Richie was pacing back and forth in the medium sized hospital room, the sound of various beeps and footsteps seemed to be all around him. Everything was lowkey overwhelming him, knowing that the love of his life, who he has yet to admit his feelings to, was laying in the single hospital bed with bandages wrapped around his entire torso, so Richie's anxiety was already through the roof. Thank fuck that he and the Losers had managed to pull him out of that literal hell hole, they only helped Richie after he had begged and pleaded with them to get him out, otherwise he would've stayed behind with Eddie. Mike had been the first one to agree with Richie, saying that maybe Eddie was in a coma due to blood loss, getting Bill and Ben in on it too. With their help they managed to save Eddie, it had turned out that Mike was right about him being in a coma, who would've guessed.

The emergency surgery that Eddie had to be put in the moment he arrived at the hospital was nerve wracking for everyone, but none more than for Richie. He refused to leave the waiting area, it felt as though his leg was going to fall off from how much he was bouncing it. The rest of the Losers waited in the waiting room with Richie for about two hours before deciding to head back to the town house, as everyone had an obviously long day. Beverly stuck around for a while longer, making sure Richie was going to be okay. Richie being Richie kept saying he was fine, nothing was wrong, which was bullshit. Even though it's been twenty-seven years since they've seen each other Bev still knows when her best friend is in distress. He was more scared and anxious than he's ever been in his entire life, hell, not even performing his first sold out show compared to this, Richie had to keep himself from throwing up due to all this anxiety. Hearing that Eddie successfully came out of the surgery with little to no complications was a huge relief, thankfully the stab wound didn't hit anything vital, although trying to explain a lie that would suffice how Eddie got these injuries was difficult.

Richie snapped out of his thoughts, stopping his pacing in the middle of the pure white room. It was the first time he actually looked around, new thoughts were crashing in around him as his eyes were starting to burn from the tears that were threatening to fall. This isn't how he should be meeting Eddie again, not like this… None of this should've fucking happened in the first place. Fuck Pennywise. Fuck that fucking fuck. It was dead now, thanks to Eddie for weakening it and saving Richie in the process. Stan should still be alive, Eddie shouldn't be in a hospital bed, and Richie and Bev shouldn't be having these strange visions due to being in the Deadlights.

The first time Richie dozed off since being in the Deadlights scared the absolute shit out of him. Sure, he's had nightmares before, who hasn't? But nothing compared to this… he honestly couldn't tell if it was, in fact, from the Deadlights or just from the sheer panic of losing Eddie. Either way, it was awful.

In the dream, Richie had seen Eddie standing in front of him, a hole in his chest that Richie could visibly see through, blood staining through his shirt. It felt as though the air was trapped in Richie's throat, choking on nothing. Oh to reach out to grab Eddie, to hold him close as if that would take the wound away and make everything okay. Even though Eddie was standing in front of him, it was like he wasn't actually… there? Like he was a ghost just visiting him in a dream as like a sick, twisted joke.

"Eds?" Richie had called out in his dream, reaching out to grab Eddie's wrist but his hand phased right through. Richie could only think that the surgery wasn't going well, that they must've lost Eddie.

"It's okay, Richie," Eddie had told him, the moment he had opened his mouth blood started pouring out, causing Richie to flinch, "it's not your fault."

Tears welled up in Richie's eyes, no matter how many attempts his hands still phased through Eddie.

"You're dead and it's my fault!" Richie yelled out, attempting to hug Eddie even though he knew it wouldn't do any good. This wasn't fucking fair.

"I just said it wasn't your fault. You never listen to me, Trashmouth."

Richie swallowed hard, looking Eddie in the eyes, although it didn't hold the same emotional sensation that he would if it were real life.

He couldn't help but let out a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry… you did say that… Dude, are you like… dead?"

"Am I…" Eddie trailed off, staring at Richie as if he had two heads, "no, I'm not dead! I'm just telling you it's not your fault!"

"...am I high?" Eddie groaned in frustration. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"I swear if you beat yourself over this I will kick your ass."

"But, I-"

Seeing Eddie as a potential ghost had startled Richie to his core, sure it wasn't horrifying, but it was something he would never want to see again. Having Eddie in the hospital bed in Richie's presence, a heart monitor hooked up to him to show that he had a pulse was oddly reassuring to Richie. However, more than anything Richie was hoping that Eddie would wake up soon. There was so much they needed to talk about, but at the same time Richie was hoping that Eddie didn't notice the fact that he had his hand on the back of his neck, trying to work up the courage to bring Eddie down to him so he could kiss him. Was Eddie even gay? Of course not, he had a wife, right? Yeah, Richie clearly remembered that conversation with the silent heartbreak he was suffering while trying to keep the mood elevated in the restaurant as everyone was excited to see each other and he didn't want to ruin it.

Realizing that he's been standing in the exact same spot for almost five minutes, Richie moved back over to the bed, kneeling down next to Eddie. He was exhausted from the day he had, he wanted to sleep, he wanted to take a shower, he wanted to get out of these sewer and blood covered clothes. Beverly had offered to stay at the hospital for him while he went back to the town house to take a shower and get changed, but Richie refused, obviously. There was no way he was leaving Eddie's side until he was 100% sure he was awake and okay. He couldn't help but chuckle as he rested his head on the mattress next to Eddie's hand, if only Eddie could see him now, he'd rave and rant about how sick Richie was going to get for leaving that shit on him.

Richie let out a sad sigh, looking at Eddie's hand that was next to his face, it had an IV stuck in one of his veins. He reached out, lightly messing with a couple of Eddie's fingers. His skin felt a little cool to the touch, sending Richie's heart pounding against his chest. He had to keep reminding himself that the heart monitor would tell them if Eddie wasn't… alive or not. God, why did Richie's brain have to go straight for the worse case? He had to keep reminding himself that they kicked Pennywise's ass, the rest of them came out alive, and they got Eddie to the hospital. What more could they want? Well… besides seeing Stan again, even if it was just one more time…

"I'm sorry, Eddie…" Richie mumbled, burying his face into the mattress, his tears were soaking the sheets from underneath him, "it's my fucking fault. It's my fault…"

In the middle of his mini breakdown he didn't even realize that Eddie's hand moved from the spot that it stayed in for hours prior. Richie jumped and his eyes went wide when he felt Eddie rest his hand on top of his head, stroking his hair. Was this real? This couldn't be real… Eddie's fingers curled around Richie's glasses, pulling them off mindlessly from his face.

"What…" Richie had no idea what he wanted to say as he lifted his head, his vision blurry yet could make out Eddie putting the glasses on over his own face. "Eddie?" He asked sheepishly.

"Your vision is still awful.," Eddie said in a groggy voice. Honestly, that wasn't what Richie was expecting to hear from Eddie the moment he first woke up, but just to hear his voice enough was worth it. "What're you doin' here, Trashmouth?" He asked through a yawn, rubbing his eyes from underneath the glasses.

"I…" needed to make sure you weren't going to fucking die on me. " Didn't want to leave you alone in a hospital full of big scary germs," he finally said with a stupid smile on his face, trying to hide his true emotions behind it. Eddie could see behind it though, he always could.

"How uncharacteristically sweet of you." He put Richie's glasses back where they belonged on Richie's face. His face turned into instant disgust seeing how gross and dirty Richie still was. "Are you serious?!"

"Wh…"

"How long have I been here?"

"I…"

"You didn't even bother to take a shower before getting that… that… gross sewer grime on my fucking bed?!"

Well… it was great seeing that Eddie was more or less his usual self, if not at least a bit exhausted, but that was valid considering he almost died saving his best friend and surviving an emergency surgery. Fuck.

"I'm… I'm sorry," Richie, for once, was stumped on what to say. He, the man who always had to say something, even if it was stupid didn't have a single word to say.

"Eugh, just…" Eddie waved his hand, the stench of the sewer was finally catching up to him. "Back up, please. You're gonna give me an infection."

"Sorry…" Richie stood up from his spot next to the bed, backing up two steps.

The entire time Eddie was watching him with an eyebrow raised, he didn't understand why Richie was acting like this. He seemed distant, acting like Eddie was fragile, which wasn't goddamn true. Eddie couldn't help but notice that Richie could barely make eye contact with him. What the fuck?

"Here." Richie grabbed the large styrofoam cup that was sitting on the bed's side table, holding it out to Eddie, who struggled to grab it because of the pain in his torso. He waited for Eddie to take a couple of sips before opening his mouth again. "How are you feeling?"

Eddie shrugged, looking down at the cup he was holding while fidgeting with the straw. "Hurting, but at least I'm alive." He looked up at Richie when he heard an odd sound coming from him. Tears were in Richie's eyes as he was trying to hold back the sobs in his throat. "Rich? What's wrong?"

"No...nothing…" Richie reached up, using the palm of his hand to rub the tears from his eyes, sniffling. If there was one thing Eddie absolutely remembered about Richie was that he was a horrible liar, especially if it was about his emotions. "I'm just glad you...you're okay."

"Richie, seriously… what's wrong?" Eddie tried turning a bit to face Richie, but the intense pain spreading throughout his torso stopped him immediately, he hissed in pain as he settled back in the bed.

"It's…" Richie chuckled, giving Eddie a forced smile, "nothing. I'm just happy you're alive."

"Yeah… I'm happy I'm alive too…"

Eddie knew there was more to it than that, something was obviously bothering him. He wanted to reach over to grab Richie's hand to reassure him that everything was going to be okay now. IT was gone, everyone was okay. Even though it was touch and go for Eddie for a while before getting to the hospital, but he pulled through and that's all that matters.

"Talk to me, dude. What's the matter with you?"

"I…" Richie started, about to spill out some sort of lie, but his brain locked up. It was like his mind wasn't going to let him live behind this lie anymore, it's been years since Richie came to silent terms with his sexuality but hasn't told a single soul about it. "I just… I really…" He let out a sigh. He needed to tell him the truth, Eddie already had a close call and if he did die then Richie would live with this secret for the rest of his life. A secret that burns in his chest every day. When he saw Eddie looking at him waiting for an answer with an eyebrow raised he knew that it wasn't going to be easy to spill. "Eddie I…" Tears were in Richie's eyes again as he was scared of the rejection that could possibly follow. "Dude, I fucking… love you, okay?"

As soon as the words left his mouth he turned around so his back was facing Eddie. He couldn't bear to see what Eddie's expression could be anger, disgust, confusion… Richie couldn't deal with that.

"Richie-"

"I'll just go, okay?" Richie cut him off quickly, reaching up to wipe the tears from his eyes.

"Wait-"

"I've loved you since we met, alright?! I didn't know how to tell you without it either sounding like a joke or you hating me."

"I don't-"

"I wouldn't blame you if you-"

"Richie!" Eddie said loudly. The sudden raise of his voice caused Richie to jump, slowly turning back around to face him.

Richie was surprised, Eddie didn't look pissed off at all. In fact, it looked like Eddie was trying to contain a smile.

"Richie, you're a fucking idiot. I thought you knew."

"Thought.. I knew?" He had no idea what Eddie was talking about. "Thought I knew what?"

"I thought you knew that I knew."

"You…" It took Richie a moment to process what Eddie was saying to him. He knew? Hew knew this whole fucking time? "Then why didn't you say anything?!"

"I've been flirting with you for years?" Eddie said this as though everyone else knew that except for Richie. Well, maybe that was true, maybe everyone knew they've been flirting with each other since they were teenagers. "Why do you think I got on your case so much? Or why I keep entertaining your stupid jokes?"

Richie was frozen in his spot, going through every single teenage memory that he could force out of his brain. Connecting all the patterns and exchanges it became so obvious. Was he the only one who didn't notice? No wonder Bev kept asking him weird questions when they were teenagers… This whole time…

"Are you telling me this whole fucking time we could've built a life together?" Richie blurted out. "It's your fault!"

"My fault?! What's my fault?"

"You just had to move away when you were six-teen!"

"That wasn't my fucking fault! You could've told me how you felt!"

"Well, I love you!"

Hearing the three words coming from his mouth a second time caused Richie to freeze up again. Even though Eddie admitted that he's always had feelings for Richie too still made him feel like this was some sort of joke.

"I love you…" Richie said again in almost a whisper.

"I love you too."

"Dude, can I kiss you?"