Hi I hope you enjoy this Story.

I've changed a few things from canon.
The main difference is Hallie didn't die in a fire she had a terminal illness.
This is set around season seven.

TW- terminal illness

Any criticism welcome, please enjoy.


Brett's heart was beating rapidly as she hovered nervously by the ambulance, fifty one were attending a vicious house fire. So far only one victim had been rescued from the burning building, a middle aged father who had been frantically trying to save his daughter. He had refused to leave the house without her, it took both Kelly and Cruz to drag the man out of the building. Now Truck 81 and squad were anxiously waiting outside the building, the cold harsh air bit at their skin and worry gnawed at Kelly. Matt was still desperately searching for the man's daughter , Boden had ordered everyone to leave but Casey had refused, believing he could save the girl. The smoke was turning darker by the second, all eyes were focused on the house when a loud shrieking noise sliced through the air, everyone immediately turned to the source of the sound, a young girl about fifteen.

"That's my house!"screamed the girl as she ran towards the house, Foster had been examining the man they saved from the fire when he lept up and ran towards the distressed girl.

"Mary, you're ok" gasped the father,

"I'm sorry dad , I snuck out . I'm sorry" sobbed the girl as she clung to her father. Boden felt a wave of fear hit him as he glanced towards the building burning, Casey was still inside searching for someone he'd never find.

"Matt she's not there, we've got the girl" informed Boden over the radio. Matt felt relief roll over him at the Chief's words , he scrambled out of the room he was searching and headed for the stairs, his limbs felt heavy and his head was aching. He reached the bottom of the stairs when he hear a loud unnerving creak, the last step collapsed throwing him to the floor. Matt's entire body was engulfed in pain and his mind felt foggy, then he saw a glimmer of hope, the front door, sluggishly he pushed himself up and ran unsteadily as fast as his battered body would allow him. Sunlight finally hit Matt's eyes and he continued stumbling until someone grabbed his arm.

"Casey calm down, you're ok, everyone's ok" Informed Severide placing his hands on Matt's shoulders forcing the blonde to look into his eyes. Casey's own eyes were frantically darting around as he checked all of his crew had made it out, his breathing was speeding up and Kelly could feel the younger man shaking.

"Everyone's ok" repeated Severide in a steady voice, Matt have a small nod of understanding.

"Are you alright?" Severide asked checking Matt for any signs of injuries.

"Mmm fine" rasped Casey weakly shrugging off Kelly's grip on him.

"Matthew Casey you are not fine , let me check you over" ordered Brett as she approached the tired firefighter,

"Brett I-"

"Don't argue with me captain" warned Brett as she steered Casey into the back of the ambulance with Kelly's help, as she removed Matt's turn out jacket and pulled up his shirt she noticed realised she'd never seen him without his t-shirt before, after all Matt valued privacy in every aspect of his life. Brett didn't know Casey as well as she wanted too, every time she felt like she'd finally begun to meet the real Matt something happened which reminded her that she was just kidding herself, there were a lot of things she didn't know about the Captain. Marking the patch of skin above his heart was a colourful tattoo of what appeared to be a cartoon monster , Brett didn't know anything about tattoos but she would say it was at least a few years old. She gave him a small amused smile but Matt looked away. He liked Brett she was smart , bubbly and brightened up every room she entered but Matt didn't want to explain the tattoo yet. The sky had turned grey and the cool Chicago air was nipping at his skin , his

ached and he felt like he could sleep for days , the story of his tattoo deserved to be told on a good day in the warmth of the firehouse or sat on a bench looking out across a vibrant green park, now was not the time. Sensing Matt's discomfort Brett turned her attention away from the tattoo andt

Tenth

HeTh focusede son checking the blonde firefighter over , he was fine apart from being exhausted.

Brett was walking towards the bunk room, it was late at night and she and Emily had returned from a call , Foster had already run off to the bunk room but Brett had stopped to quickly check over some had been a few weeks since Brett had discovered Matt's tattoo, she had been tempted to ask Cruz , Otis or even Severide about the tattoo but it felt like an invasion of privacy. Matt's pained expression when she discovered it's existence told her it wasn't some drunken mistake, it was a lot more meaningful than that. She was passing Casey's office when she heard sobbing coming from the office. Gently she knocked on the door trying to ignore the knot forming in her stomach, she'd never heard Casey cry before; the Captain always tried to hide his emotions around the people he was supposed to lead.

"Matt is everything ok?" She asked tentatively.

As the calm voice broke into the night Matt scrubbed furiously at the tears streaking down his face. If it was anyone else he would of ignored them until they got bored and left but Brett was different, something inside of him urged him to open the door. He couldn't explain it and he didn't want to but she was different from everyone else. Matt stood to his feet and warily turned the handle, the pressure in his chest eased when he was met with Sylvie's kind eyes and concerned expression.

"Hey what's going on?" She asked as she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, tear tracks stained Casey's face despite his best effort to wipe them away and his skin was pale and clammy.

"Nothing Brett, it's just a tough week for me" explained Matt begrudgingly as he scrubbed a shaky hand across his face.

"You look exhausted, go get some sleep while you can" advised Matt when Brett stared at him wordlessly with sympathy. Matt was starting to think she would never leave of her own accord; he was starting to regret letting her in.

"Ok , make sure you get some rest too Captain" sighed Brett. She didn't want to leave Matt but it had been a long shift and she needed sleep if she wanted to help anyone else on possible future calls.

Brett's movement's were sluggish and her mind was in a fog, she was busy making a cup of coffee, the paramedic was running on only three hours of sleep , they'd had two more calls after she spoke to Casey. Abruptly she was jolted out of her drowsy state by raised voices coming from down the hall. She focused on pouring milk into her mug trying to ignore the approaching argument, the last thing she wanted was to get involved in whatever was going on. Disagreements weren't uncommon in the firehouse as they spent a lot of time together. Brett had learnt it was best to avoid the argument and wait for it to pass. However her hopes of staying out of it were dashed when an angry looking Casey marched into the kitchen , he roughly pulled a chair out from under the table and collapsed down in it , a frustrated Kelly dashed in after him.

"Happy now Kelly" snapped Matt , Ritter who had only just entered the room quickly turned around when he realised he had walked in on a heated argument, but Ritter's attempt to leave unnoticed was thwarted when Casey suddenly called him back,

"Stay , don't go, we're all hanging having fun" laughed Matt in a hollow tone, Ritter stood frozen in the middle of the common room torn between running out of the room and obeying the captains order.

"Casey please-" begged Kelly, he'd been trying to get Casey to interact with others instead of hiding in his office.

"No I'm doing what you wanted I'm socialising" interrupted Casey with a fake smile plastered on his face.

"Come on Casey you know this isn't what I meant, I'm just worried about you" Kelly admitted. Matt placed his hands on his forehead trying to ease the pounding in his head, why wouldn't Kelly just leave him alone? With Matt temporarily distracted Kelly mouthed to an uncomfortable Ritter to go, the candidate nodded gratefully and scuttled out of the common room.

"Well don't be , I'm fine" snapped Matt, removing his hand from his head and waving them around in annoyance.

"Matt you're not fine, I know this time of year is always hard. Just please talk to someone " Kelly begged feeling like he was dangerously close to loosing his best friend, Severide always feared that years of suppressing his emotions would cause Matt to break one day, he was petrified that the day Matt snapped was approaching.

"Oh because you're always so chatty" sniped Matt.

"You're right I don't open up straight away but you're always there pestering me to talk" replied Kelly, remembering how Matt dragged him back to fifty one after Shay's death, Matt helped him get back on track. If it wasn't for Casey Kelly would have headed down a long lonely dark road of which there is no return. Matt was also there for his most recent loss, on the days where Kelly felt numb or like his heart would explode Matt would take him outside and coax him into talking as they smoked cigars.

"You were there for me on the anniversary of Anna's death" continued Kelly in a quiet voice only Matt could hear.

"It's not the same thing Kelly, you did everything you could to save Anna" Matt responded, unshed tears were stinging his eyes as he jumped out of his seat and stepped towards Kelly, Matt stood so close, Kelly could feel Matt's breath on his neck

"I didn't do enough for Hallie" croaked Matt , before Kelly could respond the alarm sounded and everyone leapt into action.

The call was a horrendous car accident , a pickup truck abruptly braked causing a small car belonging to a young family to hurdle into it. Immediately Matt had began yelling out orders and everyone had got to work. After working tirelessly everyone but the young mother had been recovered from the car , she had been impaled by a pole that had been in the back of the truck. Casey remained next to her talking softly as Brett tried her best to dull the woman's pain, the rest of fifty one were busy trying to find a way to free the poor mother.

"My kids are they ok?" She gasped.

"They're doing well, let's focus on you for now" comforted Brett.

"Three boys must be a handful " Casey observed trying to distract her from the tense situation.

"T-they keep me busy , wouldn't have it any other way" she stammered.

"I bet" smiled Casey.

"D-d-do you have kids?"

"No , but hopefully one day" Replied Casey whimsically.

"You'd be a great father" she responded weakly her eyes slowly closing and her breathing becoming shallow.

"Casey we've got a fuel leak I need you out of there" Boden's voice interrupted over the radio , the firefighter looked at the trapped woman and then the paramedic staring at him with worry.

"Brett go" ordered Matt, he didn't want her to get hurt. She was an amazing person a lot of people turned to for help, the world needed her.

"Casey you have to come too" stated Brett her voice becoming high pitched as panic welled up in her chest.

"Go now Brett!" Matt commanded, why did she have to be so stubborn? He wanted to keep Brett safe but he couldn't leave yet.

"Casey she's lost too much blood she's going in to shock it's too late" explained Brett, unbeknownst to her Matt had come to terms with the fact the mother wasn't going to survive this ; Matt wasn't trying to save her.

"I'm not letting her die alone" yelled Matt staring at the mother of three gradually slipping away.

"Casey you could die too",

"Now Brett go" roared Casey, he would never forgive himself if Brett got hurt because of him, despite this he couldn't leave the injured woman, she didn't deserve to die all alone.

"I need you out of there now" repeated Boden. Matt had a wild look in his eyes, in that moment Brett knew no matter what she said she would never get through to him in the small amount of time they had. Reluctantly Brett ran away from the car to join the rest of fifty one, she felt her heart beating viciously in her throat as she met their Chief's eyes.

"He won't leave her" she cried, Boden turned away from the heartbroken paramedic and nodded at an anxious Kelly who wasted no time in running to Matt , Herrmann followed close behind. Matt had been like a son to him, ever since he walked into the fire house as a lanky quiet candidate.

"Casey we have to go" urged Kelly once he reached his friend.

"I'm not letting her die alone" Matt responded gazing at the frail mother.

"Casey she's unconscious she won't know" reasoned Kelly desperately, they didn't have much time.

"But I will" shrieked Matt, knowing how stubborn Casey was Kelly and Herrmann resorted to their only option , Kelly grabbed Matt's arm and with Herrmann's help they pulled a distraught Matt away from the car kicking and screaming .

"No please, she can't die alone , don't let her die alone" screamed Casey. The further away the two firefighters carried him the heavier his heart became, he felt like someone was stabbing him over and over again. Until Matt felt his heart being ripped out of his chest as the car violently exploded in front of his eyes, sadness jolted through Kelly as Matt's distraught shriek hit his ears. All the fight drained out of Matt, his body went limp and agonising sobs racked his body. As Casey became a dead weight Herrmann dropped onto the floor with his captain, he wrapped his arms around the broken man as he cried. Matt's gaze was glued to the wreck, Kelly crouched down in front of his friend blocking Matt's view of the car but Kelly could see the explosion replaying in the blondes eye's.

As engine 81 and Squad returned , a somber mood descended on the fire station. Casey immediately headed for his office avoiding the sympathetic glances from his crew.

It was the end of the shift and everyone was eager to get home after such a rough call. If the car crash had occurred only half an hour later it wouldn't have been them on the scene, they wouldn't be the ones drowning in sorrow and regret, Kelly wouldn't have watched his best friends heart shatter. Kelly knew it was selfish to wish his pain on somebody else but watching his already fragile friend breakdown was like swallowing broken glass. As the rest of fifty one filed out of the station Kelly hung around by his car hoping to bump into Matt, despite living together they'd driven to the station separately the day before, Kelly was pretty sure it was because Matt had been trying to avoid talking to him. Matt always distanced himself this time of year. Finally the blonde shuffled out of the station, his eyes were dull and a deep frown was plastered on his face,

"You alright Matt?" asked Kelly, kicking himself for asking such a stupid question.

"I'm fine Severide",

"Want to go out to Mollys tonight?"

"No thank you" Matt replied completely devoid of emotion.

"Matt I" started Kelly trying to stop Matt from isolating himself from everyone else.

"I have to go, I've got a construction job" interrupted Casey walking past Severide.

"Ok Matt , see you back at the apartment later" Kelly replied as he watched Matt hop into his truck. October was always tough on Casey but this year had been particularly agonising after he lost his house, Dawson and then when he finally had a glimmer of hope it was snatched away. When Matt met Naomi Kelly had been sceptical but then Matt started to return back to his old self ; then she left, fuelling Matt's belief that everyone would leave him eventually.

Kelly liked Gabby she was a good paramedic however Kelly never liked her with Matt. He always believed they were no good for each other. Matt needed a rock, someone to listen to and help him open up where as Gabby was a free spirited stubborn individual who needed someone spontaneous willing to go anywhere, not Matt who was a creature of habit who needs stability. There was also the fact Gabby didn't like Matt talking about Hallie, she hated the fact Matt still loved his deceased fiancé, Gabby preferred to act as if she never existed. It was Kelly who went with Matt to visit Hallie's grave every year. They'd stop at the library on the way, Matt would spend hours searching for the right book, then once they were at the cemetery Kelly would stay by Matt's side until the blonde had finished reading the story to Hallie's head stone. Some years it took all day , Matt would stop to weep or tell Hallie stories from the past year, the first year they visited after Hallie's death they stayed in the cemetery until midnight. In three days it would be the sixth anniversary of Hallie's death, Kelly was terrified of how the captain would cope.

Matt trudged into fifty one , he was hoping for a busy shift. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he just wanted to do his job. He'd been avoiding Severide the past few days , he spent all day doing a construction job which should have only taken a few hours, Once the job was finished he walked around the streets of Chicago aimlessly until it was midnight. Thankfully his plan had worked and when Casey returned to the apartment Kelly was fast asleep. He repeated the same routine the next day.

As soon as Matt entered fifty one he headed straight for his office avoiding everyone and keeping his head down.

Much to his dismay it had been a quiet shift, he was sat in his office staring emptily at his paperwork and chewing his pen when he heard someone lightly knock the door.

"Dinners ready Matt" announced Kelly poking his head into Matt's office.

"Not hungry" mumbled Casey talking around the pen in his mouth.

"Come on Matt you need to eat something" declared Kelly eliciting an exasperated groan from the blonde firefighter.

"Fine" Casey replied weakly, he didn't feel like talking let alone getting into an argument. He followed Kelly silently into the common room, he grabbed a plate, spooned a small portion of food onto it and sat in-between Kidd and Brett, he didn't feel like sitting at the head of the table where everyone could see him, he just wanted to disappear. He ignored the conversations around him and stared at the food in front of him, lasagna. That was the first meal he ever cooked for Hallie , he'd been so nervous that night.

Matt and Hallie had been on a few dates before but it was the first time he'd brought her back to his apartment. He knew he would have the place to himself as Andy and Kelly were out at a bar. Just as Matt pulled the lasagna out of the oven Kelly and Andy burst through the door.

"What are you doing here?" Matt had gasped as he stared mortified at Andy and Kelly playfully shoving each other and laughing as they walked into the Kitchen. As they got closer he noticed Kelly's lip was bleeding and Andy had a faint bruise appearing on his lower jaw.

"Kelly got us kicked out" stated Andy glaring slightly at Kelly before erupting into laughter again.

"It's not my fault, that guy was an ass" shot back Kelly chuckling. Andy plopped down into the seat next to Hallie who had been watching with amusement and Kelly moved to pester Matt.

"Hallie these are my idiot roommates, Kelly and Andy" stated Matt with a small smile.

"Nice to meet you" greeted Andy holding his hand out to Hallie.

"It's nice to finally meet some of Matt's friends" she smiled. Andy and Kelly exchanged a knowing look before turning back turning to Matt.

"So what are we having for dinner?" Andy asked earning a look of shock from Matt.

"Me and Hallie are having lasagna, you and Kelly are ordering take out and disappearing into your rooms" responded Matt sternly.

"Aww but Matt it smells so nice, plus you made a lot, you'll never eat all that" groaned Kelly leaning his head on Matt's shoulder, annoyedly Casey swatted his drunken friend off of him.

" I don't mind if they stay" interrupted Hallie as a smile spread across her face.

"I like this one she's a keeper" Kelly attempted to whisper but in his drunken state the words came out in a loud shout, Hallie tried desperately to hide her laughter as a blush crept into Matt's face.

"Fine grab a plate" instructed Matt sighing defeatedly, earning victorious cheers from his drunken friend's. Dinner was a loud hilarious event, Matt wasn't sure his dignity survived as Kelly and Andy took great delight in telling Hallie stories about his misadventures. Despite his embarrassment Matt was overjoyed at seeing his roommates and girlfriend getting along so well. As the night wore on Andy and Kelly began to grow tired and sloppy as they began to crash. At some point Matt suggested they watch a film which led to his friends squabbling over the remote, when Andy grabbed the remote Kelly launched at him attempting to grab it but half way through his mission he was hit by exhaustion and fell asleep on top of Andy, who was too tired to move and quickly joined Kelly in the land of sleep. Hallie watched Matt with an enormous smile and a bright light in her eyes as he gently pried the remote out of Andy's grip.

Matt had discovered a lot about Hallie too that night. Their previous dates had been fun but for the first time they both felt like they had seen each others real selves.

As they draped blankets over Matt's roommates unconscious forms they both burst into laughter.

"I'm sorry about this" apologised Matt,

"Don't worry I've had an amazing time, really" replied Hallie.

"Would you ever come over again?" Matt asked hopefully, he'd kill Andy and Kelly if they had scared her off.

"Of course" she replied leaning into give him a kiss. The romantic moment was interrupted by loud snores coming from Kelly.

"I'm going to strangle him" laughed Matt.

When he watched Hallie disappear into her house after dropping her off, he knew she was the one.

Tears began streaming down Matt's face as he stared at his plate, he'd never cook for her again, never stay up all night talking to her , never see her warm eyes or vibrant smile, never hold her in his arms again.

"Hey Casey is everything ok?" Inquired Brett , after hearing the concern in Brett's voice Severide looked over at Matt , Suddenly realisation dawned on him and he headed towards his friend.

"Oh Matt I'm sorry, I completely forgot about the lasagne" apologised Severide who placed a hand gently on Matt's shoulder, Kidd had kindly moved out of her seat allowing Kelly to take her place. However the blonde didn't notice, he was virtually catatonic, he remained frozen as he stared down at his plate.

"It's fine" croaked Matt after a long moment of silence , he quickly wiped his tears away, also wiping away any hint of emotion on his face.

"I have paper work to do" announced Matt in an even tone before shrugging Kelly off and heading for his office when he abruptly froze mid stride. A worn tired looking man was being led into the common room by Herrmann. All eyes fixed onto the tired looking man who was stood numbly staring off into the distance. All chatter in the room had ceased and Matt felt himself drawn to the man, instead of continuing to his office he approached the stranger.

"How can we help?" Questioned Casey in the calmest tone he could manage.

"Hi umm , I uh wanted to say thank you, you uh helped pull me and my kids out of a car crash the other day" announced the man, Tears were welling up in his eyes as he nervously folded his hands. He was the man from the other day, the man whose wife Matt failed to save.

"That's ok, it's our job. How are your kids?" Asked Herrmann gently as everyone else remained silent.

"They're uh , they're alive and right now that's good enough" he responded honestly. Words were whirring around his head and he needed desperately to let them out, he didn't want to be there but this was something he needed to do. He wanted to get this over with as soon as he could.

"Which one of you stayed with my wife?" He stammered his eyes sweeping around the room. Matt tried to open his mouth but something inside of him was keeping him silent, fear. Matt was terrified of the man blaming him, but he knew he deserved it, so he prepared himself for the man's harsh words.

"Me " croaked Matt feeling his blood run cold when the man turned his attention onto him.

"W-was she awake?"

"No" Casey responded evenly, he was using every ounce of his energy to block out all his emotions.

"Oh thank god" whispered the man before nodding sombrely.

"I uh I have to go" he breathed out. He needed to get back to his kids, he had turned up abruptly at the fire station as he couldn't carry on not knowing whether his wife spent her last moments alone and afraid or blissfully unaware of the pain surrounding her, now he had his answer it was time for him to go home.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Asked Hermann watching tears well up in the grieving widows eyes.

"No, I just I needed to know" explained the man struggling to keep himself together.

"Thank you" he stated as he looked into Matt's eyes, Casey could see the raw grief in his eyes and felt his own heart hammering in his chest. The man had disappeared before Matt could string together a response. Casey remained standing numbly staring at the doors, those kids would grow up without a mum and her husband had lost the love of his life. Matt knew how much it hurt to loose the person you loved most in the world. At least he had gotten a proper good bye, he had been there when Hallie took her last breath. On days like this Matt believed he died with her.