The Superintendent

Written by NMMacc18 and JaJaLoo


Plot: Principal Spittle tries to prevent Calvin from causing chaos when the Superintendent visits.


It was another ordinary day at Bill Watterson Elementary School.

Principal Spittle was busy at work in his office, when the phone rang.

He sighed, it was always when he was busy that someone called him.

Nonetheless, he picked up the phone.

"Bill Watterson Elementary School, this is Principal Spittle." He said as he answered the phone.

"Ah, Spittle! Glad you picked up!" The voice from the other end replied.

Principal Spittle groaned.

It was his boss.

"Ah, hello Superintendent Ramses! What can I do for you?" Principal Spittle asked.

"Well Spittle, according to my records, its about time that I come pay a visit to your humble abode." Superintendent Ramses replied.

Principal Spittle sighed, it was one of his least favorite, and most stressful, times of the school year for him.

"Oh! Of course... When do you plan on coming?"

"Tomorrow."

Just what Principal Spittle didn't want to hear.

"Well uh, okay then! Tomorrow, you'll be sure to get a quality tour!" Principal Spittle said with confidence.

"Good, good. You know what I'm looking for, so uh... you know... just uh... do it I guess. You get the idea! See you tomorrow!" Superintendent Ramses said as he hung up.

Principal Spittle sighed as he hung up the phone. He got up, left his office, and began to start scanning through the school.

He was looking through every nook and cranny to make sure he left a good impression on Superintendent Ramses.

"Superintendent Ramses coming again I take it?" Miss Wormwood asked as Principal Spittle checked to see if a water fountain worked properly.

"Yep... As if he doesn't come here enough..." Principal Spittle said sighing.

"Well, we both know why he's here most of the time..." Miss Wormwood said chuckling.

"Oh, don't tell me..." Principal Spittle said as he rolled his eyes.

"If only we could contain Calvin for a whole day, it would make us look better." Miss Wormwood remarked.

"Tell me about it! If it weren't for him, this school would probably be seen as one of the best in the state!" Principal Spittle said in agreement.

At that very moment, Susie came running down the hall.

"AIIIIEEEE! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!" Susie screamed as she rushed passed Principal Spittle and Miss Wormwood.

And right on cue, Calvin came running by chasing after Susie.

Only thing was, Calvin was covered in peanut butter and jelly.

"YOU'LL NEVER GET AWAY WOMAN! FOR THE POWER OF JELLY BUTTER WILL ALWAYS PREVAIL!"

Principal Spittle and Miss Wormwood both gave out a collective sigh.


Calvin found himself in Principal Spittle's office.

"It was Susie's fault! She spread it all over me to begin with!" Calvin protested.

"Calvin, we both know that your attempts to blame Susie for all of your shenanigans are pointless, right?" Principal Spittle asked to Calvin.

"Hey, one of these days its gonna work!" Calvin shot back. Principal Spittle groaned.

"Right... Besides that Calvin, we need to have a serious discussion about what is happening tomorrow..." Principal Spittle began.

"Tomorrow? What's happening? You're finally revealing yourself as an alien to the entire school?" Calvin guessed.

Principal Spittle rolled his eyes.

"Far from it Calvin. The Superintendent is coming tomorrow." Principal Spittle responded.

"Oh." Calvin responded nonchalantly.

The two stared at each other in silence.

"So you're telling me this why exactly?" Calvin questioned.

"Because Calvin, I need you to be on your best behavior tomorrow." Principal Spittle replied.

"Best behavior! I'm almost always on my best behavior at school!" Calvin said offended.

"Your permanent record would say otherwise..." Principal Spittle shot back.

"Relax! Its just your boss! What's the worst he can do, fire you?"

"Actually, yes."

"Well, that sounds like a personal problem."

"Calvin, I've lost count of how many times I've nearly lost my job because of you..."

"What? I mean sure he comes around every now and then but its not because of me?"

"Do I have to bring up the Noodle Incident again?"

"Hey! I was FRAMED! There was no proof of that!"

"Look, Calvin, please. Just don't cause trouble tomorrow. And if you do, you're gonna regret it for the rest of the school year..."

"Yeah, yeah. I promise that I won't do anything for the sake of your job."

"Good. You're free to go back to class."

And with that, Calvin left his office.

Principal Spittle sighed, he knew tomorrow was going to be a long day.


The next morning, Calvin and Hobbes were waiting at the bus stop.

"So, anything interesting happening at school today?" Hobbes asked to Calvin.

"Not much. The Superintendent is coming today, but that's about it." Calvin replied.

"Isn't that the guy that you call in the middle of the night to see if school is gonna cancelled because of the snow?" Hobbes asked, trying to recall.

"Yeah, Mr. Spittle was babbling at me because he thinks I'm gonna cause him to lose his job and all that." Calvin replied.

"Well, you better take this seriously." Hobbes noted.

"I can only try..." Calvin said.

"That'll be a struggle." Hobbes remarked, Calvin ignored him as the bus pulled up and he hopped in.


A black Dodge Charger pulled up at Bill Watterson Elementary School.

And a pair of shiny black shoes stepped out.

Several students gasped as Superintendent Ramses, who was a giant man with a black suit and black shoes.

He also was carrying a briefcase.

Principal Spittle was sweating all over. Here went nothing.

"Superintendent Ramses!" Principal Spittle said. "Good to see you this morning."

"Yes, yes, it's always good to be back here." Ramses replied. "I'm curious to see how well this school is since the last time."

"Well, I've been trying to copy your ways when you were principal." Principal Spittle said.

"Good work, Samuel. Now, let's go inside, shall we? Where is the coffee at?"

Superintendent Ramses quickly chugged down a mug of coffee in the teacher's lounge.

"So what's your plan for your visit?" Principal Spittle asked.

"Ah, you know... the usual. I'll visit some classes and look around the school and that to make sure everything is looking good and that." Superintendent Ramses replied, "Should be good, as I would hope." He remarked as he left the lounge, Principal Spittle gulped.


Superintendent Ramses then went to Miss Wormwood's classroom, and the class was presenting the things they brought in for show and tell. He was quite impressed at what the kids had brought it.

Well, of course until Calvin went up.

"For show and tell today, you MAY think that I brought a wimpy ol' water gun. Or you may think that I brought in my patent-pending Transmogrifier Gun... Well guess what, its not either of those things!" Calvin sound proudly.

"I don't think anyone thought that anyway Calvin..." Miss Wormwood said, trying not to embarrass herself. Calvin ignored her.

"So what I got here with me today is a paint gun! And this bad boy is anything BUT ordinary! Now, I've modified this baby in strange and illegal ways..."

"I think that's enough we need to go Calvin." Miss Wormwood said trying to cut Calvin's presentation short.

"But I didn't test it out yet! See?" Calvin said as he sprayed it.

It hit Superintendent Ramses.


"SPIIIIIIIIIITTTTTLLEEEEEEEEE!" Superintendent Ramses boomed as he kicked the door into Principal Spittle's office, with Calvin in toe.

Mr. Spittle looked up from a stack of papers to see a fuming Ramses, with his face covered in green paint.

"Oh, Superintendent Ramses! I was surprised to see you come in." Principal Spittle said.

"Shut your hole, Samuel! This kid sprayed paint on me!" Superintendent Ramses said, angrily.

"It was an accident, you communist!" Calvin stated in his defense. "You can't give me a fair trial!"

Principal Spittle looked at the two.

"Well, can someone at least explain what happened? I'd like to hear both sides of the story."

"Alright." Ramses said, stepping in front. "So, I was visiting a first grade classroom, where this kid is demonstrating a paint gun for show and tell, and he sprays it right at me!"

Calvin leaped onto Principal Spittle's desk.

"Alright, so I was proudly demonstrating my paint gun, and everyone in the class was marveling over the invention. They worshipped it!"

Principal Spittle rolled his eyes.

"Then, suddenly, this moron comes in and gets in the way of my shot! He gets paint splattered over his face, and drags me here." Calvin finished.

"Yeah, can we suspend this kid?" Superintendent Ramses asked.

"IT WAS JUST A PAINT GUN! YOU JUST NEED TO WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR FACE!" Calvin yelled.

"Enough, guys...Calvin, just go back to class, this was a minor inconvenience." Principal Spittle said.

"Thanks, Spit-head. Now I can get away from...who's this guy?"

"I am Superintendent Ramses, the head of your school district. Not only do I look over every school, but I also have the power to expel you."

Calvin gulped.

"Superintendent Ramses, maybe you should go ahead and look at other classrooms." Principal Spittle suggested.

"I think I will." Superintendent Ramses said, leaving the office.

But before he left, he pointed at Calvin.

"I got my eye on you, kid." he said, as he left.

As soon as the door slammed, Principal Spittle banged his head on his desk.

"I can see why he's so stressful for you." Calvin said.

"Just go to class." Principal Spittle said.

Calvin took the hint and left.


Principal Spittle walked through the hallways later that day, when he saw Ramses standing at a water fountain.

"Ah! Superintendent! I was wondering..."

"Care to explain this?" Superintendent Ramses asked, holding up a piece of paper that read, "You need a better water fountain. Signed, C: BOD."

"Hoo boy." Principal Spittle said under his breath.

"What's this all about?" Ramses asked.

"Well..." Spittle said. "Sometimes our water fountains get busted by someone..."

"It's the Noodle Incident Kid, isn't it?" Superintendent Ramses asked, deadpan.

Principal Spittle sighed.

"Why don't you get security cameras, Sam?" Ramses asked.

"We have. Fifteen times. Every time, they've gotten egged, so we've given up." Spittle answered.

Superintendent Ramses sighed as the bell rang.

"Alright!" he cheered. "Lunchtime! Hey, Sam, how about a race to the cafeteria, for old time's sake?"

Principal Spittle nodded.

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

And the two raced off to get some food.


In the teacher's lounge, Principal Spittle and Superintendent Ramses were enjoying some deviled ham, chocolate milk, grapes, and ice cream.

"Must say, Samuel, this food is delicious!" Superintendent Ramses said.

"Well, we had a bit of money left over, so why not improve the food?" Principal Spittle answered.

"You raise solid points." Superintendent Ramses noted, going back to his deviled ham.

All of a sudden, Susie burst into the teacher's lounge, covered in deviled ham and ice cream.

"Susie!" Miss Wormwood gasped. "What's wrong?"

"THERE'S A FOOD FIGHT GOING ON IN THE CAFETERIA!" Susie shouted.

Ramses gasped.

"Oh, no! NOT ANOTHER ONE! I CAN'T HAVE A RECREATION OF THE FOOD FIGHT OF '78!" he yelled, leaving.

"What's the Food Fight of '78?" Susie asked.

"It's a long story." Principal Spittle said, as he chased down Superintendent Ramses.


Inside the cafeteria, Superintendent Ramses swung the door open to see several kids flinging food at each other.

Principal Spittle entered just in time to dodge a bag of chips from beaning him.

"What is going on here?" Superintendent Ramses asked.

"I don't know, we need to stop this food fight fast!" Principal Spittle said.

He walked over to a case with a megaphone in it, and broke the glass.

"God, I hope this works." Principal Spittle said, as he raised the megaphone.

"STUDENTS! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!"

And at that moment, the food fight stopped.

Superintendent Ramses was impressed.

Principal Spittle spoke to the students in a calm manner, and then asked, "Now, can someone tell me who started all this?"

Immediately, all fingers went to Calvin.

"Oh, COME ON! Just because there's trouble in the school, you automatically blame me! WHAT KIND OF COUNTRY IS THIS! I DIDN'T EVEN DO IT! SUSIE DID IT! MOE DID IT! IT WAS MY DUPLICATE!" Calvin ranted as Miss Wormwood dragged him out of the cafeteria.

As Calvin continued ranting, Superintendent Ramses began to leave.

"Wait, where are you going?" Spittle asked.

"You do know this school isn't the only school I look over? I need to look over other schools as well." Ramses said.

"But what's the summary of today?" Spittle asked, nervously.

"Well, you seem to have it under control." Superintendent Ramses said, reading from a clipboard. "I'd just watch out for the spiky haired kid who causes trouble, but other than that, you're good!"

Principal Spittle sighed with relief and shook Ramses hand.

"Thank you, Superintendent Ramses. It was nice seeing you." Spittle said.

"Ditto." Superintendent Ramses said as he left the building.

Principal Spittle smiled, but then noticed there was still a mess in the cafeteria.

"Well, back to work..." he grumbled.


Cast:

Calvin: Tom Kenny

Hobbes: Owen Wilson

Principal Spittle: Matthew Broderick

Miss Wormwood: Winona Ryder

Susie: Thomasin McKenzie

Superintendent Ramses: Hank Azaria


Next Episode: 2B: Calvinopoly