When going on a nice hike through the woods, the last thing one expects is to find themselves elsewhere. Even tripping doesn't normally lead to suddenly finding oneself in a completely strange location. This then becomes the story of how I did something completely unexpected.

It was a nice day, cool without being cold, light breeze rustling in the tree tops and the utility ditch gurgling away like a happy little stream. There was even a duck. Note: even when the surrounding world is unbearably pretty, do stop walking before pulling your phone out to take a picture. It wasn't going to be a long hike, just a couple of miles, but I was testing a new backpacking pack that I got, seeing if the weight of my supplies would make the straps cut or anything like that, so I was kitted out as if for a three-day trip. Change of clothes, sleeping bag, some rations (just beef jerky and trail mix), a couple rocks to compensate for anything I didn't feel like tracking down for the test run: not too much, only thirty or forty pounds. I even had my walking stick, a nice branch I'd carved and sanded sometime during high school for an art project. I was so excited the thing would finally be getting some use.

Back to the nice day and pulling out my phone. I just wanted a picture, but juggling the walking stick and trying to work my phone out of the side pocket of my pants proved more than I was capable of, and I tripped. Normally, tripping just means stumbling a bit, dropping something, maybe if you're unlucky you fall. If you're me, you take a little tumble off a cliff, Aragorn-style. Last time, it was a lot frightening and a little painful, but I crawled back out, went home, and had a warm bath. This time, I whacked my head good on the way down and managed to hope my Apple Watch SOS system worked before bye-bye world.

Getting knocked out sucks. I'd done it once before, playing soccer, and that time it was so brief that I wasn't even sure it happened until the doctor said I was good and concussed, bad enough that I got lectured for waiting until Monday to come in and sleeping in the interim. That was in high school though, and nearly ten years ago now. This time, when I woke up it had definitely been more than a couple seconds. Waking up was about the same, out of body disorientation that turned immediately into fierce nausea when things got back to the in body part. What was different, was the pain. Everything hurt.

Besides my head, which was obvious, I felt a bit like I'd been put in a barrel of rocks in a hamsterball. That's about when I remembered the falling off a cliff part. To my knowledge though, it was more of a bushy, tree-y cliff than a rocky one, but perhaps the trees just hated me. I groaned, and tried to open my eyes. Huh. It didn't hurt, no searing light spiking my skull in two. Just the soft red-ish dim of early dusk in the mountains. Aw shit. How long had I been out here? Did my watch not call 911 like it was supposed to? Damn.

Once I got my arm up in front of my face, with much groaning and swearing, it was only to find that said watch was very neatly cracked in half, wires torn and spilling out and the band nearly torn. Whelp. That explains that. Slight flaw in the SOS system there. At least it didn't look like any bones had been broken, so it served some purpose, even if it was only saving my wrist from being broken or impaled on something. Without that SOS signal though, it was going to be up to me to get myself home. Not that home was very far, it was just up a cliff and a mile or two back along the trail. Double damn. Having neighbors could be helpful, sometimes. Apparently.

It took a few minutes (read, like thirty), but eventually I managed to conclude that nothing was broken or too badly cut, just really bruised. Except my ribs, which might be cracked, but we're going with bruised and not thinking about it. The only really concerning injury then, was the bump on the head. I'd quit literally all of my sports to avoid further head injuries, and here we go anyway. Most of the severe concussion symptoms seemed to be missing though. Yes, I head the headache of all headaches (short of a migraine), but thinking didn't make it worse, moving didn't make it worse, seeing didn't make it worse. I hadn't tried noise, which was another of my big triggers, but I was starting to be a bit aware of the fact that I was in the middle of the woods, injured and alone, during prime predator time. Being loud might scare them off, or it might draw them near, so I decided not to risk it.

That's about when I noticed that the surrounding forest was more unfamiliar than I was expecting. Generally, the forest doesn't completely change biomes with an elevation drop of only maybe a hundred feet or so. Mostly pine to lots of pretty deciduous trees with a cedar or two thrown in was more than weird. Sure, there were some dogwoods by the ditch, and an oak or two here or there, but not all these birch and beech and, you know, leafy trees. This was the kind of forest that looked light green from above, not the dark green the satellite pictures showed of home. What the actual fuck?

Taking a closer look around only made things more weird, because there was no cliff. The ground wasn't flat, but there wasn't anything nearly as steep as what I fell off either, and no sound of water to point in the direction of the path. It was like I'd been teleported, or carted off somewhere. As much as teleporting didn't exist, being carted off seemed just as unlikely, because a person would have either finished the kidnapping job or called the rescue team, and an animal would have left either a path where they'd dragged me, wounds where they'd grabbed me, or both. Ergo, teleporting. Sherlock (or somebody) always said that once you'd ruled everything out, whatever was left was the answer, however impossible it seemed. Or something like that. Ergo again, teleporting.

Taking a minute to decide whether wasting water to clean some cuts that were likely to get dirty again was worth it (it wasn't), I remembered that step one of surviving at night in the wild, especially when you have no clue were the fuck you are, is to find shelter, water, and food. Since I had water and food, shelter needed to happen ASAP. Preferably before it got fully dark. Only real problem with that was my paracord and bowie knife being among the items I neglected to pack. Speaking of, the rocks in my pack were getting ditched, pronto. Said rocks ended up being used as hammers to break branches into roughly the right shape for a shelter, and stripping bark for rope. I hadn't had to build a shelter from scratch like this since high school, and never without help, but was pretty proud of my efforts when it finally got too dark to work and I had a sort-of tent-shaped structure using the lowest branch of a cedar as the beam. I'd even managed to put some cedar branches on it to insulate. As much as conifer needles can insulate, but oh well. It wasn't like it was very cold, and my mummy bag was supposed to be effective to temperatures as low as 20° Fahrenheit. Home sweet weird-ass forest.

I only slept for what had to have been about two hours before something woke me up (yes, yes, sleeping with possible concussion, I know, but speed building a shelter was exhausting and I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed). At first, I couldn't figure out what it was, the sound was so muddled up, but then I realized it was a lot of shouting, and crashing around, and something impacting what could only be flesh and metal. Um… what? I squirmed out of my sleeping bag quickly, but by the time I'd decided whether to leave my stuff or take it, the noise had stopped. Okay, not weird at all. Trying to make sure my shelter was hidden enough to be unnoticed, but not so bad that I couldn't find it again, I snuck off in the direction the noise was coming from. Bringing my stuff would only slow me down and make it harder to sneak, so hopefully it was safer in my shelter. That's about when I realized there was no way it'd only been a couple hours, because the moon was already setting. So maybe about three in the morning? Sometime in the wee hours.

It took me nearly an hour (or what felt like forever), to find anything, and I was beginning to doubt what I'd heard. Then, I spotted a light through the trees, like that of a rather large campfire. A little closer, and I could hear voices. Some were obviously complaining, in what sounded like some sort of Scottish or Irish accent, and others were arguing, though it sounded like all of them had some sort of speech impediment. Close enough to make out some shapes and words now, I froze. There was an absolutely massive spit set up over what was more of a bonfire than a campfire, and the figure turning the spit had to be at least ten feet tall. There was another on the other side of the fire, that suddenly stood and leaned down to talk to something out of sight. I caught the word dwarf then, in a higher, clearer voice than any I'd heard yet.

Hold on, dwarf?

Aw no. No way. I crept closer, being even more careful not to snap any twigs or anything. Sure enough, as I got closer, I could hear the unforgettable exchange from the Hobbit movie: "Uh…not…not that one, he…he's infected!" "You what?" "Yeah he's got worms in his…tubes."

Oh Bilbo. Creeping almost up to the edge of the clearing now, I saw the troll, William, I think, toss Gloin back onto the pile of dwarves. Holy shit, they looked so real. The dwarves were almost directly across from me, their swords all piled up just to my left. They started all yelling about parasites, and I looked around for Gandalf by the rock to my left, but I didn't see him, and I didn't see the first creeping light of dawn, either. What?

"Fools! I say he jus' doesn't want us to eat 'em and thinks he can trick us!"

Now that wasn't a line from the movie, what was happening? I moved closer to the weapons, now army crawling just on the very edge of the clearing. Touching the edge of an axe, it was most definitely real. Just what was going on here?

"Then I can just eat 'em raw?"

"No! I'm roasting these uns, an' the others are for tomorrow!"

Dwalin, or well, the dwarf I'm assuming is Dwalin, made a rude remark about Bilbo, and I winced. This was way too real to not do something. Shitty reenactment with life-size characters or not, those dudes on the spit were actually getting roasted, and the probability of not being cooked in the leftover time before dawn was too low. The question now became, how does one woman stop three trolls? Then I saw Kili's bow.

So, archery might not be my best skill, but I was certainly no slouch, and could hit most targets with the recurve I kept at home. It was one of the few sports I could do without risking head injuries, and good for supplementing my diet with small game. An arrow in the eye sounded like something even a mountain troll would find… inconvenient, and maybe I could even shoot one through the roof of its mouth, Legolas-style.

Bilbo noticed me when I stood up, but the trolls were too busy arguing. Luckily, even while arguing Bert stayed fairly still while turning the spit. An eye-shot was going to be very difficult, but really it wasn't that much smaller a target than a squirrel. I gestured for Bilbo to keep quiet, and took a deep breath. The only thing remaining, was to see if Kili's draw weight was too much for me. Stepping back so I blended in with the tree line and could disappear after my shot, I nocked an arrow and drew. It was slightly heavier than mine, but not enough to mess up my shot. Carefully holding the tension in my shoulders, I breathed in as I took aim, both eyes open and focused on the small movements Bert made as he talked. As soon as he finished his sentence, I fired, then melted behind the tree and started making my way to the left. Pandemonium broke out, and I couldn't help but wince as Bert thudded to the ground and William started screeching.

Okay, so, didn't really expect that to kill him. Apparently the short range plus a direct path to his brain was pretty effective. From the sounds of it, they couldn't figure out what had happened either. Deciding to take advantage of the anonymity, I slipped into the edge of the clearing again, another arrow already nocked. Unfortunately, William was looking right at me. Fortunately, he was still screeching and his mouth was wide open. I took the shot. It was a little rushed, but an open troll mouth is a bigger target than a troll eye. He didn't go all the way down though, instead he stumbled around crying and screeching and clutching his mouth. Worried he would step on the dwarves, I cursed and broke totally out into the clearing, taking a shot at his throat. I knew it wouldn't do much, but hopefully it would draw his attention towards me. It worked. Suddenly, William was pointing at me, now writhing around on the ground, but Tom was lumbering toward me, looking positively murderous.

I snapped a shot off at him, but snatched at the string in my hurry and knew it missed before it even left the bow, then ducked back into the trees. The trick now, would be to figure out how to get him lost in the woods long enough to go back and free a dwarf. Only one was needed to get the rest loose, or somehow incapacitate or kill him. Unlucky for me, he might just have been the smartest of the three. Lucky for me, even smart trolls aren't very smart. Especially when they're angry. It was easy enough to lead him off a ways, then turn back to the clearing. When I got there, William was essentially just a whimpering, snotty lump, and I couldn't help but feel bad. The dwarves were all yelling at each other, the ones on the ground had actually made surprising progress towards getting free, Bilbo and Fili having reached the weapons. Where they'd gotten stuck though, was how to make use of those weapons.

"Hey! Look, I'm gonna cut you two loose-"

"Mahal! Where'd you come from?"

I grabbed a knife (there were a lot of them), "No time! Tom'll probably figure out I gave him the slip and come back. I'm cutting you two loose so you can free your friends, but then I have to go run interference again. I'm trying to keep him occupied until dawn. If I can't I'm leading him back here. The whole bunch of you can probably do fine against just one troll."

By the time I was done talking, Bilbo was free and grabbing another knife while I worked on Fili. Bilbo seemed to be taking things in stride, bless that hobbit, but Fili looked a little constipated.

"You…? You killed that troll?And the one here, what about it? How are you going to keep the other one occupied, what do you mean run interference?"

"Yes, I got in a lucky shot. I don't care what you do with the one here. Whoever's bow this is, I'm sorry I didn't ask to borrow it, I promise I'll bring it back, just might be short some arrows. I'm trying not to waste any though. Run interference, draw it away, keep it busy while y'all re-group," I finished, done cutting him free as well, and shoved the knife into his hands. Turning back into the woods, I paused briefly to sketch a sort of half-bow half-nod, "Aria, at your service."

Ignoring him calling out for me to wait, I ran back the way I'd led Tom, listening for any sign that he was returning. I reached where I'd left him with no sign yet, and frowned. Was he still trying to find me? Normally, it would be far too dark to be able to track anything effectively, but angry trolls tend to leave a bit of a path. Not clear enough for me to follow at a run, but keeping a careful eye on signs, I could still make decent time. It only took me about twenty minutes to realize he'd gone another hundred yards or so, before looping around back towards the clearing. Aw damn. Throwing caution to the wind, I sprinted back towards the dwarves, cutting across his loop to hopefully beat him back.

I returned to a pitched battle between a bunch of dwarves in long underwear and a very angry troll. The dwarves on the spit were still on the spit, but the fire had been daused. Somebody had thought to light torches though, so it wasn't completely dark. Too dark to risk firing into the chaos though. I swore and kept to the tree-line. Now what? That's when I noticed what should have happened nearly two hours ago now: faint pre-dawn light over the rock and Gandalf's silhouette. Finally.

Quickly grabbing Bilbo as he crept past me, I shushed him as I pulled him into the trees. We were a liability at this point, and need to keep out of the way. No need for the same thing to happen again.

"I can't just sit here!" he hissed at me, gesturing to the dwarves fighting.

"You can't fight either," I shrugged, "We'd only be in the way. They only need to hold him off for a few more minutes, the sun is rising."

He looked doubtful, but didn't continue arguing. Oh Bilbo.

I glanced over at the still form of William, a little curious to know whether he'd passed out, or the dwarves had finished him off. I didn't really want to know, though. It was just starting to sink in that I killed a sentient being, dwarf-eating troll or no, and thinking about the pain William must have been in just made me kind of sick.

"The dawn will take you!"

It was missing the 'all', but no less satisfying of a dramatic entrance as Gandalf suddenly emerged and split the stone, letting the sunlight through. What was interesting was that all the trolls turned to stone, dead or alive. Guess Kili wasn't going to be getting those arrows back. Oh well.

Getting the dwarves off the spit proved to be a bit of an interesting endeavor, but dwarves are nothing if not inventive, and managed to lever the spit down without hurting anyone. I just stood kind of awkwardly to the side, still holding Kili's bow. He hadn't asked for it back yet, and I wasn't supposed to know it was his. All of them were throwing me looks, but nobody had said anything, so I guess Fili and/or Bilbo had at least mentioned me.

"Now you, I did not expect."

I squeaked and jumped away from Gandalf when he spoke, apparently old wizards were sneaky fellows. He didn't comment, just took a drag from his pipe and puffed out a smoke ring.

"Uh, to be fair, I didn't exactly expect you guys either?"

Gandalf tucked his chin into his chest and regarded me, "No, no I should think not. You look a little worse for wear, your journey did not agree with you?"

"Um no?" I glanced away, moving to hug myself, only to stop awkwardly when I remembered I was still holding kili's bow.

"Hmm. Perhaps it would be best for you to join us, for the present, rather than journey alone."

I gaped at him. Join the company? I mean, they'd probably ditch me at Rivendell like, tomorrow, but still. What would Thorin have to say about that? "I mean, if the leader of your, your group, isn't opposed, that would probably be good."

"Should I be opposed?"

Seriously! What is with people sneaking up on me! I jumped about a foot in the air and flinched. Violently. Somehow Thorin had managed to get right up to us without me noticing.

"I do not think so. She did, in fact, save you from those trolls."

"Um," I butted in, "I think it is entirely up to you whether or not you are opposed, based on your own reasons, and I didn't exactly save them, you, from the trolls, just ran a bit of interference so they could save themselves. Besides, It's not like I have my own weapons," I held Kili's bow out to Thorin, "I found this with the rest of y'all's weapons."

Gandalf chuckled and nodded, and Thorin just stared at me. I fought the urge to squirm. The dude was intense, and nearly as tall as me. For some reason, I'd thought dwarves were shorter. I wasn't exactly short. Not tall either, at about 5'6" but not short.

"Do you have any supplies?" I couldn't really get a read on his expression, but he sounded thoughtful.

"Not a lot, I left them at my camp when I heard the commotion. I could go fetch them quick?"

He took Kili's bow, and the quiver when I offered it, and nodded, "I have yet to decide if you will travel with us, but you should fetch your things. Dori will tend your wounds when you return. You can tell me where you received them then."

Oh. Nice. A couple of the cuts from my fall were really beginning to sting. And I had a sneaky suspicion the pain in my ribs meant ignoring them was a really bed idea.

"Thanks, I'll be right back," I turned to leave, then stopped and turned back around, "Aria, at your service."