have a fit when she sees I'm stirring up trouble like this again."

"Again? As in this totally not being your first rodeo?"

He smirks, but only barely. "Oh please, my face is on the wall at Family Funtime for a goddamn reason."

"Which is you not exactly being good at not getting caught," comes her unimpressed tone and a roll of her eyes. "Seriously, that's amateur."

Logan raises his eyebrow, "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said: you're an amateur, sweet summer child," promptly hopping onto the floor, landing on her feet.

"Your picture is on there too, I wouldn't be talking, twerp."

"How do you know— You know what, that's besides the point. Still doesn't change the fact. I mean, no offense, it's not like you even tried to get away from stick-up-his-ass when he 'caught' us."

"It's not exactly like you tried to run away either, so what's your point?"

"Why sir, please! I'm just a helpless child, I have no reason to avoid the police. I mean, come on, do I look like I could even harm a fly?" Logan's response is just to mutter under his breath. "Exactly!"

"I still don't see your point - we're both stuck here now, and with any luck, grounded till the next century. Not that I give a fucking crap, I'm just gonna keep doing what I want."

Louise is finding herself to rather hate Logan's sudden negative disposition. It seems to be triggered by the smallest things. She wants to puke… which reminds her, "Hey so, what was your deal with that can of paint anyway?"

"Not this again. Look, just let it go. I got pissed for a second, it's not that big of a deal. Had a real shitty day."

"Of course it has been. My sympathies."

"Wha— Seriously?"

"No, you ignoramus! I'm just pulling your stupid leg — if you don't want to tell me, then don't. I'm not your mom."

"No, no you are not."

Bosco doesn't make a habit of cleaning his office, so it seems. Running a finger to the edge of the windowsill, she makes a small disgusted face. Eyes peering through the darkness outside, her attention finally shifts fully to Logan. "What exactly is her problem? I mean, I always thought I had a crazy mom, but damn does yours take the cake. I still can't get over her bringing you to that seminar."

He scoffs, slumping in his seat, "Eugh, you have no idea. She irritates the crap outta me! Can't let me breathe for one goddamn second. She's fucking crazy!"

"Which mom isn't though? Parents, am I right?" Rubbing the dusty residue on her fingertips, Louise hmms absentmindedly — at most, she's… slightly sympathetic. Maybe. Who really knows? She doesn't. Making her way over to Bosco's expensive looking chair, she plants her feet on the desk and gestures for Logan to toss her the pillow.

He makes a face but thankfully complies. "You seem oddly lax about being here."

"Big words coming from you — what the hell was up with you and Bosco?" there's that stupid sulking again, it's enough to drive her up the wall! Predictably, he doesn't answer, and at the silence, it takes everything in her not to scoff out loud. Instead, she hugs her pillow tighter. "Ooookay, so anyway, back to your point, I'm not staying here."

Now he's confused, "...What?"

"You heard my words. I've just been killing time, you didn't actually think I was going to take Bosco's words seriously, yeah? I decide when I hit the slammer, not some cruddy police officer, or whatever. I'm sure mom's talking his ear off about one thing or the other. Trust me, that lady can talk." Louise throws back her thumb to the glass, gesturing to Bosco standing and looking bored out of his mind with cellphone in hand. "I can guarantee you, he still hasn't been able to even tell her why he's called."

If anything, Logan now looks amused crossing his arms like that. "Oh really? You're telling me you plan on getting out of here and actually succeed?"

"Not just get out of here, but also get out of here scott free. That's a Belcher guarantee."

"I'm not buying it."

She merely shrugs, "Like I care. What makes you think I was planning on letting you in on this? You're a liability, your stupid face just screams 'arrest me'." And, much to her amusement, he shifts uncomfortably under her confident words. He really doesn't want to deal with his mom. Got you, acne covered kitty-cat. "I mean, of course, if you want in, ya gotta let me know in the next twenty seconds."

"Wait, wait, wait a second — First of all, how do I know you're not just gonna throw me under the bus, and second, how do I know you can even do this?!" he whispers urgently, now trying to act discreet for whatever reason.

Louise loves it when she's taken seriously.

"That sounds like doubt, Logan, and I don't humor doubt. Are you in, or not? You're down to ten seconds." He doesn't look convinced, but he looks desperate. At least, desperate enough to momentarily put his eggs in one basket. Wide eyes, chewing on his bottom lip and fidgeting. "Five seconds."

He sucks his teeth, "...Fine."

"But I have a single condition. Once this is over, you, Logan Berry Bush, will owe me, Louise Belcher, a solid," she holds out her hand. "Shake on it,"

"You can't be serious. That's— You can't pull that!"

"Oh? What's this? The timer is down to two seconds and I'm redacting my hand… oooh, there it goes! It's going! Time's running out!"

The best part about this is that he looks ready to tear his hair out, gaze flickering to Bosco and back to her. "Alright! Alright, fine!" He clamps his hand around hers in a firm grip. Very strong, even her own dad didn't have such a rough hand. "...Now, how exactly are you getting us out of here?!"

"Oh Logan, you stupid teenage boy. You stupid, naive and amateur boy," she leans back into the chair, hand reaching to the left of the desk, "Just watch the master, and learn."

Bringing Bosco's corded telephone to her ear, she dials a few numbers and clears her throat. "...Hello?! Is this 911?! You have to help me, I'm being held hostage by some god-forsaken maniac! He has a knife to my throat and won't let me go until he's paid a ransom! … Where am I?! I can't exactly fucking answer that if I'm under attack, can I, Karen!? No I can't hold, I'm dying! Send the SWAT team, send the entire police force, send Seal Team Six! Send everyone!" Louise slams the phone, meeting Logan's shocked expression with a smirk.

Too easily, she grabs a spare mug and hauls it out the window. The car it hits starts going into a frenzy, and she screams, "Help! Someone help! Vandalism! AAAAAHHH!"

"What the hell are you—!"

"Ah, ah, ah. Wait for it," three… two… one. Right on cue, there's chaos.

Policemen running everywhere from the phone call, and then finally, someone crying out, "MY CAR!"

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Louise has to literally tug Logan out of his shocked reverie, speed-walking almost too casually out in the open. Nobody really seems to notice them, or even care, too engrossed in the destruction around them.

Bosco's screaming is music to her ears.

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"And of course, for good measure," cue the pull to the fire alarm.