Big Brother: South Park Edition

Week 6 – "The Week Where Now It's War" (Part 3)

Kyle Broflovski
Heartbroken Fart Lover

I'm going to be honest: I didn't really want to win this HOH. But I was up against Bebe, and she was going to put me up if I lost, so I had no choice but to save myself. Unfortunately, this means it's finally time for me to quit playing both sides of the house and to draw my line in the sand. (deeply sighs) I am not looking forward to it. It's going to be tough to make it through these next few days without making any enemies, but if I can pull it off, that money is as good as mine. Wish me luck.

Bebe Stevens
Blonde Badass

At the HOH competition yesterday, Kyle looked me in the eyes and told me that he couldn't promise me safety. Usually, the only time a player says something like that is if they know that they're going after you, so essentially, I'm the target. And I'm a dead woman if Kyle puts me up against anyone but Cartman. If Kyle puts me up against Cartman, then Kyle's one of us, and if he doesn't, then what Tweek told me is true: Cartman and Kyle are working together…and Hell has officially frozen over.

Bebe is sitting on her bed in the girls room, her morale low after narrowly losing the HOH competition to Kyle. She sighs, crouching slightly as she unties her sneakers, trying her best to maintain her resilient demeanor and keep herself from spiraling into a pit of despair in front of her friend. Tweek plops down on the bed across from her, his expression somber as they lock eyes. "We're doomed, aren't we?" Bebe speaks, her words cutting into the silence.

Tweek looks down at the floor, nervously biting his lip while he ponders this over, "Well, that depends on what you mean by doomed. I do think that there's maybe a 1% chance that the three of us survive this week."

Bebe stares up at the wall and exhales, blowing some of her hair strains away from her cheek with her breath, "I would've taken you to the end, you know."

The pair sit in silence for a moment before Tweek shakes his head softly, "No, you wouldn't have," he states definitively.

Bebe nose laughs, "You're right. Sometimes I think you're too smart for your own good," she says, the room filling with their chuckles. "Tweek, tell me the truth, do you really think we can win this thing? Do you think the winner is in our group?"

Tweek purses his lips, mulling over whether he should be truthful or give in to wishful thinking. Finally, Tweek sighs as he stares impassively into Bebe's eyes, "Yes."

Tweek Tweak
Level-headed Sad Sack

I have a confession to make: I'm lying to Bebe. But what am I supposed to say? As much as I want to believe Craig that I'm the winner, I haven't really proven that to the jury yet. Right now, this game looks like it's Kyle's to lose, and that's what I want everyone to think. This game is all about timing and withholding information that you know could make or break you. Perception is powerful, and if you can figure out a way to use it to your advantage, you'll get far. Everyone thinks I've done nothing, and maybe they're right, but I'm not counting myself out completely until they get rid of me.

I also have another confession to make: I know Cartman didn't burn Douchebag's letter, cause I have the real one. (holds it up to the camera) – Kyle gave this to me a few days ago. He told me to hold onto it and not to give it to him until he's ready to hear what she has to say. (tucks letter into his pocket) – The letter that Wendy ripped up was actually from his mother. I'm surprised the girls didn't notice when we were taping it up. I mean, why would Kyle's ex call him by his mother's nickname? That's just disturbing. (shivers) – But I'm not going to tell Wendy that I have it because she really should apologize for destroying his property.

Wendy Testaburger
Green-hat-loving Rights Activist

I've been feeling super guilty about the whole letter situation with Kyle, so I think it's time I finally tear off the band-aid and do something about it before the guilt eats me up inside.

Early that morning, Wendy is sitting on Stan's old bed in the boys room, her expression firm as she stares at Cartman, who is lounging on his own bed across the room. Wendy claps her hands and interlocks her fingers, "Okay, so, we need to figure out what we're going to do about the whole Kyle thing."

"We?" Cartman repeats, glaring at Wendy like she just insulted Cheesy Poofs, "You're the one who tore up his letter."

"And you're the one who burned it," Wendy reminds him defensively, "Why are you trying to push all the blame onto me?"

The fatass shrugs, "It's easier, really." Wendy sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose, already feeling the frustration building up in her temples. Cartman rolls his eyes and leans back against the blank wall, "Alright, fine. We'll come up with a story," he caves, "Now, let's see here…" Cartman gazes up at the ceiling and puffs his cheeks, drumming his fingers against his legs as he tries to think, "Ooh, I know! We can say that we were rearranging his desk for International Jew Day and we noticed there was a bee on his letter, so me, being the awesome hero that I am, went over there and shooed it off, but the bee came back with fifteen of his friends and they ate the whole thing up. – There! Problem solved!" he chimes, clapping his hands smugly.

Wendy cocks her forehead, watching as Cartman leans back against the wall, a satisfied smirk shining on his face as he promptly rests his head on his palms. "That doesn't make any sense. I'm pretty sure I just counted at least fifteen things wrong with that story, and it only took you a minute to tell it."

Cartman leans forward with a huff, "That's fine! That's fine!" he snaps, "Then just tell him you had a bad case of the menses!"

Wendy sighs, "Why is that your solution to everything?" she grumbles, "Look, at this rate, we may as well just tell him the truth."

"What? That you're a jealous psychopath who wants to get into his pants to get some of that sweet, sweet Jew gold?" Cartman quips.

Wendy groans, "No, Cartman. I'm going to tell him that I tore it up and you burned it in the fireplace. That's all," she concludes.

Wendy Testaburger
Green-hat-loving Rights Activist

I'm not gonna lie, I'm definitely tempted to just ignore this and take the easy way out. But if I did that, then I would sink to the same level as Cartman, and that's not a place you ever want to be in your life. So, I'm going to tell Kyle the truth, even if it makes me want to vomit, because he deserves to know, and I want to be able to sleep at night.

Later that morning, Wendy peeks her head into the HOH room, her nerves at an absolute ten as she sees Kyle perched on his bed, sorting through his newest gift basket. Wendy slowly lifts her knuckle up and gingerly knocks on the door.

"Come in!" Kyle chimes, barely lifting his head up.

Wendy nods and steps into the room. "Hey," she greets.

"Hey, Wendy," Kyle greets back, his breath hitched as she stops in front of him. The redhead swallows as he looks up at her, "Look, about yesterday-"

"Kyle, I'm fine," Wendy assures him, pushing her hands down slightly towards the carpet, "I'm actually here to talk to you about something else," she states, lingering beside the mattress.

Kyle leans back, somewhat shocked by this news, a tinge of intrigue in his tone, "Oh," he clears his throat, "What?"

Wendy sighs and turns her back to him, wringing her hands as she prepares to confess her crimes, "So, you obviously remember that fight we had a few days ago, right?"

Kyle nods, an uneasy glint in his eyes, "Yeah…?"

Wendy exhales once more and turns to face him, trying her best to conceal her nervousness, "Well, um, I didn't exactly take it too well at the time, and I may have sort of ripped up Dee's letter to you in response."

"What?! Why would you do that?" Kyle squeaks, taken so off-guard that he stands up.

"I don't know!" Wendy cries, throwing her arms out as she starts to feel her control of the situation slipping through her fingers, "I guess I just got jealous and I let my feelings for you get in the way of my basic human decency, and-" she sighs, "I'm so sorry, Kyle. But, um, Tweek helped me tape it back together…" she adds sheepishly, hoping to ease Kyle a bit with this silver lining before the reality snatches it away from him again, "…and then Cartman kinda threw it into the fireplace. I tried to dig up the pieces, but there was nothing left," she adds, watching as Kyle sinks onto the floor and rubs his aching forehead, "I'm really sorry. I never should've taken that letter off your dresser; I don't know what I was thinking-"

Kyle perks up slightly, his expression still fatigued but not hopeless. "Wait. You took the letter from my dresser?"

Wendy blinks twice, unsure why this matters, "Yes?"

"That wasn't Dee's letter. It was a letter from my mother."

"What?" Wendy squeaks, even more puzzled by this discovery than Kyle was, "But-but it had your name written-"

"-in big, bubbly cursive letters. Yeah, that's my mother's handwriting for you," Kyle finishes, standing up from the carpet with a sigh. Wendy smiles slightly as Kyle heads towards the doorway, unable to mask her relief at the catastrophe she just dodged. Kyle stops in place as he comes face to face with the fatass in the living room, who is standing beside the very fireplace that destroyed his letter from home.

"Hey, Cartman," Wendy beams, the massive wave of guilt just rolling off her back, "It turns out we didn't destroy Douchebag's letter after all. Isn't that great?"

Cartman looks to Kyle, who gives a meager, confirmative nod, "Yeah, it was just a letter from my mother that was filled with tons of cringeworthy pet names and embarrassing childhood memories," Kyle adds, monotone, looking like he is completely done with today.

"Goddammit!" Cartman exclaims, before snapping his fingers and rushing to the fireplace. He kneels in front of it and frantically digs through it, hoping to piece the letter back together for some juicy blackmail. The fatass curses under his breath when all he finds are a bunch of charred up bits.

Behind him, Tweek is shaking his head as he watches the scene unfold with Bebe beside the sliding glass door.

Tweek Tweak
Level-headed Sad Sack

What did I say? I said 'Wendy, tell him you messed up', 'Kyle, slow down and don't rush into things', 'Craig, don't dress up Stripe like a tube of toothpaste', but does anybody listen? (thinks this over) – Surprisingly, yes. (scratches chin) – Huh. Imagine that.

Kyle Broflovski
Heartbroken Fart Lover

So, I just found out that two of my closest allies purposely destroyed one of my personal belongings, and now I have to pull myself together in less than a day so I can nominate two people for eviction tonight. – Oh my God, why does everything here always have to be such a struggle?

Early that afternoon, Wendy, Bebe, and Tweek are gathered in the storage room, discussing the upcoming nomination ceremony. Bebe paces the floor, both her and Tweek appearing utterly distressed while Wendy stares wondrously at them. "I don't know why you guys are so worried about it. We got this. Kyle is on our side," Wendy assures them.

"No, he's not," Bebe replies, turning towards her best friend with a deflated sigh, "We keep telling you that he's with Cartman. Tweek said he's 99% sure-"

"-and I keep telling you guys that that's a load of bullshit," Wendy counters, voice unwavering, "Kyle's always been with us, and tonight is going to prove it." Bebe turns to Tweek, the pair exchanging nervous glances. Wendy turns to her friends and sighs, "Look, I know you two still have your doubts, but I can guarantee you that we're alright. He'll call the nomination ceremony, put Cartman and you up," Wendy explains, stopping beside Tweek, "We'll have the votes to save you, then we'll all make the final four. It's as simple as that!" she beams, her two alliance members' gazes to the floor. Wendy smiles as she claps her hands together, "Well, I gotta use the bathroom now. I'll catch up with you guys later!" she shouts over her shoulder as she walks out the door.

The remaining two stand in silence, the atmosphere thick and tense around them. Finally, after a few minutes, Bebe looks up, her mood as somber as her demeanor. "I don't want to crush Wendy's spirits, but there's no way Kyle is putting up Cartman. He obviously wants to take him to the end with him," Bebe says, preaching this information like it's gospel.

Tweek slowly nods, feeling his throat tightening up a bit as he acknowledges this truth. "I know," he dismally agrees, "And I feel bad because she's so convinced that Kyle's on our side that when she finds out he's not, she's going to be absolutely devastated."

"Well," Bebe states with a heavy sigh, "we'll be there to pick her up."

Tweek Tweak
Level-headed Sack of Coffee Beans

I really think Wendy is underestimating Kyle's strategic abilities here. He's not going to go after Cartman because that's terrible for his game. If I'm Kyle, there's no way I'd put Cartman on the block. He's a bigger threat right now than Kyle is and because he pisses off everybody in the house, everyone wants to take him to the end for an easy win. And if I was in Kyle's position, I'd rather take my final two chances with someone I know everyone hates than someone who has the potential to beat me.

But Wendy seems super confident that Kyle is going to put up me and Cartman tonight. Honestly, I don't like that scenario. Because anytime I'm on the block, there's potential for me to go home. So, I gotta think of something quick if I want to save myself. The girls are best friends and Cartman hates me, so I need to find some way to stay off the block or my game is over. And as much as I want to see Craig, I'm not going to walk out right after him. That's not how this story's going to end. It's going to end with me dancing on Cartman's grave and then riding off with Craig into the sunset. (clasps hands and dreamily sighs, pupils shining as he stares off into the distance) – Yes! Take me away, my hunky Peruvian Prince! (locks eyes with the camera and sweatdrops before awkwardly clearing his throat) – Can you just um, edit out that last part?

Meanwhile, Kyle and Cartman are sitting in the HOH room, meeting in secret for the first time that day. "Well, this is it. This is the delicious moment we've all been waiting for. Are you ready, Kahl? Are you ready to crush some hopes and dreams?" Cartman coos, a shit-eating smirk spread across his face.

Kyle stares down at the carpet and sighs. "I don't know, Cartman. You know how much I hate being the bad guy."

"Exactly! That's what makes this so fun, Kiel, cause those three idiots will never see it coming!" he exclaims, licking his lips in eager anticipation, "So, who are we putting up? Bebe and the spaz, right? I guess it doesn't matter, really. I mean, we both know who's the target."

Kyle gulps, the tenseness of the situation causing his throat to parch. "Yeah, we know," he states, completely oblivious to the shadow looming behind the closed door.

"Great! So, it's settled then. We'll dismantle the trio tonight!" Cartman beams, his stomach bubbling in joy, "Ooh! I can't wait to see their face when you seal their fate." Kyle looks to Cartman and nods, a sickening feeling stinging in his core.

Kyle Broflovski
Heartbroken Fart Lover

Tonight is such a pivotal moment and is going to determine my path to the end of this game. I have basically two options: either I split the trio – which I think is safe to assume at this point is a solid alliance – and give all of us a pretty even playing field, or I put up Cartman and take my chances with Wendy and Tweek. If I put up Cartman, I'm the house hero, but my chances to win plummet. And if I don't, then the trio will probably be pissed, but my chances to win skyrocket. Either way, after tonight, someone is going to hate me. And honestly, I'm a little worried that if I don't do what Cartman wants a second time, he's going to decide our alliance isn't worth it and plot to destroy me, whether he's here or in the jury house. But I'm not going to let fear influence my decision. I have to do what's best for me, cause God knows no one else will.

Tweek Tweak
Level-headed Sack of Coffee Beans

Well, we're on a sinking ship right now cause Cartman is still technically in power, so all three of us know it's every man or woman for themselves – at least for this week. Look, after that conversation I just heard, it's obvious that Kyle and Cartman are still working together, so I gotta come up with an effective plan to save myself. No matter what I do, I gotta make sure Kyle thinks it's his idea, so he doesn't know I'm onto him, he thinks he's in control, and he keeps me around. This week is the perfect opportunity for me to build a little trust with someone outside of my alliance. I mean, Kyle already confides in me a lot, so I think I may be able to use that bond to my advantage. Cause if I'm in good with Kyle too, I may be able to sneak into the final three no matter who wins HOH next week. And once I save my own ass, I can focus on saving Wendy's.

An hour before nominations, Kyle is sitting on his mattress in the HOH room, his door wide open as he habitually sorts through the items in his gift basket, his mind going a mile a minute. He perks his head up when he spies Tweek walking past the doorway. The blonde pokes his head in, holding a plated sandwich. "Hey, Kyle," Tweek greets with his usual cheerful tone, "I was just about to have lunch. Would you like some?"

"Yeah, um…but can you come in here for a second?" Kyle asks, Tweek cocking his eyebrow as he cautiously steps in. Kyle exhales as Tweek slowly closes the door behind him.

"So, what's up?" Tweek asks, after setting his sandwich on the end table. The blonde sits cross-legged on the floor and looks up at the HOH, Tweek's demeanor soft and nonthreatening.

Kyle looks down at Tweek and takes a deep breath, hoping to push away some of his anxieties. "Cartman – or, er, a lot of people – want me to put you and Bebe up tonight."

Tweek nods, staying as stoic as possible, "Well, is that what you want to do?"

"Well…if I'm being honest…no," Kyle states sincerely, Tweek tilting his forehead at this confession. "I do want to put Bebe up, but I'm conflicted on nominating you because I just think Wendy and Bebe are such a solid pair that it makes no sense not to put them up together. And if I only put Bebe on the block, there's a big chance that Wendy could force a tie and make me look like the bad guy when I have to cast the deciding vote to send her best friend home."

"Uh-huh," Tweek visibly nods, showing he is engaged in every word.

"But, I'm going to be honest here, I am a bit uneasy about nominating Wendy because even though she destroyed my letter, I still have some feelings for her."

"Well, you definitely know that if you keep Wendy off the block, Cartman's going to think you guys are a couple, and everyone knows what he does to couples here," Tweek shudders.

Kyle cocks his forehead, "You really think he'd put me up next week?"

"I don't know," Tweek shrugs, "All I know is that if you put her on the block with Bebe, she'll have at least one vote to keep her, then…"

"…then I can guarantee her safety and be the hero if the vote comes to a tie!" Kyle completes, his eyes shining in awed realization.

"Wow! That's a great plan, Kyle," Tweek chimes, smiling wide as he gazes admiringly up at him, "I would've never thought of that."

Kyle beams, basking in his accomplishment. "Thanks, Tweek!"

Tweek nods before sitting up from the carpet. He turns his back to Kyle, flashing a smile at the camera as he grabs his sandwich and walks out the HOH room door, proud of his superb performance. Tweek turns to one of the cameras in the hallway and does twinkle fingers in front of it. "Acting!" he mouths.

Tweek Tweak
Acting Prodigy

I think our talk went pretty well. I asked questions and then trailed off, so he thinks he came up with the plan on his own, I sat on the carpet below him so he'd psychologically view me as beneath him and thus non-threatening, and I even got him to call me into the room to vent by just poking my head in and reminding him that I exist. (pauses, noticing that Token is eerily silent. Tweek shrugs and stares blankly at the camera) – What? Oh, that's right, I never told these people that my degree is in Cognitive Science. Huh. I wonder why? (taps chin and smirks)

Kyle Broflovski
Middle Man

Well, it's five minutes before nominations and I feel like I am going to vomit up my stomach. This game is all about positioning and so far, I've done a great job of keeping myself in the sweet spot, where I'm here but nobody's really thinking of targeting me. This week, I'm going to have to decide who I'm more afraid of: Bebe or Cartman, and just how much I'm willing to risk to get them out.

Tweek Tweak
Acting Prodigy

Really? You're talking to me again already? I was just in here! But, sure, I'll come up with something to talk about. (claps hands and tisks) – Oh, well, you'll be happy to hear that I started taking better care of myself now that Craig is gone. I take my medication now, which would be great if it didn't occasionally give me terrible headaches. Unfortunately, this morning I dropped my last contact lens in the toilet, so I have to wear my dorky backup glasses now. But Craig says I look cute in these, so maybe I can use that to my advantage somehow. (laughs and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose)

A few minutes later, Tweek arrives at the dining room table, glasses in tow, and takes a seat across from the fatass. Cartman brings his hand up to his mouth, trying to unsuccessfully muffle his obnoxious laughter. "What's with the glasses, dork?" Cartman wonders, peering at the bright red, square glasses that are gracing Tweek's face.

Tweek sighs and stares shamefully down at the table top, "I dropped my contact lens in the toilet."

Cartman erupts into laughter, throwing his head down on the table in theatrics and hitting the surface of it with his palms like he's reacting to a slapstick comedy show, his boisterous laugh suffocating the room. Wendy and Bebe both turn to Cartman and cross their arms, both equally annoyed by his antics as Kyle nervously enters the premises.

The redhead sighs as he stops at the head of the table, everyone instantly hushing at his entrance. Cartman sits back in his seat and clears his throat, stifling his laughter to prepare to watch the show.

"Hi, everyone. As you know, tonight is the nomination ceremony and as HOH, I must nominate two people for banishment," Kyle begins, feeling like he is talking to prisoners on death row, "This isn't easy, and I'm sure all of you know that. That's why I sincerely hope that there are no hard feelings. This is just a game and I'm trying to win, just like I'm sure all of you are too," Kyle pauses, his legs shaking as he prepares to deliver the news, "That being said, this week, I nominate Bebe and Wendy," Wendy's jaw dropping in shock at this announcement while Bebe simply nods in understanding beside her, "There's no denying that you two are close, so strategically, it makes the most sense to split you. We saw this last week with Tweek and Craig, so I sincerely hope that this wasn't a total surprise to either of you. And…that's it. Meeting adjourned," he states, knocking twice on the table before heading back towards the HOH room.

Cartman leans back in his chair, his grin envying the Cheshire Cat's as he basks in the girls' destruction. Wendy sits perfectly still, the raven utterly blindsided as a look of betrayal makes its home on her face. Next to her, Bebe is consolingly patting her shoulder while Tweek sadly looks on.

"It's because of the letter, isn't it? That's why you put me on the block!" Wendy screams, entering the HOH room moments after her shock wore off.

Kyle stiffens and widens his eyes, jumping in his seat on the bed at his friend's sudden entrance. He turns towards the door, his expression softening. "No, it's not," Kyle answers honestly, "That has nothing to do with my decision, okay? It's just a game. This is just strategy. You and Bebe are the stronger pair, so I have to split you. Cartman did this last week with Tweek and Craig."

"So, you had to follow Cartman, huh? Do you really think that fatass is going to look out for you?" she cries, fire blazing through her veins, "Cause you and I both know that Cartman only cares about himself!" Wendy turns towards him. Kyle opens his mouth, about to speak, but Wendy cuts him off again and throws her palms up, "That's it! I'm done! We're done, Kyle! You've made your decision. Have fun being Cartman's bitch!"

Kyle sighs, trying his best to calm her down through gentle tone and logical reasoning, "Wendy-"

"I just can't believe that you would do this!" Wendy continues, angrily pacing the floor, "I can't believe that you would keep a man who disrespects virtually everyone in the house because you want easy money! I thought you were better than that."

Kyle scrunches his forehead, her words igniting a rage inside him that he didn't know was there. "So now I'm supposed to feel bad for trying to win?" he counters, standing up to face her, "You didn't feel bad when you voted for me Week 2, or when you put me on the block against Stan!"

Wendy stops in place and sighs, "That's different."

Kyle grits his teeth, starting to lose his patience, "Why?" he hisses.

"Because…I did the right thing when I was HOH: the piece of shit went home. But when you're HOH, you target the lovable garbage disposal and the two best friends!" Wendy cries, trying to suppress the tears from forming in her eyes, "You know, when I put Stan up, it was a favor to you. The least you could've done is repaid me!"

"You forfeited the right to ask favors from me the second you went through my stuff!" Kyle fumes.

Wendy snaps her head around, her mouth forming an O-shape at this confession, "So this is about the letter!"

"It's not about the letter specifically, it's about you invading my privacy and making everything worse!" Kyle cries, his voice ricocheting into the living room, "Come on Wendy, you know how emotionally fragile I am right now. Don't you think I have enough to deal with as it is?"

Wendy sighs, "I said I was sorry-"

"Great," Kyle cuts in, snapping like a rubber band, "But sorry doesn't get my letter back, does it?"

"So, what do you want me to do?" Wendy wonders, throwing her arms, feeling the frustration rolling down her shoulders, "I can't just pull your letter from the ashes and reconstruct it!"

"It's not about the goddamn letter, Wendy!" Kyle steams, the redhead teetering on the edge of a mental breakdown, "It's that you don't respect me. You come in here after destroying one of my possessions and just expect me to cater to your every will. Don't you see how backwards this whole thing is?!"

Wendy stands in silence, her hopes deflating as she stares into his eyes, "I just thought that-"

"That what? I'm a pushover?" he challenges.

"No," Wendy sighs, "That we were on the same side. That you wanted to help us. But clearly, that isn't true." Kyle gazes down at the floor and sighs. Wendy cautiously takes a step forward, "Kyle, this may be surprising for you to hear right now, but I really am rooting for you. But I can't support you knowing what you've become."

"And what have I become?" Kyle half-heartedly humors her, eyes still glued to the floor.

Wendy sighs, knowing her next word is going to hurt, "Cartman."

Kyle quickly snaps his head up and glares at her, "I am not Cartman."

"Not yet," Wendy states sternly, "but if you keep bending to his will and doing all his dirty work, pretty soon, you will be. And once you've become that, you're done, cause no one respects a bully."

Kyle turns towards the wall, his back to his crush, her words haunting him more than he'd care to admit. "Just go away, Wendy. You don't know what you're talking about," he states. His words are firm, but the fight isn't there.

"Fine," Wendy huffs, unable to believe how childish he's being, "But Week 9, when you're sitting there in the finals, I hope you think back to this moment when you lose by one vote," she says, delivering this parting blow before she storms into the living room, slamming the door shut so aggressively that it almost flies off its hinges.

Kyle stands meekly in the middle of the carpet, completely drained and out of words to say.

Bebe Stevens
Blonde Badass

Well, Wendy and I have officially been banished to the block by the great and powerful HOH's henchman, and I can't say I didn't see this coming. But one of the things I love so much about this game is that things are constantly changing: Just when you think you're out, something pulls you back in.

Early the next morning, Bebe is sitting at the kitchen island, eating her favorite breakfast: waffles with strawberry jam. She perks up slightly when she hears a voice whispering out to her from behind the refrigerator. "Bebe! Bebe!" a voice that sounds like the resident fatass' chimes.

Bebe cocks her forehead as she stares down at Cartman, who is crouched beside the monstrous appliance, giving it a hug. "What do you want, Cartman?" she wonders.

"I need to talk to you. Meet me in the boys room in five minutes!" he instructs. Bebe watches as Cartman heaves himself up. He grabs some nearby papers and tosses them up, making ghostly noises as he walks backwards towards the hallway. Bebe lifts her eyebrow when he starts doing twinkle fingers in front of his torso.

Once he exits, Bebe sighs and rolls her eyes. "What a dumbass," she mutters.

Five minutes later, Bebe tentatively steps into the boys room, on high alert for any potential trickery from Cartman. The fatass smiles when he sees her, the former sitting tautly on his bed. "Well, well, well, so you decided to come crawling in, Bebe," he taunts, a sassy glimmer in his eyes, "I can't say I'm surprised. After all, you're desperate."

"Uh-huh," Bebe begins, folding her arms over her chest, "Yet you're the one who called me in here. So, why exactly did you want to meet with me?"

"Well, I'll be honest," Cartman replies, straightening his back up against the wall as he gazes up at her, "As much as I hate you, I still think we can help each other tonight. So, here's what I'm proposing: I'll cast my vote for Wendy, forcing the tie, which, after that huge blowout fight yesterday, could turn out in your favor. And if you survive, you don't put me up next week."

Bebe narrows her eyes at him, the blonde badass still skeptical of Cartman's sudden goodwill, "I don't trust you."

"And that's smart. You shouldn't," Cartman smirks, "But right now, I'm the only chance you got, cause you and I both know that Spazzy McSpaz is voting to evict you," he pauses, watching as Bebe's gaze trails to the carpet, "Just think of this as a lifeline, Bebe. I'll give you life in this game, and you'll repay me the favor later. But tell anyone about this, and the lifeline is gone. This only works if the rest of the house is kept in the dark. So, what do you say? Are you ready to play?"

Bebe turns to the blank wall, feeling crazy for even considering taking the offer. Finally, after a few moments of emotional badminton, she turns to Cartman and curtly nods. "Alright. I'm in."

Fifteen minutes later, Bebe is back sitting in the girls room, still pondering over her life choices after accepting a deal from Cartman. Bebe looks to Tweek, who is sitting on his mattress across the room, humming as he hugs Craig's hat to his chest. An endearing smile spreads on Bebe's face as she gets up and approaches him. "Hey, Tweek," Bebe greets, her voice gentle and kind, "I know I'm most-likely falling on deaf ears here, but I really hope that you'll at least think about throwing me a vote tonight – or, er, casting your vote for Wendy. You know what I mean," Bebe lightheartedly corrects. Tweek pulls down the hat slightly and nods, "But even if you don't, you know I had fun here and you played a big part in that, so…thanks for everything."

Tweek nods, tearing up a bit at Bebe's sentimentality, "You're welcome," he squeaks, before pulling his friend into a warm hug.

Bebe Stevens
Blonde Badass

Well, I tried my best, but I knew going into it that I didn't have a shot. Tweek is going to stay loyal to Wendy no matter what, so I guess this is what I get for being well-adjusted. (sighs)

Meanwhile, in the HOH room, Kyle is sitting on his grand mattress, staring out at Cartman. The fatass is joyfully singing a Lady Gaga song under his breath while he picks at his fingernails. Kyle sighs as he holds his hand up to his temples, feeling a headache coming on. "Cartman. Cartman?" Kyle grumbles, "Cartman!"

Cartman springs up in his seat, merely falling out of his lounge chair in the process, "Jesus Christ! What, Kahl?"

Kyle sighs as he clasps his hands, setting them gently on his lap while he struggles to find the right words to begin this, "I think we need to talk. I've noticed this past week that you've been angering a lot of the other houseguests, and I think it's important that we address this issue now and do some damage control before it spirals into something worse."

Cartman huffs and crosses his chubby forearms, immediately jumping on the defensive, "Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone. They're angered by me? I have never offended anyone in my life, Kiel!" Cartman scoffs, quirking an eyebrow when he sees Kyle turning expectantly towards the ceiling, "Why are you staring off into space?"

Kyle jerks his head back, quickly shaking himself out of it, "Sorry. I was just waiting for the montage," he states, filtering through a sigh, "But come on, Cartman, you and I both know that you're not the nicest person in the world…"

"What?!" Cartman shrieks, his tone so high-pitched that it almost breaks the window, "I've done nice things! Remember when I wore that sweater?"

"Wearing a nice sweater isn't the same thing as being nice, Cartman!" Kyle barks, his headache starting to make an appearance.

Cartman glowers, "And what about when I threw you that goodbye party?"

Kyle rolls his eyes, "That was a party celebrating me moving to San Francisco…and you didn't even invite me!"

"Only because I absolutely despise your existence," Cartman states, attempting to convey this as a compliment.

Kyle lowers his eyebrow in a glare, arms crossed, "I'm just saying, it wouldn't kill you to be a little nicer to everyone."

Cartman narrows his eyes at Kyle, the pair facing off in a rather-intense stare down. Finally, after so much glaring his face is starting to hurt, Cartman lets up and flings his eyes up at the ceiling. "Alright, I'll try, Myem," he states mockingly.

An hour later, Wendy is standing in the storage room, angrily pacing in front of her two friends, who are growing dizzy just looking at her. "I just can't believe it!" Wendy cries, even more fired up than she was after the nomination announcement, "How could Kyle just put us up against each other and make us fight for this? It's just not fair!"

Bebe sighs, exchanging glances with Tweek, who is leaning up against the wall beside her, before turning back to her pacing bestie, "Sometimes life isn't fair, Wendy. That's just the way it is," she somberly admits, selfishly more for herself than for Wendy, "But come on, you guys shouldn't be mourning me, you should be figuring out what you're going to do next because it's going to take close to a miracle to break up Kyman. And I'd really like the winner of this thing to be standing in this room right now," she adds shamelessly, "You know I'll always go up to bat for you guys, so you better promise me that you're going to try your very best to pull this off," she states, giving a smirk as she turns to the blonde, who is timidly staring at the carpet, "And I'm talking to you too, Tweek, not just my BFF," she grins. Tweek perks up slightly and nods. "Well, as much as I would like to stay here powwowing with you two forever, we should really get ready for the eviction ceremony," Bebe states with a sigh. Tweek and Wendy nod and head towards the door.

Bebe watches them, waiting until Tweek exits before reaching her arm out and holding her best friend back, Wendy freezing in shock at her touch. Bebe delicately holds Wendy at the doorway, her voice a sullen whisper. "Wendy, it may be too late for me, but it's not too late for you. If you want any chance at the money, you need to find a way to split Kyman quick, or you and Tweek are going to be out back-to-back," she tells her, Wendy soaking in her every word, "I mean it, Wendy, you need to win HOH next week-" Bebe pauses suddenly, swiftly scanning the area before whispering her final words, "-cause we both know Tweek won't."

Wendy nods understandingly, sniffling as she pulls her best friend – both in the house and in the outside world – into a hug. Bebe smiles as she wraps her arms around her.

Kyle Broflovski
Heartbroken Wreck

These past few days have been hell. I barely slept at all last night, and you saw what happened yesterday between me and Wendy. All I want now is a peaceful eviction ceremony: no drama, just a straight-forward vote. As much as I would love to be the hero for someone, I'm really hoping tonight doesn't come to a tie, so I won't have to put the final nail in the coffin for anyone.

Wendy Testaburger
Green-hat-hating Rights Activist

I'm so nervous for tonight. Bebe and I are both on the block, and after my fight with Kyle earlier, I'm not sure he would save me if this vote comes to a tie. In fact, I'm almost positive that he would cut me, so that's why I spent all day trying to secure the vote. But as much as it pains me to admit this, my fate is in Cartman's hands. If he forces the tie by voting to evict me, I don't think I'll survive. And at this point, it would physically hurt me to go out because of Kyman…although I guess it would be poetic justice.

That evening, all five of the remaining houseguests are gathered in the living room, awaiting Token's instructions. The two nominees – Bebe and Wendy – are sitting on the two lush lounge chairs while their housemates sit on the surrounding sofas, the sofas looking almost empty compared to Week 1.

"I'm back!" Token enthusiastically sings over the loudspeaker, "Did everybody miss me?" a cricket chirps from the windowsill. "It's okay. I can just play my own applause, thank you very much," Token sasses, pressing the applause button on his panel. A fake crowd cheers over the loudspeakers. "Thank you, thank you! I love you all!" Token boasts, giving a small bow before turning back to the disgruntled houseguests. "Hello, everyone, and welcome to the sixth eviction ceremony this season. By now, I'm sure you all know how it works, but I will keep explaining it for all of our first-time viewers," he states with a smile, "One by one, I will call each of the two eligible houseguests to the diary room to cast their votes for eviction. As always, the two nominees, Bebe and Wendy, are ineligible to vote and the HOH, Kyle, will only vote in the event of a tie." Kyle gulps from his seat next to Cartman. "Before we get to it, I am going to give the two nominees one last chance to sway some votes in their favors. Bebe, as the block veteran, I am going to start with you."

"Alright, thank you, Token, and thank you, everybody," Bebe begins, clearing her throat a bit and clasping her hands together before continuing, "I just want to thank all of you for this wonderful opportunity. I had so much fun here, and you know how much of a competitor I am in my everyday life, so this experience was a dream for me. But I'm not done playing yet, so as much as I love my girl Wendy here, I would be so grateful if you voted to keep me, and if not, I wish you guys the best. Thank you."

"Okay. Nice one, Bebe," Token compliments, before turning to the raven-haired nominee, "Wendy, you're up next."

"Great! Hi, everyone," Wendy states, giving a curt wave, "This is my first time on the block this season, and I'm up against my best friend, which is heartbreaking. I know my game wasn't perfect and I've made a lot of mistakes here, but I'm hoping that you guys can look past it, and we can all move forward together. A lot of amazing people have sat in these seats and lived to see another day in this game, and I'm hoping that tonight I can become one of them. So, yeah…that's it."

"That's it, indeed," Token chimes in, "And with that, it is time to vote. Tweek, you're up first. Please head to the diary room."

Tweek nods and sits up from his seat, the girls watching him until he exits out of sight. Tweek swings open the diary room door and takes a seat on the sofa, his expression mournful as he faces the camera.

Tweek Tweak
Level-headed Sack of Coffee Beans

Having to choose between two friends is like choosing which leg to cut off. I love her dearly, but sadly, I vote to evict Bebe.

Tweek exits the diary room and plops down on the sofa, his gaze glued to the floor.

"Alright, Cartman. Finish us off-whoa! Careful there, Token. That almost sounded wrong again," Token scolds himself as Cartman rolls his eyes. He heaves himself off the sofa and waddles into the diary room, the gleeful expression not leaving his face since the ceremony began.

Eric Cartman
Devious Fatass/TV Gold

You know what? I was originally going to vote to evict Bebe so I could be the one to crush her hopes and dreams, but I actually think I'm going to force the tie. I want to test Kyle's loyalty and watch the hope drain from one of the girl's eyes as their world comes crashing down courtesy of our good friend Kyle. He's been trying to play everybody's best buddy for far too long; it's time he got a little blood on his hands. (smirks smugly) – I vote to evict Miss Wendy Testaburger.

Cartman exits the diary room, flashing a million-dollar smirk as he plops himself back down on the sofa, Kyle nervously biting his lip as he trails him with his eyes. Cartman leans back, sighing in satisfaction as he rests his head on his hands, preparing to watch the show.

"Alright, everyone. The votes are in. As always, once I reveal the results of the vote, the evicted houseguest will have one minute to gather her belongings and walk out the front door," Wendy and Bebe both hold their breaths as Token pauses for dramatic effect, "For the third time this season, we have a tie…with one vote Bebe and one vote Wendy," Kyle and Tweek both look up and exchange puzzled glances across the coffee table, "Kyle, that means as HOH, you must cast the deciding vote. So, whenever you're ready, please tell the group your decision."

"Wow. Hey, guys," Kyle greets after slowly pulling himself off the sofa, "I honestly wasn't expecting to have to do this today, but I guess this is just how the game goes. I think you're both worthy competitors, but one of you terrifies me much more than the other does." Kyle gazes out at the nominees. Bebe is staring at him apprehensively while Wendy is too terrified to even face him. Kyle gently cups his fist and sighs, "That's why today, I vote to evict you, Bebe."

Bebe nods, taking the news like a champ, as she stands up and gives her best friend a hug, the raven shaking in shock. "I'm sorry, Bebe, but with a vote of 2-1, you have been evicted from the Big Brother house," Token announces over the loudspeaker, making it official.

"Thanks for everything, you guys," Bebe states while Wendy and Tweek walk her to the door. She pulls each of them into a hug before grabbing her duffel bag and swinging it over her shoulder, "Good luck, and do some ass-kicking for me!" she exclaims, Tweek giving a small smile at her well-wishes.

Wendy breaks down crying as Bebe slides on her pink designer sunglasses, flicks her beige cashmere scarf over her shoulder, and sashays out the door in her heels, leaving as fashionably as she came in. Tweek wraps an arm around Wendy.

"Congratulations, you've all made it to the final four," Token's thunderous voice chimes above them. Kyle and Cartman curiously enter the hallway to join the two friends, "But just because you've reached the homestretch doesn't mean this competition is going to get any easier."

Cartman stomps his foot like a toddler, "Oh come on, Token!" he whines.

"So, prepare yourselves for the most strenuous two weeks of your lives!" Token announces, a hint of sass in his tone, "Once you reach the end of this tunnel of torture, two of you will emerge and win some serious mullah."

"Wait, what?" Kyle squeaks, almost knocked off his feet by this plot twist.

"Oh, I guess I failed to mention earlier that the runner-up gets some prize money too," Token coyly chimes, "The person who comes in second place will win $50,000, which is nothing to sneeze at given third place's prize of exactly zero," he pauses, licking his lips slightly, "Let's see if this new information changes anything in the house. Remember, you gotta make big moves if you want to win this game. Goodnight, everybody!"

Token buzzes out. The houseguests stand in silence in the hallway, blankly staring at each other.

"Huh, would you look at that?" Cartman speaks up, stroking his chin as he mulls this new piece of information over, the gears already turning in his devious brain, "That sure is something…"

Wendy turns to Kyle and tenderly pulls him into a hug, the redhead's skin immediately prickling at the contact. "Thank you, Kyle," she whispers.

"Yeah, sure…no problem," he mutters, as emotionless as possible.

Kyle Broflovski
Cold-Blooded Ginger/The Next Cartman?

I kept Wendy over Bebe tonight. It wasn't love; it was strategy. Bebe's the stronger player. And now that Wendy has knowingly wronged me, I think she'll be more willing to spare me than Bebe would have. Wendy destroyed one of my personal belongings and chewed me out last night, so now my feelings for her are officially over. As of this moment, I am 100% focused on winning this game. And I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure that happens. There can only be one winner, and it's going to be me. (stares determinedly forward, his eyes piercing into the camera lens) I hope you guys are ready for a battle.