Chapter 23

Over the next few hours, the soreness and pain became more evident to Jade. She was given a little bit of morphine to ease the pain, but then taken off so she could start pumping. The lactation consultant came in and helped her, and while it was slightly painful, it made her more excited for when she could exchange the breast pump for her son. By 20 hours post-op, the anesthesia had completely worn off, she'd pumped a few ounces of colostrum, and she'd FaceTimed Beck and got to see her beautiful baby. She couldn't wait until her doctor cleared her to see her son in person.

"Are you ok?" Beck asked Jade. Jade had finally allowed him to leave the NICU and visit her. Giselle had gone to stay with Cat and Andre, so it was just Beck and Jade in the hospital.

"I'm ok. I'm in some pain, and I feel like my guts are spilling out every time I move, but other than that, I'm fine. I just want my doctor to clear me so I can go see him."

"You'll be able to see him soon enough."

"We don't have a name for him yet. Do you have anything in mind?"

"Not really. I heard the name Theo, but it's not really a name, it's more of a nickname for Theodore."

"It's cute, but not for our son."

"Do you have anything in mind?"

"It's kinda unique. Kieran."

"Kieran? I like it."

"Is that his name?"

"I think it is. What's his middle name?"

"What about Theo? Theo doesn't have to be short for anything."

"Kieran Theo Oliver. I think our son has a name."

"Now all we have to do is go visit him and test it out."

"He's in good hands. The nurses in the NICU are very nice."

"I don't care if they're nice. I care that they're good."

"They are, babe. He's perfectly ok without us. We'll go visit him soon."

"Have you slept at all?" She asked, changing the subject.

"I got about an hour in the NICU. Have you slept?"

"Yeah, I got a few hours. I woke up a few times, once because the lactation consultant came in, and then a nurse came in, and then I was worried about the baby. I'm not really that tired."

"I am, but I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to stay awake for him, even though he was asleep for most of the past 20 hours."

"You should take a nap. I know the couch probably isn't very comfortable, but it's better than the floor."

"I'm fine."

"Get some sleep, Beck."

Beck would have argued, but he was too tired. He nodded his head, pressed a quick kiss to Jade's lips, and then made himself a makeshift bed on the couch.

After a few hours, the doctor came in and finally cleared Jade to go see her baby. She had to stay in a wheelchair, and she couldn't hold him, but she could go down and see him.

As she and Beck made their way to the NICU, Jade got more nervous. She was excited, of course, but nervous. Nervousness always came with meeting a baby for the first time, but for Jade, pure joy overshadowed the nerves. This time, Jade knew she would see her baby boy with huge wires coming off of him. He'd have a tube up his nose. His eyes would be covered. He wouldn't be the cute newborn baby everyone expected to see when they first laid their eyes on them. Jade had yet to truly prepare herself to see him, but then again, how does one prepare themself to meet a baby that wasn't supposed to be born for 10 weeks?

"Are you ready?" Beck asked, as they stopped in front of the NICU.

"Not really, but I don't think there's a way for me to be ready." Jade responded.

"I know it looks scary, but he's ok. He's breathing, even if it's not on his own yet, his heart's beating; he is alive."

"That doesn't make me feel any better, Beck."

"Is there anything that would?"

"Seeing our son. Let's go."

"Ok." Beck let out a sigh, before continuing to wheel Jade in to see their son. The nurse gave them the proper garments, before giving them an update on his status. Nothing had changed, but hearing the nurse made Jade feel a little better.

"Does he have a name yet?" The nurse asked, leading them over to the baby's incubator.

Beck waited for Jade to respond, but when she didn't, he did. "Kieran Theo."

"Aww, that's cute. Well, here he is. He's not ready to be held yet, but his feeding time is soon. You can feed him, if you'd like."

"Thank you." Beck led Jade right up to the incubator, and then took a seat in the chair beside. He observed Jade's reaction to seeing him. Her emotion was hard to read, and Beck couldn't tell if her tears were tears of sadness or joy. "Are you ok?"

Jade quickly wiped her eyes before answering. "I'm ok. It's just a lot."

"I know. I cried, too."

"He has your hair."

"He'll be a heartbreaker."

"I wish I could hold him." Jade whispered, to no one in particular.

"We'll be able to soon. He just needs to be a little stronger." Beck responded.

"I don't want to wait, Beck. He's my baby, our baby. We should be able to touch him, and hold him. I should be able to breastfeed him. I don't want to have to wait."

"I know you don't, and I don't either, but we have to." Beck didn't really know what else to say to her. He knew how she was feeling; he was feeling it, too.

"Can I have some alone time with him? I know you probably don't want to leave, and it's probably not fair, but I-" Jade rambled, but Beck cut her off.

"Yes, I will leave. I haven't eaten anything in a long time, so I should probably go do that. And it's perfectly fair. I was with him for 20 hours, basically by myself the whole time. You want that, too. I can't promise you 20 hours, but I can promise you a few. I'm gonna go get something to eat, and then maybe go home and take a shower. I might even go see Ellie. She probably misses us."

"Thank you. And tell Ellie I love her."

"I will." Beck pressed a kiss to Jade's lips, and then left her alone with their son.

Jade stayed quiet and still for several moments after Beck left. She didn't know what to do, what she could do. She supposed she should call a nurse over, but that was handled for her when Kieran started crying.

"What's wrong?" Jade asked the nurse, frantically.

"He's probably hungry. It's been a few hours since his last feeding." The nurse responded.

"Can he have breastmilk?"

"Most likely, he won't be able to breastfeed for a while. It might be best if we feed him formula from a bottle until he's strong enough."

"Can I feed him?"

"I don't see why not. He's going to have to stay in the incubator, but you can stick your hands through the holes and feed him. I'll get the bottle ready."

"Thank you."

"Of course." The nurse left to make Kieran's bottle, leaving Jade alone with a whimpering baby.

"It's ok, baby. Mama's here." She whispered, as she ran her fingers over her son's tiny cheeks.

The nurse came back a few moments later with a small bottle of formula. She instructed Jade on how to feed, before leaving her and her son by themselves.

"You're hungry, aren't you?" Jade asked the baby, knowing he couldn't respond. He suckled hungrily at the bottle his mother held for him. Jade couldn't help but smile. So small, yet still just as hungry and vigorous as a full-term newborn.

He finished the whole bottle within 30 minutes. Jade called the nurse back over to help burp him. Once she was done, she left, leaving Kieran and Jade alone again.

"I wish I could hold you, buddy. You look like a baby who's gonna love to be held. Maybe in a few days. You just have to get stronger. I know this place is scary, but if you get strong soon, we can go home. You'll get to meet your big sister. She'll probably think you're a babydoll, but at least she won't hate you. Giselle is a sweet kid, but very dramatic. Maybe she'll fall into the role of big sister perfectly. Everyone already loves you, baby." Jade didn't know why she was talking to him, if she was honest. She knew he couldn't see her, and probably had no clue what she was saying. She just felt like he was lonely. Even though he had nurses and doctors checking up on him, and his dad by his side, he needed the company of his mom.

Not long after being burped, Kieran fell. back asleep, leaving Jade sitting in her wheelchair, staring at a sleeping baby. Jade stared at him for hours, and caught herself falling asleep several times. She hadn't slept very long, so she was tired, but she didn't want to take her eyes off of Kieran. She knew he was probably ok, but she had 20 hours to catch up on. By the 7th time nodding off, she decided to let herself fall asleep.

She woke up what she could only guess was about an hour. She immediately laid her eyes on Kieran, and was thoroughly relieved to see he was still there and alive. She carefully reached her hand in, and smiled when he reacted to her touch. She ran her hand down his tummy, something she'd done with Giselle to get her to fall asleep and stay asleep. Jade figured she should start Kieran on that habit, too.

A/N: And there's chapter 23. This will probably be the last chapter of the year. Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it! Happy Christmas! Feliz Navidad! Feliz Natal! Mele Kalikimaka! Joyeux Nol! Buon Natale! Happy Holidays to anyone who doesn't celebrate Christmas! Stay safe, wear your masks, and have a happy and healthy new year :)