Summary: They were taking their time, creeping slowly across the ground, taunting them, their low chirping increasing in volume as they got closer. There was nothing they could do. They were vastly outnumbered. The natives' natural body armor clinked loudly against each other, reminding the two men of the odds of survival.

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Angst, Hurt!Jim, Whump, BAMF!Bones

Spoilers: General movie spoilers, some TOS references

Rating: M to be safe, might be some graphic depictions of injuries later on


A/N: Hello! This is my first fanfic ever written and I'm super excited to share it with you!

Beta'd by the awesome glassofwater over on Ao3. They were a huge help with this chapter :)

(10-26-20): This chapter has been updated! Better grammar, spelling, format, and dialogue are only some of the things my new editor has helped me out with. Huge shout out to her, she's amazing!

Also, this story is now a T rating.


Window to My Soul


Some people say that the eyes are windows to the soul.

That they show the truth, no matter what face we put on,

Even if it takes a toll.

Some people say that your eyes can't lie.

Everything is revealed when looked upon.

But who am I if blind?


"The Eyes are the window to your soul"

-William Shakespeare


Jim Kirk has always wondered what other people see when they look into his eyes. Do they see a broken man running from his past? Some kid trying to live up to his father's legacy? The perfect reflection of his father has breathed down his neck since the day he was born.

He has always been told that he would never amount to anything. That he would be a disgrace to his family's name. Frank, his drunk, abusive uncle, drilled this fact into his mind. He took every opportunity he could to tell Jim how worthless he was.

Jim seemed to drive everyone away. His mother ignored him. His brother left him. He couldn't blame them though.

He knows that he reminded his mother of what she lost every time she looked his way. It didn't matter how well he did in school, how much he excelled in his classes, it would never gain her attention.

Part of him knows it wasn't his brother's fault. He knows that Sam couldn't bear Frank any longer, he knows that his brother had to leave. But why didn't he take Jim with him? How could he leave him with Frank?

No one seemed to want to stay in his life.

He ended up spending years wasting his life getting into bar brawls and getting wasted any chance he got. His whole life spiraled downhill even faster after he drove the car off that cliff. He spent his days wandering around that small town in Iowa, not knowing what he wanted to do with his life.

But that all changed once Captain Pike dragged him off the floor that fateful night. The man gave him another chance at life. That was the day the universe told him he was destined for more. More than just a repeat offender, more than a drunken wanderer. That was the day he made the choice to change.

Jim joined Starfleet with a fresh start. He made it his goal to finish his studies in three years. He worked and worked to try and make a name for himself. To become known as James Kirk, not George Kirk's son. To finally become his own person.

Then the Narada happened. Vulcan was destroyed, seven Federation ships were decimated, and millions of people were killed. It all had ended with him as captain of the Enterprise. Giving him command of the best ship, crew, and family.

He wonders what he did to deserve that. How could he have gone from that stupid kid in Iowa to the captain of a starship? How could that messed up person end up becoming something greater?

People have told him that his eyes are the first thing they see when they look at him, piercing blue eyes grabbing the attention of everyone in the vicinity of his gaze. They always look there first. After all the pain of his past, all the things he has done, he is far from innocent. He doubts his eyes would show anything good inside of his damaged soul.

But why would his crew stick with such an unworthy person? Why would his family follow him if his eyes show who he is? He's not sure he even knows what his soul looks like anymore.

..

.

What exactly do the windows to his soul reveal?


"Spock, do we have any information on their culture?" Jim turned in his chair to face his First Officer but continued to peer out the viewscreen with his sharp eyes. He was scanning the lavender planet with curiosity, the contrast of the illuminating hues against the blackness of space captivating everyone's attention.

They had been given orders by the admiralty to make diplomatic peace with the beings on the planet Regienal III. The species, called Kabids, had recently developed warp technology and Starfleet wanted them to join the Federation. Their planet had the potential for many great dilithium mining agreements and trade. According to the information gathered during the First Contact, the indigenous people living on the planet were an advanced bug-like race. They were bipedal, but often hunched over when traversing, and used all four limbs. Not much was known about them. The Enterprise's mission was to learn more about their culture and lifestyle while also creating firm diplomatic ties.

"Nothing has been recorded about their culture, Captain. The species appears to have only recently begun to advance, and fairly quickly too. These beings have developed most of their modern technology in the past 100 years. The Endeavor stated in their logs that they were very curious people." Spock's monotonous voice called out from his station.

"So, we are dealing with highly intelligent bug people," Jim stated. He raised his left eyebrow at the thought, though he couldn't do it quite as well as his First Officer. That man's brows could make you question your sanity. He would know, being at the receiving end of the Vulcan's gaze far too often.

He couldn't help but think about their last mission-gone-wrong. They had been on a different diplomatic mission to discuss a new trade agreement on the planet Nubla II. That one hadn't gone as planned—big surprise—and ended up with him, Sulu, and Bones stuck in a dingy dungeon because of a simple mistake.

Well, as simple as insulting the High Priestess by accident was. He honestly had no idea that flirtatious talk with the Priestess was considered taboo and very illegal on the planet. Spock probably assumed Jim was aware of that particular fact.

Note to self, read all of the facts about a planet in the debrief before beaming down to said planet.

Before he knew it, they were hanging from a stone wall in a dark cell. Apparently, the penalty for their crime was torture and then a painful death. Bones was none too pleased by that outcome and frequently complained about it afterward with many angry lectures about Jim's irresponsibility and recklessness.

"Are you out of your corn-fed mind? You can't tell me we're actually going down there!" Bones exclaimed. He was scowling at Jim as he made frustrated gestures to the planet currently on their viewscreen. "We barely know anything about them!"

Obviously, he was remembering their last experience too. After that mission, he could hardly blame Bones for his misgivings. Jim also had some doubts about the planet.

"How else are we supposed to make trade agreements, Bones?" he asked from his spot in the Captain's chair. He tore his eyes away from the brightly hued planet and turned his body so that he could look at the CMO.

The doctor scoffed, "Why would I be needed for trade agreements?" Bones' seemingly permanent scowl was becoming more pronounced as he spoke. "I've got stuff to do, a Medbay to run."

"That is, for once, out of my hands this time, Bones. You know it is protocol to have both the First Officer and the CMO join the Captain for diplomatic missions." Jim's lips curled into a smirk as Bones gave him an unamused look. "Besides," he paused, "you will make the mission much more interesting." With a knowing smile, he turned around before his friend could make any more complaints. "Uhura, meet Spock, McCoy, and I in the Transporter Room in an hour." Incoherent mumbling could be heard behind him as Jim spoke, though he thought he could make out the words 'Dammit Jim'.

"Yes, Captain."

Jim stepped over to the Lieutenant's station. "Apparently the Universal Translators don't work on their language, so I'm going to need you for the negotiations." The communications officer nodded her understanding. "Sulu, you have the Conn."

He turned around and strode confidently towards the Turbolift, not waiting for a reply. His black boots clicked evenly across the floor as he walked. He stepped inside as the door opened with a hiss, sighing when he noticed Bones sliding in next to him. The scowl adorning his friend's face was a telling sign of the tirade about to ensue

XXXXXX

The landing party of six all stood on the transporter pad, their bodies clad in their fancy uniforms, with phasers and communicators on their sides, waiting for the coordinates to come through the computer. They only wore the attire for diplomatic missions when they were supposed to impress someone important. Jim never liked the feeling of them. The fabric clutched his neck a little too tight for comfort. He didn't enjoy the scratchy texture either, and neither did Bones. Jim could see the man fidgeting with his collar out of the corner of his eye, the doctor's face no doubt twisted in a scowl. He heard a string of curses come from his mouth, murmured under his breath.

"Feels like my neck's in a sling," Bones huffed only loud enough for Jim and Spock to hear. He continued to pull at the tight fabric with his pointer finger, quickly bringing his hand back down to his side as Scotty stood up. Jim couldn't hold back his smirk as he looked at the grouchy doctor.

Scotty held a PADD in one hand and was looking over the information listed. "Alright, Captain. I have the coordinates confirmed and am ready to beam you down. I'm going to beam you 3.2 miles away from the nearest settlement, any closer and we risk you materializing somewhere…unpleasant."

Jim looked to Bones, and the man glared back. He could see the irritated skin underneath the doctor's chin from where he'd scratched turning red already. Bones' grip on his medkit tightened in preparation for the beam down.

"Energize, Mr. Scott," Jim chuckled softly.

"Aye, sir."

The familiar light surrounded them as they were beamed down. Jim felt a slight tingling feeling in his fingers and toes as he materialized, as if his limbs had fallen asleep for a few seconds. His boots were no longer touching the cold, hard surface of the transporter pad, but were instead being grazed softly by pink blades of grass. Jim opened his eyes to the bright light of the sun, the rays blinding him for a few seconds. He brought his hand up to his head to block the piercing glare.

The sight that met him was breathtaking. It was beautiful.

They had beamed down in a small field, a haven amongst the thick forest around it. The ground beneath his feet was a deep blue, the color akin to what the ocean looked like on a stormy day. The soil itself was damp, almost as if it had just rained, but it wasn't muddy. The pink foliage that surrounded them was prolific and seemingly overgrown. Every plant that would have been green on Earth was instead a variation of pastel pink or purple. The towering trees above them were similar to the ones native to Earth's Amazon Rainforest; their thick canopy blocked most of the sunlight from reaching the mossy floor. Their branches reached high into the sky, and their vines draped across every surface.

There wasn't even a passing cloud in the light blue sky. The atmosphere above them seemed void of any weather disturbances. He could see the sun slowly arc the sky, the bright beacon moving surprisingly fast.

"My God, it looks like somethin' from my daughter's fairy tale holovids!" Bones exclaimed. He stared wide-eyed at the landscape around them, forgetting his usual re-materializing nausea.

"I think it is beautiful, Bones," he commented, scanning the sea of pink grass in awe.

"It is quite interesting."

They both turned to look at the Vulcan. "What about it's interesting?" Bones asked, lowering his eyes to squint at Spock.

"It is interesting that everything here appears to be a bright pink or purple color. It is usually unlikely that they would be this color since normally plant cells are filled with chlorophyll."

"Well, maybe these plants are different."

"Obviously, Doctor."

"How about we just take a sample back with us, hm?" Jim interrupted. "Then we can find out." He raised his eyebrows at his two friends.

"Yes, Captain," they said in unison.

Jim pulled out his communicator and flipped it open. "Kirk to Enterprise."

"Enterprise to Captain Kirk, responding," Sulu replied, a slight static edging the connection.

"The beam down was successful, we are now on our way to the city."

"Enterprise to Captain Kirk, acknowledged."

Jim snapped the device shut. "Okay, guys. Let's get moving, I don't want to get stuck out here at night." He nodded to the other red shirts. "Spock, which way did Scotty say the city was in?"

The Vulcan pulled out his tricorder and scanned the information listed. "According to Mr. Scott's information and my tricorder readings, the city should be in that direction." He pointed towards the setting sun. "If we start walking now, we should get there before nightfall."

"Then that's where we're heading."

XXXXXX

Jim led the group, followed closely by Bones and Spock. The Vulcan kept his eyes on his tricorder, only looking up to see where he was going. Bones, on the other hand, wouldn't stop talking. Jim didn't know how much more of his complaining he could stand.

"Dammit, why is the air so moist?" Bones growled, swiping the back of his hand across his forehead.

"We are in a rainforest, Bones," Jim replied exasperated. "Stop complaining, this is going to be fun!"

"Yeah right. Don't look at me when this all goes to shit."

"Why can't you ever be positive?" Jim smiled brightly at him.

Bones stepped over a large stone, glaring at the ground. "Whenever you're involved, nothing goes right, Jim."

He scoffed playfully. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Just promise me you'll be careful this time," Bones sighed.

"Of course."

XXXXXX

The landscape didn't change much as they went further into the forest. The air still felt humid and moist, but it wasn't hard to breathe it in. Most of the trees were the same species, their limbs were still covered in vines like Spanish moss. The crew's feet left slight imprints in the ground as they walked, the footsteps echoing across the trees.

Jim never realized how quiet it was until everyone had stopped talking.

Now that he thought about it, there was no continuous hum of insect wings. There were none of the familiar sounds of small animals scurrying across the trees, and there was not one bird roosting among the branches. He couldn't hear anything other than their footsteps.

A growing feeling of unease pooled in his stomach.

"Spock."

The Vulcan looked up from his device, his eyebrow raised. "Yes, Captain?

"This is a class M planet right?" Jim continued walking through the pink underbrush, stepping over a fallen log, and pushing a stray branch out of the way.

"Indeed it is."

"Then why haven't I seen any animal life?" He stopped where he was and turned around to the rest of the team. "You would think a planet like this would be swarming with life other than plants."

"Now that you mention it, I haven't seen anything either," Uhura added.

Spock tapped his tricorder a few times. "My scans relay the same information the ship gathered in its scan. According to this, the planet is swarming with plant and animal life." His lips curved into a small frown and he looked at Jim strangely, his expression sounding off alarm bells in his mind. "It says that there is a very diverse and populous amount of insect life."

A pause.

"And there are no bugs to be seen," Jim sighed.

Bones cast a worried look at him. "Is that a bad thing?"

"That depends, Dr. McCoy. Our false scans could be one of three things. Either something naturally occurring on the planet is messing up our scans, the natives possess a device that can disrupt the correct transmissions, or all of the animal life on the planet lives underground.

"And since there are still flourishing natives living here, I do not believe all of the animals on this planet live beneath the surface," Spock explained.

"So either we are walking into a trap, or the natives are innocent and actually want to make diplomatic peace with us," Bones stated.

"Yes, you are correct."

XXXXXX

"How far are we from the city?" Jim called out to Spock. He and Bones were ahead of the rest of the group—far enough to talk with privacy. They had been walking for about thirty minutes. They were all on edge and the silence wasn't helping. Jim was beginning to think that they should have gone back to the ship. The sun was past midday and he really didn't want to find out what the place looked like at night.

"About 40 minutes, Captain."

Jim sighed. Something about the place made him uneasy. The entire planet felt unnatural without noise.

Jim was used to sound, his home back in Riverside was never quiet. The soft buzzing of bees in the day, and the familiar chirping of crickets in the night. The town was always busy, and the distant cacophony of the shipyard could be heard for miles.

Even the Enterprise made noise. There was a constant humming sound emanating from it, the ship was never silent. Its gentle vibrations always relaxed him.

Places like the jungle were supposed to be filled to the brim with life, there was supposed to be sound. It felt empty, dead. Completely and utterly silent. Nothing to hear except his own thoughts. Jim shivered, memories from his past lurking in the back of his mind.

He shook his head. Don't think about it.

For some reason, he didn't think that was the reason for his unrest. Ever since they had entered the forest, the feeling of being watched had hung over him like a haze. He almost brushed it off, tagging it as paranoia, but in the end, he hadn't.

"What are you thinking in that brain of yours?" Bones murmured as he leaned closer to Jim. He must have noticed the growing frown on his face.

"I have a bad feeling about this."

"Oh, now you're having doubts?"

"I never said I didn't."

Bones scoffed but didn't say anything to that. "What's got you on edge?"

"I have the feeling that we are being watched."

Bones stopped walking, grabbing hold of Jim's arm and tugging him back with him. "Are you sure?"

Jim paused before replying. "Yeah, but I might just be paranoid. Let's keep moving."

"For some reason, I highly doubt it's only paranoia," Bones sounded hesitant. He paused studying Jim's face. He then looked into his eyes questioningly.

"I'm fine," he said automatically, causing Bones to glare at him. "Okay, okay. This place is just too quiet." Too many opportunities to think.

Bones' eyes lit up in understanding. The grip on Jim's arm squeezed reassuringly before they started walking again. "Well—"

"Captain," Spock interrupted.

Jim turned around quickly to the Vulcan, snapping to attention. "What is it, Mr. Spock?"

The man looked uneasy, his posture stiff and tense, and his pale fingers seemed to turn even whiter as his grip on the tricorder tightened. "I am getting a reading I don't understand," he replied stiffly. "There appears to be a large mass of lifeforms coming this way, very quickly."

"How quickly?"

Spock didn't say anything, instead, he seemed to be listening for something.

It started as a low hum. At first, Jim thought it was the sound of a vehicle, the volume increasing as it got closer to them. Then it started buzzing, its vibrations causing their ears to ring. He looked around at the others, covering his ears as the sounds reached almost unbearable levels.

"Phasers on stun!" Jim tried to yell at his crew, but the buzzing drowned out his voice like a suffocating haze of silence. No one could hear him. His eardrums throbbed with pain, scrambling his thoughts as he tried to think. Jim could see Spock open his mouth to say something, but his voice too was engulfed by the sounds. The Vulcan pointed at his tricorder, mouthing words he couldn't hear. Jim paused, looking at him with confusion. Ah. Then it all clicked into place.

The large mass was upon them.

Jim stepped towards Spock, reaching for the device, when a swarm of blue and purple creatures burst out of the bushes. They were the Kabids. The spiky, mantis-like people were hunched over in a circle around them, their bony backs arching towards the sky, slashing at them with their curved claws. Their mouths were open in what looked like a warrior's cry, and their throats seemed to be vibrating.

Clicking, not buzzing, he realized.

The crew backed away, raising their drawn phasers at the seemingly hostile natives.

"I am James T. Kirk of the USS Enterprise. We come peacefully," he tried to soothe the agitated creatures, but it only seemed to make them angrier; their shrieks rose in volume. Jim backed up as they got closer, putting his hands out in front of him.

He was about to tell the others to drop their weapons when a sharp movement from his left caught his eye. A native was lunging at him, and the bright shine in its beady eyes seemed ready to kill. The massive scythe on its arm gleamed dangerously in the setting sun as the magenta Kabid came closer to reaching its target.

Time seemed to slow for Jim. His body was frozen in place, watching the assault happen in an almost detached way. He stood there, staring at his attacker. From an outside perspective, he would seem calm. On the inside, he was screaming for help.

The claw sliced through the air like a blade, whistling as it was brought down. The mantis' feet moved soundlessly, similar to an assassin lurking through the night. Jim's body tensed in anticipation of the attack, and he closed his eyes. Reflex brought his arms up to protect himself, and he dropped his phaser to the ground.

A sharp yell rang in his ears, and he was shoved harshly to the ground, the wind knocked out of him. He lay on the grass, dazed, wheezing to try and catch his breath.

"Jim!" Bones rushed over to him. The doctor grabbed his arm and helped him stand, instantly looking over him for any signs of injury. "You okay?"

He could feel a slight twinge as he stretched out his muscles. Looking over his limbs, he found a shallow cut on his forearm; blood trickling slowly down to his elbow, the crimson dripping and soaking into his shirt. "I'm okay, it's only superficial," Jim replied, stepping away from Bones as the doctor tried to come closer.

"For you, 'okay' could mean you're bleeding out," Bones looked at him pointedly, crossing his arms across his chest.

The clicking of the Kabids had died down; sounding almost like purring as they surrounded them. Jim turned his attention to his team, hearing the whirring of Bones' tricorder in his ear. The two security officers had rushed over to Jim's side and were blocking him from the natives while Spock and Uhura had hurried to placate the mantises.

Jim didn't recognize the hand language they were using, but it seemed to be working. The Kabid that had attacked him seemed calm; it stood there looking almost embarrassed as Uhura explained who they were.

Jim bent down and tried to rub the brightly hued mud off his pants, the soil had painted them blue, and grabbed his phaser out of the grass. He tried to step towards his First Officer but was dragged by the arm back to Bones.

"No, you don't. I'm not done with you yet."

"I'm fine, Bones."

"I need to bandage that laceration. I don't know what kind of diseases they got here, but I don't want to find out. And—"

"It's fine," Jim interrupted.

"—I don't think you want to be stuck in sickbay for any longer than you have to," Bones scowled.

Jim stopped. "Point taken."

The doctor opened his medkit and proceeded to cut the sleeve off of Jim's uniform, wrapping the wound with the bandages. Dammit, not again. "You will need to visit Medbay when we get back, but you're fine for now."

Jim opened his mouth to complain but was cut off as Uhura and Spock approached him. Both appeared uneasy. Spock's posture seemed stiffer than usual, and Uhura's face was twisted in a grimace.

"Uhura, what's going on?" Jim's gaze was switching between her and the Kabids as he spoke. The creatures' claws and bodies reminded Jim of the praying mantises back on Earth. Except these' heads extended two feet above his.

"The Kabids would like to apologize for the attack. They did not know if we were enemies or not." She eyed his bandaged arm. "They would like us to come back with them to the city; their leader, Ti'Bala, would like to meet us."

"They try to kill us, then welcome us with open arms," Bones grumbled. The doctor put his tricorder away with a scowl on his face.

After a moment of hesitation, Jim made his decision. "Okay, then. Tell them we would be honored to meet their leader." He pulled out his communicator as Uhura turned to the natives. The familiar noise rang through his ears as he flipped it open. "Kirk to Enterprise."

A pause.

"Kirk to Enterprise," he said louder. He flipped the communicator closed and clipped the device back to his belt. "Uhura, try to re-establish communications with the ship when you're done." First faulty sensor scans and now this? Jim sighed, "Spock, can you find the cause of the disruption?"

The Vulcan pulled his tricorder out, scanning the vicinity. "There appears to be an atmospheric disturbance in our area. It is possible that the storm is blocking out our communications."

"Is there a way around it?"

"Not unless we move a significant distance away from the disturbance."

Dammit. That meant more time without backup from the ship. "We'll have to go with the Kabids and wait out the storm. We can't leave, and no one can beam down until the interference is gone." His voice was regretful but confident.

"Captain, is that a good idea at this time?" Spock looked pointedly at the natives' claws. He seemed hesitant to go along with them.

"Probably not, but we don't have much of a choice." He glanced at the crowd of mantises and noticed they were converging into a group, waving the crew forward with their three-clawed hands as if asking them to follow. The soft chirping of their voices never stopped.

Jim withdrew his phaser and nodded respectfully. "Be careful guys. Try to look as friendly as possible." He stared at Bones while he said that, noticing the scowl on his friend's face. The expression lessened and Bones rolled his eyes.

"Fine, but you're not getting a smile out of me," Bones relented.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

The Kabids stepped forward, beginning to walk back to the city, their small feet barely making a noise as they walked. Apparently, there was only one major city which they called 'The Capital'. It was where most of the Kabids lived and where all diplomatic relations were held. Bones and Spock were right behind Jim as he began to follow, Bones on his right and Spock further back over his shoulder. Jim assumed it was to keep a closer eye on Uhura.

"This is giving me a bad feeling, Jim," Bones murmured into his ear.

Jim glanced at him before replying. His friends' knuckles were turning white from the tight grip on his medkit.

"Me too, Bones. Me too."


Soft whispering was coming from the top of one of the buildings. Two Kabids were conversing quietly; a light purple mantis with two long spikes on his head and a smaller, dark blue mantis, who were huddled close to the edge. Their words could not be heard by the unsuspecting group of off-worlders entering the city below.

"Is that them?" a small voice croaked in Standard.

"Yes, we need the one in front for this to work."

The smaller one fidgeted his legs and looked down at his feet. He was nervous. Being so close to his leader made chills go down his spine. "The gold one?" His voice didn't waver.

"Yes, I need the Captain." He was eerily calm as he spoke, the words sliding smoothly out of his mouth as his carefully thought out plan was finally coming to fruition. He stared at the one in gold, slowly rubbing a hand over the sharp protrusions on his forehead.

"I see O'Chibi failed his task."

"Y-yes, sir," he stammered cautiously.

The mantis hissed angrily, his segmented tail swishing across the ground. "Send him to the Nyokaeim."

"Yes, sir." He turned his gaze to the off-worlders. "Should we take the one in blue next to the captain?"

He thought about it for a minute. His bug-like eyes began scanning the humans below and stopped on the two inseparable ones.

Silence.

"Yes, grab them both. This will be most interesting." A sinister smile crept up his face at the thought.