Chapter 3

The young brunette flopped onto the couch in the girls' dressing room, closing her eyes with a sigh. Any energy she'd had before coming into work was gone; she was definitely past empty at this point. She couldn't even muster the energy to climb up into the vents to hide from her cast mates.

She rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, forcing her eyes to stay open. She was surprised that she'd been able to contribute to the brainstorming process of new ideas for the show, but she was glad for the distraction. It certainly kept her mind away from that dark area for a few hours.

But now she was slowly making her way back, and she was too drained to stop herself.

Just don't close your eyes, Zora mentally told herself. Falling asleep right now would only bring on the nightmares.

Still, even with her eyes trained on the ceiling, the images flooded her mind; still as clear as if it had happened yesterday and not three months ago. The sun that ironically shined bright all day, Rocky's relief after pulling her from the water, Millie pounding on George's lifeless form, the sun slowly going down as they trudged into town. Even in the silence Zora could hear the laughter, the screams, the rush of water, Clyde's whispered apologies, and the squelching of their shoes in the mud.

"Out of sight, out of mind," was what Marty had said when Zora was packing for her return to Los Angeles. "It should be easier once you're out of here."

Zora had two words to say to Marty the next time she talked to him. Yeah, right.

A rock song started playing, causing the young brunette to jump in her spot. She reached into her pocket and swiped her phone on, not even looking at the name on the screen. The photo taken the previous Christmas told her exactly who was calling.

"Hey Clyde," Zora said, sitting up in her spot. She brought her hand to her head as the room spun a little from the swift movement. "What's up?"

"Just checking in on you," her brother answered. "I guess Aunt Heather called Mom to give a progress report on your first week back."

"Of course she did."

"They're worried. Dad is too."

Zora shrugged, not caring that Clyde couldn't see her. But what could she say to that?

They should be happy they still have kids to worry about, she wanted to say. Unlike Mrs. Tooney, who's only child is six feet under now.

Clyde sighed at his sister's silence. "Have you gone back to work yet?"

"Yeah, today was our first day back."

"And… how'd it go?"

"Okay. I was able to concentrate on work and come up with a few sketch ideas," Zora said. "I didn't think I'd be able to."

"Well, that's a good thing, right?"

"I guess," Zora sighed. She bit her lip and she concentrated on the empty vanity across the room from her. "But… I don't know if I can do this, Clyde."

"What do you mean?"

Zora stood up and began to pace, oblivious to the four heads peeking in from the main hallway. "Exactly what I said – I don't think I can do this. I mean, yeah, today went okay, but it's just one day and I'm already tired. I don't know how long I'll last."

"Well, like you said Zo, it's only been one day. It'll get easier," Clyde said, his voice calm. Instead of comforting Zora, it riled her up.

"You don't know that!" she said, feeling the edges of her eyes heating up. She quickly wiped her eyes before any tears could fall. "And don't pull that 'out of sight, out of mind' crap that Marty's been saying. This isn't like forgetting to do the laundry because it's in a different room!"

How could he possibly be so blasé about this? He was there that day. He cried next to George's lifeless body.

Then again, he wasn't at fault for anything that happened.

"Yeah… I know. I'm sorry." Clyde sighed. "I guess I'm just hoping you'll get some reprieve by being back in LA."

Zora sniffled and leaned back. "You and me both."

The siblings remained silent for a few moments. Zora tried to relax her breathing by matching it to Clyde's. She leaned her head back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling once again, noting that there were sixteen small squares within each tile.

"I just wish…" Zora paused and swallowed as more tears fell.

"Wish what?" Clyde asked.

"Nothing." Zora let out a shaky breath. "It's not like wishing will change anything."

There was more that Zora wanted to say, but she held it back. It would only upset her brother if she told him what's been eating at her for the past few months.

"Well, I have to go because lunch is almost over," Clyde said. "But promise me that if you need to talk you'll call me or Rocky."

"I will," Zora said, ignoring the voice in the depths of her mind that called her a liar.

Zora let her phone drop to the floor as she leaned forward, her hands covering her face. Her palms were quickly saturated with hot tears and choked sobs escaped from her, bringing back that ache in her ribs she was becoming accustomed to. She couldn't stop the flashbacks from swirling in her mind, nor the thought that she shouldn't be here.

Then again, maybe she was wrong. Maybe, instead of the alternative, she deserved to be here with the guilt eating away at her. After all, what happened on the river that day was her fault.

That alone was the reason why she'd switch fates at the drop of a hat.