Chapter 8: Defenestration

"Well crap," Tatl said when they entered the Woodfall Temple. "It stinks in here."

"It was soaking under poison, after all," Navi told her.

"IT'S A PINK FAIRY!" Link exclaimed. He grabbed it and shoved it into a bag.

"Hey, what's the deal, kiddo!" the stray fairy yelled.

"I'm saving all the fairies in the temple."

"Well fine, but you didn't have to shove me into a bag."

"Hey! Excuuuuuuuuse me, princess."

"Shut up."


Link hopped across the poison water in the main room onto a strange looking flower.

"Link, you should be careful, that flower doesn't look very safe," Navi warned him.

"Oh please, Navi," Link replied. "They aren't harmful at all. I think I'll just take my mask off for a second because I've been in this form for such a long time."

"WAIT LINK!" Saria, Navi and Tatl yelled, but he already took off the mask and was getting chomped by the flower.


Link and Saria got Bows and Arrows!

"AWESOME! Now we can shoot things again!" Link cheered. "And I mean we! Not you!"

"I don't think the rest of this series is going to be pretty…" Navi stated.

"I agree," Tatl said. "And I technically just met you…"


Much time later, they finally got into the boss room. A giant tiki wearing a Chuck Norris tee dropped from the ceiling.

"I am the boss of this temple! Fear me!" the tiki yelled.

"I'm not being very fearful," Saria said.

"WELL THEN BE FEARFUL!"

"Nah."

"I AM A CHUCK NORRIS OBSESSED PERSON! YOU HAVE NO CHOICE!"

"Yeah, I kinda do…"

"I'm not really scared of you either," Link stated.

"Not me," Navi added.

"Seriously, just because you're wearing a Chuck Norris shirt doesn't mean we're scared of you," Tatl told him.

"DANG IT!" Odolwa(the tiki) shouted.

"SURPRISE BOMB ATTACK!" Link yelled, tossing a bomb at Odolwa.

"NOOOO!"

"Wow, we defeated him already," Tatl exclaimed.

"You mean I defeated it," Link said proudly.

"Whatever."

"I am so awesome, I defeated the boss in one hit with bombs that are incredibly hard to aim with."

"We don't care, Link," Saria spoke. "Stop bragging already."

"Yep, I'm the incredible destroyer of epicness!"

"SHUT UP BEFORE I DEFENESTRATE YOU!"

"What the heck does that mean?" Tatl asked.

"Defenestration: The act of throwing someone or something out a window."

"I thought only geeks used really long words," Link stated. Saria glared at him. "Well, um, not that you're one…" He paused. "Hey wait, there aren't even any windows in here! So you can't defene…*whatever me!"

"I'll make a window by doing it!"

"Holy crap."

"MUAHAHAHA! I MAY NEVER GROW UP BUT EVERYONE IS SCARED OF ME!"

"Oh my gosh, did Skull Kid curse you twice?" Tatl questioned.

"Umm…*what?"

"First he stops you from growing up and then he turns you into a Deku Scrub?"

"No, I was born never going to grow past ten years old. I'm not human, you know."


NIGHT OF THE FIRST DAY
60 HOURS REMAIN

"Well…*That was sudden," Navi spoke.

"HEART CONTAINER!" Link yelled all of a sudden.

Link got the Heart Container!

"Now let's get out of this place already! You guys are taking forever!"

"Well, I guess we kinda were," Tatl said.

They walked into the blue light to be warped outside the temple.

Link seized Odolwa's Remains!

"…*Uh, okay…?" Link said slowly.


"Holy crap! The blue light didn't take us back outside the temple, it took us to a land of bubble bath!" Link exclaimed. "OH NOEZ!"

"YOUNG CHILDREN!" a nearby giant called.

"Oh my crap it's a giant."

"FEAR NOT! FOR YOU ARE MEARLY IN MY DIMENSION! NOW WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE YOUNG CHILDREN?"

"Well, Termina is kind of going to get DESTROYED by a giant fake moon created by an evil mask possessing an innocent Skull Kid," Navi replied.

"Why the heck are you guys being lazy butts and not helping?!" Tatl yelled.

"WELL, WE WERE SEALED AWAY BY HIM IF SO WE WOULDN'T INTERFERE WITH HIS EVIL PLOT, IF YOU DIDN'T NOTICE," the giant told her. "YOU MUST FREE THE OTHER GIANTS IN ORDER TO SAVE TERMINA."

"Wait a minute, why does it have to be us?" Link asked.

"BECAUSE EVERYBODY ELSE IS FAR TOO SCARED OF THE MOON TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO STOP IT. AND YOU'RE THE ONLY ONES WHO EVEN KNOW WHY IT'S THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE."

"Dang it! It's always us!"

"WELL, ANYWAY, IN ORDER TO CALL ALL OF US TO STOP THE MOON, YOU MUST PLAY THIS SONG." The giant sang the Oath to Order.

"Holy crap, it's the United States National Anthem or whatever?" Tatl questioned. (Obviously she's not sure since they're in Termina, not America)

"NOW MOVE ALONG YOUNG CHILDREN!"


"Hey, why are we still in the temple?" Link wondered.

"Hey, the four people Tael was talking about…" Tatl started. "Do you think one of them was that giant?"

"Probably."

"Now we just have to keep up the pace and save the other three!" She stopped. "Hey, um…*All that stuff I did to you…*your horses… I…*I apologize…*Sorry. Really. Last time I was just trying to get through that quickly."

"It's okay, Tatl. Skull Kid was just kind of making you evil," Saria spoke.

"Hey! HEY! Help me!" a voice yelled from inside a prison that had been behind them.

"Oh my gosh! Somebody needs our help! But where are they?" Link asked.

"I'm right behind you, you idiot!"

"Where could they possibly be…?" Saria grabbed Link's head and turned him around. "Oh." He cut the vines in the way and walked in to see a very nicely dressed Deku.

"Goodness! I was getting sick of being in here!" she stated. "I would've gotten myself out because I have a survival knife in my pocket, but it didn't do anything because that would mess up the game."

"You're…*the Deku Princess, right?" Navi questioned.

"Why yes I am. Did you come here to save me? Who are you?"

"That's Link, that's Saria, I'm Navi and that's Tatl."

"Pleased to meet you. Were you, by chance, asked by that monkey to come save me?"

"Yeah…"

"Aha! Just as I suspected! You see, your body smells a little bit like monkey."

"Whose…?"

"So…*the monkey made it back fine after all. That's good. I was worried that when I didn't come home, my father would think that monkey had kidnapped me! I was worried that my father would even go so far as to punish the poor monkey…"

"Well, uh…" Saria started. "He actually is doing that."

"WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I can't believe him! Yet another hasty decision, father! Well, we haven't any time to lose! Quickly! We need to get to the Deku Palace! But since I'm the princess, I shouldn't need to walk!"

"Really? You so worried that we need to get there quickly, but then you say that you're not walking there? There is absolutely nothing we can do except carry you, but that's impossible since we can't get through the water without swimming-"

Link suddenly swiped a bottle at the Deku Princess.

You put the Deku Princess in a bottle!

"What the freak?!" Saria yelled.

"That doesn't even make sense!" Navi exclaimed.

"It doesn't need to," Link said. "It just works."

"YOU STUPID SON OF A GUN!" the Deku Princess screamed. "THIS IS NOT WHAT I MEANT!"

"Well, that's kind of not your choice. It's your fault for not wanting to walk."

"GAAAH!"


Later…

"What are you waiting for! Release me in front of my father already!" the Deku Princess ordered. "This bottle is running out of carbon dioxide!"

"Okay, okay," Link spoke, somehow dumping the princess out of the bottle.

"Oh! My darling princess!" the Deku King exclaimed. "Where have you-"

"FOOLISH FATHER!" the Deku Princess yelled, tackling the Deku King and jumping on him.

"That's how she treats her father?" Link asked. "She's lucky to even have one!"

"WHAT THE CRAP ARE YOU DOING?! Let that monkey go this instant!"

Seconds later, the monkey was standing right next to them.

"Oh, Mr. Monkey, I am truly sorry. Father does such rash things when he's worried about here."

"Thank you so much for getting me out of that!" the monkey thanked. "They were dunking me into a boiling version of that disgusting stuff from the Stock Pot Inn and barely gave me chances to breathe!"

"Goodness! I need to give my father what he deserves… Five hours of Teletubbies! Thank goodness for Netflix!"

"NOOOO!" the Deku King screamed.

"Later, we're outta here," Saria stated.

"Wait!" the Deku Princess called. "You should go to the shrine on the left of the palace first! The butler has something he wants to give you."

"Okay, fine."


"Umm…*Why is it all dark and spooky?" Link asked.

"Why, you are going to try and follow me all throughout this maze without getting lost. If you get lost, you have to start over!" the Deku Butler told him.

"Can you tell us what the prize is first?" Tatl questioned.

"No, it's a surprise."

"Please tell us what it is," Navi said. "Last time we weren't told something like we ended up spending 200 rupees on a Bombchu that blew up right when we got it."

"I'll just give you some information about it: It's a mask. It might seem useless, but believe me, in the end, you will need it."

"Fine."


At the end…

"WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!" Saria yelled. "Why were you always trying to go faster than us?!"

"I'm sorry," the Deku Butler spoke. "It's just, when that kid wears that Deku Scrub mask, he looks much like my son. We did this race all the time, so I have a habit of always trying to go faster."

Saria sighed.

"Anyway, please accept this gift!"

Link got the Mask of Scents!

"It's a pig mask…" Link stated. "I knew it wouldn't be worth it."

"I told you that you will need it in the end!" the Deku Butler said before they appeared back outside the Deku Palace.

"How did that happen?" Tatl asked.

"It doesn't matter…" Navi replied.

"All right, let's see what this puppy can do!" Link said, putting on the new mask. He began sniffing the air uncontrollably. He then took it off. "Dude, it like, makes me smell ten times better."

"That's just weird…"

"I wonder what would happen if we made Mido wear that and smell the inside of his shoe," Saria stated.

"Holy crap, that would be hilarious."

Saria chuckled. "Perhaps that mask won't be so useless…"


"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE PICTOGRAPH CONTEST IS OVER?!" Link yelled at the fat guy from the Swamp Tourist Center.

"Sorry kiddo, but it ended when the poison went away," the fat guy told him.

"I haven't given my picture yet!"

"Well, if you've already taken the picture, I suppose I could let you do it…"

"Here!" Link showed his pictograph box to the fat guy.

"OH MY- How did you get a picture of the Deku King?! This is incredible! Only Deku Scrubs are allowed in there! You win first place!"

"Yay! I won!"

Link got a Heart Piece!

"Wait, I didn't know anybody came here… Did anybody else even enter the contest?"

"Well, kind of…" the fat person spoke. "But they were all just tourists that took pathetic pictures on the boat cruise two days ago. Nobody ever even thought of taking pictures off the cruise."

"Get some imagination, people. Seriously…"

"HEY!" Link's bag suddenly yelled. "Have you forgotten about me?! YOU STILL NEED TO TAKE ME TO THE GREAT FAIRY FOUNTAIN!"

"Oops…"


"Thank you for finally returning my shattered body to normal," the Great Fairy said. "I am the Great Fairy of Power."

"Cool! Are you going to give me a totally awesome and powerful sword?" Saria asked excitedly.

"Sorry, but you don't get that until you get all the fairies in the last temple. But be thankful that you get one at all. Instead, I'm going to give you a really powerful spin attack."

"Didn't we already have that?"

"I mean really powerful. In Ocarina of Time, a quick spin attack had blue magic surrounding you and a charged one had more powerful orange magic. In this game, a quick spin attack has orange magic."

"Awesome!"

Link and Saria got a Totally Awesome Spin Attack!

"So now we're going to the mountains," Tatl spoke. "Song of Time."


Please review, your feedback is most appreciative. More chapters are on its way!