How do you look at the person you love and tell yourself it's time to walk away - Leo, The Vow

Shane divides his attention between the unguarded shed and the farmhouse as he rechecks that he's packed everything he doesn't want to leave behind. It's not his turn to guard Randall, but whatever endless meeting is happening seems to draw everyone in regardless of responsibility. He doubts the little asshole can get himself out of the restraints Shane put him in without help anyway.

It's another straw on the camel's back for the decision he made on the ride back from trying to dump Randall. The rage that blew through him today, that poisoned his heart and made him actually capable of killing Rick? He isn't risking that again.

The darker part of him that's been dominating his emotions lately hates that once again, Rick is everyone's golden boy. Everything he did to keep Carl, Lori, and the others alive is swept away under the boyish smile and Andy Griffith posture his brother mimicks so well. Shane has never been capable of that sort of sweetness, and as irritating as he finds Andrea, she's right about one thing. He lacks in presentation.

In a different situation, maybe he could salvage things and shoehorn himself back into the only place Rick can accept for him after the disastrous affair with Lori. Eventually, even Lori would forgive him and stop the mercurial swings between acceptance and hatefulness. But in less than eight months, there's going to be newborn who will inevitably look too much like him for Rick and Lori to maintain the fantasy they're crafting.

Shane's been thinking he should leave for a while, and tonight, while everyone is distracted, he's going to make his move. No Andrea to beg to go along. No Lori or Rick to blow hot and cold about him staying.

No Carl to tip the scales because he honestly believes these people are going to get the boy killed. Neither parent pays attention to where the kid is, caught up in the drama Shane is a key part of.

Shouldering the duffel and his Mossberg, he digs the keys to the Hyundai out of his pocket and drops them in the driver's seat of the car. He originally got the car running to take with him, but something about it sits wrong after he stayed longer than he intended. The folks he's leaving behind can use it, and he doesn't have to remember the other mistakes he made, like letting Andrea climb into his lap that day.

Shane is past Daryl's camp when he hears the farmhouse door slam. Looking back over his shoulder, he sees Dale striding furiously on a trajectory that will lead him toward Shane. He guesses the old man lost his argument about retaining their humanity. It's ironic that everyone is shifting to Shane's opinion now that he's thrown in the towel.

Dale spots him and calls out. Shane isn't sure why he hesitates, but he does, waiting on the old man to catch up. Standing there in a field under the light of the still rising moon, he watches as Dale scans his bag and gun and sighs.

"So it's come to that?" Dale asks, sounding sad instead of relieved, surprising Shane. After the confrontation about him holding the gun on Rick, he expected the moral authority of the group to be grateful he's banishing himself.

Shane shrugs, pushing aside the confusion the older man causes. "Don't try and convince me you want me to stay, Dale. We both know you're just waiting on me to finally lose what marbles I have left."

To his credit, the old man looks a little ashamed. "Why like this, slipping away in the dark?"

The bitter laugh makes Shane's chest ache. "Because Rick won't allow me to leave peaceably, even though he wants me gone more than any other person in the place. I'm an obligation to keep around so he can prove he's the better man."

The muscle to do the dirty work Rick flinches away from, just like their entire law enforcement partnership. Shane is the one with two justified shootings on his record before Rick finally couldn't avoid it the day he got shot. It's not that his brother wouldn't have his back, but he's much like Dale in his approach to the world.

Not everyone can be saved.

"What about your baby?"

Shane is surprised to hear Dale acknowledge the child is his. Everyone seems to want to play into Rick and Lori's delusional fiction about the paternity, like anyone with a brain can't do the basic math. He's seen the condemning looks that seem to imply conceiving that child is entirely his fault. Despite his alcohol fueled unforgivable behavior at the CDC, he never touched Lori without her express invitation before Rick's return.

"I was told today that the only way I'm allowed to stay is if I give up all rights to my child, Dale. I can't do that and watch them play happy families with me as the errant stench they can't quite eradicate. Today proved just how much I can't do it."

There was a moment today, where he nearly killed Rick, changing trajectory to smash the window at the last moment. He's not foolish enough not to understand Rick considered leaving him behind. His best friend saved the little pedophile, but nearly left him trapped on that bus in a disaster of Shane's own making.

Dale's astute gaze looks at the damage he bears from the fight with Rick. "Surely, in time, they'll come to their senses. No one can fault how well you cared for Carl."

"One thing I know in this world is Rick Grimes. He won't back down on this one, and next time it all boils over? One of us might end up dead instead of just bloody. What do you think Carl or my child will think of me with Rick's blood on my hands?" Dale has no ready answer for that, so Shane looks back toward the camp. "Do me a favor?"

"If I can." Dale pulls that silly hat of his off his head, worrying at it enough Shane wonders if it'll survive the agitated fidgeting.

"Go take watch. It's not safe to have no one on lookout. And don't tell anyone I'm gone until morning."

"You're absolutely certain of this?" It's been so long since Dale looked at him with kindness that Shane almost doesn't recognize the expression. For a man convinced Shane is a murderous bastard, Dale certainly is more concerned about him than the ones who should be.

"I gotta save myself from going down that path you keep thinking I'm on. I already got one ghost to haunt me the rest of my days. Don't want my brother's, too, and I can't watch him raise my child and not react to that."

The older man nods and offers a hand. Shane surprises himself by shaking it. He watches as Dale treks back to the RV, climbing atop it like he's a hundred years old.

Shane doesn't make it to the treeline undisturbed, because he comes across a walker doing its best to eat a downed cow from Hershel's herd. He knifes the decaying bastard and examines the cow to see how the walker managed to get access to nearly impossible prey. The broken leg provides the clue, with the ground disturbed where the animal stepped into a vole's tunnel.

He leaves the bodies for the others to sort out and keeps heading for the trees. Originally, he planned on heading for the cabin Daryl found Sophia in four days after she went missing and spend the night. But with Dale seeing the direction he went, he changes directions, angling back to the old highway jam that started this chapter of their lives. Rick's just stubborn enough to follow and try to make him return.

There's enough moonlight to navigate with the full moon only a few days past peak. Rather than sleep, he works through part of the jam they didn't scavenge. Supplies back at the farm were still low enough he only took two days worth of food, and most of that not really appropriate for the energy needs of a man his size.

By the time dawn breaks, Shane's killed two stray walkers. He's also found a few pieces of camping gear to replace what he left behind, most importantly, a backpacker's pack that will let him balance weight better than the duffel. The accompanying sleeping bag might be too hot right now, but it'll be better than sleeping on the ground on nights he can't find a place to crash, and the tiny tent will save him some grief when more rain comes as summer passes.

The best find in the truck with the camping equipment is the package of three Lifestraw water filters. With those, he can concentrate the weight he carries more on food and less on water. Water sources are all over Georgia, but drinking straight from them was risky even before dead bodies are traveling everywhere.

Repacking everything into the pack takes longer than he likes, but piss poor planning is what kept the group dealing with one disaster after another, and he no longer has anyone to watch his back. No matter that he chose this solo path, it's still going to be a constant consideration. How he travels, how he sleeps, even how he takes a damnes shit - everything will be on alert.

There's so much food he actually had a choice in what he takes along. He concentrates on the lighter items like breakfast bars and oatmeal packets, a task made easier by the pouches of freeze dried camping food already in the pack. When he gets down to the canned goods, he leaves the lower nutrition items like corn and English peas, selecting canned meats, fish, beans, and fruit. He'll eat those first, saving the lighter weight items for later. There's a travel can opener in his pack, so he doesn't have to dull his knife to access the cans.

The day is already humid and ticking toward hot when he shoulders the pack. His old Army surplus duffel is wrapped around the sleeping bag and secured at the base of the pack. He could probably get one of the vehicles at the edge of the jam running, but that limits him to the roads and a lot of idle time behind the wheel.

With no real destination in mind, he doesn't want or need the time sitting still. Hiking will exhaust his body and perhaps his mind, if he's lucky. Years of allowing the illusion of being a thoughtless jock sidekick secondary to Rick's sweeter friendly neighborhood protector weigh heavy on him now that it's no longer necessary.

He toys with the idea of going home to King County, but there's always the possibility Rick will boomerang back there. He always had stronger ties there than Shane. Something he discarded from the pack catches his eye, brightly colored brochures aimed at tourists.

He picks up the Appalachian Trail planner from the pile and flips through it. There are other materials about the hike, and he wonders why someone who had this level of planning and resources is headed in the wrong direction for the mountains. Maybe the missing man was going to find a loved one or companion.

The booklets give him an idea, a goal. He remembers joking that one day he would take a sabbatical and hike the trail from Georgia to Maine. It is a trip that took half a year, back when the world was stable. Now? Who knows.

Heading north into higher elevation and colder climates seems a bit crazy on the surface. The hike is one you're supposed to start in the spring, to complete it before winter seizes control of the mountains. But he's got no deadlines to meet or people to return to. It just means he might have to hole up for the winter and continue on when the snow melts.

He doesn't have Daryl Dixon's level of skill in the woods, but few people live and breathe the woods the way that man does. But he isn't the townie Rick is either. His partner can fish, but Rick's only talent with firearms is what he had to learn for work. Shane knows how to hunt, fish, and forage enough to round out packaged food, when it's just himself he's responsible for.

With a glance toward the water truck he remembers from their first day here, Shane sighs and sets off for the long hike north to the Chattahoochee National Forest and the beginning of something in his life that doesn't revolve around Rick Grimes and a false dream of a family designed to drive him insane.


A/N: This is one of a trio of unrelated Shane-centric stories send him off the farm that came from reader requests made on my Bunny Farm collection on Ao3.

Intended to be Shane/Jesus by BetaDaughter's request (BetaDaughter being my own teenage kiddo).

The Appalachian Trail starts in north Georgia and at one point, crosses into the very backyard of Hilltop's setting. Expect at least a few chapters of Shane's solo journey.

The request also asks that at minimum Hershel and Merle survive the Woodbury/prison arc. I figure if I'm going to twist things that far, Lori and T-Dog will also survive. Dale's death has already been thwarted. As usual, Sophia, Andre, etc survive.

Eventually the prison will fall and our adventurers will make their way north and encounter Aaron and later Jesus and one long lost deputy.

In keeping with the canine companion theme of the story trio, Shane won't walk all the way to Virginia alone.

It will not be a Negan storyline, focusing less on war and more on reconnecting with family.